What Is Normal

[littlebitsexy]

My friend and I got into an argument today because she found out that I like to be dominated. She found out because She tried to set me up with her brother and I had to tell her that I would not be interested because he was not the type of guy that could dominate anyone. She asked what I mean by that and I told her about my preferences. She told me that she could not be associate with people that was not normal...
What the Fuck is normal?

 

[CurvAppeal]

My friend and I got into an argument today because she found out that I like to be dominated. She tried to set me up with her brother and I had to tell her that I would not be interested and why. She told me that she could not be associate with people that was not normal... What the Fuck is normal?

She tried to set you up with her brother after she found out who you are interested in and then when you said no and explained your reasoning she denied your friendship? What the fuck....

 

[ImOnIt]

In rough terms, how old are you?

EDIT: when someone says something stupid as fuck, it helps me to rephrase it in a way that makes sense. Let me run it through my translator for you

"I can't associate with people who I don't think are normal."

I have a small mind and don't want to understand anything. This is the peak of my social power, to confuse young girls. It will diminish through the rest of my life. The teens will have been the best years of my life, and later I will realise how ignorant I am. I may never overcome my youthful stupidity. It is a great journey from here to adulthood, and I may never reach adulthood, no matter how much I age.

PS: I'm concerned with being judged, so don't bother associating with me.

Sincerely
-THAT GIRL SETTING YOU UP WITH HER BROTHER

 

[littlebitsexy]

I am 19. but it still don't tell me what normal is and who decides what normal is. What is normal for one may not be normal for another. so tell me, What is Normal?

 

[ImOnIt]

I am 19. but it still don't tell me what normal is and who decides what normal is. What is normal for one may not be normal for another. so tell me, What is Normal?

Normal is shut up and don't do anything strange, because I'm insecure with my own self, thank you very much.

PEOPLE WILL STARE! SHHHHH!

*mortified*

 

[Skaoi]

I am 19. but it still don't tell me what normal is and who decides what normal is. What is normal for one may not be normal for another. so tell me, What is Normal?

Wtf? Didn't you just answer your own question. Look no further.

“When will you understand that being normal isn't necessarily a virtue? It rather denotes a lack of courage.”

 

[Stella_Omega]

Your friend getting the wiggins about your style of fun? That's pretty normal.

Sorry.

Alternative sexuality is still alternative, not normal, and you cannot expect everyone to accept you. No matter how unfair you think that is.

Guard yourself, don't assume the world is your oyster, if you are serious about BDSM-- if it's truly part of your inner nature-- get used to holding back with companions and coworkers. You do not know how people will react to your sharing.

Give your friend time, on the other hand. She might actually be a big old closet case herself, and that might be a reason why some people react that way.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

My friend and I got into an argument today because she found out that I like to be dominated. She found out because She tried to set me up with her brother and I had to tell her that I would not be interested because he was not the type of guy that could dominate anyone. She asked what I mean by that and I told her about my preferences. She told me that she could not be associate with people that was not normal...
What the Fuck is normal?

I am 19. but it still don't tell me what normal is and who decides what normal is. What is normal for one may not be normal for another. so tell me, What is Normal?

Wtf? Didn't you just answer your own question. Look no further.

Your friend getting the wiggins about your style of fun? That's pretty normal.

Sorry.

Alternative sexuality is still alternative, not normal, and you cannot expect everyone to accept you. No matter how unfair you think that is.

Guard yourself, don't assume the world is your oyster, if you are serious about BDSM-- if it's truly part of your inner nature-- get used to holding back with companions and coworkers. You do not know how people will react to your sharing.

Give your friend time, on the other hand. She might actually be a big old closet case herself, and that might be a reason why some people react that way.

"Normal" is nearly impossible to define, because each person - and each relationship - has his/her/its own benchmark for normalcy. What you more likely need to define <FOR YOURSELF> is what is satisfying for you, and then seek a partner (or partnerS) who can and will meet those requirements.

As for your (apparently former) friend, even at 19, I'm sure you've previously run into people with whom you had a fundamental difference in outlook, whether sexual, socio-political, racial, etc., and essentially kept them on the outside of, or totally unrelated to, your life. She may have to be "moved" to that circle.

As Stella says above, though, there are a lot of people who do not, cannot, and will not accept alternative sexuality... even some of those who actually practice it or dream about it in the depths of the night. Soooo... she's right. Get used to keeping your own counsel about your desires until and unless you are pretty damned sure that the person(s) to whom you hope to reveal them will be at least accepting that you know what it is that you want and can handle it.

As for learning about, discussing, and sharing thoughts about Dominance and submission, and the rest of the rainbow that makes up the BDSM world, you've wandered into one of the absolute best places in the internet to do so. I've been doing D/s and S/M for more than 40 years (yeah, I'm an OLD fucker! ), and have not found a more accepting, knowledgeable, and sharing group than the folks who inhabit this forum and the Café (right next door). Welcome to our world - it's the young folks like you who will (and are) inherit(ing) it and who will take it into the future. Feel free to ask questions (The only dumb question is the one you fail to ask!) and share your thoughts, dreams and laughs (you'll find a lot of those in the Café!) with us, as we share them with each other - and you.

Welcome.

 

[culloden]

I just want to add that the problem is with your friend, not with you.

Human behavior can be described on a bell curve, and what most people do (the largest section of the bell) is considered normal. The people on either end - in this case the kinky on one end and the non-sexual on the other, fall outside of normal. Where you draw the line between the normal and the outliers is arbitrary. It's not the same in San Francisco as it is in Peoria. Normal has no value unless you give it one.

As long as you're hurting no one, why should anyone else care? Your friend sounds like she might be normal, but she also sounds like she's an ass.

 

[FurryFury]

My opinion is that "normal" is a fantasy. There is no normal. There are just people pretending there is one and trying to be it. This is a pointless and losing game.

Further, I think your friend is small minded. If you want to have such friends you have to learn to say no and NOT tell them real reasons why. You have to live in the closet some. That can make you feel comfortable in a way. It did me. Eventually, it might chafe a great deal.

FF

 

[BertrandRussell]

... the problem is with your friend, not with you...

I was going to say exactly this myself.

Your friend was probably disappointed or even insulted by your refusal. A mentally healthy person would have thanked you for considering the offer and that would have been the end of it. But your friend took the refusal personally ( as if she is somehow responsible for her brother? ) and then lashed out at you.
She felt hurt, and just wanted to hurt you in return. She probably does not know what 'normal' is, nor does she care. It is just the first thing that she thought of.

You have every right to decline her suggestion. And when you do, you do not owe her a reason. If she asks for a reason, and can't handle it, she is the one who is fucked up.

 

[subwannabe]

Somehow I would like to say that maybe you should have been smart enough to keep your private life private and not tell your friend. Things like that should only be said to people that you would already know their reaction ahead of time. I don't know exactly what your relationship was with your friend but obviously you wrongfully felt you could share this with her when in reality you couldn't. In the end it is her problem and not yours but that's not saying you can't learn something from the experience - don't share these kind of thoughts with anyone unless you already know they can handle it.

 

[trisquel_astur]

Normal is the person that accepts themself as is and the others as they are.

Normal is the person that puts friendship over what their friends likes or dislikes.

Normal are... BDSM people (most of us, at least)

 

[Stella_Omega]

Normal is the person that accepts themself as is and the others as they are.

Normal is the person that puts friendship over what their friends likes or dislikes.

Normal are... BDSM people (most of us, at least)

I think you've been reading too many of those "love is" comics in the daily papers.

 

[MrConcord]

******

 

[Cattypuss]

Normal, schmormal.

 

[trisquel_astur]

I think you've been reading too many of those "love is" comics in the daily papers.

LOLOLOLOL

Maybe yes, Stella, maybe yes!

 

[midwestyankee]

For most people, normal sexuality consists of that range of sexual acts that they can imagine themselves enjoying. Anything that is either more boring or more exciting than they might like is, in their view, not normal. Think of sexuality as a long continuum ranging from a sweet only-friends kiss on the cheek to something on the order of the kinkiest of kinkes (I don't know, maybe necrophilia). At any one time, the sexual acts we like fall somewhere on that continuum. Unless you have considered the question of normalcy at length, chances are you think that normal is only those acts located near you on the continuum. Everything else is either abnormally non-sexual or abnormally kinky.

Your friend was saying far more about herself in this instance that you report than she was saying about you.

 

[McNoob]

It doesn't really matter what the precise definition of normal is, just know that it isn't you, and it isn't your friend, or her brother etc. The way I see it, normal = ordinary, and there are 6 billiion unique people on this planet each with an equal right to be extraordinary. Why should any of us sacrifice that chance in order to conform to someone else's idea if normal (or our own for that matter)

I'm not advocating non-conformity for the sake of it btw, just be true to yourself, find out what YOU like, and do it.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Normal, schmormal.

↑ Take with glass of water. Repeat every four hours if condition persists.

 

[redheadedtxn]

You've learned an unfortunate lesson.

You can't be open about everything with everyone. For the future, if someone wants to "fix you up" (blech)...tell them, that you appreciate the thought but aren't interested in being fixed up right now.

Period.

You don't owe any further explanation. If they push the issue, just smile, and say No Thanks.

 

[DVS]

I tend to spew a lot of things when I explain my views, and this post won't be any different. So, I'll say I'm sorry ahead of time, in case you don't make it to the end.

There is no "normal". Ask 10 people what normal is and you'll get 10 varied answers. Everybody creates their own normal inside of them. A lot is involved in your "normal". What your parents believed, what you experienced growing up, etc.

An individual's normal has many levels. There is the physical normal, and the mental normal. How a person dresses, styles their hair, how they walk and talk, etc. are all parts of the physical normal. How a person treats others, if they are kind to animals, if they believe in God or are otherwise spiritual and their sexual preferences are all in the mental normal.

Society is the template used, when someone tries to decide what normal is. Unfortunately, if you don't fit that norm, you can be outcast or at least seen as "different". You have to understand (and maybe you do, now) this "normal" thing. Society is humanity as a whole and it creates this normal. People conform with it, to fit in. They dress a certain way and act a certain way, so they can be a welcome member of the group.

Some people aren't as open minded with their thoughts and they are afraid of someone who's different. If they consider someone different, that person doesn't fit into what they see as normal and it scares them. When you were in grade school, you probably experienced a kid who wasn't seen as normal in the eyes of most kids, so they picked on this kid because they didn't see that kid as normal.

If you hang out here long enough, you'll read how different everybody is in their sexual kinks. And your question of what is normal has come up quite a few times. Someone's perversions are usually kept private, but on a forum like this, we can talk about our deepest and darkest desires and still be anonymous. But that's as far as many of us dare to take it.

Personally, I could never talk about some of my kinky desires to my best friends and for sure not my family. My friends and family have known me long enough that they already have a set version of normal for me and it fits into their acceptance of normal. If I were to speak of how "abnormal" I am sexually in their eyes, some of them would surely be disturbed with the information and even repulsed.

I don't see this as a problem, because I am fine with my perversions. But I know there are others who wouldn't or couldn't understand or except it, because society has established the sexual norm as two people in the missionary position for about 2 minutes (maybe 3 minutes on weekends), then they roll over and go to sleep.

We all have our versions of normal. But there are people I could never be open with about my version. It is sometimes (always) difficult to meet compatible partners. I'm just more in tune with my sexual self and I'm happier because of it. Most "normal" people have society stuck up their ass and that's as kinky as they get.

 

[DVS]

"Normal" is nearly impossible to define, because each person - and each relationship - has his/her/its own benchmark for normalcy. What you more likely need to define <FOR YOURSELF> is what is satisfying for you, and then seek a partner (or partnerS) who can and will meet those requirements.

As for your (apparently former) friend, even at 19, I'm sure you've previously run into people with whom you had a fundamental difference in outlook, whether sexual, socio-political, racial, etc., and essentially kept them on the outside of, or totally unrelated to, your life. She may have to be "moved" to that circle.

As Stella says above, though, there are a lot of people who do not, cannot, and will not accept alternative sexuality... even some of those who actually practice it or dream about it in the depths of the night. Soooo... she's right. Get used to keeping your own counsel about your desires until and unless you are pretty damned sure that the person(s) to whom you hope to reveal them will be at least accepting that you know what it is that you want and can handle it.

As for learning about, discussing, and sharing thoughts about Dominance and submission, and the rest of the rainbow that makes up the BDSM world, you've wandered into one of the absolute best places in the internet to do so. I've been doing D/s and S/M for more than 40 years (yeah, I'm an OLD fucker! ), and have not found a more accepting, knowledgeable, and sharing group than the folks who inhabit this forum and the Café (right next door). Welcome to our world - it's the young folks like you who will (and are) inherit(ing) it and who will take it into the future. Feel free to ask questions (The only dumb question is the one you fail to ask!) and share your thoughts, dreams and laughs (you'll find a lot of those in the Café!) with us, as we share them with each other - and you.

Welcome.

Oh, I see you have a tendency to spew when you post, too.

 

[LisbethElliot]

"Normal" is an issue my family has been facing in the last few years as they have watched staid, dependable, Mom/Grammy, church lady evolve into someone they have trouble recognizing. Someone who occasionally likes Cape Cod slushies. Someone who still occasionally goes to church but not with the frequency or involvement she had for 25+ years. Someone who owns (and has worn out) more than one vibrator. Someone who reads (and writes...horror of horrors!) erotica. They really do NOT want to know any details of her newfound fascination with BDSM. And that's OK...I have found plenty of online friends who are more than happy to discuss details. : )

 

[welkin]

I have been lurking around here so much that I don't see bdsm as abnormal at all... Sometimes I forget other people's nerve ends could be a lot more delicate

If normal is missionary once a week, who wants to be normal?