We'd Like to Know a Little Bit About You For Our Files ~ Agent99

[Rubyfruit]

Do you mind?

~smiles~ How are you tonight? Looking forward to the weekend?

What is your current romantic status?

What color is your hair?

Do you wear makeup?

Pantyhose or stockings?

Thongs or panties?

What is your highest level of education?

Do you work in your field of choice? Are you happy with your work?

What would your perfect retirement look like?

What is your sexual orientation? Any unfulfilled fantasies?

If you can't have fresh-squeezed, Tropicana or MinuteMaid?

Do you have children?

Curiously,


Ruby

 

[LukkyKnight]

We'd like to help you learn to help yourself.

Look around you - all you see are sympathetic eyes.

 

[Nora]

Too funny, Ruby! I meant to email you today from work and request this very thread!

Personally, I think she rocks.

 

[Rubyfruit]

I think she rocks too, Nora, but she's a party-pooper because she goes to bed too early. ;-)

 

[Agent99]

I could tell you these things, but then I'd have to kill you.

Seriously, as a secret agent, I cannot answer many of these questions. I do like to be in CONTROL, so draw your own conclusions.

I am peachy keen this evening. No- wait. I can't be. I think she is in England. So I can say I am groovy, baby and it means much the same thing. I think.

My hair color is L'Oreal 099 Brazen Brunette. I don't need makeup as I am a natural beauty. Can't you tell from my Top Secret Photo ID? You didn't ask, but the only jewelry I wear is my secret decoder ring.

When on assignment during the day, I wear crotchless pantyhose because it makes security checks go so much faster. For evening assignations or assassinations, I wear thigh high stockings. I really don't wear panties but I do carry a spare pair in the car in case of an accident. (Mother always did know best) I wouldn't want the people at the hospital talking about me, after all.

My highest level of education was 22,040 feet when a man who called himself a Wise One taught me the meaning of life in a small tent on a ledge at the summit. Him-a-lay-a alright. He Mounted and then had to be a typical man and Ever rest ed without so much as a goodnight kiss.

I am not a migrant farmer- so I have no idea where you came up with the "working in the field of my choice" idea. I do like fruits and vegetables tho. Very much- if you catch my drift *wink wink nudge nudge*

My perfect retirement would be lollygagging on a sunny beach with half naked men fanning me and feeding me things. I would not be gagging on those though.

My sexual orientation would be true north. Oh- wait a minute. You meant did I understand the lecture of the birds and the bees? That orientation? Yup, I am a quick study. I understand that parts is parts and even where they are supposed to go and everything,

I like to drink straight from the tap.

No kids. What else ya wanna know, Miss Citrus product?

 

[Agent99]

No, I just type really slowly.

 

[Nora]

99? Ruby's just trying to lure you into the cone of silence. You gotta watch her.

 

[Rubyfruit]

Cone of Silence?

99, will you marry me?

 

[Nora]

*ahem*

Does this mean OUR engagement is off, Ruby?

 

[Agent99]

Nora, I know her kind.

She has been well trained in various techniques.

The come hither pictures. The sweet talk.

Oh, these methods are far more treacherous than bamboo shoots under the fingernails.

Our best homeland defense would include Ms Rubyfruit. She could make the Colonel give up his 11 secret herbs and spices.

Which would be a good trick since he is dead. But she could do it.

 

[Nora]

To quote the immortal (or at least 'til they find that picture hanging in his attic) Mick Jagger, Miz Rubyfruit could make a dead man cum.

Hell, she's half lured me to the other side of the playing field...

 

[Rubyfruit]

*ahem*

Does this mean OUR engagement is off, Ruby?

Like you ever gave me a chance in hell, Nora. Damn penii.

99, who do you think gave the Colonel the "Finger Licking Good" slogan?

 

[Nora]

Just gimme one more time to get fucked over by a guy, Ruby, and I'll be putty in your pretty, manicured hands.

Besides, at least you know i love you for more than just your sexy-as-hell body.

 

[Agent99]

I say... I say... was it Miss Prissy? Or Foghorn Leghorn? Did the Colonel eat from both sides of the bucket?

 

[Rubyfruit]

Nora, the sweetness of a woman doesn't become sweeter still by the absence of a man.

 

[Purple Haze]

I have a strong urge to make myself a sandwich...

 

[Nora]

Nora, the sweetness of a woman doesn't become sweeter still by the absence of a man.

*hangs head in shame*

You're right.

Can I still love you for more than just your wonderful physical self?

 

[Agent99]

Ladies,

Let us not lose sight of the reason for this thread. ME.

You're both beautiful, smart chicas. Much like myself.

Heck, maybe I will just pull up a chaise lounge, a glass of sparkling water and watch as Rubyfruit begins her seduction.

and...ACTION!