What he didn’t understand.

[Sallyhansen6914]

Honestly, I think the one thing my ex never understood is had he given me attention still, I wouldn’t have been as upset or jealous of his cheating.

Honestly if it was online only and I knew for sure that it was. But I ultimately received the majority of his time and affection I wouldn’t give a rats ass what he did.

It was the fact that I couldn’t grasp why he would go through so much trouble searching and hiding and lying when I was there and willing and at one point in time loved him.

It took ten years to realize he was never going mature.

 

[magicalmoments]

While I don't doubt your sincerity about you having a tolerant attitude to him fooling around on the internet if only he'd been honest and continued to pay you attention. But... I wonder... if he had been up front, told you he got highly turned on by chatting with women online, sharing intimate pics, whatever, and even if he was still shagging you regularly, would you have been as tolerant as you think you might have been? I appreciate actual physical meeting and screwing other people is a little different, but i'm interested mainly in the online stuff.

 

[Sallyhansen6914]

No, I would not have been happy if it was in person. I say that because I wanted that attention.

Had the situation been different that he just has an extremely high sex drive and I was taken care of, not denied way to many times than I like to admit I might had have a different mind set.

I wonder if that had of been the situation we wouldn’t have fought.

I was a little hurt because I didn’t understand why if I was at home openly wanting him and wanting to spend time with him why he still chose someone else. I truly think he just didn’t like me due to my anger and attitude in the beginning he say it made me pretty on the out side and ugly on the inside.

But all of those fights and my out bursts was frustration of being denied (mostly)

If he was taking care of me and I was satisfied or allowed to go do what he was doing that might be different.

I’d never want to meet or see them together or hear details. Like a code word and I know he’s off doing it not hey I’m going to fuck this chick bye.

Like hey I’m going to the creek I’ll be back around 4 then I’d be fine. But they’d have to be strictly sex. And the thing is we started out FWB and I told him I wouldn’t catch feelings and he him self said no someone always catches feelings. So I don’t know how well that would have worked out.

Honestly the reason I think he’s a crappy person is how much he lied and still thinks he’s sneaky and I’m clueless. That’s what hurts.

I just didn’t want to end up abandoned and would have worked something out to save our marriage but how much he gas lighted me or would make fun of me or tell me how insane I was.

When I was caught cheating I was honest immediately, I was terrified I would lose him and I didn’t want to hurt him I didn’t think he’d find out. But once he did I told him the truth. Because I loved him and I didn’t want him to hurt anymore than he did.

That’s the main reason I don’t believe he loved me. He wasn’t afraid to lose me.

He loved the fact that I was the sole provider for 7 ish give or take years. And that he could do what ever the fuck he wanted and is just give him my paychecks to pay the bills and then mostly I’d get wine and cigarettes but the rest was him buying action figures, his Jordan’s, his collectables. Don’t get me wrong, I love to give. I love that I could do that. But when roles switched for reasons he was a completely different person.

I am unsure if it was the fact that he resented me not working or if it was the fact that at times I worked 70 hour weeks and had to work at least 50 and maybe I just didn’t see it?

I do remember one anniversary his friend texted wanting to hang out and he said something along the lines of na bro she requested off today is our anniversary I dunno why we’re celebrating though it’s like if there was a celebration for the holocaust.
Right after he sent that text he got home and I actually surprised him that I was pregnant. And his reaction was what’s this? This is your fault you gotta take care of this.
Right after that he sent a second text saying IT GETS WORSE.

he knew I wasn’t on the pill. And it takes two. He never said he didn’t want more kids after our son. And on top of that I already told all of our family before telling him. He gave me the option of raising the second baby alone or having an abortion and telling everyone i had a miscarriage. Young and stupid I did it and I chose the pill option where you pass the baby at home. And I expected it be like a period. He promised he’d be there with me through it and he wasn’t I stood up out of bed and everything just came out it sounds terrible I was maybe 8 or 9 weeks I believe and the fact that it had webbed fingers and was already a person I’ll never forgive my self for that.


Sorry just some insight of what marriage was with him

 

[lifeis2short2b]

Wow Sally, seems like you really want to vent.
So here's the deal. Don't look back. Many people have bad relationships, don't be the one to continue with the same type in your next one.
You know what you want in a partner don't waste time with someone who won't do that or you "think" will do it. The things your looking for should come naturally from someone who cares about you.