What are the dealbreakers in your relationships??

[Guest]

You know what I mean. The kind of thing that says "no more for me." I am out of here! So, what are the deal breakers in your life?? For instance:

You're married for 15 years. Your spouse has an extramarital relationship. Do you leave the marriage??

You're at a party with a friend. They don't have "your" vodka at the bar. Do you leave for greener pastures??

The lady driver in front of you in the red Mercedes convertible just cut you of. Do you let it ruin your whole day??

Get what I mean?? So, tell us, where are your boundries in relationships??

 

[Arwen]

Dealbreakers.....

I am a fairly easy-going woman, so my dealbreakers are pretty simple. In love....don't hit me, don't yell at me, respect my private space, don't cheat on me, and don't lie to me....we can work through anything else.

 

[binkley]

Smoking.

 

[Willing and Unsure]

a trip to new mexico and thinking you dont ahve to tell me you're going, especially after having been apart for awhile before that

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

You know what I mean. The kind of thing that says "no more for me." I am out of here! So, what are the deal breakers in your life?? For instance:

You're married for 15 years. Your spouse has an extramarital relationship. Do you leave the marriage??

That depends on the reason, the person, and whether she did it behind my back, but it very well could be a deal breaker for me. This addresses my biggest "Deal breaker"; dishonesty. An "extramarital relationship" can mean a lot of different things. We have swingers on this board who regularly have sex with people outside their marriage, with their spouses consent, so it is the dishonesty that is the issue with me.

If she lied to me about something important (such as infidelity, not whether the cat puked on my favorite shirt) then that would be a reason to re-evaluate the relationship. It doesn't mean I would immediately end the relationship if we had been together for some time, but if it was a new relationship jsut forming, then yes - I am out of there.

"Deal breakers" before hand (such as meeting new people with whom I have not yet formed a romantic relationship:

Smoking, drug use, excessive drinking, poor personality, ignorant, weird religious beliefs, bigotry, intolerance, a person whose goals in life were in opposition to mine, somebody looking to start a family with me, a person looking for a Sugar Daddy and someone I just plain do not find sexually attractive.

 

[bi-fem-nympho]

Dealbreakers...

I have 4 of them..and they apply to all relationships
1) Never put your hands on me out of violence or anger
2) Don't lie to me (EVER..that means no little white lies either)
3) Don't hide things from me
4) Dont take me for granted...if you enjoy having me in your life..show it..if you dont like having me in your life..tell me and I'll find someone who will

By the way..if you are following 2,3,and 4...cheating is obviously a dealbreaker

Oh and someone else mentioned yelling...I never yell at anyone. Yelling only makes a weak person feel strong, it says "Pay attention to me..I'm insecure". Besides..dont you remember when you were a kid and your parents yelled at you...you just tuned them out right? Ignored them. So basically, yelling only inhibits communication, so if you are trying to solve a problem chances are yelling isnt going to help the situation. Just my 2 cents.

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

Re: Dealbreakers...

2) Don't lie to me (EVER..that means no little white lies either)

Everyone tells little white lies to one degree or another; no your ass doesn't look big in those jeans, yes you look fine in that dress, yes I would love it if your parents came to visit us for 3 weeks, yes my parents think you are wonderful, no I don't mind it when you eat crackers in bed, no honey - that's okay that you have a headache, I wasn't that horny anyway.

Granted I wouldn't say many of those lies, but little white lies, especially those of omission, are what lubricates most relationships and nobody I have ever met wants to hear the complete truth all of the time - not even me. I want to hear the truth when it is important - the little stuff is not that important, I really don't want to hear that the cat puked on my favorite Hawaiian shirt again.

 

[Laurel]

1) Violence.
2) Addiction/excess.
3) Lack of compassion for people & creatures.
4) Bigotry.
5) Love of mayonnaise.

 

[RawHumor]

5) Love of mayonnaise.

What about Miracle Whip?

 

[Xander]

1) Violence.
2) Addiction/excess.
3) Lack of compassion for people & creatures.
4) Bigotry.
5) Love of mayonnaise.

Love of Mayonaise????

Guess I cant date Laurel then

 

[intrigued]

Theres is so little that I can't see my way through, with the help of the offender, as long as we are committed to it. But...any harm to my children is certain death in a relationship, and is the biggest reason as to why I am now separated, and certainly not the only reason.
In new relationships, dishonesty/deception/ommission spell disaster, if they start out that way, what hope is there?

I am a very tolerant person, a persons bad habits can make me nuts, but if I care for them, then they can be dealt with. However, I expect the same tolerance from them. As with most every aspect of relationships, its a two way street.



Shy Tall Guy, its interesting that say intolerance is a deal breaker, yet you state that smoking is a deal breaker. Isn't that a bit of an irony?

 

[LordLucan74]

DISENGENUITY

Theres is so little that I can't see my way through, with the help of the offender, as long as we are committed to it. But...any harm to my children is certain death in a relationship, and is the biggest reason as to why I am now separated, and certainly not the only reason.
In new relationships, dishonesty/deception/ommission spell disaster, if they start out that way, what hope is there?

I am a very tolerant person, a persons bad habits can make me nuts, but if I care for them, then they can be dealt with. However, I expect the same tolerance from them. As with most every aspect of relationships, its a two way street.



Shy Tall Guy, its interesting that say intolerance is a deal breaker, yet you state that smoking is a deal breaker. Isn't that a bit of an irony?

I lived 10 years married to the Empress of Disengenuity and Lies!!! Never again will I ever subject myself to similar treatment (or mal-treatment more precisely).... A great friend of mine died last year of cancer and told me that I owed myself more than that!!! I really never gave it much consideration until then. I really cried at her funeral Mass,,which I never do. She was right!!! I do deserve better and more and so does my family!!! To get to me requires a degree of truth that is oft not seen in today's society. Sandy knew that!!! I love her for it!!! May she repose in peace!!!<<<makes the sign of the cross>>>She taught me much and I owe her more!!!

 

[Reverie]

Deal Breakers in Romance:

Physical Violence: even the most mild, like a shove or throwing something at me

Emotional ABuse: name calling, insults, hateful mind games, utter disregard for my feelings or disrespectful behavior

Continous, serious Lies: not little white lies but big ones like a current marriage and kids

Although cheating does fall under emotional abuse and Lies I could forgive it if it was an isolated incident and immediately admitted to by the cheater.


Deal breakers in Friendhsip:

Abviously the first two deal breakers for romance also apply here but add to it:

Talking about me behind my back
(negative talk)

Sleeping with my boyfriend/spouse

Constantly taking me for granted or using me

 

[LordLucan74]

Deal Breakers in Romance:

Physical Violence: even the most mild, like a shove or throwing something at me

Emotional ABuse: name calling, insults, hateful mind games, utter disregard for my feelings or disrespectful behavior

Continous, serious Lies: not little white lies but big ones like a current marriage and kids

Although cheating does fall under emotional abuse and Lies I could forgive it if it was an isolated incident and immediately admitted to by the cheater.


Deal breakers in Friendhsip:

Abviously the first two deal breakers for romance also apply here but add to it:

Talking about me behind my back
(negative talk)

Sleeping with my boyfriend/spouse

Constantly taking me for granted or using me

I feel and know your pain!!!

 

[Kitte]

Selfishness, the complete inability to see a world outside your own. That someone elses feelings may matter. That is a deal breaker for me.

 

[Smooth_Operator]

Its not the end-all, be-all or anything, but hygene is important. You gotta love your toothbrush before ya love me.

 

[sexy-girl]

i dont have any deal breakers ... if something happened i'd want to stay together because i love her


having said that there are a lot of things that would break our relationship even if i didnt want them to cheating would almost for sure break us up

 

[RosevilleCAguy]

When they say, take off the chem suit.

I am out of there.

 

[LordLucan74]

You May Have It Right

Selfishness, the complete inability to see a world outside your own. That someone elses feelings may matter. That is a deal breaker for me.

Selfishness is the killer of ALL relationships!!! It leads to everything bad, such as lying, cheating and stealing!!!

 

[enjoyingitall]

If he stopped loving me, that's the only deal breaker I can think of in my relationship. I think, maybe it's naive on my part, but I think if he has the true, honest love he says he has, there won't be those other issues to deal with.

 

[AreYourLightsOn]

Very good replies.

Thanks.

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

Shy Tall Guy, its interesting that say intolerance is a deal breaker, yet you state that smoking is a deal breaker. Isn't that a bit of an irony?

No, it is a preference just like anything else. For a smoker it may seem to be no big deal, but for a non-smoker it can be.

For one thing, kissing a smoker is like licking an ash tray, for another, smokers have a disagreeable smell and finally, they are addicts. I could go on and on, but I don't think I could become involved with someone who smoked.

I myself was once a smoker, mostly cigars and pipes, and now when someone smokes cigs around me it irritates my throat and lungs, and causes me to start coughing. I tolerate a lot in friends, acquaintances and people I meet, including smoking, but I am a lot pickier about who shares my living space and bed - and smokers are excluded. It is simply my choice - people can smoke all they want, just not around me.