What Are You Thinking? Continued 4

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But when you do get through it (and you will) - you will be stronger than ever...

Did you ever do that visualisation shit I sent you? I’m as big as a sceptic as anyone but that whole imagining yourself in five years... really imagining yourself... and thinking about how you got there... it’s pretty powerful stuff...

Immediately after the visualisation - grab a pen and write a letter to yourself from the future you... you can say anything you like...

Then start thinking about how if you want to be there in five years, what you need to have achieved by four, three... until you are at a place where you know what you need to achieve now... which might be getting up tomorrow and getting some fresh air in your lungs and something nourishing in your bones... it’s all a step in the right direction... a step towards the future you, who has his shit together... a happy, healthy you...

I can’t imagine what you are going through... I lost my mum young as most here know, but even watching someone be eaten by cancer seems preferable to the loss you have endured... at least with cancer there is the warning... and the preparation... and while people tend to say the wrong shit... they at least say shit... I can’t comprehend the shock and the sudden grief that has hit you...

ps - despite Tolks comment, you aren’t and have never been a troll... there is a difference between not suffering fools (even when I’m the fool...) - that would be the reason I consider you a friend and haven’t kicked you to the kerb like the actual trolls... we can and do disagree, but like I said, if you’re tiptoeing around people - that ain’t your tribe, friends can disagree - passionately, without trolling, xx

pps - you would love me to hurt you, :heart:

Despite Tolks comment? I only referenced troll because he did in his original comment. And I did so to emphasize my point. For someone who hates the playground you certainly seem to like coming in and slinging mud whenever you get the chance.
 
Hey man, it's all good. If it means anything to you, I didn't really picture you when I said that.

You seem like an alright dude even though we don't exactly get along.

Thank you for your kind words. That was really cool of you. I wish you well.

I've dealt with my share of loss and grief. It's not easy. For anyone.

I didn't think you were picturing me with that comment, I just felt like it needed addressing.
 
Man... First of all, I don't know why I'm on Lit right now. Secondly, I don't know why I'm reading this. For my own personal well-being, I really shouldn't be here.

<snip>

Goodnight, and consider this me checking in to say I'm FINE.

(I PM’d you..)

What I came here thinking is so closely related to this, it is alarming. I work emergency services. I’ve spoken, many times, too many times, to people in Chris’ Dad’s situation. It has fucked me up. I have a Drs appt today to decide if I am ready to return to work. I’m not. I know that. But I’m fighting with my family who think I’m avoiding work just because and that if I don’t “face the demons” I never will. I tried to face the demons by going to work, you remember where that got me? Suicidal! Remember? The 48hr psych hold, the days where you wouldn’t even let me pee alone in case I tried to hurt myself. That was barely a month ago and you think I’m ready to “face it”?
 
I'M NOT FUCKING OKAY! OKAY?!?!?​
.

Chris I’m so sorry.
I understand the universe hitting you with things that make you feel like you can’t breathe and that horrible feeling that nothing, and you aren’t ok or ever will be again.
I have no advice other than I hope you breathe when you can and sleep when possible.
Many thoughts your way for peace.
 
I'M NOT FUCKING OKAY! OKAY?!?!?​


Chris, I should have said this earlier so I'm coming back and saying it now.

You have friends here even though sometimes things get strained as they often do in friendships. Those friends might not agree with the views and opinions you express but friends accept eccentricities and the downtimes.

Sassy is and always has been one of your most outspoken advocates and friends. So I hope when you've gotten yourself through all of this your dealing with that you remember that you do have friends who accept you as who you are.
 
You know sometimes I think I’m judging people harshly then I realize nope they suck
 
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Thinking that Satsuma from the Body Shop smells awesome.
She was right...I was wrong. Guess I’ll have to not change the sheets for an extra day to enjoy it.
Sexy.
The best part...she’ll change them too. Adorable!
 
Tell me about.. no seriously I have never had it before. What is that like?

It’s glorious. It’s freeing and empowering and shocking in how easy so much of it is.
He loves me for me. Not some perfect version of me, not some glorified Barbie, but me with my opinions and moods and suitcases of baggage, my imperfections and sass and quirks.
It feels like everything... wrapped in a bow and topped with candy sprinkles
 
Man, you guys are all fighting. That makes things WAY more complicated.

So, instead of addressing anybody individually, I'll just say that I am truly grateful for the kind comments.

I didn't intend on this blowing up the way it did. I was just really pissed off last night. Plus, I was really tired and wasn't thinking straight. I probably shouldn't have posted that story publicly.

But I can't change it now. Again, thank you so much for the kindness. I have read every post. Even from people who I have fought with in the past, all that is water under the bridge.
 
Man, you guys are all fighting. That makes things WAY more complicated.

So, instead of addressing anybody individually, I'll just say that I am truly grateful for the kind comments.

I didn't intend on this blowing up the way it did. I was just really pissed off last night. Plus, I was really tired and wasn't thinking straight. I probably shouldn't have posted that story publicly.

But I can't change it now. Again, thank you so much for the kindness. I have read every post. Even from people who I have fought with in the past, all that is water under the bridge.

If things here are making things complicated for you, you have the option of leaving here. I say this with nothing but compassion. I am deeply sorry for what has happened to you, and if you were my neighbor, I'd pitch in to help you. But spaces like this didn't exist twenty years ago, and people got through their suffering without dramatizing it. They survived. Without support. They survived. And so will you.
 
It’s glorious. It’s freeing and empowering and shocking in how easy so much of it is.
He loves me for me. Not some perfect version of me, not some glorified Barbie, but me with my opinions and moods and suitcases of baggage, my imperfections and sass and quirks.
It feels like everything... wrapped in a bow and topped with candy sprinkles

Congrats!
 
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