Weight and BDSM

[malinborn]

I am just curious who allows themselves to see beyond people's weights or other physical issues in BDSM? At this time last year I was 375 lbs and nobody in the outside mundane world cast me a glance unless it was to say "Christ look at the size of that mutherfucker" or something similar. Online though people were always telling me one thing or another that i would make a good Dom or a good sub, blah blah... no one seemed to care about my size... save for me. However i have never had any problems with weight on anyone else.

Now, a year later, 105 lbs less at 270, people look at me left and right in the mundane world and in the BDSM community.

I notice at the play places i have been.. people of all sizes, short and tall, large and small, walk about freely without a care in the world... like.. in that room, in that space, all the worlds stereotypes and dislikes and prejudices disappear. It's utopic<sp?> in it's own way.

Have you noticed similarly? Have you had other experiences? I know this post may make little sense.. i am having difficulties gathering my thoughts at the moment, but I would love to hear from others on their thoughts and views here.

 

[reignophelia]

Hi!

I think CutieMouse started a thread of a similar topic. I'll check the archives for you and see if I can find it.

[/Edit]

I just gave it a bumpity bump bump...

 

[HottieMama]

I am just curious who allows themselves to see beyond people's weights or other physical issues in BDSM? At this time last year I was 375 lbs and nobody in the outside mundane world cast me a glance unless it was to say "Christ look at the size of that mutherfucker" or something similar. Online though people were always telling me one thing or another that i would make a good Dom or a good sub, blah blah... no one seemed to care about my size... save for me. However i have never had any problems with weight on anyone else.

Now, a year later, 105 lbs less at 270, people look at me left and right in the mundane world and in the BDSM community.

I notice at the play places i have been.. people of all sizes, short and tall, large and small, walk about freely without a care in the world... like.. in that room, in that space, all the worlds stereotypes and dislikes and prejudices disappear. It's utopic<sp?> in it's own way.

Have you noticed similarly? Have you had other experiences? I know this post may make little sense.. i am having difficulties gathering my thoughts at the moment, but I would love to hear from others on their thoughts and views here.

Good topic. i think like any other group in society you are going to find those that are very accepting and those that are not so accepting. This time last yr i was 8 months pregnant with my second child and almost 300lbs. Since last November, i have lost over 100 lbs and i am now at 187 as of last weigh-in. Do i get more looks now? Oh hell yes... Is it because i lost a ton of weight or is it because my attitude about my appearance has changed? Probably a bit of both. Either way, i certainly have come to enjoy it.

i don't judge people on their weight. In fact, i am primarily attracted to larger women and a whole spectrum of body types in men... What matters to me is how the person treats me and how the act to the world around them.

 

[HB1965]

I've noticed over the years that it hasn't mattered much. In the groups that I've been in and out of their have been people of varying sizes. There are some men and women that I have found quite attractive despite their size. This, however, hasn't changed my own insecurities about it. I gained a lot of weight due to a med that I had take for my Rheumatoid Arthritis. It has made me very self conscious about my appearance.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I am just curious who allows themselves to see beyond people's weights or other physical issues in BDSM? At this time last year I was 375 lbs and nobody in the outside mundane world cast me a glance unless it was to say "Christ look at the size of that mutherfucker" or something similar. Online though people were always telling me one thing or another that i would make a good Dom or a good sub, blah blah... no one seemed to care about my size... save for me. However i have never had any problems with weight on anyone else.

Now, a year later, 105 lbs less at 270, people look at me left and right in the mundane world and in the BDSM community.

I notice at the play places i have been.. people of all sizes, short and tall, large and small, walk about freely without a care in the world... like.. in that room, in that space, all the worlds stereotypes and dislikes and prejudices disappear. It's utopic<sp?> in it's own way.

Have you noticed similarly? Have you had other experiences? I know this post may make little sense.. i am having difficulties gathering my thoughts at the moment, but I would love to hear from others on their thoughts and views here.

i get exactly what you're saying, and my opinion is that we as a whole (the BDSM Community) are more accepting of others, less judgemental, etc...i'm not sure really what or why it's just my opinion from what i've seen. i am an overweight woman, very much so, but i'm comfortable with myself and honestly even if people in the scene were not accepting, i still wouldn't care because i think if you don't like the way i look, well then, look the other way

 

[malinborn]

Okay, apparently this was done before in this topic
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=453898

thank you to those who replied to me here

 

[reignophelia]

Okay, apparently this was done before in this topic
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=453898

thank you to those who replied to me here

Oh, well it doesn't mean that we can't still talk on here too. That one kind of died out. I just thought you might find something useful on there.

Besides, heaven knows that there are a gazillion (literally) "What are you?" threads and people reply to all of them.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Okay, apparently this was done before in this topic
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=453898

thank you to those who replied to me here

i think every thread has been repeated and repeated, doesn't mean that the repeated thread won't bring up more topics and really good conversation...the thread is already started, let's continue it. it's a great topic.....

 

[malinborn]

*smiles* I do appreciate it

i am certainly glad to see so may thoughts on this same subject

 

[CutieMouse]

The weighty issue thread was meant to be more about the health issues of being larger and doing BDSM; this seems to be more about perceptions, and body images, so I don't see much overlap... chat on, y'all.

 

[Mazuri]

Not sure if this counts as my interest in BDSM came at a time when I can't really explore due to hubby's remote assignment so I've never circulated with a 'strictly BDSM' crowd, (man what a sentence!) but!

As far as weight and perceptions go, I have noticed something that struck me as odd at the time but cements what many have pointed out about attitude. I have been working at losing the 60+ pounds I gained over the last 10-12 years (my goal is 130, I'm short ), and have made it half-way (I've currently plateaued at 160-163). I've been at this point for about a month to a month and a half. The first couple of weeks, it was like no one noticed. I was still wearing the same clothes (belted), oversized shirts, and was concentrating on how much more I needed to lose. Then, in conversations with hubby, I began to realize that losing 30+ pounds is nothing to sneeze at. I was in a size (12) I haven't worn since before my daughter started school (she's 16 now). I didn't just have 30 more pounds to lose, I had also LOST the same already! Wow!

So I went out and I bought a few new clothes that fit and noticed I looked pretty ok. I kinda liked that person in the mirror, extra 30 pounds and all. I carried myself differently. Now, I am still in that plateau, my weight hasn't changed, but suddenly people are noticing and commenting. It made me realize that a lot of my image problems were more in my head than around my waist

I think it's been said a zillion times on here that how people perceive you is based on your own perceptions of yourself. People see sexy where sexy is felt. Perhaps at your heaviest you didn't notice those same people checking you out because you didn't think they considered you as anything other than a number on a scale?

 

[subkitty72]

I am just curious who allows themselves to see beyond people's weights or other physical issues in BDSM? At this time last year I was 375 lbs and nobody in the outside mundane world cast me a glance unless it was to say "Christ look at the size of that mutherfucker" or something similar. Online though people were always telling me one thing or another that i would make a good Dom or a good sub, blah blah... no one seemed to care about my size... save for me. However i have never had any problems with weight on anyone else.

Now, a year later, 105 lbs less at 270, people look at me left and right in the mundane world and in the BDSM community.

I notice at the play places i have been.. people of all sizes, short and tall, large and small, walk about freely without a care in the world... like.. in that room, in that space, all the worlds stereotypes and dislikes and prejudices disappear. It's utopic<sp?> in it's own way.

Have you noticed similarly? Have you had other experiences? I know this post may make little sense.. i am having difficulties gathering my thoughts at the moment, but I would love to hear from others on their thoughts and views here.

Haven't ventured into play places, so I have little to add to your observation.

Just wanted to pop in and say congratulations on your weight loss.

Did your own self-perception change? What differences, if any, have you noticed about the way you feel?

 

[22Kitten]

I think people will judge, and see what they want to no matter what you look like. I also agree that others see your personality, I dated a guy who's roommate looked eerily similar to me and whom had a crush on him since they met. Instead of seeing her, he saw how negative she was and how she put herself down so much that she wasn't attractive to him. I had the upbeat personality, liked me for me, did stupid things but could laugh at myself and (hopefuly) was plesant to be around, and you could tell he noticed it too.

Before I go off into another tangent, there are people who do not look twice because of your size, hair colour, eyes, looks, clothes, anything else that you can think of... but there are others who will like those qualitys. The fun part is finding them.

 

[malinborn]

Well this is true... and i understand how someone's personality can make someone undesirable in any community.. that is one thing that is tough to get around after all

but again, we're talking more in the bdsm community, if you find it more accepting of various people. Someone with a truly poor disposition may not be accepted anywhere... i suppose that depends on if that outlook came out in play or scening.




One thing i was thinking about, in a club i have been to in Colorado, there are two women there, one looked to be 20-25, the other is 45 - 50, they come in together, and they are a very loving couple, almost complete opposites, my Mistress and i called then Ven and Nin.. an inside joke. Anyway, no one thinks twice about these two or how they look. That once they get there the younger one beats the shit out of the older one until she is just in tears, and then they walk out as a couple again. Ven, the young one, has a shaved head an face of a 12 year old boy while Nin has a traditional hairstyle that is common with many baby-boomer women and is easily 50 - 80 lbs overweight.

Maybe this topic should be.. BDSM, the accepting community... because it's not just about weight, that just seems to be the one thing i notice more in how open-arms everyone is.

 

[bridgeburner]

Some of this is supply and demand. Not to say that the BDSM community can't be or isn't very open and accepting, but I think it's a mistake to automatically believe that people who are into BDSM are necessarily more open-minded about all kinds of things just because they like kinky sex.

Let's say you're offered a choice between strictly vanilla sex with a major-hottie and down and dirty kink with a far less conventionally attractive person, which do you choose? It depends on whether your hunger for conventional physical beauty is stronger than your desire to engage in your kink.

 

[HB1965]

Some of this is supply and demand. Not to say that the BDSM community can't be or isn't very open and accepting, but I think it's a mistake to automatically believe that people who are into BDSM are necessarily more open-minded about all kinds of things just because they like kinky sex.

Let's say you're offered a choice between strictly vanilla sex with a major-hottie and down and dirty kink with a far less conventionally attractive person, which do you choose? It depends on whether your hunger for conventional physical beauty is stronger than your desire to engage in your kink.

What you say is very true because people are individuals, but there does seem to be a higher tolerance of weight issues in the BDSM community.

 

[FurryFury]

I've never seen anyone who was openly judgmental or dismissive about weight in the BDSM scene in person but online I've seen some that were.

In normal society I've seen a LOT of people who are that way with anyone over (some of my dearest relatives have suffered with this) or under weight.

Now, I wonder, if that's becoming less so because I swear 75% or a higher percentage of ALL adults I see are overweight these days. I'd say 5 percent are underweight (usually girls 20 and under who are literally afraid to eat though some are like I was and just naturally thin, getting attacked for it constantly) and the rest are what used to be average.

What really gets to me is how many kids are clearly overweight these days. When you see a whole family like that it is almost heartbreaking to me. I wish more people were on that show Honey, we are killing the kids.

This could be our nuclear bomb, prosperity, lifestyle and food are going to kills our nation or just pair it down a fuck load.

I am against intolerance of most kinds including weight prejudice but, that being said, all this does scare me. Regardless of what they weight, I love the people I love, not the weight they are. That was true when I thought I was simply a naughty nilla girl and now that I can enjoy all 32 flavors.

*chuckles*

 

[coy_one]

I've recently had two in ithe BDSM community around me tell me some not so nice things. Both were men. One was a Dom, one was a sub.

I told both those fucks that if they ever carried a baby full term within them then herniated the disc in their lumbar spine and could hardly walk 10 feet at one point in their life, then, they could talk to me. Otherwise, go eat shit and die, basically.

I'm not perfect, but I'm not going to judge another - both knew I had a physical disability that I have overcome with exercise. Here's the real kicker - I'm a healthy body mass index and quite confident about my looks/body.

 

[JMohegan]

I notice at the play places i have been.. people of all sizes, short and tall, large and small, walk about freely without a care in the world... like.. in that room, in that space, all the worlds stereotypes and dislikes and prejudices disappear. It's utopic<sp?> in it's own way.

If you go to the beach in France, you will find topless women of all ages, shapes, and sizes - sunning, swimming, and walking around "freely without a care in the world.... like.... all the worlds stereotypes and dislikes and prejudices disappear."

It would be a mistake to conclude that the French are less judgmental. They are simply more comfortable with nudity.

Some of this is supply and demand. Not to say that the BDSM community can't be or isn't very open and accepting, but I think it's a mistake to automatically believe that people who are into BDSM are necessarily more open-minded about all kinds of things just because they like kinky sex.

Let's say you're offered a choice between strictly vanilla sex with a major-hottie and down and dirty kink with a far less conventionally attractive person, which do you choose? It depends on whether your hunger for conventional physical beauty is stronger than your desire to engage in your kink.

Nice post.

 

[Homburg]

Did your own self-perception change? What differences, if any, have you noticed about the way you feel?

I weighed 316# In April of last year (at 5'11"). I went to the doc for an ear infection, and he really took me to task for my BP, as it was ugly high. I got on meds for BP and was told I'd be on them forever. Well, I dont like that sort of talk, as I don't like taking meds generally, so I decided to lose weight.

And lose weight I did. In December of last year, I weighed 231#. I did a strict diet, and a whole lot of biking, to get there. Around this time, I noticed biking was getting harder, not easier. Counter-intuitive, as losing 85# meant there was a whole lot less of me to pedal around, right? I did some testing and work with various weights and realised that I'd lost a bunch of muscle mass during all that weight loss. Pictures also showed me as too thin, muscle-wise (I have a very large frame). Yes, 231 still had fat, but I'd lost too much muscle and looked weird. So I decided to gain some muscle.

And gain muscle I did. I gained 25# or so in the next few months, while maintaining the same body fat percentage, meaning a net gain for about 21# or so of muscle. I feel fabulous, and am close to what I want to look like. About 10# more msucle and about 10# less fat would be about right.

Now comes the fun part - Did my self-perception change? Nope, not really. I still felt like a fat guy, still do to an extent. Sure, I'd lost a bunch of fat, gained a bunch of muscle, and feel bloody great. Doesn't matter. I still felt like the fat guy, thought of myself as fat, etc.

What changed? A particular woman came into my life, and she'd only seen me in this shape. She saw me as virile, hot, muscular, etc. I resisted the idea, but it slowly grew on me. It grew on my wife too, as she'd not paid any attention to the changes as they were all gradual. This lady changed my attitude about myself simply because of how she saw me, the things she said, and the way she made me feel.

It took external reinforcement for me to take an honest look at myself. I started looking around, and noticing the attention I was getting from the female side of the population. No, I'm no Adonis, and could stand to lose more fat, but damned if I wasn't getting some looks.

As to BDSM scene, I'm not wildly active, so I can't talk about too many, but the folks I've met haven't really worried about it. *shrug*

 

[EmpressFi]

at first... I thought Master would be upset that I was posting pictures of myself..clothed or otherwise (boyshorts rule!!)... but he only laughed (not at the picture.. or at me) and said, "Wow!! a year ago, there's no WAY you would have done that!"

And he's right. I've lost about 80 lbs since last year this time... sometimes I see it, sometimes I dont. In June, we went to a club here and I went in thigh high fishnets, a G-string and this.. halter top .. sort of.. I dont know what to call the top, but it left me topless. I was afraid at first, then I saw all these other body types wearing similar outfits and everyone there was accepting and warm and that gave me the courage I needed so that when Master asked me to remove my shirt, I did, and I didnt put it back on until time to go home.

Between my husband and my Master, I've got two wonderful men who tell me all the time how much they like my body... now add on the postitive feed back I've gained from the people here..and I think I've found the reason I'm more willing to post pictures of myself here.

maybe because we're into so many things that are "out there" that a little thing like body weight is the LEAST of our worries... or that it's just that we freaks (and I say that word with a world full of love) need to stick together against a world that sees us as deviant and in some cases, insane

 

[FurryFury]

I've recently had two in ithe BDSM community around me tell me some not so nice things. Both were men. One was a Dom, one was a sub.

I told both those fucks that if they ever carried a baby full term within them then herniated the disc in their lumbar spine and could hardly walk 10 feet at one point in their life, then, they could talk to me. Otherwise, go eat shit and die, basically.

I'm not perfect, but I'm not going to judge another - both knew I had a physical disability that I have overcome with exercise. Here's the real kicker - I'm a healthy body mass index and quite confident about my looks/body.

YOU look beautiful and they are nuts!

I think I've mentioned this before.

 

[FurryFury]

I weighed 316# In April of last year (at 5'11"). I went to the doc for an ear infection, and he really took me to task for my BP, as it was ugly high. I got on meds for BP and was told I'd be on them forever. Well, I dont like that sort of talk, as I don't like taking meds generally, so I decided to lose weight.

And lose weight I did. In December of last year, I weighed 231#. I did a strict diet, and a whole lot of biking, to get there. Around this time, I noticed biking was getting harder, not easier. Counter-intuitive, as losing 85# meant there was a whole lot less of me to pedal around, right? I did some testing and work with various weights and realised that I'd lost a bunch of muscle mass during all that weight loss. Pictures also showed me as too thin, muscle-wise (I have a very large frame). Yes, 231 still had fat, but I'd lost too much muscle and looked weird. So I decided to gain some muscle.

And gain muscle I did. I gained 25# or so in the next few months, while maintaining the same body fat percentage, meaning a net gain for about 21# or so of muscle. I feel fabulous, and am close to what I want to look like. About 10# more msucle and about 10# less fat would be about right.

Now comes the fun part - Did my self-perception change? Nope, not really. I still felt like a fat guy, still do to an extent. Sure, I'd lost a bunch of fat, gained a bunch of muscle, and feel bloody great. Doesn't matter. I still felt like the fat guy, thought of myself as fat, etc.

What changed? A particular woman came into my life, and she'd only seen me in this shape. She saw me as virile, hot, muscular, etc. I resisted the idea, but it slowly grew on me. It grew on my wife too, as she'd not paid any attention to the changes as they were all gradual. This lady changed my attitude about myself simply because of how she saw me, the things she said, and the way she made me feel.

It took external reinforcement for me to take an honest look at myself. I started looking around, and noticing the attention I was getting from the female side of the population. No, I'm no Adonis, and could stand to lose more fat, but damned if I wasn't getting some looks.

As to BDSM scene, I'm not wildly active, so I can't talk about too many, but the folks I've met haven't really worried about it. *shrug*

I can totally relate to it taking an outside view to change your self perception.

Good for you btw with everything!

 

[Homburg]

I can totally relate to it taking an outside view to change your self perception.

Good for you btw with everything!

It was another tough lesson in a series of tough lessons, as I'd always been of the opinion that I alone created my own image. *shrug* Live and learn.

 

[doveofserenity]

I am just curious who allows themselves to see beyond people's weights or other physical issues in BDSM? At this time last year I was 375 lbs and nobody in the outside mundane world cast me a glance unless it was to say "Christ look at the size of that mutherfucker" or something similar. Online though people were always telling me one thing or another that i would make a good Dom or a good sub, blah blah... no one seemed to care about my size... save for me. However i have never had any problems with weight on anyone else.

Now, a year later, 105 lbs less at 270, people look at me left and right in the mundane world and in the BDSM community.

First off, congratulations on your weight loss.

Second, beauty(male or female)is only in the eye of the beholder(looker).

Third, it is what is inside a person that matters.

So as long as you feel good about yourself, then dont worry about what others think; because if the looks is what makes their decisions about a person; then that person (IMO) isnt someone i would want to be on closer terms with.