We Need to Practice

[renthead29]

This is my second story that I've gotten onto Literotica, if you haven't read the first one, the beginning storyline might be weird, but then again maybe not.

The link to my first story is in my siggy

Here's the second:

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=433236

Please tell me what you think!

~Renthead29

 

[renthead29]

i'm bumping this thread cuz i really want to know what you guys think

 

[EricCalder]

I found your story well-written, so by all means keep writing.

I did find a couple sentences to be a bit clunky, but I can see (or I am think I am seeing) attempts to be my lyrical in spots and there is certainly nothing wrong with that. It's nice to read things which are not just cocks in cunts, etc.

I do confess I was a little puzzled by the motivation here. They had sex and that ruined the relationship. Okay, I can relate to that. Then they are practicing? But they are not really practicing, they're just having sex. However, do think you were are looking to write something with a more romantic, relationship angle -- and there is nothing wrong with that at all, not in the slightest -- so maybe I'm just missing something here.

 

[EricCalder]

Ah! Looks like I am indeed missing something.... there is an earlier story with these characters.

 

[renthead29]

yep! Did you read both? if so...what did you think of the whole thing with BOTH stories? i thought that your suggestion was valid even with knowing both stories, but i wanna know if your opinion changed at all...