What if you've chosen wrong?

[ginny11]

I'm a newbie sub and I've met a lot of really nice people here.

I started talking consistently with one, much older Dom. It seemed at first that he was everything I wanted. I was very excited and we moved fast.

Several small red flags came up but I ignored them. When bigger issues came up, I would try to talk about them, and he would freak out because I hadn't said something sooner.

I now know it's not going to work, but I don't know how to end it without hurting him.

Advice or personal experiences would be greatly appreciated, thanks.

 

[NightSlut]

You cannot end it without hurting him. You want to end a relationship. He may not want the same. However, if you have determined it is time; then you end the relationship with integrity. Write a letter if there are things you cannot say to him but end the relationshio now if it is unhealthy for you.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Nightslut is right-- whether or not he's hurt is up to him. You cannot control that.

 

[box13]

I have no experience, but it seems like you go into the arrangement with the thought that it might not work, and eventually one of you figure that out, and its time to say goodbye. Having no experience, I don't know if the emotional attachment is allowed or not. From what you say though, he sounds sort of controlling and possessive; maybe "freak-out" manipulative. Maybe that's a good D/s dynamic, but I think you'd have to consciously agree to that, rather than having it forced upon you in "fear" or something. The D/s is role-play, not something you can't get away from if you need.

It seems that if the other person isn't looking out for your best, or what you want, then it's not healthy. As much as I'd like to hobble and trap the object of my affection, I know that I can't love something that isn't free to leave, and they could never love me in return while they're captive.

Everyone deals with their own pain. It's their own responsibility. You have enough to deal with on your own. No need to bear theirs as well.

But there's certainly nothing wrong with the way you feel. Being empathetic or concerned for the other person's well being. Within your own boundaries, showing respect for yourself and for others, it's a good thing. Makes you more kind. A nice friend to have, that sort of thing.

But you're not here to make every hurt I have better, or anyone else for that matter.

You can make mistakes. It doesn't make you a bad person. Just a normally good person who makes mistakes once in a while.

I hope you find what you're looking for.

And yes, I agree with NightSlut and Stella.

 

[wicked woman]

Why is this different from any other relationship, including non D/s? It's not. Be honest, but tactful and don't leave him with any false hope.

 

[drew4u4fun]

Email change....

To be considered....

 

[Lighthousedory]

Decisive

End the relationship, sooner rather than later.

 

[missgiter]

Ending any type of relationship is always hard.

You just have to find a way that works best for you. Ending a D/s relationship is no different. When you are done, you are done.

If he gets hurt by it... well, those things tends to happen from time to time.

Good luck

 

[desertslave]

Better to end it sooner so you can both move forward. Otherwise you're making yourself miserable and basically presenting him with a lie. IMO that's more unkind.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

one guided by one

WTF??? This poster has 22 posts in 22 separate fora, including several non-English fora. The posts are all identical, all misspell "stand," and in his (?) profile, misspells "Lousiana," both as location and occupation.

Methinks a report to the mods is apropos.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free

 

[nayia]

End the relationship, sooner rather than later.

Agreed. It's going to hurt sooner or later, less sooner and more later. Waiting around will not ease the pain when the end is inevitable. Free both of yourselves to find true happiness.

 

[ginny11]

Sorry it took me so long to get back to this.

I did end it and it was painful, but I think we'll both be much better off.

Thanks for the opinions and support everyone, I always get great advice here. You all are the best.

 

[Sweetdaisymae]

You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free

Works

 

[geekmaster24]

I'm sorry it ended painfully but, if you truely felt it was wrong, it was probably for the best.

 

[Primalex]

You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free

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