What is the funniest thing that has ever happened to you during sex?

[Dixon Carter Lee]

Stop blowing yourself. Why don't you go fuck yourself instead?

(Okay, totally unprovoked attack. But I couldn't resist the set up. You can see that, surely? Can't you? Can't you?)

 

[XXplorher]

Good point. It’s probably easier to assfuck myself, than it is to suck myself off. Hmm.......

I think I'll stick with simple wacking off.

 

[Gilly Bean]

Didn't happen to me, but it was hilarious, and is still joked about in our circle of friends.

About 4 years ago, I started dating my now-husband, Lekov. He lived in a typical collage type apartment, with two other guys. They had a basment level apartment. Well, there was an outer door, then stairs leading down, then an inner door. From the inner door, looking straight left, was the kitchen. To the front left side was the entrance to the living room.

Anyway, they had pretty much an open door policy there, and people would come and go all the time. Keep in mind during this story that all the roomies had thier own room, tv, and vcr in em.

His one friend always entered the same way. He would get a running leap down the steps, and kick the door open in mid-jump. One day, this guy, and another are coming down the steps, and Les jumps, then kicks the door open, landing with a thud. He dropped the stuff in his hands, and just blinked. Sitting on the couch was one of the roomates jacking off to a porno. The guy, Matt, looked up, and said, can you come back in 5 minutes.

Les turned to hightail it out of there, and just shoved the other guy out, telling him not to go in. They came back like 20 minutes later, and Les made some smartass comment about whether or not it was good. matts remark was that it wasn't as good, cause Les ruined the moment.


Anytime Matt's name comes up, or masturbating, there are all sorts of jokes at his expense.

 

[FantasyGoddess]

I was sleeping with this guy a while back and my cat was still a kitten. She saw his ass bouncing up and down on my bed and thought it was a toy. She attacked it, just totally ruined the mood.

 

[SweetCherry]

LOL

That's funny, FG. I know how that is cuz my kitten has this thing about sleeping on my ass and attacking it while I'm sleeping. Nothing worse than getting woke up at 1am to sharp little claws sinking into your backside.

 

[MissVictoria]

One morning my then-fiance and I were getting ready to go grocery shopping. We'd been playfully arguing over who got to drive, and I opened the door to my car (a 1961 Rambler... it was so cute!) and sat down. He tried to pull me out, then instead pushed me down into the seat, and we started getting all hot and heavy, half hanging out of the car door.

Anyhow, we were in the middle of making love when he accidently put his hand on the clutch, and since we were on a steep incline, the car started rolling backwards. The door caught on another car's bumper, and ripped backwards, then knocked my fiance upside the head, sprawling him onto the ground, and I took a ride down the little hill with my bare legs hanging out of the car door.

The door wouldn't close after that day.

 

[GuyJD]

Re: may not be funny but...

anyone else get a major charlie horse at the moment of orgasm?

nuff said.

Oh yeah, got the worst kind to have. The one that runs through the entire thigh muscles.

 

[SeXy ReDHeD]

Oh, the humiliation!!!!!!!

Let me tell you!!!

The funniest time I've ever had in sex happened about a year ago with one of the ex's.

We were both drunk and horny as Hell. We had just gotten back to his place after a party and he asked me to go down on him, so of course I did. After about a minute, he was getting pretty into it and kept pushing himself into my mouth--too far into my mouth. I kept telling him to stop it, but he didn't. As drunk as I was, it didn't take much for my gag reflex to kick in, and before I could catch myself, I threw up all over him... both of us were so ripped that we just busted up laughing. We cleaned it up and that was that for the night, but it's still something we both laugh about...

 

[lilminx]

Re: Oh, the humiliation!!!!!!!

Let me tell you!!!

. As drunk as I was, it didn't take much for my gag reflex to kick in, and before I could catch myself, I threw up all over him... both of us were so ripped that we just busted up laughing. We cleaned it up and that was that for the night, but it's still something we both laugh about...

Hey, was that YOU barfing up a lung in the porn blooper I saw?

 

[Problem Child]

funny story 1:

PC (not my real name) has a fight with g/f Stacey (her real name) the day before HS graduation and the young lovers break up. PC goes out graduation night and gets totally shitfaced because he is finally out of high school hell, and also because he misses Stacy.

Stacy comes over the next afternoon, because she misses PC to, and the young couple retires to PC's bedroom and start fooling around with the lights off. After a while, Stacey initiates a blow-job which PC happily lies back and enjoys. A few minutes into said blow-job, PC's mother simultaneouslyknocks on and opens the door to the bedroom, having just come home with groceries...

Mom: "M***, are you in here? (short pause, then)....Oh". And then she closed the door.

Ten seconds later, a soft knock on the door, followed by Mom's voice...

Mom: "M***, tell Stacey she's welcome to stay for dinner, ok?"

Me: "Sure mom."

 

[Rambling Rose]

methinks

Stacey had quite enough to eat for one day...or was it Stacy?

 

[Problem Child]

Oops, no "e". She got enough protien, for sure.

 

[Calamity Jane]

OMG... too funny PC... lmao

 

[Ask For More]

funny story 1:

PC (not my real name) has a fight with g/f Stacey (her real name) the day before HS graduation and the young lovers break up. PC goes out graduation night and gets totally shitfaced because he is finally out of high school hell, and also because he misses Stacy.

Stacy comes over the next afternoon, because she misses PC to, and the young couple retires to PC's bedroom and start fooling around with the lights off. After a while, Stacey initiates a blow-job which PC happily lies back and enjoys. A few minutes into said blow-job, PC's mother simultaneouslyknocks on and opens the door to the bedroom, having just come home with groceries...

Mom: "M***, are you in here? (short pause, then)....Oh". And then she closed the door.

Ten seconds later, a soft knock on the door, followed by Mom's voice...

Mom: "M***, tell Stacey she's welcome to stay for dinner, ok?"

Me: "Sure mom."

It this true? I damn near bust a gut laughing at this one!

 

[Barb Dwyer]

It would probably have to be the time when the moose stuck his head into our tent at the most inopportune time.

 

[Problem Child]

funny story #2

PC is working his sexual magic late at night at a party at his fraternity, Just after the 4th of July holiday. It's about 2 am and he is dancing with Julie, and they are digging each other. They finally go upstairs and sneak into PC's buddy's room and lock the door. They start to get their freak on and it is good.
Meanwhile, downstairs, the party is dying down, but a few of the hardcore partiers are left, including Beth & Beth (yes, their real names- we called them Beth squared). Beth & Beth are searching for Julie, 'cuz those goddamned sorority girls were always watching out for each other.
So, Julie and I are upstairs getting all nasty, when all of the sudden, there's a bunch of bright flashes, followed by loud bangs and the room is full of smoke. She's screaming her head off, and I'm wondering what the fuck is going on, when all of the sudden the smoke alarm goes off from the smoke and starts beeping like hell.
I jump off Julie, bare-ass naked and smash the smoke alarm off the ceiling, and we hear crazy female laughter outside the door, and then lots of footsteps coming up the stairs. I'm sitting down, still wondering what happened, when we hear keys in the door, and it opens, and my buddy and about ten other people look in and see us.
After everyone laughed at us, and commented on our nakedness, we shut the door, and looked around and found two used bottle-rockets that the Beths had fired through a hole in the door which had been covered by duct tape.
Hottest sex I ever had.

 

[Barb Dwyer]

So are you telling us Julie is HOT ?

Or is that Juli?

 

[Problem Child]

nitpicker.

 

[Cheyenne]

A few minutes into said blow-job, PC's mother simultaneouslyknocks on and opens the door to the bedroom, having just come home with groceries...

Mom: "M***, are you in here? (short pause, then)....Oh". And then she closed the door.

Any chance your mom gave you the nick name "Problem Child?"

 

[Oasis690]

Reply to PC

Both of your stories are great...

I especially liked the following sentance in the second story:

They start to get their freak on and it is good.

Maybe it's just me, but that sentance killed me.

 

[freakygirl]

Re: Re: quoting Freakygurl32:

me either...but maybe that was why he was still a virgin?

nope, come to find out.. he was a virgin because he was following a calling from God.

Found out later that he had become a priest.

 

[Aphrodisiac]

My man and I were in the heat of passion when I was about to straddle him. I did not realize how close to the edge of the bed I was ... so when I placed my hand down thinking it was the bed... I fell off the bed.

He was worried I had hurt myself but I was just laughing so hard. We both found it funny.

 

[BlondeBeauty]

You guys are cracking me up!

However, my lips remain sealed.

 

[Oasis690]

Reply to BlondeBeauty

You guys are cracking me up!

However, my lips remain sealed.

That is definitely NOT FAIR!



Read Oasis690's work:
http://literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=49694

 

[BlondeBeauty]

Sez who?

Sounds good to me. LOL