What does it take?

[Daddyslilpet]

Ok this post needs a warning right here.....serious rant and venting ahead.....my comments are not thrown at anyone in particular but out to the community as a whole....Please before responding to this thread, stop, take a deep breath, do whatever it is you do to relax, then post not out of anger or hurt but kindness and thoughtfulness.....These are my requests only, as I feel everyone has the right to post whatever and in the manner they choose.

That having been said....for the last 3 days there have been several of us here on this board taking a very active part in trying to lighten the mood of this place and give people a chance to calm down. However, I feel its been a losing battle at best. Even now as I type this, two of the hateful threads have been bumped yet again today, by people who were not even a party to the whole argument / disagreement / debate (whatever you want to call it) in the first place.

In the following thread posted by RisiaSkye, Warm and fuzzy thread (my abreviated title for it)...we all posted nice things about each other, mostly. Was it all bullshit? Did you and I mean what we said when we posted to that thread? I know I meant every word of the things I said. Here's the link for those that would like to look at it...

http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=101109&perpage=20&pagenumber=1

I don't feel that anyone has asked anyone else to leave this forum. Of course, I've not been involved in the behind the scenes discussion and don't want to be. If people feel like leaving here, it is their choice to do so. No one can force any of us to do anything, for goodness sakes. We are all adults here, and I for one will continue to behave as one. It saddens me to see this place in such a state.

My reasons for being here have been stated over and over again. I just can't sit back, bumping fluff and nice threads, to see that effort to change the atmosphere here wrecked by people who don't know when to step back and/or stay out of it.

And to ask the question that brought you to this thread in the first place....What does it take to get this to all stop? Losing our forum? Not that I know or even think this can be done, but I for one do not want to find out the hard way.

Thank you for taking the time to read my personal opinions, ignore me if you must, but I won't argue with anyone here, nor will I split hairs on the issue.

dixi

 

[RisiaSkye]

This is not said in anger, but in consideration of your thoughts:

1) If you are tired of the whole thing, starting a new thread to rehash it again probably won't help.

2) Fluff isn't, and has never been, particularly constructive or helpful to the Forum in general. While it's not negative, so it has that advantage over the now nearly-continual fighting, it contributes nothing of any substance toward an ongoing conversation or consideration of real BDSM issues. Jokes are fun, and warm-fuzzies are occasionally a helpful salve to burned egos, but in the end they do not keep the Forum on track.

3) The easiest way to end a topic is to ignore it.

4) I have personally revived some of these threads for a specific purpose--several posters have taken the nicely paradoxical position that while censorship is bad and all Moderators should be responsible for preserving Free Speech (meaning--*my* <insert poster name here> freedom), they/we should also jump in and head off all disagreements before they become ugly. And we should do so without having any opinions of our own or ruffling any feathers. Oh, and we should do it on the schedule most convenient to whomever is currently dedicated to raking someone over the coals or starting a pointless argument. In addition to taking this fabulously convoluted and totally illogical position, several have suggested that Mods need respond. So, I have done so. End of story.

5) What it takes to stop this is for people to resolve their feelings about it, make peace with the outcome (some ruffled feathers, bruised egos, and the loss of cymbidia) of this recent bout, and then start behaving like adults. This might be particularly hard for those prone to seeing fault in all but themselves, which makes it less likely to happen. But, the choice is up to each individual...

Here's my advice--> If you don't like trolls, don't answer them. If you find a topic offensive, either enter the debate in a reasonable manner or close the thread. If you don't like a poster, take it to PM. If you want to leave, don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out. If you want to stay, have enough self-respect to recognize that your feelings are not inflicted upon you but are created by yourself--take some agency and make some decisions about how you will and will not behave, and how you will and will not allow yourselves to feel about this place and the people in it.

$.02, provided free of charge.

 

[lovetoread]

Even now as I type this, two of the hateful threads have been bumped yet again today, by people who were not even a party to the whole argument / disagreement / debate (whatever you want to call it) in the first place.

So basically,what you are saying is that unless you are personally "involved" in whatever is being said,you cannot participate?

So we need a new rule that says you cannot post your thoughts about certian subjects,unless you are in on whatever is being said?

Some people dont see whats on a thread immediately.

Some people are never in the "disagreements" that happen every so often in an open place such as this.

These people should never post their thoughts then,right?

 

[boz]

So basically,what you are saying is that unless you are personally "involved" in whatever is being said,you cannot participate?

So we need a new rule that says you cannot post your thoughts about certian subjects,unless you are in on whatever is being said?

Some people dont see whats on a thread immediately.

Some people are never in the "disagreements" that happen every so often in an open place such as this.

These people should never post their thoughts then,right?

Lovetoread, I agree, but that's a little harsh way of putting it.

You can ask people to close the door on a topic, but you can't force them in a public forum. The only way to avoid seeing the topics reappear is to take a break and wait for the storm to pass.

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Fuckin Hell.....I tried to word my post in a way that would be as least likely to rehash anything, and not say that people don't have the right to post what they want. If you will read what I said..

These are my requests only, as I feel everyone has the right to post whatever and in the manner they choose.

I have stated this over and over again...and firmly believe in it.
But by your responses to me, you are being hypocritical in your own right. You rant and rave about people being allowed to post whatever the hell they want yet jump down my throat.

This is bullshit!!

I used to find this board fun, and informative. Some here don't see the need for fun, while others just look for reasons to jump on others, and the rest just wander around trying to ignore the whole thing.....which was the group I was trying to be in until now.

I've been nothing but polite here, so do not feel any of this is deserved or warranted. I've had it and will not answer anymore negative posts on this forum. Because if you speak your mind you get shit on.

thanks for sucking the fun out of an other wise nice place. Its a porn board people, I've just decided its not worth the hassle.

dixi

 

[Jonnyray]

I'm just a newbie but -

I have less than a month before returining to the world of bickering children. Why can't we just act like adults and show each other some common decency?
Is it just me or did someone set off an a-bomb of hate. Let's all chill. I'm sorry to see people walk away from this board. Some I was starting to get to know a little, some I would have liked the chance to. Dixi is right the purpose is to be fun and informative. We don;t have to ass kiss each other but we don;t have to snap either. Let's all step back and take a deep breath.

I will get off the soapbox now.

 

[RisiaSkye]

Fuckin Hell.....I tried to word my post in a way that would be as least likely to rehash anything, and not say that people don't have the right to post what they want. If you will read what I said..


I have stated this over and over again...and firmly believe in it.
But by your responses to me, you are being hypocritical in your own right. You rant and rave about people being allowed to post whatever the hell they want yet jump down my throat.

I'm not sure if this was directed at me, but I attempted to answer your question directly and honestly, and in no way did I attack you.

The kind of blanket statements that say "you do <whatever>" are very difficult to make sense of, and tend to lead to misunderstandings.

 

[Daddyslilpet]

I'm not sure if this was directed at me, but I attempted to answer your question directly and honestly, and in no way did I attack you.

The kind of blanket statements that say "you do <whatever>" are very difficult to make sense of, and tend to lead to misunderstandings.

Risia...I apologize for my outburst. I was not directing my comments towards any one person, to be honest with you. I've been frustrated and worried that this board was suffering. That's the reason I started this thread. Actually I wished I had not posted it almost immediately truth be known. I realized that it wasn't going to be productive, but felt it too late after the submit button was hit.

I apologize to the entire board for my rudeness. Please let's let this thread fade away. Miss T has posted what I wanted to say but failed miserably at.

Risia I respect you and all Mods of this board, and my position has always been so. In my own feelings you all are in a thankless position and that's just not fair to you. I have no quarrell (spelling is not my strong suit) with any Mod here. I am deeply saddened that Cym felt she had to leave....I will truely miss her insights and experience.

respectfully,
dixi

 

[Trainerman]

Tenacity and durability, folks

Here's my advice--> If you don't like trolls, don't answer them. If you find a topic offensive, either enter the debate in a reasonable manner or close the thread. If you don't like a poster, take it to PM. If you want to leave, don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out. If you want to stay, have enough self-respect to recognize that your feelings are not inflicted upon you but are created by yourself--take some agency and make some decisions about how you will and will not behave, and how you will and will not allow yourselves to feel about this place and the people in it.

--------------------------------------

The above is a quote from Risia's earlier reply. The fact that I have used a quote at all is unique...... I never use them as I really abhor the continual overuse of them that occurs all across Lit. So I guess to break my habit means that something REALLY important is going on !!!

This is great advice folks...and you know, sometimes to 'get a result' you have to sit tight, ride out the storm, keep to your principles and REFUSE to be put off/forced to 'leave'. In my experience the troll types in the world do not have the tenacity and durability. They tire of the game and move on. This is even more so if they are refused ammunition/responses that fuel their egos or perverted desire to upset people.

Remember, for the ungodly to succeed it only takes for the 'good' to do nothing...and in this case the 'something' that we must do is just refuse to give way.

Trolls apart, disagreements between ourselves can be handled easily by using a 'ground rule' that is often used in people management generally :- You can 'attack' an idea and state your reasons why you disagree but you DONT attack a person publically. Therefore , in this case, IF you want to attack a person...do it via PM only ! Simple really and if the majority of us work like this I believe the storm will be weathered .

So I would say "stiff upper lip and carry on , chaps !! "..(but then I am English, so I guess you would expect that !)

David

 

[MissTaken]

Dixi???

Great post.


hugs to you