What Are You Thinking? Continued 4

[SassySheDevil]

Is it just as sad to be the mom and reminisce? Son has decided not to play (after 8 or so years of city league football) but we go to the games because daughter is on the drill team and performs...it’s rough to sit in the stands and NOT watch my son on the field... (but I do love watching the girl child dance )

Oh definitely. I miss screaming and shouting in the stands!

Such a damn shame that football causes brain injuries. I remember it fondly. Such a damn shame that football causes brain injuries. I remember it fondly.
Such a damn shame that football causes brain injuries. I remember it fondly.

Agreed!

 

[emsway]

Male: Linus and Charlie Fucking Brown

Female: Marcy and Sally

Other: Linus’ blanket

The blanket! I forgot about the blanket!

And Schroeder’s piano!

Ugh.

 

[LikeableMe]

Woke up very confused as to why I wasn’t at work - my initial thought was “oh fuck why was I asleep!?” I guess I was dreaming I was at work already...

 

[Chris_Michael]

The worst part about losing relationships friendship. It's not just you who misses them. Entwined my family into them and when the relationships and between me and that person, and ultimately ends for the others and they don't understand. My kids ask me where Fara is. They asked me where Chris is. They asked me where Pilot friend is. And they will no longer be coming on

That's hard.

Wow, that explains a lot about now keeping people at arms length.

Sometimes I wonder what makes me so forgettable.

Man... First of all, I don't know why I'm on Lit right now. Secondly, I don't know why I'm reading this. For my own personal well-being, I really shouldn't be here.

The last 5 months have literally been the worst months of my life. I'm pretty sure I told you the story, and as a matter of fact, I was talking to you right before I heard the news.... BUT maybe you just forgot...

So, let me tell you what happened.

My father took a shotgun and put it to my mother's chest. He pulled the trigger and killed her. Then, he sat down and called 9-1-1. After that, he killed himself with the shotgun.

I think it's fair to say that I'm in a really really really REALLY bad spot right now. And I have been ever since it happened.

There is NO WAY for me to possibly be able to articulate how I have felt every day. There are NO WORDS to express how I feel.

Then you got upset when I said "Hey, you know that wedding you're son is having in 3-4 months? Yeah I can't make it."

On top of that, I sent you a long message explaining in great detail what going on, and you say, "Well but we haven't talked on voice." As if I am obligated to contact you.

My parents just died, I had to let Chloe go because she needed to be in a better home with people who could care for her, I'm moving out of the house I grew up in, I have a million phone calls and text messages and everybody just showing up at my door.........

And you say "The least you can do is tell me you're okay."

I'M NOT FUCKING OKAY! OKAY?!?!?​

My parents are gone, my dog is gone, my house is falling apart and soon to be gone, my whole body hurts, my headaches are worse, my weight is out of control, my mood is all over the place, I'm miserable 24/7, I'm up all night, I sleep all day, and I have no idea where I'm going to end up in 6 months.

AND....... I'm still not sworn into the estate. All the bills are in collections, mail is piling up on the table, nobody will talk to me when I call regarding my parents' shit... think about it, my house is being foreclosed on but I literally can't talk to the dumbass loaners because they refuse to talk to me until I get sworn in...

Literally, the only thing I have to escape is videogames and Xanax.

But somehow, some way... you're the victim. And I'm the bad guy.

OH and speaking of Karma, I know there's some people out there reading this and are very very very happy. And I hope you get ALL the enjoyment out of this. Congratulations. The troll was fucked in life.

SO WITH THAT SAID, I'm going to take another Xanax and try to sleep. I should have known better than to have shown up on this stupid fucking forum.

Goodnight, and consider this me checking in to say I'm FINE.

 

[LikeableMe]

Man... First of all, I don't know why I'm on Lit right now. Secondly, I don't know why I'm reading this. For my own personal well-being, I really shouldn't be here.

The last 5 months have literally been the worst months of my life. I'm pretty sure I told you the story, and as a matter of fact, I was talking to you right before I heard the news.... BUT maybe you just forgot...

So, let me tell you what happened.

My father took a shotgun and put it to my mother's chest. He pulled the trigger and killed her. Then, he sat down and called 9-1-1. After that, he killed himself with the shotgun.

I think it's fair to say that I'm in a really really really REALLY bad spot right now. And I have been ever since it happened.

There is NO WAY for me to possibly be able to articulate how I have felt every day. There are NO WORDS to express how I feel.

Then you got upset when I said "Hey, you know that wedding you're son is having in 3-4 months? Yeah I can't make it."

On top of that, I sent you a long message explaining in great detail what going on, and you say, "Well but we haven't talked on voice." As if I am obligated to contact you.

My parents just died, I had to let Chloe go because she needed to be in a better home with people who could care for her, I'm moving out of the house I grew up in, I have a million phone calls and text messages and everybody just showing up at my door.........

And you say "The least you can do is tell me you're okay."

I'M NOT FUCKING OKAY! OKAY?!?!?​

My parents are gone, my dog is gone, my house is falling apart and soon to be gone, my whole body hurts, my headaches are worse, my weight is out of control, my mood is all over the place, I'm miserable 24/7, I'm up all night, I sleep all day, and I have no idea where I'm going to end up in 6 months.

AND....... I'm still not sworn into the estate. All the bills are in collections, mail is piling up on the table, nobody will talk to me when I call regarding my parents' shit... think about it, my house is being foreclosed on but I literally can't talk to the dumbass loaners because they refuse to talk to me until I get sworn in...

Literally, the only thing I have to escape is videogames and Xanax.

But somehow, some way... you're the victim. And I'm the bad guy.

OH and speaking of Karma, I know there's some people out there reading this and are very very very happy. And I hope you get ALL the enjoyment out of this. Congratulations. The troll was fucked in life.

SO WITH THAT SAID, I'm going to take another Xanax and try to sleep. I should have known better than to have shown up on this stupid fucking forum.

Goodnight, and consider this me checking in to say I'm FINE.

This really resonated with me. I’ve been there, and can relate to a lot of it. It’s been a couple of years now since I lost my mum, but I am also still caught up in the mess of red tape and trying to fix everything. And being so focused on those more practical aspects kept me from dealing with it emotionally, from accepting she is gone - which I still feel I haven’t done. My doctor says I was in a state of shock for more than a year. My workplace closed down six weeks after I lost her, and that was my only support network. So when you talk about how much is changing right now, I can complete relate to how it feels like nothing is the same, nothing is okay. There isn’t just a big void where loved ones used to be, but more a sense of everything is crashing down and yet there was me, in the middle, just barely hanging on.

People around me either stopped talking to me completely, or expected me to be over it in month. They couldn’t understand why I wasn’t reaching out, to say I was alive, I was okay - but in truth, it was all I could do to get up in the morning and get myself to my new job and pretend to be okay there. I didn’t have the energy to extend to even more of that afterwards. I think sometimes the ones we are closest to are the ones we can’t reach out to at these times - because that tenuous thread that is just about holding everything together would immediately snap in the presence of someone you usually open up to. I felt like I was living in my own little fog, and that and lack of sleep were causing me memory problems. I still get those sometimes. I don’t recognise people I met during the year after my mum died. I feel completely unprepared for everything that keeps coming up since she’s been gone, but I have no choice but to carry on, and try to be okay. I never could get my name on the home I’m staying in, so the repairs and things that need doing, I am trying to learn to do myself, as I’m not allowed to report/request any.

I haven’t seen my friends in about a year and a half, it’s just been so hard to find that extra energy to extend to that. I’m scared everything will crash down if I try.

I also have a friend who has a lifelong medical condition, who I do stay in regular contact with, and when he needs to be quiet I find myself wondering “why can’t he just tell me he’s okay?” And I feel worried - about him, but also in case the past, where people used me up and then threw me away like trash is repeating itself. I have to keep reminding myself that sometimes we just need to switch off, and that it’s not an insult to anyone else, it’s usually just a survival tactic.

I’m truly sorry to read everything you are going through. Usually I wouldn’t comment on a post that is meant for someone else, but I wanted to try to help - if sharing some of my experiences can bridge that gap we’re seeing on these posts, I wanted to try. Apologies if I am just being annoying and poking my nose where it shouldn’t be! My intentions are nothing but pure.

 

[Chris_Michael]

This really resonated with me. I’ve been there, and can relate to a lot of it. It’s been a couple of years now since I lost my mum, but I am also still caught up in the mess of red tape and trying to fix everything. And being so focused on those more practical aspects kept me from dealing with it emotionally, from accepting she is gone - which I still feel I haven’t done. My doctor says I was in a state of shock for more than a year. My workplace closed down six weeks after I lost her, and that was my only support network. So when you talk about how much is changing right now, I can complete relate to how it feels like nothing is the same, nothing is okay. There isn’t just a big void where loved ones used to be, but more a sense of everything is crashing down and yet there was me, in the middle, just barely hanging on.

People around me either stopped talking to me completely, or expected me to be over it in month. They couldn’t understand why I wasn’t reaching out, to say I was alive, I was okay - but in truth, it was all I could do to get up in the morning and get myself to my new job and pretend to be okay there. I didn’t have the energy to extend to even more of that afterwards. I think sometimes the ones we are closest to are the ones we can’t reach out to at these times - because that tenuous thread that is just about holding everything together would immediately snap in the presence of someone you usually open up to. I felt like I was living in my own little fog, and that and lack of sleep were causing me memory problems. I still get those sometimes. I don’t recognise people I met during the year after my mum died. I feel completely unprepared for everything that keeps coming up since she’s been gone, but I have no choice but to carry on, and try to be okay. I never could get my name on the home I’m staying in, so the repairs and things that need doing, I am trying to learn to do myself, as I’m not allowed to report/request any.

I haven’t seen my friends in about a year and a half, it’s just been so hard to find that extra energy to extend to that. I’m scared everything will crash down if I try.

I also have a friend who has a lifelong medical condition, who I do stay in regular contact with, and when he needs to be quiet I find myself wondering “why can’t he just tell me he’s okay?” And I feel worried - about him, but also in case the past, where people used me up and then threw me away like trash is repeating itself. I have to keep reminding myself that sometimes we just need to switch off, and that it’s not an insult to anyone else, it’s usually just a survival tactic.

I’m truly sorry to read everything you are going through. Usually I wouldn’t comment on a post that is meant for someone else, but I wanted to try to help - if sharing some of my experiences can bridge that gap we’re seeing on these posts, I wanted to try. Apologies if I am just being annoying and poking my nose where it shouldn’t be! My intentions are nothing but pure.

DUDE..... THIS PERSON GETS IT. That person! Up there!

They get it.

I don't even have words to add to this. It's 1,000% perfect. A++++

Seriously, that was the most perfect way to say what I said except you said in a way that's classy and probably easier to understand.

GG! Well played!

 

[Misshotndeep]

The East coast is starting to wake up...oh joy...

 

[Sh75]

How blessed i am to have such beautiful, wonderful, amazing people in my life.

 

[Joe_Bob_Gautama]

Thinking that I sometimes wake up with such a raging hard-on that jacking off feels like a public service to everyone I will encounter during the day. Every once in a while, I smile at someone who's giving me a hard time and think, You're lucky I came this morning.

 

[Jaygeyser]

Gosh, all of a sudden, my problems don't seem so bad

 

[RustyIron]

Sometimes I wonder what makes me so Unforgettable.

I Fixed it for ya,

 

[MsLead]

What I often think when on lit....I gotta get off lit and get something done....and then I dont.

 

[Joe_Bob_Gautama]

I Fixed it for ya,

Har! Good on ya!

 

[Joe_Bob_Gautama]

What I often think when on lit....I gotta get off lit and get something done....and then I dont.

Well, you could redefine your concept of getting something done. That's what I tell myself.

 

[tolyk]

Man... First of all, I don't know why I'm on Lit right now. Secondly, I don't know why I'm reading this. For my own personal well-being, I really shouldn't be here.

The last 5 months have literally been the worst months of my life. I'm pretty sure I told you the story, and as a matter of fact, I was talking to you right before I heard the news.... BUT maybe you just forgot...

So, let me tell you what happened.

My father took a shotgun and put it to my mother's chest. He pulled the trigger and killed her. Then, he sat down and called 9-1-1. After that, he killed himself with the shotgun.

I think it's fair to say that I'm in a really really really REALLY bad spot right now. And I have been ever since it happened.

There is NO WAY for me to possibly be able to articulate how I have felt every day. There are NO WORDS to express how I feel.

Then you got upset when I said "Hey, you know that wedding you're son is having in 3-4 months? Yeah I can't make it."

On top of that, I sent you a long message explaining in great detail what going on, and you say, "Well but we haven't talked on voice." As if I am obligated to contact you.

My parents just died, I had to let Chloe go because she needed to be in a better home with people who could care for her, I'm moving out of the house I grew up in, I have a million phone calls and text messages and everybody just showing up at my door.........

And you say "The least you can do is tell me you're okay."

I'M NOT FUCKING OKAY! OKAY?!?!?​

My parents are gone, my dog is gone, my house is falling apart and soon to be gone, my whole body hurts, my headaches are worse, my weight is out of control, my mood is all over the place, I'm miserable 24/7, I'm up all night, I sleep all day, and I have no idea where I'm going to end up in 6 months.

AND....... I'm still not sworn into the estate. All the bills are in collections, mail is piling up on the table, nobody will talk to me when I call regarding my parents' shit... think about it, my house is being foreclosed on but I literally can't talk to the dumbass loaners because they refuse to talk to me until I get sworn in...

Literally, the only thing I have to escape is videogames and Xanax.

But somehow, some way... you're the victim. And I'm the bad guy.

OH and speaking of Karma, I know there's some people out there reading this and are very very very happy. And I hope you get ALL the enjoyment out of this. Congratulations. The troll was fucked in life.

SO WITH THAT SAID, I'm going to take another Xanax and try to sleep. I should have known better than to have shown up on this stupid fucking forum.

Goodnight, and consider this me checking in to say I'm FINE.

Chris, I'm sorry to hear about your parents.

Also, for the record, I would never wish something like what happened to you even on my worst enemies. Troll or not.

 

[AlliaPotestas]

DUDE..... THIS PERSON GETS IT. That person! Up there!

They get it.

I don't even have words to add to this. It's 1,000% perfect. A++++

Seriously, that was the most perfect way to say what I said except you said in a way that's classy and probably easier to understand.

GG! Well played!

PM’d you lovely, x

ps - if you have to tiptoe around people, that ain’t your tribe,

 

[tnman03]

Man... First of all, I don't know why I'm on Lit right now. Secondly, I don't know why I'm reading this. For my own personal well-being, I really shouldn't be here.

*contents in OP and a couple of other reposts.

Chris. I'm terribly sorry and truly saddened that you've lost your parents, there's no easy way for that to happen and what you've experienced is tragic.

The rest of the upheavals and disruptions in your life are also horribly unfair and I just have no words.

I would not wish what you've experienced and are still struggling with on anyone...ever, and truly wish you all of the best in just keeping on keeping on working for some new stability and normality. Take care of yourself, don't give up and keep on keeping on.

 

[Stillrandy]

I go through periods when I am looking at erotic pictures where my mind keeps saying: "Wonder who is taking the picture?" Or "Who is operating the camera?" Kind of spoils it for me. The best erotic pictures are like good movies: the picture taker makes you forget that there is a camera involved. Guess I am getting a little jaded....

 

[Joe_Bob_Gautama]

I go through periods when I am looking at erotic pictures where my mind keeps saying: "Wonder who is taking the picture?" Or "Who is operating the camera?" Kind of spoils it for me. The best erotic pictures are like good movies: the picture taker makes you forget that there is a camera involved. Guess I am getting a little jaded....

I actually enjoy the acknowledged presence of the person holding the camera, except for when the person holding the camera is an asshole, which unfortunately is most of the time. It's rare that you get the sense that the situation is anything but exploitative. It usually just makes me sad.

 

[ydahecnot]

She’s my favorite, second only to Peppermint Pattie.

I saw a pic of her and Marcie on the Net that scarred me for life. My favorite characters are Jefferson and Shermy, because they have to be somebody’s

 

[Chris_Michael]

Chris, I'm sorry to hear about your parents.

Also, for the record, I would never wish something like what happened to you even on my worst enemies. Troll or not.

Hey man, it's all good. If it means anything to you, I didn't really picture you when I said that.

You seem like an alright dude even though we don't exactly get along.

Thank you for your kind words. That was really cool of you. I wish you well.

 

[JerseyJade]

Only 3 1/2 more hours to go.

 

[Chris_Michael]

PM’d you lovely, x

ps - if you have to tiptoe around people, that ain’t your tribe,

AP, I love how much passion you put into your PMs. But right now, I'm working on like... no sleep. I'm DEAD TIRED. So, I may have to go sleep before I can address your PM.

And that sucks because you're like 5 hours ahead of me due to time zones. But let me get my sleep and I'll respond after.

Please don't hurt me. lolol

 

[Chris_Michael]

Chris. I'm terribly sorry and truly saddened that you've lost your parents, there's no easy way for that to happen and what you've experienced is tragic.

The rest of the upheavals and disruptions in your life are also horribly unfair and I just have no words.

I would not wish what you've experienced and are still struggling with on anyone...ever, and truly wish you all of the best in just keeping on keeping on working for some new stability and normality. Take care of yourself, don't give up and keep on keeping on.

Honestly, losing your parents is the beginning. That aftermath is the worst, man. It is THE WORST.

So, if this type of tragedy happens to anybody else, just know that it's not what you've been through that's the hardest part... it's what you're *about to go through* which is the hardest part.

Honestly, you can only pretend to be strong for so long. After that, you just straight up lose it. The weight crushes you and you feel like you're going insane.

That said, I really am grateful for your support. I know you've sent me many PMs in the past and have been very supportive. And I wasn't very responsive to that, I'll admit. So, I'm sorry for that.

 

[AlliaPotestas]

Honestly, losing your parents is the beginning. That aftermath is the worst, man. It is THE WORST.

So, if this type of tragedy happens to anybody else, just know that it's not what you've been through that's the hardest part... it's what you're *about to go through* which is the hardest part.

Honestly, you can only pretend to be strong for so long. After that, you just straight up lose it. The weight crushes you and you feel like you're going insane.

That said, I really am grateful for your support. I know you've sent me many PMs in the past and have been very supportive. And I wasn't very responsive to that, I'll admit. So, I'm sorry for that.

But when you do get through it (and you will) - you will be stronger than ever...

Did you ever do that visualisation shit I sent you? I’m as big as a sceptic as anyone but that whole imagining yourself in five years... really imagining yourself... and thinking about how you got there... it’s pretty powerful stuff...

Immediately after the visualisation - grab a pen and write a letter to yourself from the future you... you can say anything you like...

Then start thinking about how if you want to be there in five years, what you need to have achieved by four, three... until you are at a place where you know what you need to achieve now... which might be getting up tomorrow and getting some fresh air in your lungs and something nourishing in your bones... it’s all a step in the right direction... a step towards the future you, who has his shit together... a happy, healthy you...

I can’t imagine what you are going through... I lost my mum young as most here know, but even watching someone be eaten by cancer seems preferable to the loss you have endured... at least with cancer there is the warning... and the preparation... and while people tend to say the wrong shit... they at least say shit... I can’t comprehend the shock and the sudden grief that has hit you...

ps - despite Tolks comment, you aren’t and have never been a troll... there is a difference between not suffering fools (even when I’m the fool...) - that would be the reason I consider you a friend and haven’t kicked you to the kerb like the actual trolls... we can and do disagree, but like I said, if you’re tiptoeing around people - that ain’t your tribe, friends can disagree - passionately, without trolling, xx

pps - you would love me to hurt you,