what is the BDSM lifestyle

[sexy-girl]

i saw someone say this earlier that they were from the BDSM lifestyle and i realized i really dont know very much about it and because im nosey and i like to know new things i thought i'd ask people here who were part of that lifestyle

i have a few questions


(1) do you only have relationships that are BDSM

(2) does love come into it or is it more just a trust issue between master/mistress and sub

(3) are the roles of dom/sub always in force even when you go out shopping

(4) when you have sex is it always dom/sub

(5) what does BDSM stand for anyway


please dont think my questions are disrespectful i know i asked them in a light hearted manner but they were serious and im truely interested ... all the people on the board that i see as being part of this lifestyle i think are all very nice people that i do respect i'd just like to learn more about it out of interest that i have for these people


lisa and i sometimes play some very very mild bondage stuff like im sure a lot of people do here but im sure the people who are part of the BDSM lifestyle wouldnt be impressed ... please dont be mad if i've asked anything thats wrong or disrespectful

 

[Tabby432]

A link to cym's thread will be along shortly...

 

[lilminx]

#5:
Bondage
Discipline
Sadism
Masochism

 

[Renegade]

Sexy-Girl

This might help you out a little.

http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=39661

 

[sexy-girl]

thanks sorry i dont read the how to board and never saw that thread i've only read a little of it wow cymbidia knows what shes talking about



i was more interested in how it compares to a "normal" relationship sorry i hate to use that word normal in this context anyway i'll read more of cymbidia's thread and see what i can learn about it

 

[Natalie Nessus]

thanks sorry i dont read the how to board and never saw that thread i've only read a little of it wow cymbidia knows what shes talking about

Yes, she does

 

[Guru]

 

[Mistress]

I'm currently looking into D/s......

 

[Guru]

 

[WriterDom]

I don't think there are answers to many of your questions. At least none that would apply to everyone. Bdsm as a consensual exchange of power between two or more people . As far as the degree of power, or when applied depends on the couple/persons involved.

Yes, wade through the Q & A thread and ask anything you'd like there. You might even get a few tips on how to make Lisa's next bondage experience more exciting

 

[Guest]

In my life, personally...

(1) do you only have relationships that are BDSM

(2) does love come into it or is it more just a trust issue between master/mistress and sub

(3) are the roles of dom/sub always in force even when you go out shopping

(4) when you have sex is it always dom/sub

1.) If my Boyfriend and I were to split up, yes, I would be looking for a new Dominant. After being active in the D/s lifestyle for almost 7 years now, I cannot picture going back to a 'nilla relationship. It is something that I know I do not want, nor could I be happy with.

2.) Love is very much there and very real in my relationship, as well as trust.

3.) Micahael and I do not follow a "strict" D/s lifestyle. W/we have adapted what W/we wanted and needed for O/our relationship and O/ourselves personally.

4.) And, no, not everything sexual between U/us is D/s in nature, though I'd say a huge percentage of it is.

 

[sexy-girl]

thanks all and tiggs those were the answers i was pretty much expecting i just wanted to ask to make sure

 

[Mistress]

Which are you?

After speaking to many on the subject and watching in chats...I'd have to say I'm both. I'm a switch. Still studying, still reading up........

 

[Guru]

 

[Guest]

Here are some urls from aa few of wonderful sites I've visited over the years.
http://www.hischambers.com/
http://www.cuffs.com/
http://www.mouse-works.com/subnation
http://www.castlerealm.com
http://www.aslaveslove.com
http://www.ds-haven.com
http://www.adarkwhisper.com/

 

[Mistress]

Here are some urls from aa few of wonderful sites I've visited over the years.
http://www.hischambers.com/
http://www.cuffs.com/
http://www.mouse-works.com/subnation
http://www.castlerealm.com
http://www.aslaveslove.com
http://www.ds-haven.com
http://www.adarkwhisper.com/

Hehehe, some of the same I have....castlerealm was highly recommended from some of the chat rooms.
As well as http://www.geocities.com/dsdungeon2000/
The D/s dungeon Chat Room was very insightful. Once you ask permission of course, it is easy to get any information you need, or to ask any questions. None have been rude or stuck up so to speak in helping me understand more clearly. Very friendly people....

 

[cymbidia]

There's a whole sub-community of people here at Lit that know quite a lot about BDSM. I am only one among them. I am certain that if you chose to ask any of us any kind of BDSM question, either on the GB, in our thread over in How To..., or privately via PM/email, we would all try to give you the best answer we could. Among those who are knowledgeable about such matters are Creidhne/MS, WriterDom, Hecate, Kitten Eyes, RisiaSkye, BlondGirl, Wizard, BlackBich, and SteamyChik. I know there are others, too, and i beg their pardon for omitting them from this list; it's off the top of my head and i have a major head cold going.

(1) do you only have relationships that are BDSM
(2) does love come into it or is it more just a trust issue between master/mistress and sub
(3) are the roles of dom/sub always in force even when you go out shopping
(4) when you have sex is it always dom/sub
(5) what does BDSM stand for anyway

please dont think my questions are disrespectful i know i asked them in a light hearted manner but they were serious and im truely interested

(1) With one important exception, it's been more than 20 years since i've had anything but a BDSM relationship. Why should i begin something with someone who will not be interested in and/or capable of meeting one of my basic human, sexual, emotional needs?

(2) I'm not a person for casual sex. Never have been. For me, an emotional connection is always necessary to insure my time with another person is valuable and meaningful. That said, the giving of one's trust, sub to Dom/me is not a thing of a lighthearted moment. It's a process, like the giving of trust within any relationship is a process. Some people play (for our purposes now, and in BDSM terms, "play" = "has BDSM-style sex") pretty easily with anyone who comes along. I don't. Most don't. For most of us (i know this is a gross generalization), the process of giving or accepting trust - in our terms, of offering our submission or accepting that from another person - holds with it some very real obligations. It's not a thing most of us do lightly.

(3) I am always sub. Whether i am alone or with MS, whether i am putting gas in my car or in the middle of an intense scene, i am always sub. Sometimes i laugh or get pissed off or have to pay the bills or have to dash off to get milk and dog food at the store. Even then, in the middle of my every day stuff, i am sub. It's as much a part of who i am as is my hair color or the scar i have on my hand or my inclination to get really pissed off as quickly as i cool down. MS and i are always aware of our relationship and the special nature of our bond, wherever we go. We have our own subtle ways of reaffirming and maintaining that bond, too, when we're out in public and/or in a place and/or with people with whom we would prefer not to be too terribly open about it. The "role" is not so much a mask we put on and take off at will as it is a part of who we are as people - and yes, it's always with us, no matter what we're doing.

(4) MS and i make love. The actual gymnastics are likely a bit different than what you and Lisa do when you're in bed, but the feeling and emotion and need and want and desire and twining-closer and acceptance and laughter is the same. sometimes we make love like nillas do but that's relatively rare. There's almost always a few elements of BDSM sex play involved just because we find it far more satisfying and complete if that part of our sexuality is involved.

(5) As others have indicated, BDSM stands for Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, and Masochism. The middle two letters, DS, are always taken to mean Dominance and Submission. Here are a couple links to sites that contain info about the BDSM symbol:
http://www.dolphinsdesign.com/babet/symbol/emblem.html
http://www.madylarian.com/subnation/emblem.html

And finally, i'm sure, s-g, that no one thought that any of your questions were at all disrespectful. Trust me when i say that most of us can tell honest questions, even if they come from a place of no real knowledge, from "questions" designed to belittle us/our lifestyle.

 

[sexy-girl]

thank you for your post cymbidia and i was truly interested


i think actually the way you talk of your relationship and lifestyle it sounds very beautiful forgetting about the details of what you do because some of what you do isnt exactly to my taste but the bond you share and the way you carry that into your everyday life is something i can admire and understand


i myself couldnt get into a BDSM relationship but i find it interesting to learn more about a lifestyle that i never really knew existed until i came here ... i guess i just thought BSDM was a kind of fantasy rather then a whole lifestyle ... i can quite easterly compare my lifestyle to yours in that its different from the "norm" and some people find it hard to understand our lifestyle choices


thanks for your time and if i have anymore questions i'll put them in your thread in the how too section i've read some of that thread and some of it i find quite nice to read

 

[BlondGirl]

SG,

Each of us is different in our tastes and desires--like any group--there is no sexual stereotyping that is actually accurate (My opinion only of course.)

Unike Cym, I do not live as a sub. When I am at work, I am most certainly not sub. (quite the opposite--ever tell a heroin overdose that is freaking out that you are going stab him in the chest if he does not shut the fuck up and let you tie him down easily? Um, well, I certainly never have either. Yeah. That's right. I am only loving and professional at every moment.)
In my home, I am mommy and lazy bitch. When I am at my sewing machine and I slam the needle screw on my finger --I do not equate that with the same sensations as the whip on my breast. (BTW--no sub gets off on pain that is outside the context of sex. That falls into another category altogether. Pain is painful. Sex play is sexplay. There are so many misconceptions that someone who loves a spanking during arousal will also love having his/her teeth filled without the lidocaine--it is bullshit. )

I like my kinky play when I am having kinky sex. That is pretty much it. I do think about it a lot--but I think about all kinds of my prefered sexual desires a lot. When a lover and I are out, we do not act our sexual roles--unless that is part of the agreed to evening plans. Typically, it is simply dinner out to enjoy each other's company like any other couple.
I disagree with the use of the word "lifestyle".

Being Gay is a lifestyle--it affects (or can) everything from job to child rearing to the neighborhood you live in.
My being fucked in the ass while wearing nipple clamps and begging my lover for more is a hobby. It has no bearing on anything that is not sexually related.

As for casual sex. I have a lover. He is a million miles away. We have agreed (verbally) to an open relationship where we see others. I do.
I had wild kinky sex on friday night until the wee hours of the morning. This is with an occassional lover who does not cross my limits. There is a level of trust on both our parts (He has a special job at the high level govt place near here--of course there is great deal of trust in me just for that alone!) I have casual lovers and some are not kinky. I can suck cock equally good as a sub or just as a woman with no other roles being played. (I just enjoy it more when I am in the sub role . )

I love sex and I love to play. Play does not always include sex and sex does not always include play. I prefer when they both do though.
Of course, I liek caramel on my ice cream too. But I like caramel without ice cream and I like ice cream without the caramel also.

Enough rambling.

 

[sexy-girl]

thanks blondgirl for your post too ... my point of comparing the bdsm lifestyle to gay lifestyle was that theres a lot of stereotyping and misunderstandings in both lifestyles


just because im gay doesnt mean i am like every other gay woman or that my relationship with lisa can easierly be compared to other gay relationships im sure its same with bdsm relationships too and im learning that very quickly from different peoples replys on this thread


and i never thought about that stuff of enjoying pain in sex was the same as enjoying pain out of sex


thanks for your reply everyone replys have been very informative

 

[BlondGirl]

<<<"
and i never thought about that stuff of enjoying pain in sex was the same as enjoying pain out of sex
">>>

An easy way for the more vanilla person to understand the "pain durign sex" thing is to think back to those teen years of sex in the car. Getting cramps in the feet and bruises all over and having hair ripped out by the door handle/seat belt doodad. It tends to not be a negative pain at all during the act bu only adding to the erotic excitement.
Then the next day you get out of the shower and have bruises all over your legs and have no foggy idea where they came from--but know that they must have occurred during sex.

The difference it that now I usually am well aware of where those scratches and bruises come from. (But not always! I have my thigh-fronts covered in small bruises but don't have a clue how they got there. Except, of course, Friday night. Oh well--I suppose they are a souvineer of sorts!)

 

[Guest]