What have I done?

[SimonDoom]

One of my all-time favorite movie scenes is at the end of Bridge On The River Kwai, when Colonel Nicholson, played by Alec Guinness, the commanding officer of a group of British prisoners of war in a Japanse POW camp, finally realizes he's spent the whole movie helping the Japanese war effort, and he looks up and asks himself, "What have I done?" Great movie, and a great ending. If you haven't seen it, you should.

I just published my 40th Literotica story, and it's not a lot compared to the product of some authors here, but it was enough to prompt me to think, "What have I done?" I've spent countless hours and hours over the last few years writing dirty stories for free. Many people I know, if they knew, would be appalled, or at best would look at me sideways. I'm sure many would be appalled or disgusted by my stories, if they read them.

I don't regret it at all, because it's been a lot of fun. But sometimes I look back on it and can't believe I'm really doing this. For free!

 

[NotWise]

I don't regret it at all, because it's been a lot of fun. But sometimes I look back on it and can't believe I'm really doing this. For free!

And plenty of people are glad you're doing it. Maybe that's part of why you're doing it. It certainly is for me.

 

[PeytonMirabelle]

I don't regret it at all, because it's been a lot of fun. But sometimes I look back on it and can't believe I'm really doing this. For free!

I've heard the secret to loving your job is to trick someone into paying you for doing something you would do for free.

So ... halfway there?

 

[TxRad]

Simon, One of the good things about growing old is not caring what people think or even if they do think. Life is too short to spend it worrying about other people. And if they persist in giving you hell, tell them it is a way to relax while you write the next great American novel.

Oh yeah, for those that give you the side eye, just blow them a kiss and smile. Don't they know you can write them into your next porn story and make them do all kinds of naughty things.

 

[HeyAll]

I'm the opposite. I want it to be for free, more readers that way.

 

[SimonDoom]

Simon, One of the good things about growing old is not caring what people think or even if they do think. Life is too short to spend it worrying about other people.

Nobody is giving me hell. Only a few know that I write erotic stories, and no one who knows, knows my nom de plume.

This may just be me, but I find that a sense of internal conflict -- wondering if I've gone too far, if I'm crossing one barrier too many -- makes the process of writing these stories more enjoyable and stirs the creative juices. I find that a lingering sense of inhibition, a product of my upbringing, gives the writing process more sizzle.

 

[MillieDynamite]

Nobody is giving me hell. Only a few know that I write erotic stories, and no one who knows, knows my nom de plume.

This may just be me, but I find that a sense of internal conflict -- wondering if I've gone too far, if I'm crossing one barrier too many -- makes the process of writing these stories more enjoyable and stirs the creative juices. I find that a lingering sense of inhibition, a product of my upbringing, gives the writing process more sizzle.

Hip, hip, hooray for sizzle. May we all have the same creative thrill as you.

Oh, and I thought we were getting paid, you mean there the check isn't in the mail? Oh, well, what the hell, I don't care.

 

[Comshaw]

One of my all-time favorite movie scenes is at the end of Bridge On The River Kwai, when Colonel Nicholson, played by Alec Guinness, the commanding officer of a group of British prisoners of war in a Japanse POW camp, finally realizes he's spent the whole movie helping the Japanese war effort, and he looks up and asks himself, "What have I done?" Great movie, and a great ending. If you haven't seen it, you should.

I just published my 40th Literotica story, and it's not a lot compared to the product of some authors here, but it was enough to prompt me to think, "What have I done?" I've spent countless hours and hours over the last few years writing dirty stories for free. Many people I know, if they knew, would be appalled, or at best would look at me sideways. I'm sure many would be appalled or disgusted by my stories, if they read them.

I don't regret it at all, because it's been a lot of fun. But sometimes I look back on it and can't believe I'm really doing this. For free!

The bolded part, to my mind, is what it's all about. I ride a motorcycle, have for the last 54 years. I've never raced one or worked in the industry (manufacturer, sales, maintenance). I've been told "you'll kill yourself on that thing!" and I've had a few accidents on one. But I keep riding. Why? Because it's fun and I like it, as simple as that.

Write them stories and enjoy it! Life is too damn short not to enjoy those things we want to.

Comshaw

 

[Stillrandy]

One of my all-time favorite movie scenes is at the end of Bridge On The River Kwai, when Colonel Nicholson, played by Alec Guinness, the commanding officer of a group of British prisoners of war in a Japanse POW camp, finally realizes he's spent the whole movie helping the Japanese war effort, and he looks up and asks himself, "What have I done?" Great movie, and a great ending. If you haven't seen it, you should.

Not to hijack your thread -- I loved that movie as well. I also read the book version which has a downer of an ending -- in the book, the bridge didn't blow up.

The same thing was true of the "The Natural". In the movie, Roy Hobbs hits that glorious light filled home run; in the book, he struck out.

So, if any of your stories get made into movies, I anticipate some real fireworks at the conclusion.

BTW, have enjoyed your stories.

 

[lovecraft68]

Nobody is giving me hell. Only a few know that I write erotic stories, and no one who knows, knows my nom de plume.

This may just be me, but I find that a sense of internal conflict -- wondering if I've gone too far, if I'm crossing one barrier too many -- makes the process of writing these stories more enjoyable and stirs the creative juices. I find that a lingering sense of inhibition, a product of my upbringing, gives the writing process more sizzle.

I have no real inhibitions because I had no real upbringing in the sense of no religion, no real familial bonds and even loose morals going by my birth family which was a hot mess of addicts and criminals.

Lacking those things there is nothing to overcome from a personal perspective of my writing causing conflict. I'm sure its why I can easily write incest because I grew up not knowing what real family relationships were.

But over the years there have been times where I written a particular scene or line and wondered...first, is something wrong with me, but more so am I encouraging something best not encouraged?

In the end I always go with creators-writers, artists, musicians, movie directors etc-cannot be held accountable for what people who consumed their material may do. Ozzy Osbourne's Suicide Solution song does not cause suicide, Dungeons and Dragons doesn't turn kids into devil worshippers and the Matrix did not cause Columbine.

So I ultimately always quell the brief turmoil, but I still do get twinges of it from time to time.

There's a handful who know what I write, a lesser handful that knows the female pen name all my incest is under, and they're all open minded enough to not think it odd, but I do catch myself looking around work or at a social gathering and randomly thinking..."what would that person say if they read "Mom will do anything, even her son" or even Gloryhole housewives or hardcore BDSM pieces.

My attitude in that case?

Dirty little secrets are more fun when they're kept secret.

 

[gunhilltrain]

One of my all-time favorite movie scenes is at the end of Bridge On The River Kwai, when Colonel Nicholson, played by Alec Guinness, the commanding officer of a group of British prisoners of war in a Japanse POW camp, finally realizes he's spent the whole movie helping the Japanese war effort, and he looks up and asks himself, "What have I done?" Great movie, and a great ending. If you haven't seen it, you should.

I just published my 40th Literotica story, and it's not a lot compared to the product of some authors here, but it was enough to prompt me to think, "What have I done?" I've spent countless hours and hours over the last few years writing dirty stories for free. Many people I know, if they knew, would be appalled, or at best would look at me sideways. I'm sure many would be appalled or disgusted by my stories, if they read them.

I don't regret it at all, because it's been a lot of fun. But sometimes I look back on it and can't believe I'm really doing this. For free!

[Spoiler alert!]

Yes, it really is a great movie. Nicholson then gets hit by mortar fire and accidentally falls on the detonator, thus destroying the bridge.

That part of the movie is fictional, but much of the rest is based on real events. The bridge was damaged but not destroyed by Allied bombing, and eventually reopened. It is still in use. It is not wooden, but appears from recent photos to be concrete and steel.

https://theculturetrip.com/asia/thailand/articles/bridge-on-the-river-kwai-a-place-to-remember-thailands-past/

 

[Zeb_Carter]

I write for myself. If other like what I write all the better. If they don't, well then there is something wrong with them. They are after all is said and done, reading erotica on a quasi-porn site.

I had a comment on one of my latest today from some old stuff shirt about how things wouldn't happen the way I was writing them. I was going to leave him a nasty message about how it's fiction and it can go anyway I want it too. I decided against that and just delete his message. It was boring.

 

[LAHomedog]

You ask an important and interesting question. Why does someone write these stories and submit them here? I suppose there are as many answers as writers.

I do it for fun. It is the only outlet for my writing where I am totally free. No expectations from others. No one giving me notes or telling me what to write or how to write it. No deadlines. No "musts."

I tell friends and family that I am writing porn. I won't tell them my pen name, the site, or the stories, but that this is a creative outlet for me. Some are shocked. Some are amused. Some are deeply curious. Most dismiss it as a quirk.

If I wanted to use this as a platform to launch a career, I wouldn't know how to do that. But I have always believed that if you tell a good story in a compelling way that ropes in your reader/viewer, and carry them along with your story to a satisfying end you will always find people who want to hear your story. Human nature.

 

[gunhilltrain]

I write for myself. If other like what I write all the better. If they don't, well then there is something wrong with them. They are after all is said and done, reading erotica on a quasi-porn site.

I had a comment on one of my latest today from some old stuff shirt about how things wouldn't happen the way I was writing them. I was going to leave him a nasty message about how it's fiction and it can go anyway I want it too. I decided against that and just delete his message. It was boring.

I admit that I've had second thoughts about some of the older stuff I've written. If I'm in the mood, I may write a new version and put it on another site - or even, a couple of times, put those on this site with a new title. Nobody seems to notice or care.

I try not to think of it as quasi-porn. It's supposed to be, I hope, mostly stories where all of the formerly hidden naughty bits are revealed. When you think about it, that's what many if not most mainstream authors are doing now anyway.

 

[Payne_Hall]

This may just be me, but I find that a sense of internal conflict -- wondering if I've gone too far, if I'm crossing one barrier too many -- makes the process of writing these stories more enjoyable and stirs the creative juices. I find that a lingering sense of inhibition, a product of my upbringing, gives the writing process more sizzle.

I didn’t realize it until just now but on this topic, I haven’t seemed to have much in the way of inhibition for darker ideas. And it just occurred to me why that might be.

I actually don’t predominately write under this topic or pen name. I write grimdark fantasy and if there was ever a genre that held zero inhibitions in high regard, it’s probably that one. The heroes aren’t that great and bad shit happens to good characters. The bad guys are clever enough that you grudgingly admire them and it never feels like the ending will come out happy. No one gets King’s Landing in the end. It gets burned straight to the ground in a conflagration and not just the men, but the women and the children too.

Maybe it’s different though when that genre is most obviously fantasy, so a clear boundary has been set. I’m not sure but it seems to be desensitizing in some way.

As for why to write this, though… I started during the middle of the pandemic because everyone seemed to need a little bit of joy and romantic endings along with sex seems to make people happy. So there’s that reason! When you get positive feedbacks or comments then, well, someone got something out of it, you know?

 

[ElectricBlue]

I don't regret it at all, because it's been a lot of fun. But sometimes I look back on it and can't believe I'm really doing this. For free!

Basically, you're just a pervert like the rest of us, growing old disgracefully, not giving a fuck what anybody else thinks. Die with a hard-on, I say.

Also, Suzie and your mom bring you coffee. What's not to like?

 

[jaF0]

What I've done is 29. Will there be more? Not the way I'm feeling right now.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

You brought some happiness (or at least entertainment) into the world. That counts.

 

[SimonDoom]

You brought some happiness (or at least entertainment) into the world. That counts.

Yes, I think so, and this idea provides some pleasure.

I've had a career for several decades that has involved an enormous amount of writing. That writing had its impact in one way or another, in its time. But no one will ever read what I wrote in the future. As a practical matter, everything that I have written professionally has disappeared.

Literotica stories are different. They're always out there, and people keep reading them. Even old stories. It's very gratifying to know that.

 

[BarracudaSwordfish]

I'm pretty much in the same boat. I'm currently trying to work our which of my WIP will be my 50th magnum opus. When I first posted here about 4.5 years ago, I assumed my one sad little 'scratch an itch' tale would be my one and only.

I am now approaching 1m views. Only one friend knows of my little hobby and I'm sure, like you many others would be appalled. However, I find it cathartic, exhilarating and utterly addictive.

It has never occurred to me that I could be making money from this. I also have a few music albums out on Bandcamp which I have put up on a free, but pay if you want basis. Needless to say, I have made little capital out of it.

It is strange for me looking back as a semi-pro photographer how I used to pursue people on Flickr who 'stole' my images and made quite a lot of money in seeking redress. The writing and the music take inordinate amounts of time to produce, but the photos were done in an instant.

Why I should take exception to one and not the other two is utterly beyond me as I get more satisfaction from a free music download or nice Lit comment than I ever did in receiving a few quid or dollars for a stolen image.

For me, Lit is a blast, a guilty secret and just great fun.

I just wish I knew which tale is going to be number fifty!

 

[RejectReality]

I've managed to keep playing with my old D&D characters, and indulged some of my old DM loves by crafting worlds, locations, and NPCs to inhabit them. The fact that people reading the stories enjoy them is just icing on the cake, frankly.

I've been a creator ever since I could remember. I made Kaiju motion dioramas out of paper, thread, and tape. I made my own Transformers out of Legos. I created my own PnP world and ruleset because I couldn't afford official materials. I learned to code so I could make my own video games. This is just the latest iteration of that creative outlet. I have to be making something.

Things I've dreamed up have come full circle, going from the PnP game to my writing, and then adapted from my writing into other people's PnP games.

I'm indulging myself, and entertaining some folks along the way.

 

[vanmyers86]

I'm not sure I would say we're writing for free. In a way, writing for Lit can be one giant post-graduate writing program where we get WAY more practical experience and honest feedback than we would in an actual master's- or PhD-level program. That's gotta be worth something, right?

Is Lit sending you a check? No. Is Lit making you a better writer? Absolutely. To me, it's worth not getting a check. I may feel differently down the road, but that's enough for me for now.

 

[Wifetheif]

One of my all-time favorite movie scenes is at the end of Bridge On The River Kwai, when Colonel Nicholson, played by Alec Guinness, the commanding officer of a group of British prisoners of war in a Japanse POW camp, finally realizes he's spent the whole movie helping the Japanese war effort, and he looks up and asks himself, "What have I done?" Great movie, and a great ending. If you haven't seen it, you should.

I just published my 40th Literotica story, and it's not a lot compared to the product of some authors here, but it was enough to prompt me to think, "What have I done?" I've spent countless hours and hours over the last few years writing dirty stories for free. Many people I know, if they knew, would be appalled, or at best would look at me sideways. I'm sure many would be appalled or disgusted by my stories, if they read them.

I don't regret it at all, because it's been a lot of fun. But sometimes I look back on it and can't believe I'm really doing this. For free!

I have 180 stories or something like that. I cringe at some of my early stories but I leave them up. I still post from time to time on L.com but the positive reaction I received here led me to start publishing shrink fiction on Amazon under a pen name. I learned a lot here and still learn from the stories shared here. I'm not ashamed of the time I spent writing and editing my stories. It made me both a better writer and a better person all-around.

 

[Athalia]

Not to hijack your thread -- I loved that movie as well. I also read the book version which has a downer of an ending -- in the book, the bridge didn't blow up.

The same thing was true of the "The Natural". In the movie, Roy Hobbs hits that glorious light filled home run; in the book, he struck out.

And, in the stage version of the musical "Little Shop of Horrors," the plant ends up killing Seymour. Frank Oz actually filmed that ending for his movie, but then a noted directer (Steven Spielberg? Mike Nochols? Somebody else?) told him that, while you can get away with that in a stage play, where there is some distance between the actor and the audience, a movie's close-ups give the audience a far greater sense of intimacy with the actors, and they're going to react very differently from a stage audience.

But to answer the subject of the thread, "Athalia" is a creation of mine. She is a person who writes smut for the pleasure it brings her and her readership, not for money. She is not me... in fact, if my co-workers knew me as Athalia, I would probably be out of a job. She is an alternate personality, if you will, a character that I allow to come out and play from time to time. She is the sexual adventurer that I used to be, in part, many years ago. She has come through life largely unimpeded by the traumas that I've experienced. She is an innocent, in so many ways.

 

[Trionyx]

I don't regret it at all, because it's been a lot of fun. But sometimes I look back on it and can't believe I'm really doing this. For free!

My neighbor fishes. For free. He even spends money to do it.
A friend sings with a barbershop quartet. For free.
Another plays in a community symphony. For free.

I believe most of the authors here write because it is a hobby that they enjoy. I recommend we get past the “for free” part of this and concentrate on the fun of it.

By the way, you have some very nice and interesting stories. I hope you keep writing, “for free.”