What Does That Make Me?

[Bent]

As you can tell, I am completely new to this board, and a complete virgin when it comes to terminology and all that. I have dabbled in a bit of spanking, hair pulling and such, but being an overly aggressive woman generally speaking, I haven't a clue where I fit in the grand scheme of things. I know that basic sex is alright sometimes, but I would rather it be a bit more risque if I have anything to say about it.

So how does one know what they are? What was the turning point for you, that decided your 'destiny'? How do you know that your partner is your perfect opposite?

 

[AvaAdore]

by nature, i think i have always been sexually submissive from the day i was born (of course i didnt realize what it was as a child). my partner is not my perfect opposite, but we're both experimental and open to trying new things, and willing to make the effort to give each other what we want. there was no real turning point. he just came along, and the fun started

 

[MissTaken]

So how does one know what they are? What was the turning point for you, that decided your 'destiny'? How do you know that your partner is your perfect opposite?

First, Welcome to the forum, Bent!

Now, as for "what" you are, is the "what" as important as "who" you are. Be careful not to get too caught up in the tags and labels of BDSM. There are times and places where they play a role, but it is more important to know what makes you hot, hungry for more and keeps your attention during sex and in your relationsip. So, you are someone who is assertive, enjoys risque and sometimes aggressive sexual play and are eager to find out more. Is that an accurate assessment?

As for your partner, communication, trust and affection will make your partner the best partner for you. Nobody's Prefekt!

Having a partner who is willing to explore this part of your sexual desires is a great starting point.

As for me, it started witha variety of kinky stimuli from many places at once, the boyfriend, this site, a story, an on line Dom friend and all at once, these pieces converged. Voila! Some things finally made sense for me.

Take care and I apologize for being cryptic this moring.

MissT

 

[Bent]

Re: Re: What Does That Make Me?

First, Welcome to the forum, Bent!

Thank ya! It really has been an eye opener for me!

So, you are someone who is assertive, enjoys risque and sometimes aggressive sexual play and are eager to find out more. Is that an accurate assessment?

Sort of. I'm pretty much a take charge kinda person in the real world - but cave when things get tough, but in bed (kitchen table, on a hood of a car, etc) I can pretty much go either way. But what REALLY gets me going, is if my partner takes charge...BUT sometimes, I don't like that. Am I making sense? I think I'm confusing myself.

As for your partner, communication, trust and affection will make your partner the best partner for you. Nobody's Prefekt!

I've communicated, and he seems willing to try - for me, but when we talk about 'things', he gets that 'eeeewwwww!' look on his face, which makes me feel like a complete and utter freak, and then I'm reluctant to try to figure out anything that will work for both of us.

Having a partner who is willing to explore this part of your sexual desires is a great starting point.

Most definately, but I think my partner is only willing to try because of me...how do I say this...as if its only for me, and not for the betterment of 'us'.

Take care and I apologize for being cryptic this moring.

Isn't everyone cryptic in the morning? Thanks for your help.

 

[Bent]

my partner is not my perfect opposite, but we're both experimental and open to trying new things, and willing to make the effort to give each other what we want. there was no real turning point. he just came along, and the fun started

Question: Have you (or anyone else that wants to answer) had a partner, past or present, that made you feel like you were wrong in the things you enjoyed...even if it was for you...something that they wouldnt have to bother themselves with?

 

[Justina123]

Have you (or anyone else that wants to answer) had a partner, past or present, that made you feel like you were wrong in the things you enjoyed...even if it was for you...

Ha! That's one of the reasons my ex-husband is my EX! The 3-minute quickie got old after 18 years....

- justina

 

[reanne]

Flip/Flop

For me it's two sides of the same coin. The old saying that a man wants a Saint in the living room and a slut in the bedroom seems to fit. I am the one who is control of running the household. All descision about the kids schools, finances, etc. are made by me, but once that bedroom door is closed, my husband is the one who is in control. It works for us and that is the main thing.

 

[Ebonyfire]

As you can tell, I am completely new to this board, and a complete virgin when it comes to terminology and all that. I have dabbled in a bit of spanking, hair pulling and such, but being an overly aggressive woman generally speaking, I haven't a clue where I fit in the grand scheme of things. I know that basic sex is alright sometimes, but I would rather it be a bit more risque if I have anything to say about it.

So how does one know what they are? What was the turning point for you, that decided your 'destiny'? How do you know that your partner is your perfect opposite?

Since I don't necessarily believe in "a partner", but "partners", there is no need for perfection.

Eb

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

Have you (or anyone else that wants to answer) had a partner, past or present, that made you feel like you were wrong in the things you enjoyed...even if it was for you...

Ha! That's one of the reasons my ex-husband is my EX! The 3-minute quickie got old after 18 years....

- justina

DAMN!! You sure you and I didn't have the same EX???????

ROFLMFAO!!

 

[Ebonyfire]

DAMN!! You sure you and I didn't have the same EX???????

ROFLMFAO!!

You two ladies have my sympathy. I trust things are better now?

 

[MissTaken]

Bent,

Sometiems the best approach is the subtle approach, leaving things to read in teh bathroom, showing your partner websites, such as this, engaging him in light hearted discussions.

Othertimes, it just ain't happening and then, you have some choices to make. All yours, without judgement of friends or family, there are other alternatives depending on what your belief system allows for.

Best wishes,
MissT

 

[Pure]

Welcome Bent,

Nice moniker,


So how does one know what they are? What was the turning point for you, that decided your 'destiny'? How do you know that your partner is your perfect opposite?

One learns what and who they are by engaging with others honestly.

I wish there were a 'turning point' or one point that decides destiny. Maybe it's not happened. Contacts with certain people, however, are pivotal. Esp. those who encouraged self-acceptance. As Ms. T said, to fit a category or label is not always necessary though it helps for some, i.e., those that 'come out' often feel better. Some never fit a label, as in the orientation case: it's never quite clear if they are gay or straight or some version of 'bi'. I just use this as an analogy.


I've communicated, and he seems willing to try - for me, but when we talk about 'things', he gets that 'eeeewwwww!' look on his face, which makes me feel like a complete and utter freak, and then I'm reluctant to try to figure out anything that will work for both of us.

That's sad, if one partner's sexual horizon is limited. Maybe it will enlarge, maybe not. It's important to see it as 'his' limitation, his reaction to his perception, maybe 'freakiness' in his eyes
That's not the end of the story, however.

As more that one poster has said, sexual incompatibility, or just very different tastes, has caused some to move on. Some find a
'supplement' online or in real life. Often what you describe is part of a more general picture of that other person not understanding you. IF you've been reasonably open, then that's their limitation.

Marriage and partnerships can live with some thing in one not understood by the other, but it's difficult. It might be possible if there is lots of love and acceptance.

Stick around.

 

[AvaAdore]

Question: Have you (or anyone else that wants to answer) had a partner, past or present, that made you feel like you were wrong in the things you enjoyed...even if it was for you...something that they wouldnt have to bother themselves with?

i had that problem with my ex. i'd mention things here and there that i wanted to try out (nipple clamps or clothes pins, for example). he sort of liked the him being dominant sort of idea, but i think he missed the point entirely...some things i mentioned, like the nipple clamps, resulted in him saying things like "you like some pretty funky things" (bad funky, not good funky). we experimented a tiny bit (him fucking me while my hands are tied), but it just didnt do it for me. i broke up with him some time later for unrelated reasons.

 

[Bent]

Thanks!

Thanks for all the advice and wisdom shared. I have been thinking alot on this topic, and pretty much know where I stand, but unfortunately, I think my partner is still only willing for me. Ah well, can't have it all, I guess.

Thanks for the compliment on my 'moniker' (never knew what to call it)

 

[lektra]

Originally Posted by Bent

Question: Have you (or anyone else that wants to answer) had a partner, past or present, that made you feel like you were wrong in the things you enjoyed...even if it was for you...something that they wouldnt have to bother themselves with?

My first ever sexual partner called me a nymphomaniac, and made me feel guilty about wanting sex. This took ages for me to sort out (I was 16 then and am 32 now). I was a very eager partner and decided that I really liked sex and thought he would be really excited to explore together. Instead I think he got all weirded out and took my enthusiasm as some kind of threat to his sexuality. NOT the most positive way to begin my sex life. Thankfully, it only dented, instead of crushed me and somehow made me feel more adamant about formulating my own sexual identity in later years.

As for the BDSM stuff, my partner is not a natural Dom, and I feel sometimes that he engages more for me than because he is really into it. He doesn't make me feel guilty for what I want, as he knew who I was sexually before we married. I think he enjoys it, but it isn't who he is. We make do just fine mostly, as he is an incredibly loving and wonderful partner. But as I said Bent, he doesn't judge. I t sounds as though you ARE feeling judged.

L.

 

[WynEternal]

Question: Have you (or anyone else that wants to answer) had a partner, past or present, that made you feel like you were wrong in the things you enjoyed...even if it was for you...something that they wouldnt have to bother themselves with?

Having had very few relationships in the past, I can honestly say no. My husband is very willing to accomodate my enjoyment when it comes to things I want to try. He had never been to a play party either until he met me and thought it was very cool. He is not what I would consider a Dom, as all the others I know, but he does try, sometimes, for me.

 

[bondagegurl]

i think, for each person it's different, i personally started out thinking that i would enjoy being dominate, but as i played, and as time went on, i slowly began to crave being the submissive one. and now, as i look back to what my sexual desires where well before i was into the BDSM lifestyle, i realize that i've always been submissive...

my best suggestion is to just play, explore, and listen to your body and pay attention to what does and doesn't turn you on...

best of luck in your adventures!