What Are You Thinking? Continued 4

[RcyMtnGrl]

That was a long overdue and cleansing visit. And it’s good to have her back in my court.

 

[MRSassySheDevil]

I'M NOT FUCKING OKAY! OKAY?!?!?​

I usually don't get involved with the wifes drama (I am sure the wife has told ya that before chris)but I still remember when I came home and the wife had told me what happened, our whole family was shocked over what had happened and I remember the wifes emotions and how much she was worried about "you".

Over the years I had listened to you 2 talk, bitch, gripe, and yap over the drama here. I remember the late night talks when you needed somebody on multiple occasions and how much he wife enjoyed helping you and I am sure she leaned on you a few times. I remember when she would say chris it was always "her best friend" and heck my kids would yap with you either on the phone or on speaker phone.

My kids were certainly worried about you after what had happened as was I. I remember when you were just unsure what to do or how to handle anything--as anybody would and I told the wife if she needed to fly out to help you--go. She honored your wishes and you just pushed her away even when she was ready to drop everything to help. Its sad to see those who instead of sticking together during dire times get pushed away because like it or not we all need somebody to lean on outside the keyboard.

Wish the best for ya chris.

 

[Misshotndeep]

I'm thinking... uh, oh!

https://i.imgur.com/34SASt3.jpg

Funny funny funny!

 

[Chris_Michael]

I usually don't get involved with the wifes drama (I am sure the wife has told ya that before chris)but I still remember when I came home and the wife had told me what happened, our whole family was shocked over what had happened and I remember the wifes emotions and how much she was worried about "you".

Over the years I had listened to you 2 talk, bitch, gripe, and yap over the drama here. I remember the late night talks when you needed somebody on multiple occasions and how much he wife enjoyed helping you and I am sure she leaned on you a few times. I remember when she would say chris it was always "her best friend" and heck my kids would yap with you either on the phone or on speaker phone.

My kids were certainly worried about you after what had happened as was I. I remember when you were just unsure what to do or how to handle anything--as anybody would and I told the wife if she needed to fly out to help you--go. She honored your wishes and you just pushed her away even when she was ready to drop everything to help. Its sad to see those who instead of sticking together during dire times get pushed away because like it or not we all need somebody to lean on outside the keyboard.

Wish the best for ya chris.

I think what you just said is 100% accurate. However, there are a few things that are being overblown.

First of all, I never stopped talking to your wife. I mean, the amount of time I spent talking to her decreased to almost a halt. But I still sent her a text 2 weeks after the incident, updating her on my situation. Two weeks later, she made this comment via text that I didn't talk to her anymore, which was weird because I was in contact with her. She said "Well, we don't voice anymore."

That is highly unfortunate. But do you realize how many phone calls, text messages and visitors I had during that first month? I swear to god, my house was full of people who I didn't even know. They would just show up. I received texts from people who I went to middle school with. I received texts from people who knew me and I didn't know them. I got phone calls from people who I went to high school with asking if THEY could give my phone number to my 6th-7th grade teachers. ENTIRE CHURCHES showed up. And then they tried to save my soul, which will never happen.

Anyway, the point is that there was a HUGE amount of support, which was totally overwhelming. I swear, there were people all up in my living room and kitchen.... and I took my dog, went into my parent's bedroom because that's where the dog slept, and I just laid down on my parent's bed until everybody left.

There comes a time when you don't want to talk about it anymore. Not at all.

So what did I do? I joined a hardcore raid group in Final Fantasy. None of these people knew anything about me, and even better... they didn't give a shit. They didn't care about my parents, there was no drama... it was the perfect escape.

I joined their raid group which ran from 7pm-12am every night until we cleared all the content, and then it came down to 8pm-11pm six days a week.

Was it healthy? Probably not. Did it help get my mind off of my parents? Absolutely.

I made a decision to do something that unfortunately did not involve Sassy. And that sucks. The hobby that I took on was very very time consuming. The people I met ended up being new friends, and none of them even knew that my parents were dead. And when you're dealing with continuous text messages, constant phone calls, unsolicited visitors, people asking me to come out to dinner every week... it just feels good to get around a solid group of individuals who will just focus on a videogame.

Besides, I also started talking to a really close female friend who I really find attractive. We're not dating or anything, but she's also really nice to talk to for different reasons. She's single, no kids, a pharmacist... and she has very similar viewpoints that I do about life, and I enjoy talking to her. Right now, she's in Japan. But for instance, she invited me to come to a concert with her. Why would I turn that down?

These are things that I don't think Sassy would understand. Do you really think she would be interested in my day if all I had to say was, "I have raid tonight in 1 hour. We're running Eden 4 Savage"? No, of course not.

But there's another thing that's really interesting. If her family was so hurt, why didn't just text me yourselves? I know your daughter has my phone number. Or at least she did. Sassy could give that out, right? Also, I've seen you on PSN lately. To be fair, I've only recently started playing the Playstation 4 again and maybe you removed me due to inactivity.

At the end of the day, I'm not going to make everybody happy. My extended family feels like I owe it to them to call them because they're family... but I haven't, and I won't. My family friends are trying to keep up with me, but I rarely text them back unless it's immediately important. One of my dad's friends calls me every single day, and I never answer his call.

Hell.... you know who cared about me the most? Chloe. And I felt that I couldn't care for her given my state. I wasn't responsible enough, she was gaining weight like me.... and... so I gave her to a family who I know will take good care of her. I lost my Chloe.

I say that to say this... when Sassy thinks that she lost her "best friend," maybe she should think about what I've lost instead. That's what good friends do. They're understanding. Sassy has shown that she's very selfish... and I don't want to deal with that right now. I have my own demons. I can't take somebody else's at this point in time.

 

[RustyIron]

I usually don't get involved with the wifes drama (I am sure the wife has told ya that before chris)but I still remember when I came home and the wife had told me what happened, our whole family was shocked over what had happened and I remember the wifes emotions and how much she was worried about "you".

Over the years I had listened to you 2 talk, bitch, gripe, and yap over the drama here. I remember the late night talks when you needed somebody on multiple occasions and how much he wife enjoyed helping you and I am sure she leaned on you a few times. I remember when she would say chris it was always "her best friend" and heck my kids would yap with you either on the phone or on speaker phone.

My kids were certainly worried about you after what had happened as was I. I remember when you were just unsure what to do or how to handle anything--as anybody would and I told the wife if she needed to fly out to help you--go. She honored your wishes and you just pushed her away even when she was ready to drop everything to help. Its sad to see those who instead of sticking together during dire times get pushed away because like it or not we all need somebody to lean on outside the keyboard.

Wish the best for ya chris.

MRSassySheDevil very well said, and I agree entirely, I could not remember the number of times Sassy told me about her best friend Chris, and how often you two spoke, and how highly she thought of you Chris. Sassy defended you many times, and never had a bad word to say about you EVER.
I know how worried she was about about you, after your terrible tragedy.

I also know how upset she is currently because this has now happened, when she was only ever concerned about "your" welfare Chris.

It IS OK, to just say your not OK, but Fucken hell.

Mate hope things work out for ya.

 

[Chris_Michael]

MRSassySheDevil very well said, and I agree entirely, I could not remember the number of times Sassy told me about her best friend Chris, and how often you two spoke, and how highly she thought of you Chris. Sassy defended you many times, and never had a bad word to say about you EVER.
I know how worried she was about about you, after your terrible tragedy.

I also know how upset she is currently because this has now happened, when she was only ever concerned about "your" welfare Chris.

It IS OK, to just say your not OK, but Fucken hell.

Mate hope things work out for ya.

I feel like this is very unfair.

Okay, let me put it another way. What do you want from me? I'm all ears. What will fix this?

 

[Misshotndeep]

I am reading a really interesting story. It pushes some social taboos but then reflects on how people judge based on a narrow or complete inexperience. It stated that people do this out of fear or jealousy. I guess I never really thought about it since I don’t tend to get jealous or judge people a lot but it makes since. I really do love this author!

 

[Misshotndeep]

I wish there was a way to filter out all the things on Lit I rather not see. While I am all for freedom of expression and sexuality, I rather not have some thing smack me in the face every time I investigate a thread.

 

[Joe_Bob_Gautama]

Thinking that I practically found myself flirting with a male cashier who sold me coffee this morning. It wasn't sexual at all (he actually reminds me of my son), but this young man is the spitting image of Leonardo DiCaprio, and you can't help but be taken by him. He knows what he has going for him, but he's nice as hell. No telling how much pussy that boy gets.

 

[RustyIron]

I feel like this is very unfair.

Okay, let me put it another way. What do you want from me? I'm all ears. What will fix this?

Chris I don't want or need anything from you. I am glad to see that you have had a lot of support to get you thru this terrible experience you have been going thru.
I realize that you were/are under unbelievable stress and pressure. I am deeply sorry your having to go thru that.

I don't know what will fix it Chris, maybe you underestimated how deeply some people feel and cared about you like a member of their family.

 

[beachbaby179]

It's so freaking windy outside. I expect to see Almira Gulch outside my window any moment, cycling through the air.

 

[Deleted member 3041612]

I feel like this is very unfair.

Okay, let me put it another way. What do you want from me? I'm all ears. What will fix this?

No one really knows. Those try to reach you whose hearts and families you've infiltrated.

I get it. You want to get away. People deal with tragedy differently. Just don't forget about those who mean a lot to you. No matter how much you want to escape, reality needs to be addressed...at some point. People need space, yes, I understand that too. You will get responses of concern when you post.

Have you ever thought of from where and how mice evolved? (Trying to in a silly way of giving you something else to think about).

 

[emsway]

It's so freaking windy outside. I expect to see Almira Gulch outside my window any moment, cycling through the air.

Thanks for the earworm.

 

[beachbaby179]

Thanks for the earworm.

Oops. Sorry...

 

[LostGirlTink]

Its sad to see those who instead of sticking together during dire times get pushed away because like it or not we all need somebody to lean on outside the keyboard.

Wish the best for ya chris.

Unfortunately in times of tragedy you aren’t yourself and your time is rarely your own.
Is it fair to put this on someone who is struggling to get through their day to day? To discover their new normal?
This seems cruel and unnecessary and is putting the onus on the person who needs support.
Losing a friend sucks. It hurts a lot but it’s nothing compared to losing your family.
I’ve pushed many people away this year. My friendship with everyone have changed as a navigate my world while grieving.
Life is different.
Unfortunately not everything is about everyone, even if it feels like it.



Chris, we’ve had our differences in the past but i feel like you are getting unnecessarily vilified here.
You owe no one anything.
You are entitled to grieve the way you need to, I hope you remember that.

Is this bring your friends to Lit day?

I literally snorted at this

 

[AveryElle]

Time flies.
A year ago at this time, I was on a train to meet Alpine for the first time. Barely an hour away.

Being able to tell someone you love them in person after not being able to qualify your gut feeling, and almost every day after (within reason), and know how it feels to look them in the eyes and say it is an unmatched feeling and privilege. I'm thankful he "never had any interest in visiting the US".

A year ago today, he could have gone back to the hotel with a very tall Buddhist monk. But instead, he chose me.

 

[LostGirlTink]

Time flies.
A year ago at this time, I was on a train to meet Alpine for the first time. Barely an hour away.

Being able to tell someone you love them in person after not being able to qualify your gut feeling, and almost every day after (within reason), and know how it feels to look them in the eyes and say it is an unmatched feeling and privilege. I'm thankful he "never had any interest in visiting the US".

Ayear ago today, he could have gone back to the hotel with a very tall Buddhist monk. But instead, he chose me.

It was a year ago last month that Tolyk and I met for the first time.
I see him Saturday.
And it’s everything that makes my heart celebrate.

 

[BlackCashmere]

It was a year ago last month that Tolyk and I met for the first time.
I see him Saturday.
And it’s everything that makes my heart celebrate.

I am so so happy for you...Have a most beautiful visit...(((((big hug)))))

 

[BlackCashmere]

Time flies.
A year ago at this time, I was on a train to meet Alpine for the first time. Barely an hour away.

Being able to tell someone you love them in person after not being able to qualify your gut feeling, and almost every day after (within reason), and know how it feels to look them in the eyes and say it is an unmatched feeling and privilege. I'm thankful he "never had any interest in visiting the US".

A year ago today, he could have gone back to the hotel with a very tall Buddhist monk. But instead, he chose me.

I just love this...

 

[PNWKitten]

I think what you just said is 100% accurate. However, there are a few things that are being overblown.

First of all, I never stopped talking to your wife. I mean, the amount of time I spent talking to her decreased to almost a halt. But I still sent her a text 2 weeks after the incident, updating her on my situation. Two weeks later, she made this comment via text that I didn't talk to her anymore, which was weird because I was in contact with her. She said "Well, we don't voice anymore."

That is highly unfortunate. But do you realize how many phone calls, text messages and visitors I had during that first month? I swear to god, my house was full of people who I didn't even know. They would just show up. I received texts from people who I went to middle school with. I received texts from people who knew me and I didn't know them. I got phone calls from people who I went to high school with asking if THEY could give my phone number to my 6th-7th grade teachers. ENTIRE CHURCHES showed up. And then they tried to save my soul, which will never happen.

Anyway, the point is that there was a HUGE amount of support, which was totally overwhelming. I swear, there were people all up in my living room and kitchen.... and I took my dog, went into my parent's bedroom because that's where the dog slept, and I just laid down on my parent's bed until everybody left.

There comes a time when you don't want to talk about it anymore. Not at all.

So what did I do? I joined a hardcore raid group in Final Fantasy. None of these people knew anything about me, and even better... they didn't give a shit. They didn't care about my parents, there was no drama... it was the perfect escape.

I joined their raid group which ran from 7pm-12am every night until we cleared all the content, and then it came down to 8pm-11pm six days a week.

Was it healthy? Probably not. Did it help get my mind off of my parents? Absolutely.

I made a decision to do something that unfortunately did not involve Sassy. And that sucks. The hobby that I took on was very very time consuming. The people I met ended up being new friends, and none of them even knew that my parents were dead. And when you're dealing with continuous text messages, constant phone calls, unsolicited visitors, people asking me to come out to dinner every week... it just feels good to get around a solid group of individuals who will just focus on a videogame.

Besides, I also started talking to a really close female friend who I really find attractive. We're not dating or anything, but she's also really nice to talk to for different reasons. She's single, no kids, a pharmacist... and she has very similar viewpoints that I do about life, and I enjoy talking to her. Right now, she's in Japan. But for instance, she invited me to come to a concert with her. Why would I turn that down?

These are things that I don't think Sassy would understand. Do you really think she would be interested in my day if all I had to say was, "I have raid tonight in 1 hour. We're running Eden 4 Savage"? No, of course not.

But there's another thing that's really interesting. If her family was so hurt, why didn't just text me yourselves? I know your daughter has my phone number. Or at least she did. Sassy could give that out, right? Also, I've seen you on PSN lately. To be fair, I've only recently started playing the Playstation 4 again and maybe you removed me due to inactivity.

At the end of the day, I'm not going to make everybody happy. My extended family feels like I owe it to them to call them because they're family... but I haven't, and I won't. My family friends are trying to keep up with me, but I rarely text them back unless it's immediately important. One of my dad's friends calls me every single day, and I never answer his call.

Hell.... you know who cared about me the most? Chloe. And I felt that I couldn't care for her given my state. I wasn't responsible enough, she was gaining weight like me.... and... so I gave her to a family who I know will take good care of her. I lost my Chloe.

I say that to say this... when Sassy thinks that she lost her "best friend," maybe she should think about what I've lost instead. That's what good friends do. They're understanding. Sassy has shown that she's very selfish... and I don't want to deal with that right now. I have my own demons. I can't take somebody else's at this point in time.

I haven't read the rest of the comments about this but I can relate so hard to some of this it's not even funny. I remember what its like to have house full after house full and wanting nothing more than for everyone to leave me alone just so I could process what had happened. I know what it was like to have to talk to do many people it overwhelmed every minute of your day and your mind. I understand where you are coming from on so many levels.

Just keep doing what you need to get through. Its perfectly normal and ok to put yourself first.

 

[PNWKitten]

I agree that all of that is very unfair, Chris. You don't owe anyone anything. It's ok to put yourself first and do whatever you need to do to make it through the day to day. Life can be fucking overwhelming at times and you were given a really shitty hand. Take care of yourself and when the dust settles, and in your own time, the people that care will still be there. Of course they're going to miss and worry about you until then, but to guilt trip you over it is completely unacceptable.

hear hear!

 

[tnman03]

I feel like this is very unfair.

Okay, let me put it another way. What do you want from me? I'm all ears. What will fix this?

Chris, I've read what Sassy's hubs and Rusty said as well as the subsequent comments. Here's the thing, no one here can do anything for you other than be sympathetic and hope for the utmost best for you. I don't believe that anyone here on Lit want's anything from you but that everyone hopes that you'll work your own way through all of this tragedy. That's what I hope and I agree, you don't owe any of us anything. Deal with this however it is that you need to do so. Best regards.

 

[dashie33]

How weird is my right ear-hole if every pair of earphones falls straight out of it.

 

[LikeableMe]

How weird is my right ear-hole if every pair of earphones falls straight out of it.

Omg I keep wondering the same thing! And also the left one for me always seems to be quieter than the right.. if I get them mixed up I can always tell

 

[LikeableMe]

After three hours of ignoring my boss’ text asking me “LM, can you....” it’s only just occurred to me that it’s probably an instruction, rather than a question

Stop talking to me on my day off!