traditional values aside, the more you speak of your boyfriend the more of a whiney little shit he comes off as, no offence. Ive seen at least a half dozen posts on what wrong this week, im not complaining or anything, i just want to interject the idea that maybe he is your problem. Hmmm.
What Did I Do Wrong ?
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Wolfman1982
people are hard to please
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PredatorSmile said:
Hey honey
if your boyfriend, is a really such a sissyslut (forgive me , for my choice of words), and he still has his problem over his fragile little ego. Then I would always love to be defended, even though, I am a man. And I do know how to defend myself Programmer Cat
Really Really Experienced
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PredatorSmile said:
Hey, I'd let you play Girl Knight. Just don't hog all of the bad guys for yourself; save a few for me.
PredatorSmile
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Programmer Cat said:
Wish there were more men like you around.
John Doe
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Well, when I first read your little story I figure that you're probably like most women in that you don't know a damn thing about how men think. which isn't that ahrd to figure ot though, because we're not that complicated. Just think of a woman, then add reason and accountability. The most obvious and probably most likely answer is that he was offended that you either A. fought his battle for him, which is not your call by any stretch of the imagination or B. is upset that you stuck your nose in his business, period.
But after reading some of the things you've said in the rest of the thread, it's clear to me now that you don't really give a shit about what he thinks or feels. You just want to do and say whatever the fuck you want and to hell what he says, and you just can't understand why he's upset that you did what your glands said was the best course of action.
But after reading some of the things you've said in the rest of the thread, it's clear to me now that you don't really give a shit about what he thinks or feels. You just want to do and say whatever the fuck you want and to hell what he says, and you just can't understand why he's upset that you did what your glands said was the best course of action.
Wolfman1982
people are hard to please
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Stuponfucious: skrid med dig, du er så forpulet irriterende, og du har lige vundet en første klasses billet til ignorer markerne. Hvad med du holder din forbandede lille ubetydelige kæft ! fordi du lukker kradftedeme mere lort ud, end en gyllespreder gør på en dag, på en mark af de store af slagsen .
Predatorsmile: just don´t read Stuponfucious´s reply, he is a fucking inbred, member of the race called. male schuvinistic pigs.
Sorry you had to get the message that way, but Stuponfucious is a jerk.
Predatorsmile: just don´t read Stuponfucious´s reply, he is a fucking inbred, member of the race called. male schuvinistic pigs.
Sorry you had to get the message that way, but Stuponfucious is a jerk.
PredatorSmile
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3 definitions found
chauvinist - Collaborative International Dictionary of English v.0.48 :
Chauvinism \Chau"vin*ism\, n. [F. chauvinisme, from Nicolas
Chauvin, a character represented as making grotesque and
threatening displays of his attachment to his fallen chief,
Napoleon I., in 1815 (in the play La Cocarde tricolor,
1831).]
1. Blind and absurd devotion to a fallen leader or an
obsolete cause; hence, absurdly vainglorious or
exaggerated patriotism.
[1913 Webster]
2. exaggerated and unreasoning partisanship to any group or
cause; -- as, male chauvinism, i.e. belief in the
superiority of males.
[PJC] -- Chau"vin*ist, n. & adj. -- Chau`vin*is"tic,
a.
[1913 Webster]
Note: To have a generous belief in the greatness of one's
country is not chauvinism. It is the character of the
latter quality to be wildly extravagant, to be fretful
and childish and silly, to resent a doubt as an insult,
and to offend by its very frankness. --Prof. H. Tuttle.
[1913 Webster]
chauvinist - WordNet (r) 2.0 (August 2003) :
chauvinist
n 1: a person with a prejudiced belief in the superiority of his
or her own kind
2: an extreme bellicose nationalist [syn: jingoist, jingo,
flag-waver, hundred-percenter, patrioteer]
chauvinist - Moby Thesaurus II by Grady Ward, 1.0 :
27 Moby Thesaurus words for "chauvinist":
bigot, chauvin, doctrinaire, dogmatist, fanatic, flag waver,
hard hat, hawk, hundred-percent American, hundred-percenter,
illiberal, intolerant, jingo, jingoist, male chauvinist,
militarist, nationalist, patriot, patrioteer, pig, racist, sexist,
superpatriot, ultranationalist, war dog, war hawk, warmonger
chauvinist - Collaborative International Dictionary of English v.0.48 :
Chauvinism \Chau"vin*ism\, n. [F. chauvinisme, from Nicolas
Chauvin, a character represented as making grotesque and
threatening displays of his attachment to his fallen chief,
Napoleon I., in 1815 (in the play La Cocarde tricolor,
1831).]
1. Blind and absurd devotion to a fallen leader or an
obsolete cause; hence, absurdly vainglorious or
exaggerated patriotism.
[1913 Webster]
2. exaggerated and unreasoning partisanship to any group or
cause; -- as, male chauvinism, i.e. belief in the
superiority of males.
[PJC] -- Chau"vin*ist, n. & adj. -- Chau`vin*is"tic,
a.
[1913 Webster]
Note: To have a generous belief in the greatness of one's
country is not chauvinism. It is the character of the
latter quality to be wildly extravagant, to be fretful
and childish and silly, to resent a doubt as an insult,
and to offend by its very frankness. --Prof. H. Tuttle.
[1913 Webster]
chauvinist - WordNet (r) 2.0 (August 2003) :
chauvinist
n 1: a person with a prejudiced belief in the superiority of his
or her own kind
2: an extreme bellicose nationalist [syn: jingoist, jingo,
flag-waver, hundred-percenter, patrioteer]
chauvinist - Moby Thesaurus II by Grady Ward, 1.0 :
27 Moby Thesaurus words for "chauvinist":
bigot, chauvin, doctrinaire, dogmatist, fanatic, flag waver,
hard hat, hawk, hundred-percent American, hundred-percenter,
illiberal, intolerant, jingo, jingoist, male chauvinist,
militarist, nationalist, patriot, patrioteer, pig, racist, sexist,
superpatriot, ultranationalist, war dog, war hawk, warmonger
glamorilla
creamy white center
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Badd Leroy said:Hmmmmm. There a few reasons for his reaction from where I sit.
First, he sounds like a passive kind of guy?.. maybe a little opposed to violence?
No?
Ok.. well, my Mom is fiesty like you. I've seen her deck 3 women in my life (for good reasons) and always my father would be sitting back shaking his head. I think it may be the old-time idea that women shouldn't act that way.
No?..
then perhaps he felt that he had the situation under control, and to have you handle a situation he was confronted with insulted his man-hood a little?
No..?
Well shit.. ya got me
hey you're cute!
artisticbiguy
Personally Divine
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okay been reading the reactions and advice. most of it to me has been good, if contradictory.
I think it is a shame your BF is not inclined to discuss the situation. That is a sure poisonous step in a relationship... the worst times and closest wife and I ever got to breaking up in our 13 years together have been because one or the other of us wouldn't discuss a problem.
I can not tell you what you did wrong. I do not know how I would respond if my wife reacted to a situation in that way. It really would depend upon the very specifics at the time. She has been my "Lady Knight" before, and has also been the "Maiden in Distress".
My father raised me that I was never to resort to violence unless I was willing to kill in the situation. However, if something was worth killing for, I wasn't to hold back. That upbringing has left me not being in a physical conflict since I was in 5th grade. I have also never been injured, even by drunked bastards/bitches at the bars who tried to goad me into a physical response.
Were you right, were you wrong? That is, to me, moot.
What is important as that the two of you resolve the issue.
But, that's just me.
ABG
I think it is a shame your BF is not inclined to discuss the situation. That is a sure poisonous step in a relationship... the worst times and closest wife and I ever got to breaking up in our 13 years together have been because one or the other of us wouldn't discuss a problem.
I can not tell you what you did wrong. I do not know how I would respond if my wife reacted to a situation in that way. It really would depend upon the very specifics at the time. She has been my "Lady Knight" before, and has also been the "Maiden in Distress".
My father raised me that I was never to resort to violence unless I was willing to kill in the situation. However, if something was worth killing for, I wasn't to hold back. That upbringing has left me not being in a physical conflict since I was in 5th grade. I have also never been injured, even by drunked bastards/bitches at the bars who tried to goad me into a physical response.
Were you right, were you wrong? That is, to me, moot.
What is important as that the two of you resolve the issue.
But, that's just me.
ABG
Recidiva
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Sorry, you broke the guy code.
There's nothing to do but wait for him to forgive you, if he does.
You can't really apologize, you can't really explain.
You just have to trust him that it hurt him and not do it again.
There are several "guy code" principles that are completely alien to women, but you have to learn each "guy code" principle by heart, because each guy thinks they're so fucking obvious that you'd only break them in order to bust their balls.
You can try informing him that you're a stupid girl, you think differently, you were trying to be supportive, but you're not his mother, you're his lover, and you should respect his choices.
You're not going to be right here, ever.
There's nothing to do but wait for him to forgive you, if he does.
You can't really apologize, you can't really explain.
You just have to trust him that it hurt him and not do it again.
There are several "guy code" principles that are completely alien to women, but you have to learn each "guy code" principle by heart, because each guy thinks they're so fucking obvious that you'd only break them in order to bust their balls.
You can try informing him that you're a stupid girl, you think differently, you were trying to be supportive, but you're not his mother, you're his lover, and you should respect his choices.
You're not going to be right here, ever.
John Doe
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Recidiva said:
They ARE that obvious, if one knows anything about how men in general think and percieve the world.
The main thing is there is an enormous ammount of pressure on us to maintain a certain image, and having a woman defend your honor is a major no-no.
Yeah, it's sexist to both men and women, but hey, whaddayagonnado?
Programmer Cat
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PredatorSmile said:
That's strange. A lot of people consider irreligious, egoistic guys who won't turn down a woman who wants to fight beside them -- like me -- to be defective human beings. Since I don't believe in God, am loyal only to myself and those I love, care nothing for society and government, and always look out for myself first I must obviously be a sick, if not utterly evil person.
Recidiva
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Programmer Cat said:
Hehe...
No, you sound great.
But my experience is that everyone has a few "code" points that if you violate them, it completely lowers their opinion of you.
It's best in human interaction to recognize when you've crossed an uncrossable and non-negotiable line.
There is a "guy code" and a "girl code" in general, but it's better to customize your relationships so you don't treat each person like a stereotype.
Programmer Cat
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Recidiva said:
Yeah, I've got a few myself. The best way to piss me off is to interrupt me when I'm concentrating on something. If I'm writing, or coding, or just doing dishes -- you can damned well wait until I am done.
PredatorSmile
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Oh, he decided that we shouldn't talk about it. I don't know whether I am forgiven or forgotten but I learned my lesson. Let him take care of himself. Always. All the guys I've talked to seem to "get him" but I don't get any of it. Men have their top secret language that I can't seem to decode, even after listening to all of it. I'm going to invent a "translator of men" and sell it to other women, I'll be richer than Trump and Gates in no time !
Recidiva
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PredatorSmile said:
Just consult the resident man when you see something, that's what I do with my husband. "Oh, that breaks the guy code, huh?"
He'll look at you like you're a moron, 'cause it's so obvious, but he'll explain.
That's how I learned.
Do not offer to pay.
Let him drive.
Do not say "thank you" because he takes it as an insult. It's his job.
Being left alone in silence is a sign of respect. Do not disturb.
No nurturing unless actively showing signs of illness.
Stuff like that.
Totally weird to me, but I just take it as a given, and apologize immediately if breaking the "guy code."
In turn, my PMS gets somewhat of a free pass, and I'm the "smartest woman he ever met."
Tah dah!
PredatorSmile
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Recidiva said:
Really ? Cool. I can see that you've been there. This is my first serious romantic relationship with a guy. Previously, I dated women and sometimes had casual encounters with men. Yeah, it's a different world, alright. Guy's world, guy's rules, guy's everything. I feel like I'm in a Charleston Heston
sci-fi movie. I'm learning to navigate. Thanks.
Programmer Cat
Really Really Experienced
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PredatorSmile said:
It's called machismo. Many males are raised to believe that they have to fight their own battles without help from anybody else -- especially a woman -- or they are worthless and weak. This attitude is certainly irrational, but it can be exploited, especially if you are in high school, alone, and facing several enemies: "What, you're not man enough to fight me one-on-one?"
As far as I'm concerned, if my woman wants to watch my back and have me guard her's, that's fine by me. I'd rather handle things myself, because I know that my wife doesn't deal well with confrontation, but I won't say no to her if she insists; I know she's got her pride too.
PredatorSmile
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Programmer Cat said:
Well, I'm confused by you men. Seriously. I grew up raised by a father and older brothers, I have been on all-male teams, but I don't have insight into your minds. I care about my guy, though, sometimes maybe a little too much. Wanna know something ? Even though he yelled at me for like an hour after we left the bar where I decked the girl who wanted to hurt him, I would have done it over again, if I had to choose.
Was I supposed to stand by and watch ? Sorry. We don't like in 1950
anymore. I'm not June Cleaver and my guy sure as hell ain't ward. We've got coed sports, for crying aloud !!! Someone attacks my man, they're going down. End of story.
You can roll your eyes and say "women" now.
Recidiva
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PredatorSmile said:
No, I don't think it can be dismissed as a macho thing or a silly idea. Women who make that mistake can be deeply insulting to guys.
Whatever his reasons, it's not necessarily about the issue at hand. It's more about you backing him up. It can't really be divided into "silly" and "not silly" reasons so easily.
Lots of people feel this way about presenting a united front in public. His refusing to engage this woman meant that she wasn't a threat. You made her into a threat despite his dismissing her. This comes down to strategy, dignity and public perception of who you guys "are" as a couple. You didn't back up his play. That's a big no no. Definitely in public a guy always wants to be backed up. Discuss it later in private if you need to, but even women want to be backed up.
Being jealous or violent in public, actually is like bleeding into the water for sharks. It might mean that you're not so secure with this guy, enough that you don't trust him...it can mean a whole lot of things. But in public, there are lots of reasons to keep your cool, say a polite "no" and move along. Otherwise you might be attracting the attention of people who can provoke you into fights easily.
PredatorSmile
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Recidiva said:
I didn't think of that. I actually thought he'd be happy that I defended him. If some bastard came at me, I know my man would be all over him in a second ! I actually thought he'd be pleased by what I did. I was thinking that the chick would hurt him and cops would haul him away if he defended himself. That's ALL I thought. My man getting locked up because he defended himself from an aggressive woman at a bar ? That didn't sit right with me at all. I know what you mean about presenting a united front, though. I am the assistant manager of a small business.
I KNOW about that. Don't disagree in front of the employees and/or customers. Discuss things in private instead. I got it.
Programmer Cat
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PredatorSmile said:
Hey, I like a woman who stands by her actions. If I wasn't happily married, I'd consider trying to "steal you" away from your irrationally macho boyfriend.
PredatorSmile said:
You'll hear no objection from me.
PredatorSmile said:
I won't say anything of the kind. Now, do you prefer a rapier or a katana when you're getting your Girl Knight on?
Recidiva
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PredatorSmile said:
Cool.
Anyway, I'm a defender of the guy code and the female code and the "Me Code" if only because some people just feel this stuff so instinctively, that they can't express it.
Hopefully sometimes you can find a translator, but sometimes you just have to go with it...even though it makes no rhyme or reason to you at all...just to be supportive.
Hopefully, with practice, you start to get someone who reciprocates and backs you up when you can't express what you need, because it's just such a part of you it's like breathing.
By coming to his aid, you've threatened his masculinity. You wore the pants in that situation, and in doing so, you robbed him of his pants.
It was immasculating. Watch "Miss Congeniality". At the very beginning, when gracie's just a girl, she comes to the defence of the boy she likes. Same thing happens. It's embarrassing.
In a situation like that, I would have simply just come up and put my arms around him, and watched it develop. My guy is the most gentle guy around, but y'don't fuck with him.
It was immasculating. Watch "Miss Congeniality". At the very beginning, when gracie's just a girl, she comes to the defence of the boy she likes. Same thing happens. It's embarrassing.
In a situation like that, I would have simply just come up and put my arms around him, and watched it develop. My guy is the most gentle guy around, but y'don't fuck with him.
