What is Poly?
- Thread starter Brinnie
- Start date
TaintedB
Finished
- Joined
- Aug 29, 2004
- Posts
- 4,579
The word "lifestyle" was borrorwed by the burgeoning bdsm "scene" (how I hate these jargon terms!) from the swingers in the lage 60s or early 70s. They swinging and wife-swapping communities were the original "lifestylers," lol, which is one reason I laugh and laugh whenever I hear people using it on bdsm personal-ad sites to describe themselves as in "I am a dominant in the lifestyle!" (I'm sure you are, you kinky swinger you!). 
Also, "lifestyle" the word of choice that professional sex workers known as dominatrixes most often use to describe themselves, so I think of that too when I see bdsm people using it and cringe inside.
Other "lifestyles?" Two than I can think of. Bisexuals who separate themeselves into a different class from straights and from gays. The ones who call what they do a lifestyle are into swinging and group sex. There are large numbers of groups of them online, and they have subgroups, such as the gender-benders. Another lifestyle is a subset of bdsm: the Gorean lifestyle. These people try to build a way of living after a series of poorly written sci-fi books that sold well because their philosophy deeply titillated pimply highschool boys with revenge fantasies for the girls and women who snubbed them. Think of that when you encounter a "Gorean Master." More often than not, that "I hate the women because they reject me so they should all be my slaves to punish horribly!" is the attitude deep inside the parading preeding "lifestyle Gorean Master." A good many Goreans insist, on the other hand, that they understand and practice the true meaning of mastery and slavery and that the bdsm community out of which they emerged practices a watered-down namby--pamby version of this. Oh, one more: the cucklod "lifestyle," a variation on swinging, is very large: they even have their own paid porn niche these days. Tons of formerly minor fetishes are approaching lifestyle status due to their online popularity: the furry bunch comes to mind first. And there are many others.
Poly means different things to different people. Killishandra can give you the positive perspective on it, as she has a great deal of personal experience with it. My perspective is the cynical one. In many bdsm hangouts a "poly" master often (note that little word, those who'd wish to argue with me--I'm not saying "everyone" is like that--I'm simply talking about a prevalent type) is a man who is not really dominant, just has kinky leanings. He does not get deep and abiding satisfaction from dominating women, so domming one woman quickly gets boring (and frustrating because he's not much of a dom). He tries to bolster up his flagging libido by taking on more women as submissive and slaves. Starting a harem in other words. In bdsm personal ads you will find a great many male "dominants" looking for this. For them, however, Poly works only one way: they get more slave chicks, their submissive doesn't get more masters, ever. I've been watching these jokers ruin lives, some the lives of my close friends, for years, so I don't have a very positive view on the "poly bdsm" lifestyle. When the couple is truly polyamourous, i.e., they share the submissive with other dominants as well as the dominant with other submissives, I give them a little more respect. But often a couple looking for a second woman just means another vanilla man at heart has the very vanilla desire to see two chicks make out and then fuck them both. A bdsm variation on the poly lifestyle are two people who are married but consider themselves to both be dominants. For some strange reason, the woman in such pairings is almost always bisexual and almost always prefers a female slave to a male slave (thus making things very convenient for the hetro "dom" hubby). I don't exactly trust that premise very much. The dominant hetero couples who do get my respect tend to be those that don't seem to be pretending something: i.e. the hetero femdom has a desire for a male slave while the male wants a female slave. These couples are relatively rare, however.
You'll get a lot of other opinions on this, probably more positive then mine. I'm on the more cynical end because I've been watching the bdsm scene emerge and mutate online for over 18 years now and I'm rather burned out and cynical, having seen so many ugly things. The great majority of "poly" relationships I have seen have all been ugly fleeting affairs of 1-3 years (although during the few months that they work the people in them claim vociferously that they'll last forever) ending in a burning disaster when one slave or sub is rejected in favor of the other. I see a lot of women who genuinely need monogamy get tricked or trick themselves into trying this harem situation because it seems so very popular online (if all these people are doing it, it must work, right?) with disasterous results, usually because the man cannot handle the emotions that the triangle engenders in the two women.
Killishandra and no other, however, has shown me after years of seeing the dark side of these relationships (the submissives usually compete and then the dominant "chooses" one over the other, tossing the loser aside) that, in a very few very rare cases, poly relationships can and do work. Hope she sees this and can add something here.
Also, "lifestyle" the word of choice that professional sex workers known as dominatrixes most often use to describe themselves, so I think of that too when I see bdsm people using it and cringe inside. Other "lifestyles?" Two than I can think of. Bisexuals who separate themeselves into a different class from straights and from gays. The ones who call what they do a lifestyle are into swinging and group sex. There are large numbers of groups of them online, and they have subgroups, such as the gender-benders. Another lifestyle is a subset of bdsm: the Gorean lifestyle. These people try to build a way of living after a series of poorly written sci-fi books that sold well because their philosophy deeply titillated pimply highschool boys with revenge fantasies for the girls and women who snubbed them. Think of that when you encounter a "Gorean Master." More often than not, that "I hate the women because they reject me so they should all be my slaves to punish horribly!" is the attitude deep inside the parading preeding "lifestyle Gorean Master." A good many Goreans insist, on the other hand, that they understand and practice the true meaning of mastery and slavery and that the bdsm community out of which they emerged practices a watered-down namby--pamby version of this. Oh, one more: the cucklod "lifestyle," a variation on swinging, is very large: they even have their own paid porn niche these days. Tons of formerly minor fetishes are approaching lifestyle status due to their online popularity: the furry bunch comes to mind first. And there are many others.
Poly means different things to different people. Killishandra can give you the positive perspective on it, as she has a great deal of personal experience with it. My perspective is the cynical one. In many bdsm hangouts a "poly" master often (note that little word, those who'd wish to argue with me--I'm not saying "everyone" is like that--I'm simply talking about a prevalent type) is a man who is not really dominant, just has kinky leanings. He does not get deep and abiding satisfaction from dominating women, so domming one woman quickly gets boring (and frustrating because he's not much of a dom). He tries to bolster up his flagging libido by taking on more women as submissive and slaves. Starting a harem in other words. In bdsm personal ads you will find a great many male "dominants" looking for this. For them, however, Poly works only one way: they get more slave chicks, their submissive doesn't get more masters, ever. I've been watching these jokers ruin lives, some the lives of my close friends, for years, so I don't have a very positive view on the "poly bdsm" lifestyle. When the couple is truly polyamourous, i.e., they share the submissive with other dominants as well as the dominant with other submissives, I give them a little more respect. But often a couple looking for a second woman just means another vanilla man at heart has the very vanilla desire to see two chicks make out and then fuck them both. A bdsm variation on the poly lifestyle are two people who are married but consider themselves to both be dominants. For some strange reason, the woman in such pairings is almost always bisexual and almost always prefers a female slave to a male slave (thus making things very convenient for the hetro "dom" hubby). I don't exactly trust that premise very much. The dominant hetero couples who do get my respect tend to be those that don't seem to be pretending something: i.e. the hetero femdom has a desire for a male slave while the male wants a female slave. These couples are relatively rare, however.
You'll get a lot of other opinions on this, probably more positive then mine. I'm on the more cynical end because I've been watching the bdsm scene emerge and mutate online for over 18 years now and I'm rather burned out and cynical, having seen so many ugly things. The great majority of "poly" relationships I have seen have all been ugly fleeting affairs of 1-3 years (although during the few months that they work the people in them claim vociferously that they'll last forever) ending in a burning disaster when one slave or sub is rejected in favor of the other. I see a lot of women who genuinely need monogamy get tricked or trick themselves into trying this harem situation because it seems so very popular online (if all these people are doing it, it must work, right?) with disasterous results, usually because the man cannot handle the emotions that the triangle engenders in the two women.
Killishandra and no other, however, has shown me after years of seeing the dark side of these relationships (the submissives usually compete and then the dominant "chooses" one over the other, tossing the loser aside) that, in a very few very rare cases, poly relationships can and do work. Hope she sees this and can add something here.
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
- Joined
- Jul 29, 2002
- Posts
- 18,730
Hmm, to be fair Tainted, I don't think the swingers can own the word 'lifestyle' either. In literal terms it is a word that has been around yonks to describe a way of life of an individual, group, or culture........for example, where I came from was noted for it's 'relaxed and tropical lifestyle'.....so in that sense 'lifestyle' still applies to my life as I live it because we do not just turn it on for the bedroom on Saturday night but live it on every aspect of our life, and our relationship was one sought and built on the D/s principle as the center point of its existance. The other more vanilla stuff is there in abundance, but the D/s is something that is essential to who we are and who we want to be. LOL, and though he is hetero, he is searching or having me search for male subs to add to our exploration...female subs may come later, but at this point he isn't overly interested in their inclusion, especially for his use sexually...maybe it is a bit of been there, done that, syndrome.
I'm not a big fan of poly in the all live together scenario and do think it is the exception rather than the rule when it works well. Is not something we seek, though it may become an alternative under the right circumstances which will work well for us...but that day is not here yet. I guess as to what other lifestyles exist there is always crossdressing which does get included in part in GLBT, but those who are into it are not always interested in being part of the GLBT community or image. Then there are the cult lifestyles, or even for some, there is still a hippie lifestyle happening...thinking Nimbin here...must be time to go home for a visit. I guess in reality anything you can think of that is lived by someone as a daily more than a once in awhile way of life can be called a lifestyle.
Catalina
I'm not a big fan of poly in the all live together scenario and do think it is the exception rather than the rule when it works well. Is not something we seek, though it may become an alternative under the right circumstances which will work well for us...but that day is not here yet. I guess as to what other lifestyles exist there is always crossdressing which does get included in part in GLBT, but those who are into it are not always interested in being part of the GLBT community or image. Then there are the cult lifestyles, or even for some, there is still a hippie lifestyle happening...thinking Nimbin here...must be time to go home for a visit.
I guess in reality anything you can think of that is lived by someone as a daily more than a once in awhile way of life can be called a lifestyle.Catalina
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
- Joined
- Jul 29, 2002
- Posts
- 18,730
Brinnie said:Damn, ya'll are some smart people... You just opened my eyes to a whole new world... I've always looked at the whole bondage thing as a freakshow... But there's intelectual substance there... Astonishing.
LOL, priceless!!
Catalina
landcruisergal
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jul 5, 2003
- Posts
- 2,022
I have a friend who lives the Nimbin lifestyle. 
Right down to tree hugging, totally vegan, hairy legs and armpits, growing their own and 2 beautiful bare bum babies.
Right down to tree hugging, totally vegan, hairy legs and armpits, growing their own and 2 beautiful bare bum babies.
Marquis
Jack Dawkins
- Joined
- Jul 9, 2002
- Posts
- 10,462
Brinnie said:Damn, ya'll are some smart people... You just opened my eyes to a whole new world... I've always looked at the whole bondage thing as a freakshow... But there's intelectual substance there... Astonishing.
Smoke and mirrors.
Get out while you still can.
Leolover711
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Apr 7, 2005
- Posts
- 382
Can't we all just fuck/suck and do whatever else we enjoy doing without getting hung up on labels? I have always felt that sexuality is a continuim and that we all move to different places on the scale depending on what area it is, how old we are, what phase the moon is, and a whole host of other factors. The important thing is to be comfortable with where you are at, but not so comfortable (or dependent, or afraid) that you are not willing to continue to grow and and expand your horizons.
There, now everyone is 2 cents richer.
There, now everyone is 2 cents richer.
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
- Joined
- Jul 29, 2002
- Posts
- 18,730
landcruisergal said:I have a friend who lives the Nimbin lifestyle.
Right down to tree hugging, totally vegan, hairy legs and armpits, growing their own and 2 beautiful bare bum babies.
Is a place I love visiting for the art and the beauty of the countryside....oh, and the occasional monk you come across wandering the mountain roads miles from anywhere.
Catalina
landcruisergal
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jul 5, 2003
- Posts
- 2,022
catalina_francisco said:Is a place I love visiting for the art and the beauty of the countryside....oh, and the occasional monk you come across wandering the mountain roads miles from anywhere.
Catalina
going to stay with her for a week next year. Cant wait.
Though last time I was there someone tried to sell me smack in the main street *sigh* Sad.
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
- Joined
- Jul 29, 2002
- Posts
- 18,730
landcruisergal said:
LOL, yes, the main street of town is a bit discouraging and sad in some aspects...and remarkable given the police station and police are right there. I do envy you your planned week though.
Catalina
Caitlynne
Playful Muse
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2002
- Posts
- 1,324
TaintedB said:
I agree. I think poly only works well, when the Dominant has a penchant for sharing his slaves with other Dominants. It's simply too lopsided otherwise, and by that I mean the slaves do a lot of submitting, but with little Dominance in return. Course, I've seen exceptions, but then there are always exceptions.
Private_Label
In the kink toddler pool
- Joined
- Jun 5, 2005
- Posts
- 1,054
Would the Leather and "Old Guard" groups also count as separate "Lifestyle" subsets in the same manner that Gor is a subset of BDSM?
A website that I have found usefull in many ways when I have a question about a term that I am unfamilar with
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Main_Page
It seems to cover a broad area of things and is not your typical "dictonary"!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Main_Page
It seems to cover a broad area of things and is not your typical "dictonary"!
