What is the funniest thing that has ever happened to you during sex?
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Calamity Jane
Reverend Blue Jeans
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Re: It only happened the once
hmmm... lemme know if your fancy needs tickled again... lol
Mensa said:She tickled my fancy.
hmmm... lemme know if your fancy needs tickled again... lol
Willing and Unsure
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well... this one happened to my roomie... she shared the story with me after...
she shouted out in the middle of sex "my grandfather has prostate cancer"
i have yet to have a funny moment
she shouted out in the middle of sex "my grandfather has prostate cancer"
i have yet to have a funny moment
EmeraldEyes
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One time when my ex fiance and I were going at it hot and heavy, we fell off the bed. We had a quick chuckle about it and went right back to fucking on the floor! Gawd I miss those days. Why couldn't he have been like that all the time? *sigh*
GuyJD
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AM I BLACK OR WHITE?
For those of whom has not seen my pic in the Author Index or Member Profiles, I am a fair skinned African-American man. I used to date this woman back home (also African-American) and we were so perfect for each other because we were both "smart-asses". Well, one day she was making her kids laugh by teasing me. She was constantly calling me "white boy" and her kids were just dying laughing at her. So I just chalked it up and told her that I'll pay her back when I feel ready to.
Later that evening, we managed to sneak away from her kids and into her bedroom for a session of great sex. It was then that I came up with a plan. We were enjoying being together and loving the sex that we gave to each other. I placed her legs on my shoulders and watched into her beautiful eyes as she proceeded to have an orgasm. (One of several that evening) The look of her face, during orgasm, was so amazing that words cannot describe it. But instead of encouraging her on, I whispered to her, "Tell me baby, how does it feel to be getting all of this good lovng from a white boy?"
Her orgasmic look turned into a big laughter and she slapped me on my ass and called me "Smart ass".
For those of whom has not seen my pic in the Author Index or Member Profiles, I am a fair skinned African-American man. I used to date this woman back home (also African-American) and we were so perfect for each other because we were both "smart-asses". Well, one day she was making her kids laugh by teasing me. She was constantly calling me "white boy" and her kids were just dying laughing at her. So I just chalked it up and told her that I'll pay her back when I feel ready to.
Later that evening, we managed to sneak away from her kids and into her bedroom for a session of great sex. It was then that I came up with a plan. We were enjoying being together and loving the sex that we gave to each other. I placed her legs on my shoulders and watched into her beautiful eyes as she proceeded to have an orgasm. (One of several that evening) The look of her face, during orgasm, was so amazing that words cannot describe it. But instead of encouraging her on, I whispered to her, "Tell me baby, how does it feel to be getting all of this good lovng from a white boy?"
Her orgasmic look turned into a big laughter and she slapped me on my ass and called me "Smart ass".
Several years ago I was involved with a *much* older man, One night in the middle of making love he said "I want to make you lunch" I said what? and he repeated the same sentance but with more pasion "I WANT TO MAKE YOU LUNCH" again I said what? He stoped what he was doing and looked into my eyes used his left hand to replace his dentures that had come loose and repeated "I want you so much". Oh I said and we continued our love making.
dirtygrl
dirtygrl
LadyDarkFire
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I was visiting my lover of the time and we were having some fun in my hotel room when we here these loud 3 knocks at the door. He is convinced it is the cops, mistakenly called for all the Noise we were making. After frantically getting dresses and trying to look as innocent as either of us could, we opened the door. It was his friend there to take us out to dinner, deliver some smokes that I had asked for, and a special gag gift. A box of condoms, just in case we were planning on having any fun. We were, but any time we would start leading up to it and would hear a knocking noise of any sort, we busted up laughing at the memory.
GuyJD
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SHORT WOMEN ARE SOOOOO SEXY
Another incident that I had was back in 1990. I met a woman who was 5 years younger than I and a foot shorter (I stand 5'10 & she was 4'9) and we had alot in common. We graduated from the same school and she enjoyed fitness training. She was even working at a gym that I used to belong to at the time when we were dating. She had the most beautiful legs that I've ever seen. They looked like the legs of a gymnist. And it would turn me on the way she would open them wider, in almost the form of a split, everytime we made love.
One evening, we were having the best sex ever on the floor of her living room. And in the midst of an orgasm, she widened her legs. Then I grabbed one of those beautiful legs and pushed it a couple of inches wider. All of a sudden, as I increased my motion, she began humming. Her humming got louder until it finally became a loud scream. The only way to describe it is for you to imagine the high notes that Mariah Carey often sings. That's the exact sound that my girlfriend made. After our final climax, she told me that she had never done that before in her life and wondered what it was that made me bring it out of her.
Later that year, Mariah Carey began her singing career and I would get a hard on everytime I heard her hit that high note because it always reminded me of my girlfriend.
Another incident that I had was back in 1990. I met a woman who was 5 years younger than I and a foot shorter (I stand 5'10 & she was 4'9) and we had alot in common. We graduated from the same school and she enjoyed fitness training. She was even working at a gym that I used to belong to at the time when we were dating. She had the most beautiful legs that I've ever seen. They looked like the legs of a gymnist. And it would turn me on the way she would open them wider, in almost the form of a split, everytime we made love.
One evening, we were having the best sex ever on the floor of her living room. And in the midst of an orgasm, she widened her legs. Then I grabbed one of those beautiful legs and pushed it a couple of inches wider. All of a sudden, as I increased my motion, she began humming. Her humming got louder until it finally became a loud scream. The only way to describe it is for you to imagine the high notes that Mariah Carey often sings. That's the exact sound that my girlfriend made. After our final climax, she told me that she had never done that before in her life and wondered what it was that made me bring it out of her.
Later that year, Mariah Carey began her singing career and I would get a hard on everytime I heard her hit that high note because it always reminded me of my girlfriend.
pabloback
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myself and a girlfriend were having sex in her house, when i decided to spice things up by pulling her into a walkin cupboard [closet] i pulled the door closed and we were in total darkness.
it was getting really hot and steamy and she decided to move back to the bedroom
that was when we found out we couldnt get the door open. anxiety started to set in and the temp got even higher. eventually after about 20 minutes [but seemed a lot longer] the only wayout was to kick the door open, luckily i wasnt barefoot, not sure how that happened. she had to explain the door to her parents later [long after i had gone ] it was totally wrecked
makes me smile even now as i think about it
it was getting really hot and steamy and she decided to move back to the bedroom
that was when we found out we couldnt get the door open. anxiety started to set in and the temp got even higher. eventually after about 20 minutes [but seemed a lot longer] the only wayout was to kick the door open, luckily i wasnt barefoot, not sure how that happened. she had to explain the door to her parents later [long after i had gone ] it was totally wrecked
makes me smile even now as i think about it
Ouch!
Shortly before we were married, I was with my husband in a hotel room, and we were doing it doggie style. My head kept banging off the headboard, so I grabbed it with both hands. At one point, I stretched my body out and for some reason, my shoulder popped out of joint! I shrieked a little bit, which encouraged him on even more. I popped it back in, then we finished up and I told him what happened. Things were just too good to stop for something like a little pain!
Shortly before we were married, I was with my husband in a hotel room, and we were doing it doggie style. My head kept banging off the headboard, so I grabbed it with both hands. At one point, I stretched my body out and for some reason, my shoulder popped out of joint! I shrieked a little bit, which encouraged him on even more. I popped it back in, then we finished up and I told him what happened. Things were just too good to stop for something like a little pain!
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Mystery Man
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Wow...that's one hell of a story!
Basia
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This was about six months ago. My boyfriend was living in a basement, which was also the designated smoking area in the house. We thought no one was home, so we didn't lock the door, or the window.
Almost instantly, one of his friends poped his head in the window when another practiced "controlled falling" down the basement stairs. Both Screaming "WAZZZZZZZZUP" Only it turned into "WAZZZZZOH MY GOD!" and the sound of running away.
Almost instantly, one of his friends poped his head in the window when another practiced "controlled falling" down the basement stairs. Both Screaming "WAZZZZZZZZUP" Only it turned into "WAZZZZZOH MY GOD!" and the sound of running away.
Oasis690
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My funniest was also one of my wildest...
My gf at the time would invite me over and then we would stay up late, waiting for her parents and brother to go to bed upstairs, then screw around in the living room.
The very first time she let me penetrate her(she was a virgin), I had her on the floor doggy style. We were going at it hot and heavy, and when I got close to cumming, she turned around to suck me off. Just as I started to cum, I heard movement upstairs. My mind was crying "alert! alert! alert!" but my body was going nuts, she was giving an awesome blowjob and didn't hear the noises.
Suddenly I heard movement on the stairs, which meant whoever was awake only had to finish walking down the stair case and a 15 foot hallway to walk in on us, and we were both still naked with my cock in her mouth.
That's when my gf heard the noises. She jumped up, and tried to pull her jeans on real quick. I was trying to put my own jeans on quickly, but she wore jeans that were so tight, they absolutely would not go on that easily. So, here she is, trying not to let the person in the hallway figure out what is going on, and she starts yelling, "Shit! Shit! Shit!" as she pulls her pants up.
I was laughing, and I had gotten my pants up, but I hadn't zipped up or buckled my belt. Her actions had stopped my progress. I thought, "gee, you don't want them to know what is going on, but you are yelling 'shit!' and making more noise than you did when we had sex."
As the person was about to walk into the room, my gf whispers, "lay down and act like you are sleeping."
So she jumps on the couch, and I lay down on the floor, just as her mother walks in. Her mom turns on the light, and my gf, in her best impression of a groggy person just waking up, asks what time is it?
"It's time for him to leave!" her mother answered, and she flipped out.
My gf at the time would invite me over and then we would stay up late, waiting for her parents and brother to go to bed upstairs, then screw around in the living room.
The very first time she let me penetrate her(she was a virgin), I had her on the floor doggy style. We were going at it hot and heavy, and when I got close to cumming, she turned around to suck me off. Just as I started to cum, I heard movement upstairs. My mind was crying "alert! alert! alert!" but my body was going nuts, she was giving an awesome blowjob and didn't hear the noises.
Suddenly I heard movement on the stairs, which meant whoever was awake only had to finish walking down the stair case and a 15 foot hallway to walk in on us, and we were both still naked with my cock in her mouth.
That's when my gf heard the noises. She jumped up, and tried to pull her jeans on real quick. I was trying to put my own jeans on quickly, but she wore jeans that were so tight, they absolutely would not go on that easily. So, here she is, trying not to let the person in the hallway figure out what is going on, and she starts yelling, "Shit! Shit! Shit!" as she pulls her pants up.
I was laughing, and I had gotten my pants up, but I hadn't zipped up or buckled my belt. Her actions had stopped my progress. I thought, "gee, you don't want them to know what is going on, but you are yelling 'shit!' and making more noise than you did when we had sex."
As the person was about to walk into the room, my gf whispers, "lay down and act like you are sleeping."
So she jumps on the couch, and I lay down on the floor, just as her mother walks in. Her mom turns on the light, and my gf, in her best impression of a groggy person just waking up, asks what time is it?
"It's time for him to leave!" her mother answered, and she flipped out.
freakygirl
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my ex boyfriend and i were living with some friends, they had kind of a neighborhood crash house. We had this one friend who had drank just a tad to much so we made him stay the night. He slept in the lazy boy in the living room. Boyfriend and I slept on the futon couch. We were going at it all hot and heavy.. (making every attempt in the world NOT to wake the guy sleeping within an arms reach of us). After on of the most incredible orgasms i've ever had, i sat up and said to him "Damn i need a cigarette". He leaned over got them and lit us each a cigarette. Nathon sat up and says "Damn, after that i NEED one of those also".. (he didn't smoke before that, but he smoked one that night). I found out later that he was still a virgin, and thought of that night, as the night that he had lost his virginity.
Willing and Unsure
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Re: may not be funny but...
that actually happened to my man last night... we were just messin around on his floor.. and things were going really well... and out of nowhere he just stopped and started holding his back (he had just cum).. i didnt know what was going on or what to do... and he just kept saying, "dont worry.. i'll be all right soon" and then moaning some from the pain he was in.. and then we both started laughing when i asked "did i break you?"
batter said:
that actually happened to my man last night... we were just messin around on his floor.. and things were going really well... and out of nowhere he just stopped and started holding his back (he had just cum).. i didnt know what was going on or what to do... and he just kept saying, "dont worry.. i'll be all right soon" and then moaning some from the pain he was in.. and then we both started laughing when i asked "did i break you?"
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Mystery Man
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I had this friend who always had the brilliant timing of calling while I was in the throes of passion with my ex. Needless to say it was hit and miss whether I answered the phone!
SweetCherry
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I had a small "house warming" party and invited over a few friends for a few drinks. Well, after more than just a few, one of my male friends and I snuck off to my bedroom for a little bit of private fun. We didn't think anyone would miss us.
Well, the house I was renting at the time had only 1 bathroom, which also happened to be thru my bedroom. In the middle of everything, one of my guests stumbled thru my room to the bathroom. He stopped, looked at us, (by this time, we'd frozen at getting caught) and said, "Oops, sorry guys. We all thought you'd gone to sleep."
They all noticed we'd left, but just thought we were tired.
It was pretty hard to face the party after getting dressed again, but it was well worth the trouble.
Well, the house I was renting at the time had only 1 bathroom, which also happened to be thru my bedroom. In the middle of everything, one of my guests stumbled thru my room to the bathroom. He stopped, looked at us, (by this time, we'd frozen at getting caught) and said, "Oops, sorry guys. We all thought you'd gone to sleep."
They all noticed we'd left, but just thought we were tired.
It was pretty hard to face the party after getting dressed again, but it was well worth the trouble.
Oasis690
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quoting Freakygurl32:
After on of the most incredible orgasms i've ever had, i sat up and said to him "Damn i need a cigarette". He leaned over got them and lit us each a cigarette. Nathon sat up and says "Damn, after that i NEED one of those also".. (he didn't smoke before that, but he smoked one that night).
I don't smoke either, but I think I would need a cigarette after that...then again, I wouldn't just sit there feigning sleep...
After on of the most incredible orgasms i've ever had, i sat up and said to him "Damn i need a cigarette". He leaned over got them and lit us each a cigarette. Nathon sat up and says "Damn, after that i NEED one of those also".. (he didn't smoke before that, but he smoked one that night).
I don't smoke either, but I think I would need a cigarette after that...then again, I wouldn't just sit there feigning sleep...
Southern37
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Re: quoting Freakygurl32:
me either...but maybe that was why he was still a virgin?
Oasis690 said:
me either...but maybe that was why he was still a virgin?
Oasis690
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I just wrote a story about a real-life adventure, and it was kind of funny. It was DEFINITELY fun!!
If anyone wants to read it, and I think it is my best erotic work yet, you can read it from my profile page...it's called Adventures in a Dressing Room. (For some reason it is not on the new list or Exhibitionism/Voyuer list)
Here is a link:
http://literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=49694
If anyone wants to read it, and I think it is my best erotic work yet, you can read it from my profile page...it's called Adventures in a Dressing Room. (For some reason it is not on the new list or Exhibitionism/Voyuer list)
Here is a link:
http://literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=49694
Calamity Jane
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A little embarrassing for me...
but what the hell.
I had used some vagisil one night before bed, and when I got to bed hubby was really horny. I wasn't thinkin about what I'd done inthe bathroom... so we were having sex and he got this real weird look on his face and stopped moving... he did this like three times, and then he says "Something's not right" and runs for the bathroom. when he came back he had a terrified look on his face and said his dick was completely numb.
i realized what had happened and started laughing so hard i fell off the bed.
but what the hell.
I had used some vagisil one night before bed, and when I got to bed hubby was really horny. I wasn't thinkin about what I'd done inthe bathroom... so we were having sex and he got this real weird look on his face and stopped moving... he did this like three times, and then he says "Something's not right" and runs for the bathroom. when he came back he had a terrified look on his face and said his dick was completely numb.
i realized what had happened and started laughing so hard i fell off the bed.
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