What got you.....

[Dominant_Chef]

Not a very interesting story, but I'll always remember her.

Fuck me... that makes a change because normally your stories are so interesting and entertaining you dull, pencil-dicked, boring twat.

 

[jockdom]

Fuck me... that makes a change because normally your stories are so interesting and entertaining you dull, pencil-dicked, boring twat.

What was yours little chef? When the head boy raped you in the bikesheds?

 

[xXLeighXx2008]

What was yours little chef? When the head boy raped you in the bikesheds?

Hahaha

Chef got pawned!!

 

[Harmony_1985]

I dunno really, but like its already been said, I often fantasized about being kidnapped and stuff when I was younger.

That makes me sound a little messed in the head lol.

 

[Dominant_Chef]

... And I'd get your head checked out if you think anyone actually likes you.

Brilliant, some fool thinks I'm actually here to be liked!

 

[Dominant_Chef]

Oh don't worry about her head Chef. She's certifyably crazy. I should know, she's my girlfriend, that's the way I like her.

Type only when typed to on MY Internet girl...

 

[Dominant_Chef]

I dunno really, but like its already been said, I often fantasized about being kidnapped and stuff when I was younger.

That makes me sound a little messed in the head lol.

OMG... OM fucking G... and when you were kidnapped in this fantasy, did they scoop you up and drive you away in a JCB?

 

[unpredictablebijou]

I think I have a rare profile in that I was relatively vanilla for my early life. In fact, an odd mishap occurred the first time a boyfriend tied me up - he accidentally knocked the ceiling light down onto me; it was a glass light cover, and shattered, and I ended up in the emergency room getting a very hard-to-explain eight stitches in my leg. *lol* That rather sent me away from that sort of play for a long time.

Then I went through a period of terrible grief over a death, and it sent me into an exploration of the nature of "pain" and sensation. I was led to explore my own ideas about "real" pain versus sensation, and got into that aspect of BDSM first. Once in the community, I found some new things I was interested in, and some new ways to define myself and my roles in sex and relationships, as I learned about power play, Ds and so on.

I really thought I was the only one with this profile, until a couple of years ago when I met a woman (now a very good friend) who had been similarly led to explore her ideas about pain after the death of her mother. For both of us, it was initially a way to deal with grief, and to explore and escape our original definitions of pain.

I know that many, if not most, folks on here have always had leanings toward these things, that in that sense it's more like the exploration of sexual preference, in which one comes to a realization of something that has always been true, if unrecognized or undefined. I can't honestly say whether or not I'd have ended up here if it hadn't been for that search for healing, or whether or not any of this was in my map before that time. Perhaps I've always had a dommy streak and this helped me define it, but I probably wouldn't have been as interested in high sensation play if it hadn't been for that initial tragedy that aimed me this direction.

I've always been curious about whether there are others who were brought to this exploration by some life-changing event or other singular shift, as I was.

nice idea for a thread, by the way.

bijou

 

[xXLeighXx2008]

nice idea for a thread, by the way.

Why thank you, thank you very much =] Lets hope we can keep it alive.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading your story. It's a very interesting way to get into your fetish / kink.

If you don't mind me asking, how long have you been into your fetish? Did you ever think about it before everything happened?

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Why thank you, thank you very much =] Lets hope we can keep it alive.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading your story. It's a very interesting way to get into your fetish / kink.

If you don't mind me asking, how long have you been into your fetish? Did you ever think about it before everything happened?

I don't mind in the least. It's good to go back and think about this stuff sometimes, and see where I was and how far I've travelled.

I have always been polyamorous, so I guess that puts me into a certain kind of subculture already, and I've always known I was bisexual as well. I've also studied Tantra and Taoist sexual techniques most of my life, and again, that puts me in a pretty small group that could be considered 'kinky,' if you consider sacred, meditative sex kinky. lol.

But I had never gone any further than the standard vanilla 'hey honey wouldn't it be a hoot if I tied your hands to the bed' thing occasionally. Never felt like there was something missing, never even really thought about it. Then, a little over five years ago, my daughter died. Within that first year, I happened to see, at a little camping event, someone being flogged. At that time, I wasn't really thinking 'oh, this will teach me about grief and pain' or anything like that. It was a really visceral response: 'I have to experience that. HAVE to. I NEED that.' I couldn't have told you why at the time, but in retrospect I figured out that it was part of the grief journey.

Since I'm interested in sexual subcultures in general, I went in sorta like a journalist at first, and was really impressed with how sexually healthy people seemed to be in the community - they owned what they wanted, took responsibility for their own desires and crooked bits, negotiated scenes, called sex 'play' and so on. It impressed the hell out of me, and as I explored, I found that I had some lovely crooked bits in my own wiring that I had never really acknowledged, and that there were people to talk to about what I wanted and enjoyed. I also, during that time, found a new lover who said he got off on knifeplay with a former girlfriend, and I needed to learn how to do that for him safely and well. So it kinda started out as research, for the most part.

The first time I ever got flogged I was sure I'd be a total pussy and have to stop. I didn't perceive myself as being able to handle pain at all. But the harder it got, the more exhilarated I felt. I felt purified, charged, on fire. And suddenly I started to laugh. Every time the flogger fell, I'd crack up, because i realized that even though it "hurt" in a conventional sense, this wasn't real pain. I had at that point experienced more pain in the loss of my child than anything this guy could dish out, and suddenly I was free of all of my old definitions of pain. I just laughed and laughed and laughed. I think I freaked the guy out a little bit; he knew it was my first time ever trying something like that and I think he thought I might have snapped or something. It was hilarious. And very powerful. Transformative, even.

My primary relationships (I have two long-term mates) didn't change that much in terms of how we interact in bed (neither of them is particularly kinky), but I did end up with other lovers whose tastes were more in line with my new interests. I accidentally did it 'right': I started out playing occasionally as a sub, mostly to get flogged and play in high sensation. I learned how that felt, and then found that I was really pretty much a domme, and am now a lot more skilled because I've been on both sides of the crop, as it were.

Because of how I began, I see domination as a shamanic role; I think of it as taking someone on a journey that heals, or reveals, or whatever they need. And for me a lot of my "kinks" are an artistic and aesthetic pursuit. I enjoy shibari and other kinds of meditative play, both for their emotional function and for the pleasant aesthetics of a properly bound cock on a properly guided sub.

*whew* I hope I haven't buried you in words. Thanks again for asking. It's nice to see it all laid out like this; it helps me look back, and forward.

bijou