Wake for Byron: All that and a bag of chips...

[trysail]

A few years ago, a non-Gee Bee Litster passed away unexpectedly. He had mental issues and chemical dependency issues and marital issues, and found likeminded friends here. One such friend - a woman who'd been friends with him for like 7 or 8 years, though then never met in person - reached out to me because she was considering telling his wife about his Lit posts. He posted quite candidly (though without names) about his life, his difficult relationship with his family, and his general state of mind. I could understand her need to help them try to understand who he was, but still I told her that if he'd wanted her to read these things, he would've showed them to his family himself.

It's tempting to try to help loved ones off the Internet fill the gaps in their knowledge of a person by exposing their online life. But I really feel that good friends should respect our right to privacy, even if we aren't around anymore. A good friend should clean your browser and delete your passwords , not give the keys to their loved ones, no matter how well-meaning they may be.

To be honest, I don't think there's anything here that would give them comfort. In fact, without Byron here to explain why he said what he said and provide proper context, it might only leave them feeling confused. It's better that they remember him as he chose to show himself to them. Just my $0.02.

It's a knowledgeable 2¢.

What's written on Lit, stays on Lit.



​

 

[Noor]

I think you misread her post.

Yes, I meant I wish I could tell Byron these things, not anyone else.

 

[Que]

^^^agreed.

I have to watch it on how I speak whenever I express myself around the bereaved. My internal coping mechanism are off, and come off wooden or random and horrifyingly on some occasions inappropriate.

Like a lot of men, I think, I often go into problem solving mode when a hug and a kind word is all that is called for.

Byron's passing put in mind of some sort of online service where one's intellectual property is dealt with according to the decedents wishes. I suppose you could add codicils to a will and have an executor do things but some things you wouldn't want in the reading of the will.

Some people might well be compartmentalizing associations and want some people told one set of cherished thoughts while giving another group comfort in a different way.

The unexpected passing of someone you just spoke with the other day causes a lot of self reflection. It seemed validating at the time to find at the age of 40 with surprised delight that I could in fact sire another child with the then much loved mother of my children. I have often mused that I should prepare letters for different stages in her life in advance of my passing. We all think we have longer than we do.

I barely knew Byron, and his passing still makes me want to be a better Litizen.

 

[Laurel]

I think you misread her post.

Yes, I meant I wish I could tell Byron these things, not anyone else.

Oh! Well, then....nevermind!

http://www.vote29.com/newmyblog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/6D8EE0AA-1EF9-4732-A638AC19C578200E.jpg

 

[Laurel]

It's a knowledgeable 2¢.

What's written on Lit, stays on Lit.



​

Yeah, it's like Vegas only with better weather.

 

[Que]

That is lovely, Phelia.

I was told this strawbs piece was open on his computer when they found him.
I am crying now, he used to play this for me when he couldn't speak.

That made me cry. He spoke, in the end. Such beauty.

 

[Phelia]

That is lovely, Phelia.

I was told this strawbs piece was open on his computer when they found him.
I am crying now, he used to play this for me when he couldn't speak.

I love that song, and he introduced me to it, to the Strawbs. I will always hear them as his band now. I am happy and heartbroken that the song was open on his computer. Thank you for telling me

 

[trysail]

It pisses me off. I mean it REALLY pisses me off.


There are a limited number of bright bulbs in a depressingly dark landscape. We can't afford to lose them.



​

 

[Fata Morgana]

Understood.

I am not exactly sure how he would want me to be. He wouldn't want me to feel this horrible, but he would let me cry.
I know where he would suggest I go, and I did that yesterday.
He would want me to help his friends, which I am doing.

I woke this morning calling his name, it was like I forgot he was gone.
I keep waiting for the peace that seems to come after a death of having the person with you and part of you and not so raw all the time but so far it hasn't happened.

I wish I could tell him how his parents are doing, what is happening with his stuff, about the posts on lit and his facebook account. What his friends are doing and how welcome they have made me feel.

That peace won't come yet.

All I can say to you is feel whatever you feel, don't think you have to behave or feel a certain way. Grief is personal and we all do it differently. Whatever gets you through the day or night, do it. There will come a time when you don't need to so much. When my Dad died I spent a huge amount of time at the cemetery and was told it was "unhealthy". I slept with his cardigan for over a year until his scent left it. It made me feel better so what's the harm?

You'll feel guilty for laughing too. Don't, Byron liked a laugh. Do whatever helps you cope and ignore all the stages of grief malarkey etc. You can vent here and start a million threads if it helps!

Fuck death. Nothing prepares you for it.

 

[Noor]

That peace won't come yet.

All I can say to you is feel whatever you feel, don't think you have to behave or feel a certain way. Grief is personal and we all do it differently. Whatever gets you through the day or night, do it. There will come a time when you don't need to so much. When my Dad died I spent a huge amount of time at the cemetery and was told it was "unhealthy". I slept with his cardigan for over a year until his scent left it. It made me feel better so what's the harm?

You'll feel guilty for laughing too. Don't, Byron liked a laugh. Do whatever helps you cope and ignore all the stages of grief malarkey etc. You can vent here and start a million threads if it helps!

Fuck death. Nothing prepares you for it.

Thank you. Maybe I will channel Byron and post youtube videos everywhere

His laughter was magical.

 

[4est_4est_Gump]

Understood.

I am not exactly sure how he would want me to be. He wouldn't want me to feel this horrible, but he would let me cry.
I know where he would suggest I go, and I did that yesterday.
He would want me to help his friends, which I am doing.

I woke this morning calling his name, it was like I forgot he was gone.
I keep waiting for the peace that seems to come after a death of having the person with you and part of you and not so raw all the time but so far it hasn't happened.

I wish I could tell him how his parents are doing, what is happening with his stuff, about the posts on lit and his facebook account. What his friends are doing and how welcome they have made me feel.

Touching post.

thanks

 

[4est_4est_Gump]

I'm still going to keep on celebrating his life and presence here.


I am just not the sack cloth and ashes sort.


So, my guns are on the table.


Now we can be friends.

 

[dolf]

http://www.iflscience.com/space/orbital-sciences-antares-rocket-launch-cargo-iss

 

[Noor]

http://www.iflscience.com/space/orbital-sciences-antares-rocket-launch-cargo-iss

Maybe part of him was on it?

 

[dolf]

Maybe part of him was on it?

that crossed my mind. he dreamt of space.

 

[Noor]

Several people have asked me about my favorite memories and it's so hard with everything swimming around and something just an open space where one is that I can't seem to access.

I was just remembering blankets and chew toys with Phelia ...

I mainly am thinking of what isn't and planned stuff that will never happen.

 

[phrodeau]

In memory of him, I am now eating a bag of chips.

 

[neci]

Goodbye, friend. Your loss is tragic in this war, and Putin may be celebrating, but the war is not over and we shall carry on. From the depths of the submarine to the intergalactic shocks of the nukes, your loss is felt. I will look for you inside of the sound waves. Please take comfort and peace within the stars.

 

[butters]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOW4QiOD-oc

 

[artemesia_g]

I kept coming back to this thread hoping to read it was all a mistake or a joke. But it's not. And this makes me sad. Peace to you, Noor.

 

[Noor]

I can't listen to this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iT-ZAAi4UQQ

This was our make peace song.

and yet this is one of the first things I asked for of his...

 

[gotsnowgotslush]

I miss him. I am sad that he will no longer be here,
to share more of the things that interested him.

 

[Noor]

Advice I wish I had known.

If anyone you care about ever offers to read and record something like Euripides for you, say yes. You may need it later in life.

 

[Handley_Page]

In Sympathy.
Condolences to his family,

requiescat in pace​

 

[Skiddles2014]

So judging by Some of the posts in this thread, byron was sick and had been for some. Time? I always suspected something was up with him, but never asked.
If that's the case, I imagine he is in a better place.