What Did I Do Wrong ?

[PredatorSmile]

Okay, people. I have a question, and both men and women are welcome to
reply.

I'm at a club with my bf. Some bitch approaches him. He's polite but declines her advances. she starts cursing and acts like she wants to hurt him. he's big and tall but he's a gentleman and doesn't want to hurt the bitch, though I wish he would. I come to help my man in his time of need. I knock the bitch out. I turn to the man I love, happy to have been able to help him out. Many guys have to deal with psycho drunk chicks who get way too nasty in clubs. It's an unpleasant situation for any male. I thought my man would be glad of my help. He wasn't. He took my hand and we left the club. I had to endure a 30-minute lecture
on what NOT to do. I don't get it.


If I hadn't done anything, the chick might have hurt him. He would restrain her, but he wouldn't hurt her. she had long nails and might have raked his face. cops wouldn't have sided with him if they came. i did my man a favor by protecting him. if a man had come after him, i would have given him the option. he can take on the guy, or we can take him together. i'm not the kind of girl to stand by while her man needs help.

Again, I'm befuddled.


Why is he mad at me ?


Last night, he didn't hold me like he usually does. He didn't say anything to me this morning.


Did I do something wrong ?

 

[SensualMan]

Hmmm....

Sounds to me like a couple things could be true:

1. He was offended you thought he needed you to help protect him.

2. He was upset that you got violent when he refused to go to that level.

3. He was worried about you getting in trouble for making it physical.

Just a thought.

 

[PredatorSmile]

Sounds to me like a couple things could be true:

1. He was offended you thought he needed you to help protect him.

2. He was upset that you got violent when he refused to go to that level.

3. He was worried about you getting in trouble for making it physical.

Just a thought.

But WHY ?


A. If I hadn't done something, the chick would have hurt him.

B. If he had done something, even though the chick was attacking him, other guys at the club might have come after him. he's big but he's not the hulk. he can't fight 50 men.

C. I wasn't worried about getting in trouble. Ever heard of self-defense ? the chick took a swing at me when i told her to leave my man alone. i only defended myself.

 

[TheHobbyMan151]

i can agree with that.

 

[Badd Leroy]

Okay, people. I have a question, and both men and women are welcome to
reply.

I'm at a club with my bf. Some bitch approaches him. He's polite but declines her advances. she starts cursing and acts like she wants to hurt him. he's big and tall but he's a gentleman and doesn't want to hurt the bitch, though I wish he would. I come to help my man in his time of need. I knock the bitch out. I turn to the man I love, happy to have been able to help him out. Many guys have to deal with psycho drunk chicks who get way too nasty in clubs. It's an unpleasant situation for any male. I thought my man would be glad of my help. He wasn't. He took my hand and we left the club. I had to endure a 30-minute lecture
on what NOT to do. I don't get it.


If I hadn't done anything, the chick might have hurt him. He would restrain her, but he wouldn't hurt her. she had long nails and might have raked his face. cops wouldn't have sided with him if they came. i did my man a favor by protecting him. if a man had come after him, i would have given him the option. he can take on the guy, or we can take him together. i'm not the kind of girl to stand by while her man needs help.

Again, I'm befuddled.


Why is he mad at me ?


Last night, he didn't hold me like he usually does. He didn't say anything to me this morning.


Did I do something wrong ?

Hmmmmm. There a few reasons for his reaction from where I sit.
First, he sounds like a passive kind of guy?.. maybe a little opposed to violence?
No?
Ok.. well, my Mom is fiesty like you. I've seen her deck 3 women in my life (for good reasons) and always my father would be sitting back shaking his head. I think it may be the old-time idea that women shouldn't act that way.
No?..
then perhaps he felt that he had the situation under control, and to have you handle a situation he was confronted with insulted his man-hood a little?
No..?
Well shit.. ya got me

 

[hugo_sam]

Okay, people. I have a question, and both men and women are welcome to
reply.

I'm at a club with my bf. Some bitch approaches him. He's polite but declines her advances. she starts cursing and acts like she wants to hurt him. he's big and tall but he's a gentleman and doesn't want to hurt the bitch, though I wish he would. I come to help my man in his time of need. I knock the bitch out. I turn to the man I love, happy to have been able to help him out. Many guys have to deal with psycho drunk chicks who get way too nasty in clubs. It's an unpleasant situation for any male. I thought my man would be glad of my help. He wasn't. He took my hand and we left the club. I had to endure a 30-minute lecture
on what NOT to do. I don't get it.


If I hadn't done anything, the chick might have hurt him. He would restrain her, but he wouldn't hurt her. she had long nails and might have raked his face. cops wouldn't have sided with him if they came. i did my man a favor by protecting him. if a man had come after him, i would have given him the option. he can take on the guy, or we can take him together. i'm not the kind of girl to stand by while her man needs help.

Again, I'm befuddled.


Why is he mad at me ?


Last night, he didn't hold me like he usually does. He didn't say anything to me this morning.


Did I do something wrong ?

Hey PS
I think the answer is both very simple and amazingly complex.
I'm just an old bear, but it is clear that his pride has been injured.
I am not a shrink but that much is clear.
Pride in general, the handling of situations, having his SO intervene thus implying he could not handle it, a female intervening implying he as a man could not handle it; which I do not know, but I would hazzard all of them in some manner or degree.
How many times have you told a friend or him, that you could handle it?
That type of thing.
The solution: communication.
One incident at a club shown blow over fairly rapidly, but even still you two should discuss it. Calmly. rationally and without making accusations from either side. Tell him you understand that he was upset by the incident but that you do not understand why. To you, you were defending your SO, but he is clearly upset. ?Ask himn to tell you why it upset him so. The specific reasons he was upset. (Because is not a reason it is at best a preposition)
The key to any incident is open, frank and non-accusitory discussion.

JMHO

Hugo

ETA: Your PM box is full

 

[BabyBlue2005]

Okay, people. I have a question, and both men and women are welcome to
reply.

Why is he mad at me ?


Last night, he didn't hold me like he usually does. He didn't say anything to me this morning.


Did I do something wrong ?

I think you need to talk to him and find out why he's upset ... it could be a number of reasons. (Well done knocking the bitch out though, honey )

Whatever happens I hope it all works out OK with you both

 

[Wolfman1982]

Hmmm I don´t know really, but I think I would laugh my arse off, if my girlfriend (I wish I had one), smacked down a crazy bitch, that I could handle without violence.

I don´t know really, but it sounds like either a very nonviolent male ego, he has. And also if he has some hormones flying through his body at the moment. I would maybe think his male ego is hurt, just because "you came to the rescue". Hmmm I am not a violent man at all, but niether gender, I would be tempted to maybe do the same thing, and smack the bitch, but I think I would rather take the defensive role passive first, and then defend myself if it went crazy.

 

[playwithlezli]

Maybe he doesn't see the point of violence when it is being handled otherwise.

 

[Shankara20]

Did I do something wrong ?

Wrong from who’s point of view?

It sounds like you feel he is upset. The only resolution is to talk it out.

I strongly suggest you offer to him an explanation of what felings you had that motivated your actions. I not talking about thinking what the girl “might” have done. But talk about that you were feeling and how those feelings motivated you to take the action you did.


good luck.

 

[bisexplicit]

I'd be pissed at you if you did that too.

I've never had to resolve any situation with violence. I highly doubt that you needed to "knock the bitch out." If I was him, I'd think twice about dating you.

 

[Wolfman1982]

Come on, for the love of something you all like, if you go out on a disco. Then when you defend yourself, it doesn´t mean that PredatorSmile is normally violent. But because her boyfriend, is a very nonviolent person, then he gets pissed off, and gives her a morale reprimande, and ok to that. Violence is always the last option, and well, when she is defending herself. It wouldn´t be called violence.

Damn it people, you are blaming PredatorSmile, for being a violent woman. Come on, her boyfriend got pissed, since she punched out a psycho woman, to use some more soft words. BUT you are forgetting that PS did only deliver a punchout blow, since she was defending herself.

PredatorSmile, talk to your boyfriend. And don´t get upset about if he goes all nonviolent on you, but just listen to him. And then he should take something to chill himself out, and then you should tell him your side of the story, and then you could figure out why he got so pissed like my bigsister sometime do when she thinks the situation is hers, and not mine. But enough of my dear family. and back to the discussion.

 

[Mallory69]

Well I can see both points of view on this one. Since he had already rejected her advances and although she became hostile, it could be that he thought that he had already handled the situation. It could also be that his ego was somewhat bruised (ah what a thing the male ego is. And they say women are the WEAKER sex?) because you chose to handle a situation that he could not. He also might be concerned that you have some control issues or some jealousy issues.

I can also see your side being protective of your man and making sure that no harm comes to him in the form of, as you put it, a psycho bitch. Kudos to you. Had you not she might have become more aggressive later. Unfortunately you had to show a side of yourself that you probably lkeep under control at other times.

In either case, I hope that you will be able to resolve this issue and that he will be able to get over it.

Good luck.

 

[Missouribiguy]

I just need to talk, ok. I think he'll come around.

 

[fingermagic]

Okay, people. I have a question, and both men and women are welcome to
reply.

I'm at a club with my bf. Some bitch approaches him. He's polite but declines her advances. she starts cursing and acts like she wants to hurt him. he's big and tall but he's a gentleman and doesn't want to hurt the bitch, though I wish he would. I come to help my man in his time of need. I knock the bitch out. I turn to the man I love, happy to have been able to help him out. Many guys have to deal with psycho drunk chicks who get way too nasty in clubs. It's an unpleasant situation for any male. I thought my man would be glad of my help. He wasn't. He took my hand and we left the club. I had to endure a 30-minute lecture
on what NOT to do. I don't get it.


If I hadn't done anything, the chick might have hurt him. He would restrain her, but he wouldn't hurt her. she had long nails and might have raked his face. cops wouldn't have sided with him if they came. i did my man a favor by protecting him. if a man had come after him, i would have given him the option. he can take on the guy, or we can take him together. i'm not the kind of girl to stand by while her man needs help.

Again, I'm befuddled.


Why is he mad at me ?


Last night, he didn't hold me like he usually does. He didn't say anything to me this morning.


Did I do something wrong ?

Damn, I better not try to pick up your boyfriend. I don't want to be cold cocked when trying to get a stiff cock.

 

[LoboBoy]

I don't like to make a scene when I am out. When the kinds of girls or guys like the one you mentioned are around...we go inside and dance to get away from them...or you just go to security and they throw them out. To me the whole "smack the bitch out" thing would ruin the night.

I will say this...If I saw my guy kissing or messing with MY guy in the club no matter how off our faces we were...If it was NOT something I gave the OK too (which is not likely to happen regardless of our fantasies) I would smack the guy out, drag my guy by the hand outside and tear strips off him verbally.

I would also do it if the guy was for example, not letting go of my guy...harrassing him and being physical.

Anything else, I would get security to handle it and continue on with our night.

 

[Grace-A-Belle]

Your mistake was acting on impulse. You said so yourself that he's bigger than her. If she would have hit him, he probably could have fended for himself. You should have used words instead of your fists, as lame as that sounds.
-Grace

Okay, people. I have a question, and both men and women are welcome to
reply.

I'm at a club with my bf. Some bitch approaches him. He's polite but declines her advances. she starts cursing and acts like she wants to hurt him. he's big and tall but he's a gentleman and doesn't want to hurt the bitch, though I wish he would. I come to help my man in his time of need. I knock the bitch out. I turn to the man I love, happy to have been able to help him out. Many guys have to deal with psycho drunk chicks who get way too nasty in clubs. It's an unpleasant situation for any male. I thought my man would be glad of my help. He wasn't. He took my hand and we left the club. I had to endure a 30-minute lecture
on what NOT to do. I don't get it.


If I hadn't done anything, the chick might have hurt him. He would restrain her, but he wouldn't hurt her. she had long nails and might have raked his face. cops wouldn't have sided with him if they came. i did my man a favor by protecting him. if a man had come after him, i would have given him the option. he can take on the guy, or we can take him together. i'm not the kind of girl to stand by while her man needs help.

Again, I'm befuddled.


Why is he mad at me ?


Last night, he didn't hold me like he usually does. He didn't say anything to me this morning.


Did I do something wrong ?

 

[DarkAurora]

It just sounds to me like he felt embarassed. Do you guys go to that particular club often? Maybe he just felt like you embarassed him in front of some of his friends there.

 

[LoboBoy]

I have thought about this all day and I don't want this to be offensive to you. I know you really love this guy from your other posts. You come across like a very nice person but also a straight shooter. I know you’d want honest answers and not “net buddies” telling you what you want to hear.

1. In the eyes of other guys, you just made him look like a pussy. He lost far more face than he would have had that rough chick tried to hit him. You basically emasculated him. (Without meaning to, I know that)

2. No guy likes violent women. It makes women seem really unattractive, like rough explosive, unpredictable rednecks. You actually just put yourself up there with the chick you knocked out.

I have no idea how you can turn this around.

 

[PredatorSmile]

I have thought about this all day and I don't want this to be offensive to you. I know you really love this guy from your other posts. You come across like a very nice person but also a straight shooter. I know you’d want honest answers and not “net buddies” telling you what you want to hear.

1. In the eyes of other guys, you just made him look like a pussy. He lost far more face than he would have had that rough chick tried to hit him. You basically emasculated him. (Without meaning to, I know that)

2. No guy likes violent women. It makes women seem really unattractive, like rough explosive, unpredictable rednecks. You actually just put yourself up there with the chick you knocked out.

I have no idea how you can turn this around.

well, this saddens me. i talked to him. he said he doesn't want to talk about it and just wants to drop it. i dont get it but i will do as he said.
it's real sad when you love somebody, and put yourself in harm's way to
defend them, yet end up being chastized for being their knight ( well, girl knight, at any rate) in shining armor. what to do in this situation ? i shrug
it off. i'm beginning to think that maybe i love somebody a little too much. seriously. if i see someone hurting him, my heart would race and i'd feel angry at the person and ready to risk life and limb to defend my
man. yet he doesn't appreciate it. looks like i've put a lot more of my heart in things than he does, or ever will. love makes you do crazy things, i guess. lesson learned, though.

 

[LoboBoy]

I can see how upset you are. You know, your guy sounds like the old fashioned type in some ways. He wants to be YOUR knight...you're the one to be cherished and protected.

The fact that you think he needs that in such a physical way is messing with his head. Like; "how much of a pussy does she think I am?" You mentioned he’s the jock type in a previous post, right? All the more reason for him to feel that way.

I have been in your BF's shoes. I came out of a 10 year straight marriage. My wonderful wife wanted the knight...and that’s what she got. She knew I would always protect her...always watch out for her.

Now I am in wonderful long-term gay relationship...It took a lot of getting used to having some one try to look out for me...to "share" the knight role if you like. We share that role even though I am a bodybuilder, in really good shape and he is a lot smaller and younger than me. He would lose his mind at anyone trying to hurt me…even if it was clear I could wipe the floor with them. The difference is, we are both guys.

.......
I don't know if that helps...Just remember this: nice guys find violent women unattractive. Guys don't need a knight in shining armour...they want to BE the knight in shining armour. Any guy, whose girlfriend fights his battles for him, will never live that down with his buddies.

All of that might sound like BS to you…but trust me it’s the way we think.

You know what...you sound like a strong "take no prisoners" kind of girl. You remind me of my sister...the youngest of four with three older brothers. Do you have brothers by any chance?

 

[ezervet]

men definitely bruise their egos pretty easily. we like to call women crazy, but we're just a little bit different kind of crazy. okay a lot a bit. my two cents are that you shouldn't worry about this too much. i don't think any guy would break up with his GF over just one such occasion. if it was a repeating thing, maybe, but now that you know, i think you'll be better able to look out for repeating your "mistake." respect his wishes, and i think he'll give you credit for it, even if he doesn't say so. (we never do.) guys are remarkably resilient, and though we are complex, sometimes we're pretty simple too. if he doesn't want to talk about it, there's a possibility he really just doesn't want to talk about it. you've let him know how you feel, so let it percolate with him a litttle bit. if your relationship proceeds and things are better, then things are better. if they don't, well, thats a whole other pickle. but don't worry too much about it.

 

[PredatorSmile]

I can see how upset you are. You know, your guy sounds like the old fashioned type in some ways. He wants to be YOUR knight...you're the one to be cherished and protected.

The fact that you think he needs that in such a physical way is messing with his head. Like; "how much of a pussy does she think I am?" You mentioned he’s the jock type in a previous post, right? All the more reason for him to feel that way.

I have been in your BF's shoes. I came out of a 10 year straight marriage. My wonderful wife wanted the knight...and that’s what she got. She knew I would always protect her...always watch out for her.

Now I am in wonderful long-term gay relationship...It took a lot of getting used to having some one try to look out for me...to "share" the knight role if you like. We share that role even though I am a bodybuilder, in really good shape and he is a lot smaller and younger than me. He would lose his mind at anyone trying to hurt me…even if it was clear I could wipe the floor with them. The difference is, we are both guys.

.......
I don't know if that helps...Just remember this: nice guys find violent women unattractive. Guys don't need a knight in shining armour...they want to BE the knight in shining armour. Any guy, whose girlfriend fights his battles for him, will never live that down with his buddies.

All of that might sound like BS to you…but trust me it’s the way we think.

You know what...you sound like a strong "take no prisoners" kind of girl. You remind me of my sister...the youngest of four with three older brothers. Do you have brothers by any chance?

Yes, I have brothers. Trust me, I learned my lesson. I have lost the urge to play GIRL KNIGHT for any man, since they won't be grateful.
Don't mean to sound like a hater, just a frustrated gal with a migraine.

 

[PredatorSmile]

Most men aren't comfortable with "girl chivalry". It was on MSN recently.

 

[LoboBoy]

lol...well there you go.

But that said, I hope he's over it by now. It's not something you'd get fixated on.