What I Always Wanted To Know About Love and Sex, But Was Too Busy Fucking To ?

[The Duke of Oral]

The Poll is for FEMALES ONLY, but this THREAD IS FOR ANYONE, and I would have made it multiple choice, but I didn't for two very important reasons:

1) I want females to pick the One most important factor in determining whether he is your "mate" type.

and

2) If I had made it multiple choice, wouldn't you have been a little strange to not select all 10?? (lmao)

But seriously, I'm hoping to learn something here.

Now onto what this thread is about:

This Thread Is Not Just For Me... If it was, I wouldn't have put a poll for females only!! This place is for anybody and everybody. It is my goal to maintain a minimum of 1000 subscribers once this thing has grown. It will be like the DAILY COLUMN here at Literotica. I'm the editor in Chief, so please see the rules below.

That doesn't necessarily mean a ton of posts each day, you could simply stop in for something to read during coffee break.

I'm kinda put off by the fact that one of the largest threads here at Literotica is entitled something about being a thread killer.

And no disrespect to anyone, but I am an man who believes that a thread that is going to use a great deal of space should be of benefit to peoples everyday situations.

Within here, you will find how one husband handled coming home to find his wife committing adultery with another man (I'll be glad to donate the first such entry from experience on that subject, and I'm certainly open to other men's such trials and tribulations). Or you may find out how to help someone who has been in a car wreck and how to treat them adequately for shock in order to save their life, and we MUST not forget that we CAN talk about sexual things here, although, this thread is not for role play, or starting your next relationship, please use the personal ads section for that, and just maybe, one of you may want to find out more about me, the man behind the small smile, in need of just one great gal. In that case you can see my ad at The Duke of Oral's Personal Ad - heteromale/bi-female+.

I prefer that if you start writing something here that you finish it, because this is a site for stories of everyday life and even rumored remedies of the common cold.

I NEED YOUR CONTRIBUTIONS AND POSTS WITHIN, or I won't be able to make this thread nearly as useful, or as much of a meeting place for friends that you have, and those that you are sure to make.

AND I ASSURE YOU THIS... ... if I have to I will go out and just start dropping in on threads and bugging people until they start coming here and adding their own flavor to things as well. If you think I won't just sit back and watch. I've got balls.

Welcome everybody, glad you stopped by so soon. Do you have a story you would like to tell? Please do, and thanks.

Try to think of this place as kinda of a Night Club. If we had a band and a dance floor it would be ideal, but there are many things it doesn't have that are good, like the smell of smoke, or game players, or gossipers, or bar fights. And hopefully a place you won't get stomped on..... The few rules are in the next post.
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[The Duke of Oral]

Some guidelines....

I'm just going to post one more thing, and then the floor is anyones.

1) Please try to do more than just drop in every great once in a while. This man really admires good conversation.
ALL I WANT IS A LITTLE PIECE AND QUIET...


So please... give me just a little piece, and then I'll be quiet!!!!!

damn I'm horny today.... too bad I'm mate challenged....

 

[English Lady]

mate challenged?

that is a new piece of PC I have not heard before*L*

 

[The Duke of Oral]

An invite to three more writing contributors

By the way, I need to invite SouthernBelle22, cremebrulee, and X_TCY to this thread. Please stop in and be Very Regular contributors. Besides, I'm sitting here all by myself, albeit naked with my hand straying to the wrong place to be trying to type, but I really do need your stories as well. <hugs and kisses>

X_TCY, I have a title for your first possible contribution, and I would hope you would get rather medeival within. The title that comes to mind is "Testimonials on the Tepid Testicled".

 

[The Duke of Oral]

mate challenged?

that is a new piece of PC I have not heard before*L*

PC as in personal challenge? Yeah, but it's not untreatable, I do have enough hand's on experience, ... unfortunately too much.

 

[English Lady]

*L* you're quick, I like that "personal challenge"



I am sure anyone who reads the stories here at lit has quite a bit of hands on experience!

 

[dragonhearted]

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm.....

A Night Club within a forum within a forum....intriguing! And a horny bored man presiding? Even more interesting!

 

[The Duke of Oral]

Re: Hmmmmmmmmmmmm.....

A Night Club within a forum within a forum....intriguing! And a horny bored man presiding? Even more interesting!

dragonhearted I am very happy that you decided to post in. And while I was bored, it didn't last long. Since you were one of the first 100 Literotica members to grace these halls, I would like to offer you a free V.I.P. membership to Skylar's Desert Palm Inn, (which is now the official name of the "nightclub" herein. Please take note that it is good for one day and one day only on the day of the posting(s) that you have made. However, being the generous "nightclub" owner that I am, I will honor renewals on any subsequent day that you post, as long as such postings are made at a minimum of every 14 days (2 weeks). (I'm working on a rewards program for those who achieve certain levels of "membership" days. For example after 90 membership days, I could have some kind of gift like a box of chocolates shipped (discretely of course) to a neutral address in your vicinity, for real mind you, or you could say no thanks and I could either eat the chocolates myself, or find some willing person etc..

English Lady, you left too soon sweetie. You see, I had just "opened the doors" to this place, and hadn't even turned on the lights yet when you came in, peeked, and then left. While the V.I.P. membership may not have been of interest to you, my problem now stems from the fact that I have to find someone to take the "Premier Visitor #1" award, a free male stripper/escort for one evening and try, as hard as I know it is going to be, to find some poor female soul relaxing somewhere herein, and try to convince her to take such prize off of my hands by meeting one special criteria. I can only hold this door prize for 12 hours, so I hope you drop in soon.

dragonhearted.... what would you do for such a prize... hmm, ...

well I must let the bartenders, and waitresses out of our regional meeting in time to host the Saturday crowdl, so I'm leaving for a short bit. seems like I've been dragonass all day , but I have actually been productive. Nice place here isn't it? Just wait, there are sooo many surprises, and special guests and events to come over the next months.

Oh, I need a sexa-tery. Office work in a club can be rather drab, and I need a special lady, who could perhaps.... sooth my discomforts of such... Applicants please apply at the corporate hqtrs The Duke of Oral's Personal Ad -... etc.

Oh I see the 's are here, now where is the darn candles for the tables... geez if you want anything done, you have to do it yourself around here.

 

[English Lady]

I didn't go anywhere, I've been sat in this dark corner waiting for the lights to come on for forever......so...what was that prize again? *licks lips*

 

[dragonhearted]

showing up in her very risque dress...

which looks more like a corset with a very short skirt and garters attached. Her ample breasts seem ready to overflow from the top...and one can see a suggestion of buttcheeks below....The dress is light purple with lavendar stockings...medium heels to match...

Well, Sir Oral I see you require my assistance....where shall I start?

 

[The Duke of Oral]

Re: showing up in her very risque dress...

which looks more like a corset with a very short skirt and garters attached. Her ample breasts seem ready to overflow from the top...and one can see a suggestion of buttcheeks below....The dress is light purple with lavendar stockings...medium heels to match...

Well, Sir Oral I see you require my assistance....where shall I start?

alas, an interuption from an old roommate seems to have cost me my assistant, as well as my contact... my luck is the epitamy of disaster... please come back dragonhearted...

 

[The Duke of Oral]

Hey I found my way back...

THERE IS A CONTEST ABOUT TO BEGIN !!!

and the winning lady gets a REAL prize, not just an emoticon, I assure you!!

Well I got lost in a really good way for a change. Perhaps... the Duke thinks... this nightclub just might be what he's been needing to stir those creative juices.

So if the ones that get stirred are not the creative ones, like perhaps in recent .. ahem.. hours, then I'm just all that more blessed from a male perspective. Hey... those juices dooo create.. so never mind ! Yes, if you catch that I'm having fun, and feeling ALIVE, and that I'm very happy today, then I've spent enough time ~ showing it off ~ and I deserve too after the recent months as well as days. I almost gave this place up. The "rent" was getting too high, and the amenities were never what I had hoped for, and let me tell you ONE more thing, I don't know about you, but my maintenance man in this cyber world couldn't light a pilot light with 2 blowtorches, a gallon of gas, and a giant box of Diamond matches!! So I fired his ASS this weekend. I am now taking matters into my own hands, (oh dear, Duke you're still giving out WAAY too much information), and after all I am a man of many means. for example, let me tell you something of Rick and what his "man skills" are, .. I see you looking at me from the table over there!! .. nooo, nnoo, not THOSE man-skills, these:

I have in my lifetime done the following:
1) retail, auto detail, sorting the mail, and keeping an eye on her tail.. (you get people to read the first three, and they are YOURs on the fourth for sure!!) (lmao).. but those were my early formative years..
ould
1) Built custom residential homes from the ground up. (Just think, one or more of you could actually be at their computer, in a room, in a house, on the same street, and the same city, that moi helped develop!! (Screw that thought... I'm am NOT the one responsible for your creaking hardwood floors from the foundation settling!! )

2) Supported, in a small, and yet MUCH needed way, the Pacific Fleet, and Reconaissance efforts for the United States Air Force. (See my flag that hangs outside my corporate hq?), and I had one of the highest clearances you could obtain. The Security Sentry that escorted me to (can't say) places, couldn't even look my direction while I performed some of my "skills". So Rick was actually doing his part quite effectively to keep our Country safe, and I just wish I had been in still a couple of years ago.. I had to work with intelligence materials, so there is the chance I could have seen something that caught my eye... and I was an obsessive proofer and confirmer of the information I dealt with. Alas, I chose to become a damn computer guru...

3) I have been working with Computers of ALL types from the wee-bitty to the MASSIVE MUTANT variety, for 27 years now.

4) I have a bachelors of science in Computer Information Systems, and was selected Who's Who of Nationally Accredited Private Schools from 1988 to 1990, as well as the President's List, and the Presidential Honor Society. I even taught class as the assistance to the Professer, giving Lectures, and administering tests, what not, while I was in my Senior year. I was rather popular.. I know of a few "female students" in some of those classes that got damp when I was in that mode. I could see the blush on their faces when I caught them looking at me, and in fact one of them seduced me before it was over! Ahh, I think me needs more education, don't you!!

5) I was certified in automotive mechanics way before #4, and I am a very adept handy man with all types of living quarter related issues, with the exception of Air Conditioning, Heating, the Washer and the Dryer.. all else, I've had to risk shock, or flooding the house to fix, and learn on my own.. I would like to make my woman flood... that would be okay wouldn't it? And I could make her plumbing work soooo well. (Yes I am a very, very, very, bad man, and you just have NO idea, and odds are, you may never know... unless fate kicks my ass in your general direction and you ... decide to involve yourself. (wink)

6) There are a lot more, you know, every-day skills, and I just hope I can have a little more, bullshit, LOT more practice putting my every-night skills to use. new song... "Tie your lover down, tie your lover down, make her all yours, you just gotta do it really right!!"

next post is a trivia question... lets see if anyone knows the answer.. if you do... please PM me, and I will post the "winner" here, females only now, and that lucky lady, is my "virtual valentine" and will be eligible to receive a REAL treat from me, via some discreet means of delivery of her choosing. (alas, if I could only make my own service calls... life.. oh well <GRINNING BIG>. I will post the winner here sometime this evening. If no one has provided the answer, I will answer it here myself at 9:00 C.S.T. which is the deadline. I am not going to post the question here until 1:00 PM C.S.T. I am being like a DJ and I need to know if I have enough contestants to make this a challenge.. ladies I cannot tell you anymore emphatically.. if you don't visit the "Love and Sex" thread / combo / "Skylar's Desert Palm Inn", you are TRULY going to be missing out... on somethings... (Im just me, but I'm getting better at actually PROVIDING EVIDENCE that my written ad, could simply just not do. Please post here, unless you have private info, and I will see you all here at 1 cst. (Bartender, please get the house a round of bloody mary's or whatever they wish), I have to run some errands. ~blows a kiss~ to anyone who might be looking... and HI there dragonhearted, I sure hope you come by today too!!

I love being a man sometimes.... more than I did a couple of days ago for sure....

 

[The Duke of Oral]

LADIES, I'M Sorry BUT I FORGOT TO POST THE ONE RULE or little qualifier that YOU WOULD NEED TO DROP A POST OF ANYKIND (the more interesting the avatar, the hello, the better for my own reading interests but not a requirement) BY 1:30 PM C.S.T. (I AM EXTENDING THE DEADLINE until then since I hit submit to fast...

(I really don't "submit" to fast, but I've been thinking about taking on that role... there are some women here who are not mean about when they do it, but rather more seductive and enjoying the teasing aspects of controlling me!!)

Please post... 75 minutes to go...

 

[SouthernBelle22]

did i just miss the actual trivia question Duke?

 

[The Duke of Oral]

ARRGGHH... I had to go to the store and I forgot my checkbook and I must go back.. ...now where did I put my magiic Cape?


Belle there has to be more than ONE contestant? I guess... I will leave the opening until 3:00 . at that time if you are the only one, then you automatically will win the Valentines Day goodie(s).

Hmmm.... perhaps you should win anyway, because you are the only one that posted in!

I will be back

 

[English Lady]

you mean i read through that big long post and there was no question?

However i do love a man who can waffle..and boy can you waffle....so many words without any apparent point..i think that's a fantastic talent you've got there!

 

[The Duke of Oral]

THE TRIVIA QUESTION IS HERE FOR A FREE VALENTINES TREAT!!!

you mean i read through that big long post and there was no question?

However i do love a man who can waffle..and boy can you waffle....so many words without any apparent point..i think that's a fantastic talent you've got there!

a line from Cool Hand Luke: "What we have here... is failure... to communicate..."


OKAY LADIES.. here is the trivia question:

A popular board game had this....

Moses supposes his toeses are roses,
but Moses supposes erroneously,
for nobody, supposes their toeses are roses,
as Moses supposes his toeses to be.

WHAT WAS THE NAME OF THE GAME?
AND WHAT DID YOU HAVE TO DO TO BE THE WINNER?

You have to at least know the Name of the game, (but if you know that, then you know the winner rules too).

You have until 9:00 C.S.T. but I will announce when I get back if someone has PM'd me with the answer.

(I wonder if anyone can say that limerick as fast as I can: I can say it in 5 seconds without a miss. This was a really fun game too, hint: It was a party game)

 

[The Duke of Oral]

Well, this is a sticky wicket, now isn't it!

What I'm looking for is the Name of the Board game that involved a "tongue twister" (English Lady, yes) and alcohol. Now that is the only hints you get...

I'm sure that the answer is available somewhere on the internet, if not known by a member. So here is what I'm going to do to resolve the situation.

Since Belle is the only one who posted by what apparently was not a realistic amount of time to qualify in, not to mention my own disorganization, and Lady posted late but is somewhat intrigued and even PM'd, here is what I'm going to do.

I will just post a new thread entitled "Ladies: Real Valentines Treats Await Contestants Within Conv/Lit Oriented Thread" (if that fits). This will boost members awareness of my thread and see if the answer for the trivia question pops up.

THE CONTEST IS TEMPORARILY DELAYED UNTIL I FIND A NEW QUESTION. I WILL POST IT SOMETIME THIS EVENING AND ALLOW A 24 HOUR DEADLINE, (approx), which will be 8:00 C.S.T.


A box of chocolates is intended for the winner of that contest trivia question, not todays. (by the way, speaking of trivia, can you name the band that sang this song which reflects the moment: "I was in the right place, but it must've been the wrong time")

 

[The Duke of Oral]

The poll only has votes for Sexual Chemistry, Responsibility, Disposition and Humor.... and I was just telling EarthWind this and .....

so that just means I could be a rich attractive man seeking to have kids with the ambitions of an 8 year old that is health conscious and never get any pussy!!! (roflmao literally OMG )

 

[tendril]

The poll only has votes for Sexual Chemistry, Responsibility, Disposition and Humor.... and I was just telling EarthWind this and .....

so that just means I could be a rich attractive man seeking to have kids with the ambitions of an 8 year old that is health conscious and never get any pussy!!! (roflmao literally OMG )

Damn, damn that is funny!
Just having voted, I see I have cast my lot with the majority ! yea!

 

[The Duke of Oral]

Damn, damn that is funny!
Just having voted, I see I have cast my lot with the majority ! yea!

All right!!

Hey... by the way peeps... take a little note:

I'm not looking for addresses but instead seeking to send the treat to say .... mail boxes etc.. or the police dept at such and such or whatever...

WHICH NOW BRINGS THE FOLLOWING:

Are you so shallow that you would assume I actually expect you to give me your home address? Delusional patterns are not healthy, and as such I'm perhaps safer knowing you did NOT post here, and the candy will go to woman of more substance that has a pulse, and maybe even a heart that is WARM enough to melt the chocolate and not freeze it. Ye are so assuming and thus offend me for not even asking if that is what is meant, Hey I'm The Duke of Oral... very much a gentleman and MORE than proud of what I represent in a man that is rarely found in men period, and it is NOT an act, I can assure you... or no I can't ... you've left before even reading this last sentence proably (lmao)

 

[tendril]

you mean i read through that big long post and there was no question?

However i do love a man who can waffle..and boy can you waffle....so many words without any apparent point..i think that's a fantastic talent you've got there!

I agree!...love it.

 

[The Duke of Oral]

Okay, so heres the answer for the "experimentally failed" chocolate giveaway:

The game as called PassOut! The object was to be the last one that wasn't passing out, although that term was used liberally in the game, and as such, simply the last one who could say a tongue twister without messing it up.

The one that I mentioned above was just one of my favorites, and as Belle pointed out to me earlier, it was also in the musical Singin' In The Rain, and while I have seen the movie, so long ago, I learned something new! Thanks Belle.

So, anyway, I couldn't help but laugh a little that the "chocolates" could be mistaken as a ploy to get someones address. I apologize if I seemed rather trite and sarcastic in the prior, but I just have to wonder how many OTHER things are assumed to be the case here in Literotica as a whole. A rather blunt, but nonetheless clarification on sex too:

I am going to be hard pressed to find lasting friends in a environment that is based on flights of fantasy, and non-personal contact as it is, (but I am making them, so I must be doing something right), and I would think it near impossible to acheive a lasting relationship by meeting someone herein, with someone real, and caring, and at least hopeful enough to try, as well as taking their time and using every possible checkpoint, and possible background check, believe that I am not Freddy Kruger aka The Boston Strangler aka The Boogie Man. I respect people who are careful, but I look over my shoulder, duck my head, and somehow dart quickly back to my car from those who have "real issues in a non-real setting". Perhaps there are those that are so paranoid, that they believe if they even "think" about something that is privately sacred to them, that there are those who could "receive" the're thought patterns though the server and thus be compromised.
But to find that even a token of something normally symbolic, such as chocolates, could be twisted or taken wrong, is just way way wrong!! God help those who are like that, and I mean that. I could never imagine or even want to, what could have hurt them or scared them, to make them so life challenged. So that is no laughing matter, and to that I apologize for being been even sarcastic or joking about that in the previous posts.

And ladies, I am VERY flattered and made to feel like my time spent herein is more than worthwhile, for those who do drop in wherever I may be and grace me with their presence.

By the way, this is something all should know, as I am of course respectfully told up front some of the time, that they are not out or interested in sex. And I would like to take this time, before we all can just move on past "selves" and post stories and poems herein and say with pure truth the following:

If I really just wanted to have sex, on any level, physically with a woman, then I would be certain to obtain a lady of the evening, at my own discretion, and save myself a lot of time spent playing "mr okay, looking for ms nookay". I happen to have one of the MOST satisfying if not UNBELIEVABLE masturbation experiences that just blows me away. I don't know if it is my technique, and yes, I "seduce" myself on a completely different level, and take my time, and build my senses up slowly for a long long time until I just can't hold back anymore, and I actually have body shaking leg drawing up, completely caught up orgasms, that when I'm done I just giggle and go WOWWOW.. I did this once in front of a female friend here locallly a couple of months ago... and she was just in AWE!! She said "I have NEVER seen a man enjoy himself even NEAR what you just did.... she couldn't wait to tell someone she knew who stopped by later.. She says, you should have seen Rick, My God, ...
So you ladies can rest assured, I'm not really doing without, at least not on that level. In fact, I have my doubts, that aside from even ever having an actual sexual encounter with you, that you could satisfy me as well as I can on my own. I know such females exist, because I've been lucky enough to be with them in my life, and as a matter of fact, I have actually had a woman be able to produce such unbelievably exotic waves that through her sensuality alone I felt completely caught up in such imagination that seemed SOOO real, I shot all over the place and had tingles and waves for about 15 minutes, even while walking around my apt....
So... don't worry.. you're safe, and I hope I do find a female who is so sensually real.. but don't assume that I think it will have to happen here. kisses

 

[cremebrulee]

You told too soon!!!

I was just getting to that and POOF!!! The answer shows up. Oh, well... did you know that Gene Kelly said that in SINGING IN THE RAIN????


Kisses, dear Duke


~Creme Brulee

 

[Mysticcal]

ROFLMAO!

Dang, I knew the answer to the triv to0.....but I only just got through the thread now. Have to confess, I didn't take the poll though, don't think I can pick one item only that would make someone an acceptable mate.

I like the contest though....will be stopping by regularly.

Hugs, Mysti