What are some (ostensibly) non-sexual things you do that add a little charge to the relationship?

[whenagain]

So this morning I got up early (for me, as I work nights) and made my girlfriend breakfast. She was coming from hers and on her way to work so we didn’t have much time— it was basically eat and go.
But I found the act of preparing her a homemade meal pretty erotic and wished she could stay. . .

Are there non sexual things you do in your relationship that help contribute to the spark?

 

[J_Bone]

What you described is certainly one way, doing something a little unexpected, whether it be cooking a meal like you did or maybe handling what are some of her household chores or responsibilities from time to time unexpectedly.

Another big one with us is an unplanned quick getaway with just the two of us even if it's somewhat local. For example, a couple times a year, I'll reserve a room at a luxury hotel in our nearest downtown area for a couple of nights. The hotel bar and restaurant are great and there are a number of really cool spots within about a dozen blocks or so for live music, drinks or meals. It's just a good way to "get away" and relax for two or three days with no real planned events, just taking it as it goes, even if it's not really a trip per se.

The act of planning it itself I guess is considered nonsexual. However, it always leads to some very hot and uninhibited sex over the course of the stay.

 

[KentLondon]

Hello @whenagain

You've hit upon a subject that my wife likes to call the Language Of Love .... and it's all about the non-sexy things that we do for each other that cement a relationship together and subliminally create a romantic atmosphere from some of the most unlikely settings.

I have responded to similar topics on other threads but you have posed a direct question so here goes with a few things that have helped to keep our relationship strong and our love life lit up for almost 45 years.

My wife's late father was a keen DIY guy, and early on in our marriage I always felt I was being unfairly compared to him.

Working crazy hours in the sports industry I was often away from home and am happy to admit that I often neglected household repairs and tending the garden.

Now I am retired, I have no excuses and have happily taken up the roles of Head Chef, Head Gardener and Repair Man.

I love both the physicality and the relaxation that a well-tended garden provides (and no, I'm not talking about the lovely @vanessa65 here)!

As for DIY tasks, my wife appreciates the efforts I have made to tackle these chores and tells me it's a real turn-on when she sees me accomplish something that used to be out of my comfort zone.

Of course, I should have learned all this years earlier, but my ADHD often got in the way, meaning that I would usually concentrate on (a) work and (b) playing sport.

One early sign was the response I received after a particularly mucky challenge. Following a neighbourhood street party my wife was horrified to find that prawn pieces thrown into our bin had led to a load of maggots hatching out. It was a pretty gross sight but I took on the task of cleaning it out and have to say that after disinfecting the wheelie bin ... wow, what a night that was!

As for the above comment by @J_Bone I have always loved the idea of planning romantic meals at lovely restaurants, but my wife usually thinks I am doing that for my own pleasure more than hers!

However, taking on the weekend cooking chores (often from Friday to Monday) including the prep and the washing up, is another win-win.

I am the Wine Waiter, too, as well as Head Chef, so that creates a relaxed atmosphere which often leads to a relaxed time upstairs in the bedroom after some making out on the sofa.

We are two 71-year-olds still acting like loved-up 20-somethings!

 

[Rockymtnman]

Plan dinners, clean the house, cook, just be a great partner. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve spoken to friends that bitch about their sex life and I ask them what they do around the house to be of help. I tell them to get off their lazy asses and fucking do your part.

Women, please tell me if I’m wrong, but I think women are much more likely to be “ in the mood” if your partner is actually that, a partner around the house.

 

[Erosfan]

A Garth Brooks song says it as well as anything I know.

"Somewhere Other Than the Night"

"Somewhere other than the night
She needs to hear I love you
Somewhere other than the night
She needs to know you care
She wants to know she's needed
She needs to be held tight
Somewhere other than the night"

Tell you love her, show her you love her. Not just in the bedroom. Tell her all day, every day, by doing little things that you will both appreciate.

 

[JennyCapricorn]

Plan dinners, clean the house, cook, just be a great partner. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve spoken to friends that bitch about their sex life and I ask them what they do around the house to be of help. I tell them to get off their lazy asses and fucking do your part.

Yes!

Women, please tell me if I’m wrong, but I think women are much more likely to be “ in the mood” if your partner is actually that, a partner around the house.

Oh you can’t stress this enough. I have lunch with three friends regularly and one is divorced because her husband offered nothing but wanted dinner on the table every night, one who would be divorced if not for the highly special needs kids which hubby does nothing to help with, and one other and myself whose husbands are real partners across the board.

unless you have an agreed kink on this you’re not her master or her owner- you’re her partner and her friend. If you can’t show any effort on doing that, why would she want to spend time with you? Never mind the sex, but anywhere?

 

[Izanami9]

Laughter is a big intimacy builder in my 12-year marriage. Anytime you can laugh together builds trust in and ease with each other, especially when you laugh at yourselves together.

 

[artgorden]

Him bragging about fucking my wife while I blow him.
https://www.reddit.com/r/GayCocksuckers/s/CxHEv1BGON

 

[calmlikeabomb]

Doing the dishes.
Calling up to check on her parents.
Putting a cushion under her feet when she is on the sofa and on her periods.
Just in general being nice, calm and patient with her.