What is marriage?

[KillerMuffin]

What does marriage mean? Not dictionary definition. What does it do for people? How necessary is it anymore? Why does marriage affect legal and taxation systems? Why does it define the family unit? What is it, really?

 

[sexy-girl]

should i be allowed to get married to my girlfriend ?

for me marriage is declaring to the world your with someone and that you love someone

 

[Pokerman]

should i be allowed to get married to my girlfriend ?

Absolutely!

I don't know why people oppose 'same-sex' marriages. If two people love each other, and want to spend their lives together, why shouldn't they have the same legal rights and protections as two people of the opposite sex?

 

[Always]

should i be allowed to get married to my girlfriend ?

for me marriage is declaring to the world your with someone and that you love someone

certainly... and you know, you don't have to get a normal in a church legally aceepted marriage. you can do a handfasting ceremony, or anything, really, and the bond is there even if the idiot government doesn't agree with your choice.

but you should be allowed to...

 

[OUTSIDER]

This is marriage.

 

[Desert Amazon]

 

[Nighthunter]

should i be allowed to get married to my girlfriend ?

I have no problem with it, unfortunately the Gov. seem to think only different sex relationships should be recognized. (I think its stupid but HEY! what do I know? I'm just a "mindless drone"

 

[Harbinger]

Marriage, as an ideal, is about commitment, above everything else. Of course it is about love, and growing, and partnership, and discovery, and working and playing together. But these are all things that can be experienced in other ways with other people. I understand your question to be along the lines of, "What is marriage, as opposed to other kinds of relationships?" It is everything listed above, but in the context of commitment. Can sexy-girl marry her girl friend? As far as I'm concerned, you bet, and more power to her. But it's much more than declaring to the world that you love someone and are with them. It's declaring to that person that you are committing to them.

This is the ideal, not the reality. The world is full of sham marriages, or broken marriages that weren't able to hold to that commitment. I'm not criticizing anyone that made a choice to end a marriage rather than hold up a lie. I just think that entering into marriage with a clearer understanding would produce fewer marriages and fewer divorces. If the intended purpose is not lifelong commitment, then other options besides marriage should be explored.

Can you envision a 5 year partnership contract? A term marriage?

 

[sexy-girl]

its nice that everyone seems to agree that i should beable to marry my girlfriend


but as far as saying its commiting to your partner for life and things like that ... i do think thats true to an extent ... but i still think you can do that without marrying them


my gf and i couldnt be more commited she moved to another country to be with me ... we sleep together and live together ... and we're going to get a home together


so thats why i said its more about declaring to the world your familys and friends about how much you are commited to your partner ... dont get me wrong it still would be beautiful between my girlfriend and i for us too ... but it wouldnt say anything about our realationship that we both didnt already know

 

[Harbinger]

sexy-girl, I wanted to be clear about what I meant.

I didn't mean to imply that you had to be married to be committed. Only you and your chosen can decide that, whatever the government or the church or anybody else thinks. If that's the way you feel, maybe you already have all the elements of marriage, except someone else's say-so, which doesn't count anyway.

Of course, if you wanted to marry it should be to whomever you wished, with all the sanctions and rights that the State confers on marriage, and should be called a marriage the same as any other.
I wanted to be clear that I think recognizing same-sex marriage is the same as different-sex marriage is an important issue, not only for the social implications, but the very real legal rights involved.

 

[sexy-girl]

yeah i agree with you harbinger and i wasnt really disagreeing with you on my previous post i just was trying to put into words what i meant


and yes some of the legal issues and lack of rites that same sex couples get i think is disgusting

 

[april-wine]

loving someone is no different, be it same sex or opposite sex....love is love, we get it but unfortunately the dumbasses in politics just can't seem to....

 

[Harbinger]

So, KillerMuffin, you started this thread. Do we get to hear what you think on the subject, or have you lost interest? Now I'm curious.

 

[Desert Amazon]

 

[cymbidia]

Sometime in the next year to two years, MS and i will get married. Our BDSM lifestyle will be a natural part of our ceremony. It'll probably take place in Las Vegas. You all are invited.


(Maybe i should have asked MS before i invited you all???? Oh well, he won't see this thread. )

 

[KillerMuffin]

MS? What happened to your Celt god?

My view on marriage. Having been in one for 12 years, I honestly don't see the current value of it. Legally, here, one gets certain rights as a married couple. When we were military, if one died, the spouse got the flag. If there is no flag, the parents or children get the flag. They got this whole relative list before a close friend is legally allowed to accept the flag from the funeral detail. You get the insurance business, you get inheritance right, you have the marriage penalty tax business. You are recognized as a unit legally. I can see how this protected women years ago, before they were able to vote, own property, and hold gainful employment that would support them and children they might bear.

Marriage to a Christian person is when a man and woman cleave unto each other and if you're not man and woman, then there had better be no cleaving. It's all the devil. Apparently Christian believe marriage to be a Christian institution (interesting cultures that never heard of gawd prior have marriage laws...) and it needs to be protected from the "gay agenda." Those evil gay agenda persons want to get rid of the marriage sanctity. Huhmph.

Marriage to a non-Christian person? What, exactly is the point? It's not like gawd is going to smite you before living in sin. Does marriage promote monogamy? Shyaaa right. "Married man looking for a married woman for some nookie on the side in West Va. I have a long tongue." etc. etc. How does marriage ensure that the children born to it are actually progeny of both sides? It surely doesn't.

And the whole last name bit. That is just irritating. Aside from the fact that I don't like my maiden name (like I was ever a maiden), I wouldn't have taken his name. Of course that would have led to a divorce about two hours after the ceremony, well, make it the following morning. We married at 1730ish.

The fundamentals of what marriage is all about actually makes the marriage business itself unnecessary. It's about love, honor, commitment, til death do us part. I think marriage should be an option for all who so chose to do it. I don't think marriage should have any part in the legal system. When gay persons of long time commitment "divorce," I'm sure there are suits and things, so obviously the divorce side of marriage wouldn't be terribly affected. But half of Las Vegas would shut down. Let people marry according to their religious beliefs, but there is no reason to file it with the county clerk. Why cannot we put our partners on insurance, wills, and in inheritance and other "spousal" privileges without the marriage certificate? We have that commonlaw bit where two people living together for so long are recognized as "married" without the legal hoopla, for inheritance purposes. This wouldn't work across the board how?

I'm anti-marriage the institution.

 

[sexy-girl]

i guess for me the reason why i would like to marry my girlfriend would be to get both of our families together from canada and england and just to have a beautiful day showing everybody how much we want to be together and how much we love eachother


and i guess one of the legal things that bothers me most im not sure if its more of a myth nowadays but if lisa was taken seriously ill in hospital i wouldnt be considered "family" ... im not interested in getting tax breaks and anything like that but i just would like to be recognized by the state that i am family i am the most important person in her life

 

[cymbidia]

I've had a marriage that, while not at all "bad" by most standards, time washed a harsh truth atop: i was not suited to him or him to me.

I'll never compromise who i am for anyone else again. One learns from what hasn't worked, doesn't one? I see no shame at all in admitting that a marriage is not going to result in forever happiness for the people involved... and moving on in a civil and caring fashion.

(Muff darlin'? Creidhne = MS = what i've called him online for a long time. Lit wouldn't let him be MS, though, so we had to find another nick and Creidhne he became. It's a mouthful though, isn't it, Creidhne? Easier to just use MS.)

MS and i will marry because we want to and because it's a part of who we wish to be. We'll marry as an open, public, legal indication of our desire to have and to hold, for richer or pooer, in sickness and health... just like everyone else that goes into a marriage, whatever their sexual orientation, race, creed, color, or other potentially divisive characteristics.

And, i'll keep the last name i was born with, as will he (though he offered [in jest, i'm assuming] to take mine ). I've had this last name since i was born and am comfy with it.

I think one marries because their heart beats in time with the one they love. How can one not marry under such circumstances?

 

[Creidhne]

Ummm....

I did see this thread!!!
And of course you are all welcome to come.
We are going to make it a BDSM themed wedding.

And I am MS. Lit wouldn't accept MS as my handle, so cym came up with my Celtic god handle.

 

[cymbidia]

~humming with surprised happiness and going off to find Him on msgr~

 

[Cheyenne]

I've had a marriage that, while not at all "bad" by most standards, time washed a harsh truth atop: i was not suited to him or him to me.

I don't get to every thread, but did I miss the one where you got a divorce? Why did I think you were currently married? Hmmm.

Someone close to me is getting a divorce after a decade. Most of us have been waiting since the first year for it to finally happen. There are worse things than getting divorced- like staying with a nut just because you promised "until death do us part." Death can also be the death of love in the marriage, not just physical death.

 

[Problem Child]

Ummm....

We are going to make it a BDSM themed wedding.

What a shock!

And I am MS. Lit wouldn't accept MS as my handle, so cym came up with my Celtic god handle.

Hey Creid...what's the Celtic God equivalent of Problem Child?

 

[PacificBlue]

Interesting thread with different viewpoints. I wish there weren't so much pressure to get married and to do it by a certain age or there certainly must be something wrong with you. I know that most of my friends got married right out of college or highschool because they were afraid it would be their only chance. Only now have they admitted that they really weren't "in love" with that person, they liked them...but weren't in love. They are all still married and I truly wish them the best but sometimes I wonder if they regret their hasty decision.

I admit that I stress about the possibility of getting married but I think mostly because it comes up so often in conversation. I spend way to much time trying to feel "normal" and like I fit in. If it didn't stress I would be more inclined to chill out and just search out the one who compliments me and I him. I agree that marriage does not in and of itself guarantee that someone will be faithful to you. I think marriage offers a sense of comfort for people. This can either be positive or negative or a combination of both. Marriage is work.

 

[Harbinger]

In a strictly legal sense, most of what marriage is about is just a blanket joint ownership of property. There are some other issues, such as who do you really want to be the one to implement your living will, your life-long lover and companion, or Aunt Edna?

Getting married does not confer one damned bit of faithfulness, wisdom, happiness, or any other imaginary benefit that would not exist between two people anyway. I don't see a thing wrong with two people spending their whole lives together, great grandchildren and all, without "benefit" of marriage. We should try to restructure our views of relationships so that the above mentioned legal attributes of marriage are no longer necessary. Why should some have health coverage or death benefits and others not? As far as the issues of property and ownership, we manage to deal with this in business relationships and friendships without a problem. Anybody ever shared an apartment? Good communication is key. Why do people expect marriage to be any different?

Marriage does not make a person better. A person makes a marriage better. I still think a good "marriage" (commitment) can take you somewhere you could never reach alone. I also think that way too many people get married in the first place.

 

[cymbidia]

It's private.

I don't get to every thread, but did I miss the one where you got a divorce? Why did I think you were currently married? Hmmm.

You deserve an answer, Chey, but this is the last time i'll discuss this in public. It's a private issue.

I am currently beginning what will likely be the most amiable divorce in history, considering he does not want the divorce. There are complicated issues to be addressed, issues of children and property and money and stocks and bonds and 401k's, but he is being exceedingly fair and civilized about the entire thing. As am i.

We will do what is right and best and good for the sake of our children and for the many years of solid friendship behind us. There will be no expensive, attorney-driven, bitter fights. Our primary goal, and one we have the funds to insure, is that our children not suffer the loss of either of us as a result. We will live very close to each other and there will be places in each home for the kids. We will have joint custody. They won't suffer any kind of lifestyle decline or a parental attention deficit due to our divorce. He and i will still co-parent.

MS knows all about all of this, of course.

And that's all i'm going to say about it.