Warning: VERY long Looking for advice. Need someone to talk to...

shykisses

Virgin
Joined
Aug 2, 2003
Posts
6
The following is the story of my disaster. I got my friend's permission to post this, but I did change all the names... It started out that I just needed to get off my chest the events of last night.... but I ended up pouring my heart out. I've never told the whole story before, and then my friend went offline on me. I was just hoping that someone here might be willing to give me some advice, or maybe just talk? Please?


shykisses (12:50:06 AM): I see how you are
jaws (12:50:21 AM): hehe...making you come to me...lol
shykisses (12:50:30 AM): yup
jaws (12:50:43 AM): ok..now, what did you do, young lady?
shykisses (12:50:51 AM): last night you mean?
jaws (12:51:22 AM): yes
shykisses (12:53:20 AM): well, I dran 2 MGD's at Dick's, then went to Jimmy's and had two more....we talked.... a lot..... he kissed me.... we kissed...... he started touching my legs..... we kissed...... I went to change position a bit and he more or less put me straddled on his lap..... we kissed....... time passed.... was time to go meet megan and dan.......
shykisses (12:53:29 AM): you sure you want to hear about this?
jaws (12:54:00 AM): sure, go on
jaws (12:54:03 AM): lol
shykisses (12:54:20 AM): Dan, might I add, is my ex-boyfriend.
jaws (12:54:49 AM): ok..
shykisses (12:57:01 AM): we got stuck in the back seat together, again, james and I... on the way there, we sat very close to our respective doors, obviously a bit uncomfortable... on the way home, I sat by my respective door, a bit uncomfortable with the extra company, and he sat in the middle with his full length leather trench in his lap
shykisses (12:57:30 AM): started touching my leg... his hand worked it's way higher and higher... we're all talking, discussing the show.
shykisses (12:58:12 AM): before I know it he's touching me through my tights
shykisses (12:58:30 AM): does this excite you? lol
jaws (12:58:52 AM): was he reaching under his trench or something?
shykisses (12:58:57 AM): yup
jaws (12:59:25 AM): you really didn't have to give so much detail...lol
jaws (12:59:31 AM): unless you're trying to excite me..lol
shykisses (12:59:37 AM): pretty NOT slick. I was sure someone was going to glance back and realize how obvious he was being.
shykisses (1:00:26 AM): then he found a hole in my pantyhose....AND managed to unsnap the crotch of my slip (it's a weird slip. DOn't ask me...)
shykisses (1:00:43 AM): we're all still talking, listening to the new type o cd....
jaws (1:00:45 AM): damn
jaws (1:00:53 AM): he's sly
shykisses (1:01:31 AM): when next thing I know I'm blinded by blue light. Dan, who's sitting in front of me has a BRIGHT blue keychain light, and is feling playful
jaws (1:01:58 AM): lol
shykisses (1:02:02 AM): so I'm acting nonchalant, can't let on to what's happening.....
jaws (1:02:06 AM): as long as he wasn't shining it lower
shykisses (1:03:06 AM): but on the way home, I must have gotten that light on me at least 20 times (Dan was drunk) and the front seat was practically in my lap anyway... my knees were spread because his seat was so far back..... yes, spread before ANY of this happened. lol
shykisses (1:03:25 AM): then we stopped for gas and all went into the gas station for munchies...
shykisses (1:04:07 AM): and got back in the car, and james took over where he left off..... We all went to Dan's. We were gonna keep drinking, and Dan was gonna make us some real food. Feel free to interject whenever you have anything to add/ask.
jaws (1:04:28 AM): lol
jaws (1:04:33 AM): so, he fingered you the whole way back?
shykisses (1:04:53 AM): We stopped in geneva to pick up my car, because Dan lives between megan and I, and it would be silly for megan to have to drive to 'bula then have to go back to geneva, then drive to conneaut.
shykisses (1:04:56 AM): yes he did.
shykisses (1:05:10 AM): BUT, that left me to also take James home, who lives in geneva too.
jaws (1:05:12 AM): so, who drove you home?
shykisses (1:05:19 AM): I drove.
shykisses (1:05:37 AM): We only drank another beer each at Dan's, and several hours passed. It was 3 by the time I left Dan's.
shykisses (1:05:49 AM): We got there at about midnight.
jaws(1:05:58 AM): and, did you just drive him home or anyone else?
shykisses (1:06:05 AM): just him......
jaws (1:06:30 AM): something tells me the night didn't end when you left Dan's
shykisses (1:07:23 AM): We left Dan's after we'd all burned a copy of the new CD, and everyone was about ready to pass out. We started off just driving, mostly in silence, but we talked a bit....
shykisses (1:08:16 AM): I stopped at a stop sign and he turned my head toward him and kissed me almost desperately..... We prolly sat there for about a min... which is a long time to stop at a stop sign. lol
jaws (1:08:45 AM): true
jaws (1:08:51 AM): something tells me he was wanting more
shykisses (1:09:05 AM): Further down the next road he started to say something, but stopped, but as always, I pushed to find out what it was, and he said he was going to direct me down a different road, but had decided it was a bad idea.
shykisses (1:10:13 AM): Next stop sign, another kiss, another minute..... I turn toward his road. We're now about eh.... 7 min. form his house.... and he said why don't you go that way. Then you won't have to drive smelling like beer through the strip with your car with no muffler. Good point, I thught, though I knew there were other reasons too
shykisses (1:11:19 AM): So we kinda went around the block, and he said "And I do believe there's a little place up here that used to be a bar... now there are a few old cars there... you can pull up there. And I obliged. I had NO intention of anything happening last night. None whatsoever.
jaws (1:11:43 AM): I didn't think you would...
shykisses (1:11:45 AM): but I park... and I feel like a freakin horny teenager.
jaws (1:11:56 AM): and, more kissing?
shykisses (1:12:25 AM): a bit, but it wasn't long before he had my tights off, my slip unsnapped, his seat back, and his head in my lap.
jaws (1:12:48 AM): oohhh...put his money where his hand was, huh?
shykisses (1:13:11 AM): I relaxed. James enjoys giving. That's part of the story of what happened to start all this mess.
jaws (1:13:48 AM): must be in the name..I'm a giver too
shykisses (1:14:21 AM): I expected that to be all, but soon I heard a jipper and some rearranging, and then he reclined my seat and tried to hop over onto it (me lol)
shykisses (1:14:38 AM): but my car's a standard... and well, he kinda got caught on the shifter. hehe
jaws (1:14:50 AM): ouch
shykisses (1:15:12 AM): So he sat back down, and I started touching him...... Now let me interrupt.
jaws (1:15:33 AM): lol
jaws (1:15:47 AM): I guess you're allowed to interrupt
shykisses (1:16:08 AM): I have a bad reputation for cheating. I cheated on the guy I lost my virginity to off and on with the same other guy for a year and a half of our two year relationship. There was also a one night stand with another guy during that time.
jaws (1:16:29 AM): ok
jaws (1:16:42 AM): so, am I assuming right that you returned the favor?
shykisses (1:17:42 AM): But out of the......7 people that I've now slept with, I've only like... acted out? touched, ANYTHING 2 of them. I used to just lay bak and more or less let myself be taken. I've only gone down on 2 people before.
shykisses (1:18:08 AM): So this was INCREDIBLY odd for me. I think it was sort of encouraged by a dream I had last week.
jaws(1:18:08 AM): wow
jaws (1:18:20 AM): so, you not only touched him but you went down on him?
shykisses (1:18:52 AM): yes, I did. And to be honest with you, it's something I've been dying to do for... oh... about the last 2, maybe closer to 3 years.
jaws (1:19:07 AM): go down on him?
shykisses (1:19:17 AM): no, it was a passing thought for a long time, but the dream made it something I wanted to do.
shykisses (1:19:20 AM): yeah.
jaws(1:19:30 AM): well, did both of you get to finish?
shykisses (1:19:46 AM): James had NEVER gotten off on a blowjob before. I've known that for a long time. That's why he preferrs to give.
jaws (1:19:55 AM): gotcha
shykisses (1:19:56 AM): Well, now he's gotten off on a blowjob.
jaws(1:20:17 AM): and you did you swallow too?
shykisses (1:20:29 AM): hehe You do want details now, eh? Yup. I did.
jaws (1:20:41 AM): nope
jaws(1:20:41 AM): lol
jaws(1:20:47 AM): and you orgasmed too?
shykisses (1:20:50 AM): nope what?
jaws(1:21:16 AM): nope, don't want details..lol
shykisses (1:21:32 AM): yup. More than once. It had more to do with the situation and the sexual tension that's been building between us for so long than it did his actual skill though.
shykisses (1:21:37 AM): ok, no more details for you
jaws (1:21:46 AM): lol
jaws (1:21:56 AM): and, why are you giving me so many details if you don't want to excite me?
shykisses (1:22:19 AM): several reasons. We can get to that when I'm all done... which I almost am.
jaws (1:22:50 AM): ok...what's the reason?
jaws (1:22:51 AM): lol
shykisses (1:23:27 AM): So there we were, the windows steamed, James amazed, me practically beaming inside... lol we talked a bit more.... basked in the post orgasmic pleasure, then I drove him home to his girlfriend and I went home to brian.
jaws (1:23:48 AM): oh man
jaws (1:23:50 AM): lol
jaws (1:23:56 AM): guess it was more mutual than I thought
shykisses (1:24:04 AM): why I'm telling you all this:
shykisses (1:24:22 AM): 1. Just thinking about it is oh so powerfully erotic
jaws(1:24:37 AM): I can understand that
shykisses (1:24:40 AM): 2, and most importantly, I have absolutely no one else I can tell about this
shykisses (1:25:09 AM): 3. Why waste a good story when someone else can enjoy it too?
jaws (1:25:34 AM): lol
jaws(1:25:36 AM): well, thanks..
shykisses (1:25:37 AM): I'm actually considering fictionalizing it a bit and typing it up for lit.
jaws(1:25:51 AM): sounds pretty steamy as it is..
jaws (1:26:04 AM): wow...didn't realize that...
jaws(1:26:19 AM): had my heart beating pretty fast there, Ang
shykisses (1:26:20 AM): didn't realize what?
shykisses (1:26:24 AM): lol
shykisses (1:26:39 AM): So what the fuck am I supposed to do now????????
jaws(1:26:52 AM): I might be a tad jealous that I didn't get to play tho...lol
jaws (1:27:00 AM): I was going to ask you how you felt about this
shykisses (1:27:20 AM): *sigh* If it were just a one time thing, it wouldn't be so complicated.
shykisses (1:27:33 AM): there is just soooo much more to it.
jaws (1:27:40 AM): this isn't the first time you've been with him since you were with Brian?
shykisses (1:28:34 AM): *deep breath* I slept with james twice about 3 months ago... beginning of may.... he'd just moved back to ohio, and his girlfriend wasn't due to move back for two weeks. He went to concrete blond with us.
shykisses (1:28:51 AM): I spent the next three nights at his place, more or less.
jaws (1:28:57 AM): um..Angie...
shykisses (1:29:06 AM): yes?
jaws (1:29:10 AM): what are you doing?
shykisses (1:29:25 AM): I have no fucking clue. You don't even know.... a .1 of it.
jaws(1:29:50 AM): I'm starting to understand a bit of it
shykisses (1:29:59 AM): James is the person that I've known the longest, aside from my family, that is still involved in my life.
shykisses (1:30:05 AM): No, no you're not.
shykisses (1:30:11 AM): You want the sinker?
jaws (1:30:21 AM): sure
shykisses (1:30:25 AM): James hooked Brian and I up.
jaws(1:30:43 AM): and, did you date James before that?
shykisses (1:31:04 AM): They were best friends in highschool. I was the friend of the little sister of the guy who's house they hung out at.
shykisses (1:31:11 AM): No, James and I have never dated.
shykisses (1:31:18 AM): not in the traditional sense.
jaws (1:31:23 AM): just sex?
shykisses (1:31:37 AM): no, it started out as much more than that.
shykisses (1:31:51 AM): This has been building up for about 3 yrs now.
jaws (1:32:11 AM): do you love him?
shykisses (1:32:15 AM): Did I talk to you when I was still working at BP?
jaws (1:32:58 AM): I think so
shykisses (1:33:01 AM): No, I didn't..... that's right. Brian started going to Neith after we moved back in with my parents.
jaws(1:33:04 AM): wait, no..cuz, I didn't know about the job
shykisses (1:33:13 AM): right...
shykisses (1:34:28 AM): well James and I worked at BP together.... he told me then that the reason he fixed Brian and I up was because his good friend needed to get laid (like I said, my reputation precedes me in their crowd) and because he was feeling attracted to me, and he thought if he hooked me up with his friend, he'd be less likely to cheat on his girlfriend.
shykisses (1:34:48 AM): brb
jaws(1:34:53 AM): well, he hooked you up, so both of you could cheat, it seems
jaws(1:34:56 AM): ok
jaws (1:35:55 AM): do you love him?
shykisses (1:37:11 AM): I have, intensly, for a long time. The sexual aspect is messing things up though. It was never supposed to happen. We were above that.
jaws (1:37:29 AM): and, do you love Brian?
shykisses (1:37:41 AM): of course I do, or I'd never have gotten married.
shykisses (1:38:04 AM): Jmes isn't with the same girl now that he was back then, but he and Jo have been together for 2 yrs now.
jaws (1:38:25 AM): so, gonna just keep letting this happen?
shykisses (1:40:14 AM): When we worked at BP, James made it his personal goal to make me happy. There was never anything sexual between us then. It was all emotional. He'd take me out to dinner, buy me roses, write me letters, totally give me the princess treatment. He never asked for ANYTHING in return, and I really never GAVE him anything in return. My happiness made him happy. It was an awesome relationship.
shykisses (1:41:52 AM): I can't count the nights at BP he'd come up (we worked 3rds, but only one person worked at a time, so if I was working, he was off, and vice versa) with vodka and firewater and we'd pour it into a cherry 7-up bottle and get trashed on the clock..... I never neglected my job. Everything got done first, and there weren't many customers.
shykisses (1:42:05 AM): we'd just sit and talk..... we had such a bond....
shykisses (1:43:00 AM): I'd have given anything to freeze Brian and completely date James.... but I knew there was no way that could happen. Brian and James had a falling out that didn't involve me in the slightest.... they don't speak to each other anymore. Thank god.
jaws (1:43:25 AM): good thing
shykisses (1:43:57 AM): The sexual tension developed very very slowly.... he used to drive out to lakeland, the community college that I took night classes at...... wait for me at my car, and we'd go out for coffee at mentor denny's...
shykisses (1:44:23 AM): one night, he kissed me, quickly, just a peck on the lips, got in his car, and drove away.
jaws(1:44:56 AM): sounds to me that he's been in love with you a lot longer than this, Ang
shykisses (1:45:02 AM): And that was the beginning of everything. I immediatly told him that wasn't acceptable, that I wouldn't cheat on Brian... that it was crossing the boudaries....
shykisses (1:45:36 AM): I know. He told me so about.... 2 yrs ago?
jaws (1:46:03 AM): ok
shykisses (1:46:28 AM): but it became a game of cat and mouse. I would put him in his place every time he crossed the line, and he'd back off.... and I'd go after him, and he'd act cool....... it was always a guessing game...
jaws(1:47:17 AM): at this rate...I really can't imagine your marriage lasting, Angie...
shykisses (1:47:21 AM): When Jo moved in with him, I didn't see him for the whole summer..... year before last? I don't remember now. I think it was two summers ago.
shykisses (1:47:45 AM): then I started spending time with him again when she left for college.
shykisses (1:48:30 AM): Then he moved to PA, cuz he had an awesome job offer... He was buying a house out there from Jo's parents. I didn't think I'd see him again. Or at least not the way I used to....
shykisses (1:48:44 AM): Then in May he moved back.... and that's when we really really fucked up.
jaws(1:49:12 AM): literally
shykisses (1:49:23 AM): yes. But even that happened in staged.
shykisses (1:49:35 AM): I turned 21 on may 23
shykisses (1:50:26 AM): He'd promised back when we worked at BP that he'd take me barhopping.... it was just a nothing conversation then, but I remembered it.
shykisses (1:50:43 AM): So I said he had to take me barhopping for my birthday, even though Jo would be back in town by then.
jaws(1:51:05 AM): ok
shykisses (1:52:00 AM): and he kept saying we'll see. so we played rummy that night. lol and I won. I said: I WIN!!! You have to take me drinking! And he said we had to play another game, because you have to call stakes before you start. So we decided to play. Winner got whatever they wanted.
jaws (1:52:11 AM): brb
shykisses (1:52:31 AM): But I lost that time...... and for about 2 hrs he fought with himself over what he wanted.
shykisses (1:52:32 AM): ok
shykisses (1:52:38 AM): I'm gonna keep typing.
jaws (1:53:01 AM): ok
shykisses (1:53:06 AM): finally he pulled my pants and underwear off in one swoop and went down on me
jaws(1:53:48 AM): damn, had to go there
shykisses (1:54:02 AM): that was the first time we'd ever done anything but kiss.... and we did end up kissing often over the years...
shykisses (1:54:15 AM): I know. Had to go there.... but it stopped there that night....
jaws (1:54:52 AM): no, I mean you had to go there telling me
shykisses (1:54:56 AM): mainly because neither of us had any protection.
shykisses (1:55:11 AM): what? Should I stop?
shykisses (1:55:17 AM): NO ONE else knows this stuff.
jaws (1:55:39 AM): go on
shykisses (1:56:16 AM): but we talked about it..... for a long time... yes, no, what the hell were we thinking, etc etc.....
shykisses (1:56:40 AM): James, belive it or not, holds himself to incredibly high moral standards.
shykisses (1:58:06 AM): I had said way back when during a drunken conversation, that things between us "wouldn't climax till we climaxed" We were both aware of the sexual tension, but neither of us did anything about it.... but kiss... and that didn't even happen regularly... because we were both in other relationships.
shykisses (1:59:22 AM): but I thought maybe it was true... once the long awaited deed had been done, maybe we'd be through with each other. And, I figured, the line had definitly been crossed. It would plague me more to always be thinking about how close we'd been then stopped than if we went through with it.
shykisses (1:59:38 AM): So the next night I showed up with condoms and vodka.
shykisses (1:59:47 AM): no, the vodka was his..
jaws (1:59:59 AM): ok
shykisses (2:00:00 AM): he was drinking before I got there..... he knew I'd be there
shykisses (2:00:35 AM): and..... I told him what I'd thought, my reasoning, and we went through with it. Actually, I'd written it down, because I have a hard time talking about sex, period.
shykisses (2:01:10 AM): I set his alarm for 6AM, woke him up, told him I had to go home, and left.
shykisses (2:01:19 AM): He didn't lock his door behind me.
shykisses (2:02:08 AM): His now roomate that wasn't living with him yet at the time but stayed there often knocked on his door that morning to wake him up for work, found the door open, went into his room, found my letter, and saw the condom wrapper on the floor.
shykisses (2:02:21 AM): So one other person here knows.
jaws(2:02:48 AM): I know..
shykisses (2:02:49 AM): Did I mention his girlfriend works for the same guy? They all work at Geneva On The Lake, the resort town I've told you about.
shykisses (2:02:56 AM): you know?
jaws (2:03:01 AM): small world over there
jaws (2:03:06 AM): well, I know now
shykisses (2:03:09 AM): yup.
jaws(2:03:23 AM): brb again
shykisses (2:03:44 AM): the next night..... it was a thursday, I went back again, and we slept together again.... and friday morning I was still there when Drew, the friend, came over to wake him up.
shykisses (2:03:45 AM): ok
shykisses (2:04:46 AM): I worked at the lake too. I know everyone there. Drew knew about James and I. I was still buzzed a little when he got there. James cooked breakfast for us all. It was weird. Drew said" YOu guys know this has to stop" "No kidding," I said. Jo will be home tonight!
shykisses (2:06:13 AM): I was still really tired, and they said I could sleep there for a while longer if I wanted, so they went to work, said they'd be back on their lunchbreak. I didn't want to deal with seeing James again and knowing that Jo would be back and living with him, and that we wouldn't see each other again for quite some time, so I just left a note with "Tag, you're it. See you in September" (when she goes back to PA for college)
shykisses (2:07:07 AM): I've gone out for dinner with James, Jo, and Jo's cousin a couple times this summer. Jo is a sweetheart. A really nice girl.
shykisses (2:07:28 AM): I go to the park to see James, and always stop to talk to her. She ADORES brodie.
shykisses (2:07:58 AM): When she was in school, she had this crazy idea that I was trying to steal james away, but I think she's over that now. (UGH!)
jaws(2:09:21 AM): lol
shykisses (2:09:43 AM): I'm so fucked up...
shykisses (2:10:43 AM): you have no idea how much I appreciate you listening to all that. I've practically written a novel There is NO ONE here I can talk to about any of this. Megan knows some..... but not nearly all of it.
shykisses (2:13:56 AM): Are you still there? Did you fall asleep?
jaws(2:14:42 AM): I'm here..sorry
shykisses (2:15:08 AM): thought you left me here with my guts on the table.....
jaws (2:15:09 AM): just got a phone call...not trying to be rude
shykisses (2:15:16 AM): ok
shykisses (2:15:30 AM): a little late for a phone call, isn't it? Booty call? lol
jaws (2:16:30 AM): well...not yet..lol
jaws (2:16:44 AM): I am glad you trust me enough to open up like this to me
jaws (2:16:57 AM): but, I might have that chance in a few more minutes..lol
shykisses (2:17:27 AM): I only have one other net friend that I feel anything like this close to, but he's gotten weird on me lately.
shykisses (2:17:30 AM): figures.
jaws(2:17:55 AM): well, I like to flirt and tease...but, I think you know I'm harmless
shykisses (2:18:43 AM): exactly. The other net friend, whom I've been talking to for 7 yrs now, has gotten so that that's ALL he does anymore... which makes me really sad....
jaws(2:18:45 AM): but, you didn't have to give me the red shoe diary version...LOL
shykisses (2:18:54 AM): red shoe diary?
jaws (2:19:00 AM): well, I only flirt here and there now..
jaws6482 (2:19:08 AM): it's an old sex show on Showtime...lol
shykisses (2:19:44 AM): oh... I see...
shykisses (2:19:54 AM): So.... what is your take on the situation, if I may ask?
jaws (2:20:42 AM): I think your marriage isn't going to survive if you can't get this under control
shykisses (2:21:22 AM): yeah. I really screwed up here.
jaws (2:21:37 AM): um...I have to go for now...since someone got me excited with some story telling...I need to see if I can have a friend help me out...lol
shykisses (2:21:47 AM): but there was no good (easy? Desirable) solution ever.
shykisses (2:21:55 AM): doh
jaws (2:22:05 AM): well, let me think on this...ok?
jaws (2:22:19 AM): and, I'll see what I can come up with
shykisses (2:22:22 AM): yeah. Right. You're gonna go get "helped" and think about my romantic problems.
jaws6482 (2:22:47 AM): well, I'll think about your problems tomorrow..
jaws(2:22:59 AM): then again..part of the problems put me in the mood for some nibbling...so, dammit..lol
shykisses (2:23:10 AM): FUCK!!!!!!!!!
shykisses (2:23:17 AM): Ok, go have fun. I'm sorry.
jaws(2:23:57 AM): why did you say that?
shykisses (2:24:53 AM): because the whole point in telling the REST of the story was to get some feedback... and you leaving is just (sorry for the por choice of words) anticlimactic. Now it's fresh in my brain and there's no one else to talk to.
shykisses (2:25:00 AM): But I'll live. I've made it thus far.
jaws(2:25:34 AM): well, she might fall asleep 5 minutes after I get there, I'm sure you'll be awake when I get back...so, I'll talk to you more shortly, ok?
shykisses (2:25:54 AM): I'd really like that... but don't feel you have to.
jaws (2:26:07 AM): it's part of being a friend...I'll be back...watch for me
shykisses (2:26:24 AM): will do.... though Brian will prolly be home in about 2 hrs...
jaws (2:26:40 AM): I"ll be back before then..ok?
shykisses (2:27:00 AM): ok.... if you can. If not, I'll be here tomrow.
jaws (2:27:14 AM): sounds good...{{{{{{{{Ang}}}}}}}}
 
First of all, yours is a classic pysch condition known as tl;dr. FOrtunately there's a tried and true method to resolve all of this.

Kill her, then yourself.
 
What do you really want?

Ask yourself that.


Then quit the bullshit.

Considerations - How many innocents will you hurt by your actions?

Is it worth it?

Then when your mind tells you the answer - don't cloud it by justification.
 
tl;dr?
Kill her who? Myself? Confused.


How many innocents? 1. My husband. The man I pledged my life to.

I'm not looking for anyone to tell me what I'm doing isn't wrong. I know it is. If it wasn't wrong, there wouldn't be a problem.

The obvious answer is cut the bullshit. How should I do that? Continue in my marraige and never say another word to or about James? Confess my sins to my husband and completely ruin our marraige, but clear the skeletons from my closet? File for divorce and have a no doubt short lived relationship with James? I have no idea how to resolve this. There is absolutely no easy answer, at least not that I can find.

What is the BEST answer, in your opinion, easy or not? I more than anything just need someone to talk to.
 
Don't tell your husband. There's no reason to make him suffer for what you did.
 
Sweetie - confession is not necessarily good for the soul

You love your husband.

Dump the guy. That James guy.

You needn't tell your husband.

Most spouses will not take kindly to that kind of honesty.

Go with what you have.

You are a smart person with obvious feelings. Otherwise this wouldn't be tearing you up.

Don't wreck your husbands trust, or your relationship by telling himn of this

Get rid of the transient.

Start your life NOW.
 
Sandia said:
Don't tell your husband. There's no reason to make him suffer for what you did.

I agree, but I don't know that it's right to keep the secret either. Honesty is important, right? I feel like I've been honest with everyone but him. Or do I want to tell him so I don't have to keep the secret? Am I being selfish in considering telling him?
 
Annabelllee2003 said:
Get rid of the transient.

That is the closest I've come to a livable solution myself. I mean, I do care deeply for James as well, but I made my choice. If I wanted to be with James, I should have done so before I got married. Period.

I've gotten rid of the transient so many times before. One or the other of us keeps going back. That has to stop. I know.

It's just so hard.

If only there were two of me.

Or I could have frozen time for a while...

Ugh.

...and this Sunday is our first anniversary. Didn't take me long to screw up, did it?
 
shykisses said:
That is the closest I've come to a livable solution myself. I mean, I do care deeply for James as well, but I made my choice. If I wanted to be with James, I should have done so before I got married. Period.

I've gotten rid of the transient so many times before. One or the other of us keeps going back. That has to stop. I know.

It's just so hard.

If only there were two of me.

Or I could have frozen time for a while...

Ugh.

...and this Sunday is our first anniversary. Didn't take me long to screw up, did it?
Don't be so hard on yourself. You are human.

We all are... (with certain exceptions....)


I'll just say - Don't hurt your husband needlessly. You have a good heart and soul. Don't cloud it by lust.

A partner is a partner in life - not just sex.

Christ = if I fucked everyone I was attracted to... OI...

Be kind to yourself too hon. Really.
 
Lust I can deal with. It's the feelings that have NOTHING to do with lust that I'm having such a hard time with. When my best friend died 2 yrs ago, my husband shut himself off. They were very close friends too, from back in the highschool days... The three of us spent almost every waking, non working hour together.... James, though, who was also in that group, was the one who helped me through that particular hard time in my life. James' ex-girlfriend has his child. She won't let him see her. It tears him up... and I'm the one he talks to about it. I've never met anyone who I can talk to the way I can talk to James. The sex absolutely should stop. Do you think there's any hop in maintaing the friendship? Or is it pointless temptation? I don't have many friends. I'm incredibly shy and insecure. I'd hate to lose him completely... But I guess if I had FIRMLY put a stop to things before they got out of hand...
 
shykisses said:
Lust I can deal with. It's the feelings that have NOTHING to do with lust that I'm having such a hard time with. When my best friend died 2 yrs ago, my husband shut himself off. They were very close friends too, from back in the highschool days... The three of us spent almost every waking, non working hour together.... James, though, who was also in that group, was the one who helped me through that particular hard time in my life. James' ex-girlfriend has his child. She won't let him see her. It tears him up... and I'm the one he talks to about it. I've never met anyone who I can talk to the way I can talk to James. The sex absolutely should stop. Do you think there's any hop in maintaing the friendship? Or is it pointless temptation? I don't have many friends. I'm incredibly shy and insecure. I'd hate to lose him completely... But I guess if I had FIRMLY put a stop to things before they got out of hand...
Do you love your husband?

Do you believe in the vows you took?


Answer this first.
 
My opinion:
Make up your mind what you want.
Or who as the case maybe.

I would tell your husband before someone
else tells him.

Maybe he will forgive you and you can work things
out. Or maybe your marriage will be over. At least
you will have been honest with your hubby.

And?

"shykisses (1:16:08 AM): I have a bad reputation for cheating. I cheated on the guy I lost my virginity to off and on with the same other guy for a year and a half of our two year relationship. There was also a one night stand with another guy during that time."

Why do you keep cheating? Why not be honest with your partners and see if an open relationship would work better
for you?

I think it would be impossible to maintain a friendship with
someone you are cheating with on your hubby and not keep
giving into temptation. But I have never been in this situation so I don't know what could/could not work.
 
Some people are just not hardwired for monogamy. It really doesnt matter that they have the best person in the world loving them, they will go to someone else when the opertunity arises. One of the true-isms about people is that if they cheated once they will most likly do it again. Your track record isnt the best in this department already, you will probably do it again. If you dont want to do it with James, then break off all contact with him. You will sleep with him again if you try to be "just friends".

You may have to try to find the open relationship that Debbie mentioned. Perhaps the man your married to would be open to it.

I think that honesty is the only way to get through life. But you cant be honest with others till you are honest with yourself. Figure out what you really want and then act on it. And I know this is a really hard thing to do, I strugle with it myself quite often.
 
Sandia said:
Don't tell your husband. There's no reason to make him suffer for what you did.

wise words..........

it may make you feel better to confess and get it all out in the open..... but why hurt another person, if you love your husband and want to remain with him shut up.

If you don't, tell him and leave........
 
I don't think the problem is that I'm not wired for monogomy, so much as I've just had very limited experiences, and I want to experience more (than I should). I've been in nothing but long term relationships since I was 14. Dated that guy for a year (long term when you're 14) and we messed around a little, but never had sex. We were both from Christian families, and tried to believe in waiting till marraige. Lost my virginity to the next guy I dated for two years. He was cheating on my the whole time. Had a 6 month relationship after that with a bit of a psycho before meeting the man that is now my husband. He and I dated for 3 yrs. before we got married. Now I'm 21 and want to "sew my wild oats" a bit. I have two fantasies that my husband can't fulfill. He's aware of them, we've talked about it, but we've also agreed that there's no way to fulfill them within the bounds of our marraige. (I'd like to sleep with a virgin, and a significantly older man. There's a bit more to it than that, but not much).

I think perhaps if I'd been free-er to experiment more when I was younger, or had waited a while to get married... perhaps had met my husband about 5 yrs later, I would have no problem with monogomy. Our sex life is good, really good most of the time. And it's not really that I crave more sex, it's the thrill of something different... and the thought that there is so much I'll never do.

James was definitly a bad choice. I know I should have stood firmly by the boundaries I set, but I didn't. I was weak, and I made a huge mistake.

As soon as I get the chance, I'm going to sit down and talk to James, explain all of this. It's the only right thing to do. I'll tell him that if he really belives he and I are fate, then maybe something will happen down the road to change both our situatiuons. But right now, I have to stand by my vows, stand by my husband, and try my best to be the wife he deserves. Because of my feelings of love for James, not lust, for that I really can control, it's neccesary that I don't see him anymore, period.

I appreciate all the replies. Thanks, guys. I think I can do this now. It should have been done a long time ago.
 
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