What do you look for in a submissive?

[black_angel]

Hello, my handle is black_angel and I am a submissive. Admitting is the first step towards recovery, right? Wait, better save that train of thought for a future thread... *smiles and chuckles*

My question is a rather leisurely one and is directed primarily at the dominants here in on the boards. I'm sure submissives will have some interesting things to say as well, though. And it is this:

What qualities, skills, training, et cetera, do you look for in an ideal submissive?

In my own mind, I equate the role of a submissive to one of the courtesans and geishas of days gone past... She or he should, idealy, serve as a consort of many sorts. More than just a sexual plaything, in my eyes the role of submissive carries a great responsibility to one's dominate partner. I continually strive to better enable myself to serve, and that means the enrichment of my mind and attitude as well as my body. The more areas of interest I become skilled in, the more ways I can competently serve my Dom and His goals. This includes skills of all sorts, from learning a new language, to bettering my communication and people skills, to increasing my body's flexibility and attractiveness, to becoming more learned in philosophy, better read, keeping current on local and world politics, etc etc... What do YOU expect of your submissive??

I know of many Doms out there that look for doormats or null-personalities and would prefer that their submissives can follow a simple order and hardly a thing else. If you're one of them, I'll just go ahead and skim your post. I'm not interested in opinions of what a submissive shouldn't be able to do.

On the other hand, if you are someone who believes that true submission comes only when someone is strong enough to do otherwise but willfully offers control and service to their partner... Ahh, please share your thoughts on this thread! I know I am not the only one here who is proud to serve and always seeking information that can help her to better herself.

- black_angel

 

[FurryFury]

I never look for submissive's since I am one, in a way, but I'm all over that Geisha stuff. I LOVE that concept. I've read a lot about it. It speaks to me. I feel a connection there.

Fury

 

[shy slave]

Hello, my handle is black_angel and I am a submissive. Admitting is the first step towards recovery, right? Wait, better save that train of thought for a future thread... *smiles and chuckles*

My question is a rather leisurely one and is directed primarily at the dominants here in on the boards. I'm sure submissives will have some interesting things to say as well, though. And it is this:

What qualities, skills, training, et cetera, do you look for in an ideal submissive?

In my own mind, I equate the role of a submissive to one of the courtesans and geishas of days gone past... She or he should, idealy, serve as a consort of many sorts. More than just a sexual plaything, in my eyes the role of submissive carries a great responsibility to one's dominate partner. I continually strive to better enable myself to serve, and that means the enrichment of my mind and attitude as well as my body. The more areas of interest I become skilled in, the more ways I can competently serve my Dom and His goals. This includes skills of all sorts, from learning a new language, to bettering my communication and people skills, to increasing my body's flexibility and attractiveness, to becoming more learned in philosophy, better read, keeping current on local and world politics, etc etc... What do YOU expect of your submissive??

I know of many Doms out there that look for doormats or null-personalities and would prefer that their submissives can follow a simple order and hardly a thing else. If you're one of them, I'll just go ahead and skim your post. I'm not interested in opinions of what a submissive shouldn't be able to do.

On the other hand, if you are someone who believes that true submission comes only when someone is strong enough to do otherwise but willfully offers control and service to their partner... Ahh, please share your thoughts on this thread! I know I am not the only one here who is proud to serve and always seeking information that can help her to better herself.

- black_angel

learn a new language ~ don't go there
Its damn hard!

I am not sure 'real' doormats exist, everyone has a breaking point.

I like the sentiment of what your describing as a submissive however, if I moved every aspect of 'me' in order to serve him; I would not be the person he had orginally met and liked.

As I get older I find certain aspects of my personality are ingrained, and I am less willing to change.
On the whole I like who I am. Its taken enough years to come to that decision and I am ok about it.
For example I have clear views on some things (politics, religion, world events etc) and I would not expect him to try change my views or expect me to change them. They are an integral part of the person he asked to be his slave.
I see part my service to him as enhancing certain aspects of my overall personality. Not changing the essential individual I am.

I don't see his ownership of me as a means to make me 'prove' my devotion to him, more a process in which we both develop as a D/s couple.

I think we both strive to ensure that we both gain from this relationship.

 

[black_angel]

Shy Slave I agree with the vibe I'm feeling from your post... It IS important for the submissive to be their own person, separate from the needs, desires, and personality of their Dom. I certainly make sure I pursue my own interests as well as His... But part of my willing and eager service is making sure I cultivate myself in ways that are pleasing and profitable to Him.

In any case, I also agree that both should benefit from the relationship... I think the submissive benefits alot from the type of relationship I am describing, as long as the Dominant does not ask any socially, physically, or legally risky behavior.

 

[shy slave]

In any case, I also agree that both should benefit from the relationship... I think the submissive benefits alot from the type of relationship I am describing, as long as the Dominant does not ask any socially, physically, or legally risky behavior.

Agreed

 

[h_i_s]

Shy Slave I agree with the vibe I'm feeling from your post... It IS important for the submissive to be their own person, separate from the needs, desires, and personality of their Dom. I certainly make sure I pursue my own interests as well as His... But part of my willing and eager service is making sure I cultivate myself in ways that are pleasing and profitable to Him.

In any case, I also agree that both should benefit from the relationship... I think the submissive benefits alot from the type of relationship I am describing, as long as the Dominant does not ask any socially, physically, or legally risky behavior.

i can agree with most of what has been expressed in this thread. Except for the stance regarding socially, physically and legally risky behavior ... some enjoy those risks too, to a certain degree. And sometimes the personal enjoyments and pleasures which of certain fetishes and their risk ... hold benefits of their own, ... for some.

 

[black_angel]

i can agree with most of what has been expressed in this thread. Except for the stance regarding socially, physically and legally risky behavior ... some enjoy those risks too, to a certain degree. And sometimes the personal enjoyments and pleasures which of certain fetishes and their risk ... hold benefits of their own, ... for some.

Good point.

On a side note, how did I know this thread would garner a host of submissive replies before even a single Dom pops their head in to comment...

 

[Xelebes]

Someone not with MY domme.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Where's Sir Cumquat when you need him?

 

[writerz01]

Evening

I prefer submissives that think and feel for themselves. I don't want a submissive that must be told when and how to get out of bed. That is a slaves life. I want them to think for themslves. If they can't, how can I expect them to fullfil my wants. I don't always give minute details on how to accomplish something I want. I tell then what I want, then they can figure out how to accomplish it. I want the emotions of a person not a machine. I want them to feel happiness and sadness. The high of an accomplishment well done, the low of failure.
The training they may have received from someone else is fine. But I will teach them how to satisfy my needs and wants. Then they can tell me theirs. From there, we "work" to satisfy each other.
This kind of relationship is a 2 way street. Not one way. It is as complicated, or possibly more so than any "nilla" relationship.
I know this is a very general, coverall answer but it keeps it short and to the point.

 

[RJMasters]

(What do you look for in a submissive?)

Has anyone seen my watch?

 

[Singularity]

Qualities I Look For

The qualities I desire in a submissive are pretty simple, though difficult to find all together in a single individual.

• Old enough, and mature enough, to know that this is what she wants; and to be able to understand, articulate why she wants it.

• Uninhibited and with a taste for adventure and exploration, but also someone who can speak to limits and tell me what she doesn't want as much as what she does desire. A person who says "I have no limits" or "I'll do anything" is not being truthful or realistic.

• Someone who is strong and independent in her outer life, and who HAS a life. I prefer women who want to be owned on the inside, and confident and capable on the outside. My best and most wonderful submissives have been an ER supervisory nurse, a woman who owns her own business, and a senior marketing executive, among others.

• A woman who is comfortable with her own body and who enjoys herself, even if she is not model-perfect (like almost everyone).

• Someone who is articulate and knowledgeable, and inquisitive and wanting to learn about the world, though the level of formal education is only a partial measuring stick for this.

• Someone who can submerge her own desires for pleasure and channel her passion into her owner's desires for her.

• Honesty and truthfulness to her owner, about when she has failed or disobeyed an instruction she has been given; and understanding that "out of sight is out of mind" and "He really doesn't need to know about..." only damages herself.

Those are the qualities and attributes that I think are the most important, for me. Like I said at the beginning, finding them all together in one person is hard to do.


Sin.

 

[FurryFury]

That's a very interesting list Sin!

I like it and it made me think. I certainly do not have all of those qualities.

Fury

 

[shy slave]

(What do you look for in a submissive?)

Has anyone seen my watch?

Rofl

 

[h_i_s]

I prefer submissives that think and feel for themselves. I don't want a submissive that must be told when and how to get out of bed. That is a slaves life. I want them to think for themslves.

Ex-fucking-cuse you, writerz01 ??
Speak for yourself, please and thank you. <-- Those are my own thoughts, and they popped into my head, i didn't borrow them from anyone else.

This slave managed to get herself out of bed this morning with no instruction as to when and/or how to do it. i'm going to stop myself right there, though. No need to explain, for most here ......

Your statements seem quite too generalized, and quite stereotypical. Perhaps you are simply having a bad day?

 

[shy slave]

This slave managed to get herself out of bed this morning with no instruction as to when and/or how to do it. i'm going to stop myself right there, though. No need to explain, for most here ......

Sinnn you are soooo clever, imagine being able to do that all by yourself!

Did he train you to do that, or did you figure it out by yourself??

 

[Joe Schmoe]

Sinnn you are soooo clever, imagine being able to do that all by yourself!

Did he train you to do that, or did you figure it out by yourself??

It is an esoteric form of training...alarm command.

 

[h_i_s]

It is an esoteric form of training...alarm command.

Nope .... it's a natural instinct, not to be confused with a calling toward the fetish of water sports. i had to PEE !!

 

[h_i_s]

Sinnn you are soooo clever, imagine being able to do that all by yourself!

Did he train you to do that, or did you figure it out by yourself??

Yes. i confess, shy. i have been trained not to pee in my Master's bed.

 

[graceanne]

Yes. i confess, shy. i have been trained not to pee in my Master's bed.

Wow. I'm soooo impressed. I've got that one down pat, but sometimes I still . . . .drool.

 

[Rrrosyn]

Nothing. I am not looking. Quite happily engaged to the one I have.

However I can share qualities he has that have made him more "qualified."

• He is considerate. I believe this must be a two way road, as I hold him in high respect. But, he is always making sure every little desire I may have is taken care of. He is quick to ask about my day before I have a chance to ask about his. Very simple but it leads to a much more fulfilling D/s relationship.
• He is not a doormat. When I am being unreasonable, he will quietly, but properly point it out. He has rights and he recognizes this. I get what I want 99.9% of the time, but the rest of the time is just me being pouty and miserable for some reason not of his doing. At the same time, before telling me I am acting out he asks if he has done anything wrong. This way he knows if it is a flaw in him or if it is a flaw in me. Odd, but we both have flaws. What a coincidence!
• He is strong. He has a nice ass to absorb swats and nice shoulders to absorb tears. He is strong enough to cry with me as needed. (Our cat recently died.)
• He has a mind of his own. Imagine having to tell someone what to do all time! Way too much work. He can hop to my care when I need it without me having to be able to give orders. (Good thing with a seizure history.) Now, I don't mind helping out with chore lists and such. But I cannot imagine having to tell someone what to do every step of the way.
• He is willing to better himself. I am not just talking slave training. He is going to college. He is working hard and brings me his grades with the same flare he serves me dinner. He doesn't need me to hand-hold him all the time, but the approval is sought after.
• Communication skills. He doesn't need to speak four languages or read dead ones. He just needs to be able to hold an intelligent conversation. He is willing to bring up things that need to be addressed and listen. It helps us grow together. Communication is vital.

These are just few things that make him a better sub and a better person. I am sure most people could add to a very, very long list if they sat here long enough.

 

[h_i_s]

Wow. I'm soooo impressed. I've got that one down pat, but sometimes I still . . . .drool.

It's so difficult to get some of this stuff under control... i know. Although i have the drooling under control, i'm not perfect either graceanne.

i have been guilty of hogging all of the covers on more than one occasion.

And we have no idea how it happens, but i manage to push my Master (says He... so therefore it must be true) almost right off of the edge of His side of the bed almost every night while we are both sound asleep. It's amazing the things a person is capable of while sleeping. i am half His size ... go figure.

And one time, (this is so embarrassing but i'll feel much better to admit it here) ... i almost passed gas while my Master was in the bed with me.

Thank goodness we got a dog just before we married. Now neither of us ever has gas. That dog though .... ewww.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

i'm going to get me some of them chickens that roam around down the street -- anybody want one?

Bucky, you can't take any chickens.

Sure i can. i have a sack.

They're not your chickens Bucky.

Robert, the concept of property is such an artificial construct. For example, i've taken you under my proverbial wing for lo these many years, but would i ever say i "own" you? Who is to say whether one can ever actually own anything?

Police, Judges, the Constitution.

Chickens are your fellow animal, Bucky. It isn't ethical -

Not ethical? Lemme tell ya what's not ethical: The way a chicken smells. Cock-a-doodle PEW.

So, you'd a chicken you were friends with?!

i will eat any animal any time.

And i suppose you'd eat ME?!

Relax Satchel, i'm not a vegetarian.