What Did I Do Wrong ?

[Meat Whistler]

***If I hadn't done something, the chick would have hurt him.***

How do you know? You resorted to violence, which is something I would never stand for in a relationship.

*** Just think of a woman, then add reason and accountability. ***

Stolen quote.

 

[John Doe]

Stolen quote.

It's merely unattributed, not stolen. And it's not an exact quote anyway. I paraphrased.

 

[John Doe]

No, I don't think it can be dismissed as a macho thing or a silly idea. Women who make that mistake can be deeply insulting to guys.

Whatever his reasons, it's not necessarily about the issue at hand. It's more about you backing him up. It can't really be divided into "silly" and "not silly" reasons so easily.

Lots of people feel this way about presenting a united front in public. His refusing to engage this woman meant that she wasn't a threat. You made her into a threat despite his dismissing her. This comes down to strategy, dignity and public perception of who you guys "are" as a couple. You didn't back up his play. That's a big no no. Definitely in public a guy always wants to be backed up. Discuss it later in private if you need to, but even women want to be backed up.

Being jealous or violent in public, actually is like bleeding into the water for sharks. It might mean that you're not so secure with this guy, enough that you don't trust him...it can mean a whole lot of things. But in public, there are lots of reasons to keep your cool, say a polite "no" and move along. Otherwise you might be attracting the attention of people who can provoke you into fights easily.

I don't know why but you don't seem nearly as retarded on the GLBT as you do on the GB.

 

[John Doe]

It's called machismo. Many males are raised to believe that they have to fight their own battles without help from anybody else -- especially a woman -- or they are worthless and weak. This attitude is certainly irrational, but it can be exploited, especially if you are in high school, alone, and facing several enemies: "What, you're not man enough to fight me one-on-one?"

As far as I'm concerned, if my woman wants to watch my back and have me guard her's, that's fine by me. I'd rather handle things myself, because I know that my wife doesn't deal well with confrontation, but I won't say no to her if she insists; I know she's got her pride too.

No, it's not called machismo. You're confusing macho and machismo. It's a common mistake, but one that's retarded nonetheless. Machismo is merely one's sense of self.

 

[SweetErika]

I'm at a club with my bf. Some bitch approaches him. He's polite but declines her advances. she starts cursing and acts like she wants to hurt him.

What do you mean by "acts like she wants to hurt him"? Did she raise her hand? Indicate she had a weapon?

he's big and tall but he's a gentleman and doesn't want to hurt the bitch, though I wish he would.

You wished harm on her because she made advances and swore?

I come to help my man in his time of need. I knock the bitch out. <snip>

If I hadn't done anything, the chick might have hurt him. He would restrain her, but he wouldn't hurt her. she had long nails and might have raked his face. cops wouldn't have sided with him if they came. i did my man a favor by protecting him. if a man had come after him, i would have given him the option. he can take on the guy, or we can take him together. i'm not the kind of girl to stand by while her man needs help.

I'm all for defending myself and those I love, but the problem with your actions in this situation is that you weren't defending anyone. You attacked without cause, probably acting on sheer emotion. I get pissed when someone's rude to my husband and I...it's only natural. However, rude/mean/offensive doesn't equal threatening. Sure, she might have hurt him with her long nails, but she didn't even try. Having long nails isn't a threat, and saying otherwise would be like asserting your bf's cock makes him a good threat as a rapist.

Your bf is a big guy, and can take on other guys even, right? Let's just say the other woman took another step forward and raised her hand, claws and all, to him. Of course that'd be foolish of her to do considering the difference in strength. Try to think about this logically for a moment: What would he have done? He likely would have grabbed her hand and/or held her back in some way, right? That would be an appropriate reaction to a situation in which she'd made a move. In this case, your action (hitting her) still would have been completely wrong because there was no real threat to either of you. He could have handled it fine --if there had been a genuine threat-- but you overreacted, stepped in, and attacked her without cause. He likely grabbed your hand and hauled you out of there because visions of you in handcuffs being thrown into a police car were dancing in his head.

Your actions were not those of a reasonable person. You were wrong, and I wouldn't be surprised if a large part of his anger and disappointment came from the aftermath if you tried to defend your behavior and play a victim to him like you have here. On top of being emasculated, he's likely hurt because he expected better from you; it's painful to be disappointed in those we care about.

If you'd like this, or any, relationship to work, seriously think about how you could/should have handled it differently, take responsibility for your actions, apologize sincerely, and make strides to fix whatever caused it in the first place (in this case, you might examine and talk about jealousy, work on anger management, get counseling, etc.). If not, you may be exactly who you were claiming to defend your bf from.

 

[PredatorSmile]

What do you mean by "acts like she wants to hurt him"? Did she raise her hand? Indicate she had a weapon?

You wished harm on her because she made advances and swore?


I'm all for defending myself and those I love, but the problem with your actions in this situation is that you weren't defending anyone. You attacked without cause, probably acting on sheer emotion. I get pissed when someone's rude to my husband and I...it's only natural. However, rude/mean/offensive doesn't equal threatening. Sure, she might have hurt him with her long nails, but she didn't even try. Having long nails isn't a threat, and saying otherwise would be like asserting your bf's cock makes him a good threat as a rapist.

Your bf is a big guy, and can take on other guys even, right? Let's just say the other woman took another step forward and raised her hand, claws and all, to him. Of course that'd be foolish of her to do considering the difference in strength. Try to think about this logically for a moment: What would he have done? He likely would have grabbed her hand and/or held her back in some way, right? That would be an appropriate reaction to a situation in which she'd made a move. In this case, your action (hitting her) still would have been completely wrong because there was no real threat to either of you. He could have handled it fine --if there had been a genuine threat-- but you overreacted, stepped in, and attacked her without cause. He likely grabbed your hand and hauled you out of there because visions of you in handcuffs being thrown into a police car were dancing in his head.

Your actions were not those of a reasonable person. You were wrong, and I wouldn't be surprised if a large part of his anger and disappointment came from the aftermath if you tried to defend your behavior and play a victim to him like you have here. On top of being emasculated, he's likely hurt because he expected better from you; it's painful to be disappointed in those we care about.

If you'd like this, or any, relationship to work, seriously think about how you could/should have handled it differently, take responsibility for your actions, apologize sincerely, and make strides to fix whatever caused it in the first place (in this case, you might examine and talk about jealousy, work on anger management, get counseling, etc.). If not, you may be exactly who you were claiming to defend your bf from.

Some of you think what I did was fine, others think I overreacted like a silly girl and offended the Gods of Machismo and therefore must be put down. That's all fine and good. You're entitled to your opinions, which I did ask for, btw. But I would NEVER hurt him. Not casually. Not in anger.
Not ever. I'm not the type of person who would hurt their loved ones.

 

[pink]

He doesn't need defending sweetie, he's a big boy. Let him handle it.


i hope ya'll work things out. *hugs*

 

[Xtinas_Girlfriend]

I knock the bitch out.

Did you yell at her first to leave him alone? Because if you tried that first, but she was still aggressive, and then you punched her, I don't really see a problem. Maybe it's because I've never been in a situation like this, or that I'm really passive so it'd be good if someone fought for me, but I wouldn't have been upset by it.

 

[PredatorSmile]

Did you yell at her first to leave him alone? Because if you tried that first, but she was still aggressive, and then you punched her, I don't really see a problem. Maybe it's because I've never been in a situation like this, or that I'm really passive so it'd be good if someone fought for me, but I wouldn't have been upset by it.

Of course I told her to leave him alone ! She swung at me, I dodged and hit her ! Next thing I knew, "mister man" drags me out of the club, and then I spent the next half hour listening to his tirade. You know what, after hearing plenty of opinions on this matter, from both men and women, online and offline, I've decided that I did right. Nobody else has been in my shoes. Nobody else can know what went through my mind at the moment. It's instinctive. Some stranger goes after someone you love and you intervene to defend them. Simple. Whether or not the person you defended is grateful, or whether or not society approves, well it doesnt matter. The moment has passed. Other people who didnt experience it can't understand it. Thank you all for your responses.

 

[Wolfman1982]

PredatorSmile: I know what you have been through, since I have been the defendant in such a situation, a couple of times. In my past, and most of the times, the person who defended me was my sister. And the first times the things happened, I was a small boy, and not a big guy (height and weight), like now. So PS if you were my girlfriend, I would kiss you when you had defended me. Even though, now a days I can defend myself.

 

[SweetErika]

Some of you think what I did was fine, others think I overreacted like a silly girl and offended the Gods of Machismo and therefore must be put down. That's all fine and good. You're entitled to your opinions, which I did ask for, btw. But I would NEVER hurt him. Not casually. Not in anger.
Not ever. I'm not the type of person who would hurt their loved ones.

Let's not get overdramatic here, PS. No one's calling you a silly girl or putting you down. People all screw up, but it's how they deal with those mistakes that tells what kind of character they truly have. I also wasn't suggesting that you were trying (or would try) to hurt him; I was simply saying that your actions that evening, and likely after, caused him pain because they did --otherwise he wouldn't have reacted that way.

I had a friend who responded to situations where she was clearly wrong and hurt others by:
1) Twisting the situation, others' reactions/words, and denying it
2) Finally recognizing she'd caused pain and apologizing
3) Right after "I'm sorry" came many very lengthy justifications for her actions
4) She continued to repeat the behaviors, and this whole process

This added insult to injury by invalidating the thoughts and feelings of others, showed her immaturity, and eventually destroyed her relationships. She usually didn't mean to hurt those she cared about, but that didn't change the fact that the way she chose to act caused very real pain. I sincerely hope you choose to handle things differently than her, and have healthy, fulfilling relationships, that's all.

 

[PredatorSmile]

Let's not get overdramatic here, PS. No one's calling you a silly girl or putting you down. People all screw up, but it's how they deal with those mistakes that tells what kind of character they truly have. I also wasn't suggesting that you were trying (or would try) to hurt him; I was simply saying that your actions that evening, and likely after, caused him pain because they did --otherwise he wouldn't have reacted that way.

I had a friend who responded to situations where she was clearly wrong and hurt others by:
1) Twisting the situation, others' reactions/words, and denying it
2) Finally recognizing she'd caused pain and apologizing
3) Right after "I'm sorry" came many very lengthy justifications for her actions
4) She continued to repeat the behaviors, and this whole process

This added insult to injury by invalidating the thoughts and feelings of others, showed her immaturity, and eventually destroyed her relationships. She usually didn't mean to hurt those she cared about, but that didn't change the fact that the way she chose to act caused very real pain. I sincerely hope you choose to handle things differently than her, and have healthy, fulfilling relationships, that's all.

Thanks. ALL of you.

 

[SweetErika]

Thanks. ALL of you.

I'm not quite sure what that comment means. Could you please clarify?

 

[PredatorSmile]

I'm not quite sure what that comment means. Could you please clarify?

I was just looking back at past issues in my relationship, thought of this and it made me smile. I was thanking all of you for your words. Some of it did help.

 

[LoboBoy]

I was just looking back at past issues in my relationship, thought of this and it made me smile. I was thanking all of you for your words. Some of it did help.

I never thought what you did was "wrong". I was just trying to explain, as a guy, why he'd react that way.

Now...PS...is that you in the avatar? Cos from one gay man to a bi girl....God DAMN you are hot!

 

[PredatorSmile]

I never thought what you did was "wrong". I was just trying to explain, as a guy, why he'd react that way.

Now...PS...is that you in the avatar? Cos from one gay man to a bi girl....God DAMN you are hot!

Yes, that's me. A while ago, I tried modeling but Barbizon threw me out. I decided to pursue another career instead...besides....I hate dresses !

 

[Samuelx]

Dressed should be banned. Women and queers will be pissed.

 

[Wolfman1982]

Dressed should be banned. Women and queers will be pissed.

Sorry I didn´t get that sentence, but anyway. How can I say anything ? Oh well ! here it is according to the law, you are allowed to defend yourself, but not your friend when he can´t defend himself, I once heard about a person who defended a friend who was attacked, and well because the guy defended his friend had done martial arts since he was a child, he got 9 months in jail.

BECAUSE he defended a friend ???

well well well , is it also like that in USA ?

So if you just defended your friend, then you would probably get only 3 months of jail, because you defended your friend, if you haven´t trained "MA".

Some laws are crazy, and especially this one (in DK anyway), since when you defend a friend, then the real violence lovers can get in court, and get you imprisoned, because you defended your friend.

Anyway what are your thoughts, and your laws ?

 

[binary1980]

k so im a lil late to the party it looks like but PredatorSmile, you did what you thought was right. in all honesty, F*&^ what everyone else thinks of ya (well not everyone obviously..just strangers). keep your loved ones close and safe. if that means knockin some drunk woman out in the middle of a crowded bar, then so be it. you did good kid. cause you followed your heart. and thats what matters.

 

[FLBob]

1 word:

maturity?

 

[rjp44]

how it would be

Predator Smile, you are truely a unique person. I think you were perfectly right in defending your guy, just as he would be if a drunk guy came after you. You have a lucky guy to have a woman with your openess and thoughts not impeded by society.

 

[PredatorSmile]

Predator Smile, you are truely a unique person. I think you were perfectly right in defending your guy, just as he would be if a drunk guy came after you. You have a lucky guy to have a woman with your openess and thoughts not impeded by society.

THANK YOU !!!! Best thing anyone has said to me all week !!!!

 

[OttawaMaleSlut]

Maybe your man doesn't believe violence is ever acceptable. He'll get over it, guys do. Show you care, but its not the end of the world.

 

[PredatorSmile]

Maybe your man doesn't believe violence is ever acceptable. He'll get over it, guys do. Show you care, but its not the end of the world.

Gotcha. What we have is here is a couple where one has "angry bisexual man" syndrome and the other is trying to hold the relationship together, both emotionally and sexually. One has a habit of taking off for days and notify the significant other much later, when that one feels like it. One gets mad at the other for being extremely ego-centric at times. One loves the other more than one is loved back. I'll let you guess which is which.

 

[rjp44]

sssfsdb

PS, there are times when being in love really bites, but when things are right, there is no higher high. Hope your bf can work through his own internal turmoils and just learn to enjoy what life has given him.