What does it mean to feel deeply?

[tbs230]

What does it mean to feel deeply? I've been getting that alot lately, and I never questioned it until now. I feel deeply...I used to take that to mean that I loved deeper and hurt more than most. But could that not also be explained away with saying that I might be bipolar? Is it only people who have been through "chest hair" experiences that are "gifted" with sensitivity? So does that mean that people who have had relatively normal childhoods are not capable of being sensitive? Can one person who has lived a normal life not feel for another human being? And who has the better deal in this situation? Yes, it's great to love deeply, to be empathic, but is it worth the crushing pain that is the other side of that coin? I don't know, I was just wondering...most of this is just me thinking out loud. But if anyone can answer some of these questions that would be great.

 

[Cathleen]

Well, gee tbs, nothing like posing easy questions! I have a tons of thoughts, more than a ton probably but am short of time at the moment. However one thing that stuck out was the use of 'normal'. I use to think there was such a thing but not any more, normal is a setting on a washing machine. There's nothing normal when discussing the human mind.

I really look forward to responses to this thread, really, really look forward to it... (I have a feeling there are a couple of people here that might think that I have sort of cornered the market on thinking. I'm not sure.)

 

[Guest]

 

[Flyin_Free]

What does it mean to feel deeply? I've been getting that alot lately, and I never questioned it until now. I feel deeply...I used to take that to mean that I loved deeper and hurt more than most. But could that not also be explained away with saying that I might be bipolar? Is it only people who have been through "chest hair" experiences that are "gifted" with sensitivity? So does that mean that people who have had relatively normal childhoods are not capable of being sensitive? Can one person who has lived a normal life not feel for another human being? And who has the better deal in this situation? Yes, it's great to love deeply, to be empathic, but is it worth the crushing pain that is the other side of that coin? I don't know, I was just wondering...most of this is just me thinking out loud. But if anyone can answer some of these questions that would be great.

Are you trying to say that somebody who was raised in a basically normal environment can't feel as deeply as somebody who wasn't? Cause I was raised in as normal environment as you can get and I feel so deeply it's scary. Would I change it? No, not really--yes it hurts when love or marriage falls apart but what the heck do you really have if you're not giving everything to somebody in a relationship?--what's the good of even being in one if you don't care deeply for them? Who has the better deal, one who feels deeply and gets hurt, or one who never really feels but doesn't get hurt? In my opinion the person who really feels always has the better deal!

 

[LadyJeanne]

Hmm, I'd say I'm one of those people that feel deeply. My highs and lows register somewhat higher and lower than others. However, that could be my perception of how others feel, since I can't ever really know what exactly they feel. All I can base my perception on is their expression of it, and some people don't express their emotions as much as I do...I come from a passionate ethnic family and shouting, tears, and happy happy joy joy dances are common within the family. A WASP family, for example, might not show the same emotions, but who's to say they don't actually feel them on the inside?

No, feeling deeply doesn't mean you have to be bipolar! Manic/depressives are a totally different ballgame than emotionally expressive, or just plain emotional, people. And sensitivity isn't linked to emotions. You can be plenty sensitive to others' emotions and nuances and feelings without being someone who is emotional. In fact, you might be even more sensitive because you are more objective/dispassionate and will see things about others that an emotional person won't pick up on because they are so wrapped up in their own emotions.

I think it's true that life experiences can cause you to be more sympathetic and empathic with others...if you've ever lived through a death of a child or a divorce, you have more experience to draw on. But you don't have to have lived through it to feel horror at child abuse, to feel their pain when a friend goes through divorce, or to hurt with a friend when they are grieving.

 

[Exciteher]

Hmm, I'd say I'm one of those people that feel deeply. My highs and lows register somewhat higher and lower than others. However, that could be my perception of how others feel, since I can't ever really know what exactly they feel. All I can base my perception on is their expression of it, and some people don't express their emotions as much as I do...I come from a passionate ethnic family and shouting, tears, and happy happy joy joy dances are common within the family. A WASP family, for example, might not show the same emotions, but who's to say they don't actually feel them on the inside?

No, feeling deeply doesn't mean you have to be bipolar! Manic/depressives are a totally different ballgame than emotionally expressive, or just plain emotional, people. And sensitivity isn't linked to emotions. You can be plenty sensitive to others' emotions and nuances and feelings without being someone who is emotional. In fact, you might be even more sensitive because you are more objective/dispassionate and will see things about others that an emotional person won't pick up on because they are so wrapped up in their own emotions.

I think it's true that life experiences can cause you to be more sympathetic and empathic with others...if you've ever lived through a death of a child or a divorce, you have more experience to draw on. But you don't have to have lived through it to feel horror at child abuse, to feel their pain when a friend goes through divorce, or to hurt with a friend when they are grieving.

Excellent post!

Only thing I could add to this is that sometimes people can go through enough pain that they learn to numb themselves emotionally, and often physically too, as a form of self-protection. Of course they still actually feel deeply, but they dissociate to such a degree, they lose access to how they really feel.. and it APPEARS nothing penetrates them... neither joy or sorrow. Some people can get 'stuck" there unless some healing occures. Thats because without access to feeling and emotion... movement is difficult.

Imagine for a moment: What if you would never have to feel any hurt or pain ever again... IF... you gave up your ability to love, feel passion, feel real joy, laugh, feel connection, sense of belonging, etc, and feel deeply. FlyingFree touched on this...
I'm just expressing it a different way.

Would it be worth it to you? It would not be for me... but as the old saying goes... you milage could vary.

I'm not sure if I feel deeply or not, because that would require a level of knowledge I simply do not have about the 'quality"of others inner state to be able to make that comparison. Do they see the same exact shade of blue I do? If I were in their head, would their blue actually look like my orange? That question cannot be scientifically answered. I cannot think of an experiment that would disprove that their perception blue is the same as my perception of orange.

I sort of assume everyone feels at least as deeply as I do, and I chose to believe that. I have believed differently in the past, but I have found believing this way has allowed me to learn more about life and others..

 

[wicked woman]

Imagine for a moment: What if you would never have to feel any hurt or pain ever again... IF... you gave up your ability to love, feel passion, feel real joy, laugh, feel connection, sense of belonging, etc, and feel deeply. FlyingFree touched on this...I'm just expressing it a different way.

Would it be worth it to you? It would not be for me... but as the old saying goes... you milage could vary.

This in fact is similar to what my Mom decided to do. Her philosophy was that the lows hurt too much ...that she'd forgo the highs and stay on an even keel to not have to deal with the lows. Wasn't for me to judge her...but it's sure not how I choose to live my life.

 

[Flyin_Free]

she'd forgo the highs and stay on an even keel to not have to deal with the lows..

I just don't see the point of that. Or maybe I just *cant be* like that. It's all or nothing for me. I don't even think I could be in a relationship and not feel deeply.

 

[wicked woman]

I just don't see the point of that. Or maybe I just *cant be* like that. It's all or nothing for me. I don't even think I could be in a relationship and not feel deeply.

It wasn't just relationships...but her whole life. I think she was afraid of losing control during the lows...not being able to find her way back. Either way it was clearly a coping mechanism for her.

 

[AlotLikePsyche]

Are you trying to say that somebody who was raised in a basically normal environment can't feel as deeply as somebody who wasn't? Cause I was raised in as normal environment as you can get and I feel so deeply it's scary. Would I change it? No, not really--yes it hurts when love or marriage falls apart but what the heck do you really have if you're not giving everything to somebody in a relationship?--what's the good of even being in one if you don't care deeply for them? Who has the better deal, one who feels deeply and gets hurt, or one who never really feels but doesn't get hurt? In my opinion the person who really feels always has the better deal!

There is no "normal environment." Normal is a story we like to tell about an ideal that never really existed. Measured against it we all come up short.

But, to answer the question, where we come from and our life experiences influence our desire and ability to understand, notice, recognize patterns, and respond to feelings. But, that doesn't change the intensity of the feelings or make them any more or less deep.

 

[Flyin_Free]

It wasn't just relationships...but her whole life. I think she was afraid of losing control during the lows...not being able to find her way back. Either way it was clearly a coping mechanism for her.

See that makes sense--that it wasn't just in relationships that she did that. I tend to "feel deeply" in all aspects of my life. I care deeply about my friends, family, sometimes even people I hardly know. I think it would be almost impossible for me to turn that off. So I guess maybe people are one way or the other--or more likely somewhere in between. It is a good point though because by looking at how people are in normal everyday life, you can probably figure out how theyd be in a relationship.

 

[Straight-8]

To 'feel deeply' is what I feel. You feel in some other way (especially if I want to validate my feelings and deny yours).

It reminds me of the defintion of a 'minor operation': that is, an operation that someone else is having.