what do you do??

[intothewoods]

I have been thinking about jealousy a lot lately. How does one really know if you are hard wired for poly or mono anyway? How do you know if it is worth it?

So far my instincts are pretty hypocritical and lame. I have a wandering eye. Wouldn't mind the occasional something, play with someone else even. The idea of him doing the same? Fine, no big deal. The reality? Hell no mother fucker. That cock is mine.

I have no idea where one goes from here, if anywhere. We talk about it. We don't seem to reach any conclusions. And then life comes up and we talk about something else for a while.

 

[JMohegan]

I have been thinking about jealousy a lot lately. How does one really know if you are hard wired for poly or mono anyway? How do you know if it is worth it?

I was adamantly opposed to monogamy, until I was for it.

I don't necessarily see this as a wiring thing.

 

[Netzach]

I was adamantly opposed to monogamy, until I was for it.

I don't necessarily see this as a wiring thing.

I spent seven years trying to be something I'm never going to be. The majority of people are serially monogamous, they may be hooking up with multiple people in a linear fashion, but actually consciously communicating something other than monogamy is verboten. Do you think anyone would bother if they didn't have to?

I do see it as wiring. I know.

 

[Netzach]

Is it possible that this is about how you feel about yourself now you're older? Personally, I'm a pasty, flat chested little thing who's about to turn 30 and despite my attempts not to be shallow, if Master suggests hooking up with a blonde, tanned, big breasted 20something strumpet, I'm a lot less enthusiastic than if he spots the profile of a woman with a more similar body type to me. I was never hung up on this kind of stuff but I know I'm not as put together or attractive as I was 10 years ago. It dents my self confidence to think of Master fucking a busty little barbie doll and I'm stellar at projecting all that angst onto the extra curricular booty in question.

I'm not saying this is the whole issue here, just that it may be a significant factor. Guys (damn their eyes) age so gracefully that it can be hard being the woman they're growing older with.

I'd be so so so much more creeped out if one of them was suddenly interested in a round and sadistic careening into middle age gender girl artist. Nothing bothers me so long as I feel unique enough. Seriously, it would bother me less if she were conventionally attractive because there's stuff that awaits back home that she hasn't got, for sure.

 

[JMohegan]

I spent seven years trying to be something I'm never going to be.
I do.

I put in the word "necessarily" for a reason. You're wired one way, clearly.

 

[Netzach]

I have been thinking about jealousy a lot lately. How does one really know if you are hard wired for poly or mono anyway? How do you know if it is worth it?

I knew when I was going stark fucking crazy.

It becomes worth it when the level of stark fucking crazy becomes intolerable and you know you are better off throwing everything away than what you have.

 

[Netzach]

I put in the word "necessarily" for a reason. You're wired one way, clearly.

You have a point in that it's much less clear cut for a lot of people. I think most people experiment with this in differing degrees, or try things because they aren't sure they won't work.

If poly/not were the Kinsey scale I'd be a very inflexible 5.9999.

 

[Netzach]

nah. we spend a lot of time together just the 2 of us. we have a really intimate relationship that i wouldnt change for the world. He's good to me.

We're often in the same space, but we find ourselves just existing in space together without conscious, intentional time for

1. romance and fun
2. discussion of things, life, and the relationship.

I enjoy doing these not on the same night, YMMV.

 

[eastern sun]

Meh.

I dunno. I think saying "let's be mono for a while" delays rather than confronts the issues. I think that's kind of like trying to solve problems in an M/s relationship by "putting aside the dynamic" when sometimes the only solutions come from the dynamic itself.

When I'm suffering like this, what I need is the reassurance that I'm being come home to, or that I'm not going to be left aside, or that I'm still wonderful, hot, worthy. All that stuff.

If the lesson I take is that when I'm suffering I can change the rules of the game with said suffering, there's a world of trouble latent in that.

However - do you guys have an unbreakable once a week date night for JUST you and nothing but? See if you can't make some agreements and time.

I totally agree with this, Netzach. And want to chime in to say, in my experience, feelings of rejection lie very close to the heart of jealousy. The kind of negating rejection that makes you feel like you'll be weakened if you accept the situation without anger.

One of the things that used to piss me off was the feeling like "she" was getting the best of him, while I had to put up with the worst. And it actually helped to take that thought a little further and realize if they ended up spending more time together, leaving me out in the cold, then "she'd" have to put up with worst of him, while I'd be free to pursue my own interests.

But I remember well that burning pain. If you can sit with it, and realize that you are not in fact being destroyed, but will continue on as strong as ever, it really lightens up the next time.

 

[JMohegan]

You have a point in that it's much less clear cut for a lot of people. I think most people experiment with this in differing degrees, or try things because they aren't sure they won't work.

If poly/not were the Kinsey scale I'd be a very inflexible 5.9999.

In many cases, I think it's difficult to separate "wiring" from the influence of societal, developmental, and personality factors that depend on situation or context.

 

[rida]

I have been finding myself in a similar yet different spot.

I too always believed that I was not the jealous type. Even in college I had an open relationship with my then boyfriend, although truth to be told, I never had to test my jealousy as he never really took advantage of it.

With Hubby, I've never been jealous of his past girlfriends, even the one he is still having very found feelings for and he is still in touch with. We always had an open marriage, even thou it was theoretical more than practical until 3 or 4 years ago.

Since then, I've know of Hubby's external affair(s). The first time I was told (long after the fact, but that is another story), I felt jealous. But not because I had not been told at the time (It was me that did not want to hear), but because she could give him something that I could not. I realized quickly that it had nothing to do with him or her but my own insecurities, and since then I've been fine it. Hubby is not really into sport fucks, he prefers real emotional relationships. We will see how I handle it when he finds one.

But what really threw me off is how jealous I felt of my lovers' other lovers! (not the wife or girlfriend, of course, as I am not there to take her place). It felt puzzling and hilarious at the same time how totally and utterly jealous I felt when one of my first lover told me he had hooked up with a taxi driver much younger then me ... no matter that I was seeing other people myself.

Now, I'm jealous of the Sadist vanilla fucks. Why? because I do not get to experience them, because I wish to know how it feels to have him have to charm his way in my pants. Alas, I'm his to do what he pleases ... and I know that one of these days I'm going to experience the full fledged jealousy and humiliation of being tied up, beaten up and forced to watch him vanilla fuck another woman ...

Is it possible that this is about how you feel about yourself now you're older?

*snip*

I'm not saying this is the whole issue here, just that it may be a significant factor. Guys (damn their eyes) age so gracefully that it can be hard being the woman they're growing older with.

That is spot on. Especially in relation to my play partners/ fuck buddies, as mentioned above. It is silly and meaningless and yet thinking that they are with a younger chick and that my starting to sag everything will shortly look ugly makes me want to keep them for myself just a little bit longer ...

I have been thinking about jealousy a lot lately. How does one really know if you are hard wired for poly or mono anyway? How do you know if it is worth it?

So far my instincts are pretty hypocritical and lame. I have a wandering eye. Wouldn't mind the occasional something, play with someone else even. The idea of him doing the same? Fine, no big deal. The reality? Hell no mother fucker. That cock is mine.

I have no idea where one goes from here, if anywhere. We talk about it. We don't seem to reach any conclusions. And then life comes up and we talk about something else for a while.

My thinking on it is that it is a combination of wired and rationalization, with a touch of chemistry & luck.

The wired is that, I do not stop noticing or wanting other men just because I'm pared up with one already. It is not only sport-fucks thou, I really end up falling in love with that special few ... and it does not deduct from my love for the primary.

The rationalization is that, if I can feel like the above, I should give the same freedom to my partner as well. It would feel selfish otherwise. Now whether they want to take advantage of it or not, is their freedom as well. But I should be open to it.

The touch of chemistry & luck is to be with a partner that is wired the same way. If you know your partner is going to forget you completely when he is hot for someone else, it makes it harder to rationalize their wiring.

 

[satindesire]

I've often felt like I'd like to see Mister have another love relationship with another woman, so that I could always make sure he was being taken care of. He's so opposed to it that it's a nonissue, but there are some days I wish there was another woman around that I liked, who loved him as much as I did, so that when I was sick/tired/too pregnant to move/not feeling particularly giving, he would still be loved on and pampered.

I don't know if we would be, in my fantasy, wholly poly, because every time I think about falling in love with another woman I cringe up, but sometimes I wish he had a girlfriend/wife other than me.

Is that still considered poly, I wonder?

 

[Adakgirl]

Pasted from Wikipika by me the following in quotes-

Jealousy is an emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, such as a relationship, friendship, or love. Jealousy often consists of a combination of emotions such as anger, sadness, and disgust. Jealousy differs from envy in that jealousy is about something one has and is afraid of losing, while envy refers to something one does not have and either wants to acquire or to prevent another from acquiring.

Perfectly understandable emotion when you have a marriage that you have invested a lot of time and effort into and a husband that who is good to you, whom you value, respect and love. The possibility of loosing your husband and marriage to another woman while in an open marriage is a very valid threat... in my opinion.

Couples in open marriage expose themselves to situations that can
potentially provoke jealousy. Most couples in open marriages report experiencing jealousy at some point during their marriage. Ground rules are one way to help manage jealousy in open relationships. However, ground rules may not be sufficient. Couples in open marriages may benefit from a general understanding
of jealousy and how to cope with it.

Ground rules in relationships allow partners to coordinate their behaviors so they achieve shared goals with fewer conflicts. Some ground rules are universal in the sense they apply to virtually all relationships in a particular culture. Other ground rules apply to specific kinds of relationships, such as friendships or marriages. Still other ground rules are designed to manage romantic rivalry and jealousy. The ground rules adopted by sexually
open couples tend to prohibit behaviors that provoke jealousy.
Partners may change the ground rules of their relationships over time

To have some female stranger text you with her phone #, whom ignores you when you text her back, then passing her # on to M, (which I would have never done in a million years) who does not then tell you who this woman is...and why she is giving him her phn#...reeks of infidelity to me.

What I mean by that is..It appears to me that he is not telling these women whom he is picking up and having sex with...at least not right off the bat, that he is in a committed marriage, that he loves his wife and that he has no intention of leaving her. That is why you are not in their radar, you are a non-entity to them.

To me that is infidelity within an open marriage. To me "open" should mean you both tell each other everything, nothing is hidden, nothing is secret, no sex with another happens..that you both don't know about before and after happens. By telling him you did not want to know, you allowed him free use of secrecy. You left the decision up to him whether to tell these "bitches" that he's married and loves his wife or not. As long as he does not have to tell them, because you don't know about them.. because you don't want to know, why should he?

He should because that would be the right thing to do by you and by them.
I think you need to set or re-set some ground rules in your open marriage.
If your husband does not tell these women, they will think he is fair game and in that lies the danger of you losing him. If they know and don't care, fine at least YOU know about them and you know they know about you. If you can't handle knowing, you might want to try knowing, it might help with the jealousy.

I may be wrong but those are my thoughts and gut feelings.

 

[Mistress_Belladonna]

Im totally into having sex with women. (i've been thinking about getting some side dick too, seing if that changes how I feel) and I like having threesomes. It just seems like it's been getting uncomfortable for me these days, I want to return to getting our freak on, stress free! This whole thing has come to a head for me today because of a text message. Girl gives me her number, I text her she ignores me, I give M girls number, she texts him repeatedly.

Shouldnt be that big a deal, but I've been torn up all day over that shit. I want to be free from this nonsense so badly.

Several years ago I was in a relationship with a lovely man. We were together for over a year and we were very happy. We explored our sexual relationship and boundaries with completely open respect and love. Even though we made every effort to avoid problems, circumstances changed and through no choice or action of our own, we were separated and going to be for some time. He was overseas and I could only visit for short periods which I did. We both arranged for it and talked about making the move permanent to the point where I started liquidating my belongings to move after our last visit. He offered to pay for my ticket one week and the next was telling me that he felt I needed to be in the past.

When I was there for the last visit, he introduced me to a friend of his brother. She was someone who'd been around for some time and had a crush on his brother since they'd gone to school together. She'd even tried to break the brother and his wife up when they first started going out. This is something my guy told me... (His brother and his sister-in-law also told me about this after she put the moves on my guy) He assured me that he didn't want to mess with her issues. But he was also lonely and missing me while I wasn't able to be there.... so he was her "friend". Then the announcement that I needed to be part of his past.... after she put serious moves on him and he fell for them. Texting him even while I was there, calling, making herself available when I couldn't be there, letting him come to her "rescue" when she was sick and needed someone to help out, telling him she just wanted NSA sex... and that even though he and I had a great relationship, in his words, it wasn't real anymore, that she was and he needed to get over me. Not cool.

Not cool at all. I was an ocean away. I suppose it was good, because I'd have kicked her ass. Can't say it would have helped. But maybe it would have made me feel better. But I was here and they were there. And even though I wanted to try and work things out, I won't ever beg for someone's time and attention. I came as close as I could to that and it meant nothing...

I suppose what I'm saying is... sometimes jealousy is a warning signal. IF she's not respecting your place and you're feeling your man isn't either, kick the b***'s ass. Then kick your man's ass, too.... Figuratively, I mean... not RL since jail time could be a valid result, but if you feel the need to protect your territory, do so. Don't let her waltz in like that again. Who cares what she feels if she hasn't got the respect for you to care how you feel!? You'll feel better and your man will, too, for making the limits very evident.

 

[Mistress_Belladonna]

That's my thinking. Everyone has a right to happiness, sometimes we just find ourselves in a position where the person we're with no longer makes us happy. It doesn't mean the other person is a BAD person, or a BAD boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife...it just means they're fundamentally incompatible with you.

A comfortable sex life with respect and trust is REALLY important in a healthy relationship, IMO. I'm a very sexual person, so I've always gone to great lengths to make sure my sex life was satisfactory to me. Not everyone gives their sexuality the same thought, and I really think they should.



It sounded to me like the other-women problem was down to a very specific issue. He wasn't bringing them home to have sex with BOTH of you, he was having sex with them not only without your permission, but without you period.

That to be would be a deal breaker. I can't imagine not being jealous in this situation, so I sympathize with your emotions.

Thank you for pointing that out, satindesire. That is the point of many issues with an "open" sharing relationship. If a person in that relationship then starts keeping secrets and not sharing with their SO, keeping the SO out of the loop, and/or keeping things with the new partner separate, that's not cool. Especially if it's at the behest of said new partner. It's a ploy to supplant the SO. No bones about that. Serious butt-kicking needs to commence!

 

[satindesire]

Thank you for pointing that out, satindesire. That is the point of many issues with an "open" sharing relationship. If a person in that relationship then starts keeping secrets and not sharing with their SO, keeping the SO out of the loop, and/or keeping things with the new partner separate, that's not cool. Especially if it's at the behest of said new partner. It's a ploy to supplant the SO. No bones about that. Serious butt-kicking needs to commence!

Complete and total honesty from all three parties for all permutations of poly is the only way to avoid conflicts like this. I completely agree with you. When one person starts disrespecting another in the triangle, hurt feelings ensue. *nods*

 

[intothewoods]

One can be completely honest about everything and still feel jealous. Here's my question. If you have a desire to be with other people, but the feeling of jealousy if he were to do the same is incredibly strong...well, is that the answer? If you are more jealous than desiring of others, either the answer is what you have is working or you're codependent. I mean, I'm being lighthearted. People want different things from a relationship.

 

[JMohegan]

One can be completely honest about everything and still feel jealous. Here's my question. If you have a desire to be with other people, but the feeling of jealousy if he were to do the same is incredibly strong...well, is that the answer? If you are more jealous than desiring of others, either the answer is what you have is working or you're codependent. I mean, I'm being lighthearted. People want different things from a relationship.

Haha - no, I don't think the answer's that simple. Once you move away from strict one-on-one exclusivity, myriad options start appearing, and complicate things considerably.

There are people who are shared by their partners, but refuse to share. In theory, you could do this. Of course, it would help if MM had a cuckolding fetish or something!

I think it's worth contemplating why you have a desire to be with other people. Is it that MM lacks experience, skill, or interest in some kink you're eager to explore? Or, do you have a close friend with whom you'd like to become physically intimate? Are you thinking 'hey, the world's filled with hot guys, wouldn't it be great to play with/fuck more of them'? Or is this a form of engagement jitters, 'omg this could be the last cock I ever touch' type of thing?

 

[intothewoods]

Haha - no, I don't think the answer's that simple. Once you move away from strict one-on-one exclusivity, myriad options start appearing, and complicate things considerably.

Definitely.

There are people who are shared by their partners, but refuse to share. In theory, you could do this. Of course, it would help if MM had a cuckolding fetish or something!

Ha ha ha. Good one. Actually I find that (can wives be cuckolded?) super hawt and terrible all at the same time.

I think it's worth contemplating why you have a desire to be with other people. Is it that MM lacks experience, skill, or interest in some kink you're eager to explore? Or, do you have a close friend with whom you'd like to become physically intimate? Are you thinking 'hey, the world's filled with hot guys, wouldn't it be great to play with/fuck more of them'? Or is this a form of engagement jitters, 'omg this could be the last cock I ever touch' type of thing?

Ha, the bolded bit made me laugh.

Definitely no close friends with whom I'm just dying to become intimate. In fact, at a certain point, I became more uncomfortable doing anything sexual with folks I consider friends in the scene. People I'd fooled around with before -- all of a sudden the thought of even kissing them made me want to run in the other direction. Strangely, impact play to me is like going for a jog with someone. Mister Man thinks it's all sex. We put a stop on everything for the foreseeable future.

I'd say there are two things that are behind my desire. Hot guys and women, yeah, but more like enjoying the conquest and the uncomplicatedness of bottoming. As to the first, I just didn't do a lot of conquesting in my early twenties. I don't have to have sex to feel like I conquered. And it's not like the be all end all, but it's fun. As to the second, I enjoy the feeling of freedom and cutting loose that I get from going to a party or event. I sometimes have issues with accepting that the mom/responsible person me exists in the same body as the person with fucked up fantasy x and y. I like the escapist aspect. Of course, there are people at events that are douchebags. Mister Man will never play at an event. In many ways, I like that he's not in the scene (see aforementioned douchebags), but I sometimes wish he were into it just a little.

Fwiw, Mister Man has said that there is some sort of checklist appeal to sexual experiences, and that's what appeals to him about non-monogamy. This seems to resonate with other men I've spoken with. They say: oh yeah, the checklist, sure. I want to check off threesome, etc. Otherwise he thinks that there is a lot of risk and that we'd both have to be very comfortable with whatever was going to transpire. So far the entire thing always ends up too complicated to go anywhere. I actually am hugely satisfied just knowing it's not a closed topic forever and ever. Eh, so maybe the omg last cock forever thing is part of it. Ha.

You know, really, all of the above is superficial. I think for both of us we wonder what the goal is in terms of a married couple. The family part? I get it. He gets it. And we love each other and want to be with each other but I don't know what twenty years, forty years of monogamy is supposed to look like, feel like, be like. I don't have a lot of married friends about whom I can say THAT's what I want. And as an adult, I haven't had that really long term married couple in my life as the model I can point to. I think he and I and people I feel similarly to re: marriage feel very much in the present and that we're building this together and what exactly will happen in ten years in terms of monogamy is not set in stone but will evolve. What I know for sure is that when I heard Dan Savage say that your husband or wife should be your sexual partner in crime, I thought yes, that is exactly it.

 

[Netzach]

One can be completely honest about everything and still feel jealous. Here's my question. If you have a desire to be with other people, but the feeling of jealousy if he were to do the same is incredibly strong...well, is that the answer? If you are more jealous than desiring of others, either the answer is what you have is working or you're codependent. I mean, I'm being lighthearted. People want different things from a relationship.

The answer is wherever you find the most upside. If your desire to be with others is really that much stronger, you get over your jealousy. If your jealousy is that much stronger, you stick to the monogamy plan. I have never

ever


ever

seen the unbalanced Vee model of "I shall have as many as I want and you shall have only meeeeee" work

long term

outside some serious hardcore ultimate TPE M/s and even then, rarely.


I went through an insanely jealous period. OMG, my gf, I hated her sometimes sooooo much, it tormented me that she wanted anyone else, let alone *dick*.

Then, I don't know what happened, but at some point the tremendous erotic upside to all this was uncovered. I guess I'd been too uptight to consider to what extent I'm really a voyeur. The jealousy was programming and the slings and arrows of early abandonment by Daddy.

The sexual partner in crime bit is funny, that's how all my partners feel to an extent. Like Ocean's 11.

 

[Homburg]

Much of it does sound like garden-variety jealousy, and something that can be mulled through. But, as Mistress Belladonna pointed out, the disrespect is an issue that stuck out to me too.

In my own case, when I play outside my relationship (just play, I'm not one for casual sex), I make it very clear that I am in a committed relationship. Not in some over-bearing way, but I do make mention of viv and MIS when talking. I make it clear through that sort of comment that they exist, that I am acknowledging their existence, and the implication is that whomever I play with needs to acknowledge them as well.

When MIS and I were initially getting together, one topic that came up multiple times was respect for the initial dyad. We both were very clear that she was not going to displace viv, and was not going to try. And she has consistently shown viv respect, as well as viv respecting her. That is just how it has to work in a dynamic like this/ours (YMMV).

 

[intothewoods]

The answer is wherever you find the most upside. If your desire to be with others is really that much stronger, you get over your jealousy. If your jealousy is that much stronger, you stick to the monogamy plan. I have never

ever


ever

seen the unbalanced Vee model of "I shall have as many as I want and you shall have only meeeeee" work

long term

outside some serious hardcore ultimate TPE M/s and even then, rarely.


I went through an insanely jealous period. OMG, my gf, I hated her sometimes sooooo much, it tormented me that she wanted anyone else, let alone *dick*.

Then, I don't know what happened, but at some point the tremendous erotic upside to all this was uncovered. I guess I'd been too uptight to consider to what extent I'm really a voyeur. The jealousy was programming and the slings and arrows of early abandonment by Daddy.

The sexual partner in crime bit is funny, that's how all my partners feel to an extent. Like Ocean's 11.

I love that line. I really do.

There is no hope of me getting all the cookies and him getting none. Not gonna happen ever. I'm just saying that's what my inner brat thinks.

It's part jealousy and part fear of fucking us up and wrecking this thing.

 

[intothewoods]

Much of it does sound like garden-variety jealousy, and something that can be mulled through. But, as Mistress Belladonna pointed out, the disrespect is an issue that stuck out to me too.

In my own case, when I play outside my relationship (just play, I'm not one for casual sex), I make it very clear that I am in a committed relationship. Not in some over-bearing way, but I do make mention of viv and MIS when talking. I make it clear through that sort of comment that they exist, that I am acknowledging their existence, and the implication is that whomever I play with needs to acknowledge them as well.

When MIS and I were initially getting together, one topic that came up multiple times was respect for the initial dyad. We both were very clear that she was not going to displace viv, and was not going to try. And she has consistently shown viv respect, as well as viv respecting her. That is just how it has to work in a dynamic like this/ours (YMMV).

On the disrespect issue, I will add that it's tough to be the third. I played with a couple once and it was fairly disastrous for a variety of reasons. This was casual play and not a triad. Part of me felt like seriously, folks, I cannot figure out your couple. That's your work. At the time, I was newly single and not looking for anything, so that was a level of complication I just didn't need. I think there's an issue of compatability there. You need to find someone who is looking for a level of attention and to provide a level of respect that the couple wants.

 

[ecstaticsub]

The answer is wherever you find the most upside. If your desire to be with others is really that much stronger, you get over your jealousy. If your jealousy is that much stronger, you stick to the monogamy plan. I have never

ever


ever

seen the unbalanced Vee model of "I shall have as many as I want and you shall have only meeeeee" work

long term

outside some serious hardcore ultimate TPE M/s and even then, rarely.


I went through an insanely jealous period. OMG, my gf, I hated her sometimes sooooo much, it tormented me that she wanted anyone else, let alone *dick*.

Then, I don't know what happened, but at some point the tremendous erotic upside to all this was uncovered. I guess I'd been too uptight to consider to what extent I'm really a voyeur. The jealousy was programming and the slings and arrows of early abandonment by Daddy.

The sexual partner in crime bit is funny, that's how all my partners feel to an extent. Like Ocean's 11.

My husband has never been with another woman since we have been married. I have been with many other men including a couple serious emotional affairs. He has no desire to be with anyone else but me. I love him with all my heart but I love variety.

My husband has never shown any jealousy. He also has never voiced an opinion that he should be able to play around since he lets me. It is more of a I never can say no to him for sex since I freely give it to someone else.

If he wanted to be with another woman in the future I don't think I would take it very well. Mostly because he is not the sport fuck type. If he did feel a need to go outside of our marriage it would mean something was wrong with our relationship.

 

[Netzach]

My husband has never been with another woman since we have been married. I have been with many other men including a couple serious emotional affairs. He has no desire to be with anyone else but me. I love him with all my heart but I love variety.

My husband has never shown any jealousy. He also has never voiced an opinion that he should be able to play around since he lets me. It is more of a I never can say no to him for sex since I freely give it to someone else.

If he wanted to be with another woman in the future I don't think I would take it very well. Mostly because he is not the sport fuck type. If he did feel a need to go outside of our marriage it would mean something was wrong with our relationship.

That's cool, it's really unusual that everyone is copacetic and mellow like that. He found his upside, a highly sexual and sexually fulfilled partner.

It's much more common, you have to admit, that someone's frustrated when the rules are I can and you can't. It's usually an imposition and not organic at all.

That's what I mean dooms things, I guess.