Wake for Byron: All that and a bag of chips...

[Noor]

The service went very well. It was an honest and heartfelt tribute honoring Byron's life. His parents and family were really impressed with the quantity and quality of his friends that attended and spoke.

Byron would have loved it, maybe been embarrassed a bit but it would have made him very happy that those he loved thought so well of him.

The last step will be releasing his ashes sometime in the next few months.

 

[snugglestruggle]

I've not given any thought to my death, when it comes I will be too busy having fun or looking good or doing both. I think this calls for a thread and poll.

I've always thought a Viking funeral would be the way to go if cremation was my decision. I wonder if there is a funeral parlor that can do that?

Anyway you seem to be holding up Noor

 

[dolf]

Anyway you seem to be holding up Noor

I put that down to mr b's reassuring presence.
he always was the sensible one.

 

[snugglestruggle]

I put that down to mr b's reassuring presence.
he always was the sensible one.

It is possible but how does one find out?

 

[Noor]

I've not given any thought to my death, when it comes I will be too busy having fun or looking good or doing both. I think this calls for a thread and poll.

I've always thought a Viking funeral would be the way to go if cremation was my decision. I wonder if there is a funeral parlor that can do that?

Anyway you seem to be holding up Noor

Holding up is a relative term, I suppose.
Crying- no uncontrollable hours long jags since Thursday.
Sleep-last night I slept for 6 hrs. Since Byron left I have gotten at most 3, this afternoon I even napped so maybe 8 hrs total. Last time I napped was in October.
Social-been missing a lot of events but have done the ones I was involved in running.
Work-just started doing some again this week, but it is dragging.
Attitude- not suffering fools or native MN passive-aggressive BS. I don't care what slight you imagined I am not up for dealing with it.
Near death from stupidity- nothing in the past week! Seemingly completely recovered from the allergic reaction and lake water in my lungs episodes.
Generally dumb-I ate some stuff I forget I can't eat last night, nothing alarming just unpleasant, so I missed an historic carousel event and picnic I was looking forward to.
Dreams-I actually had my first one this afternoon.

I put that down to mr b's reassuring presence.
he always was the sensible one.

Mr. B seems very solid, however you might not be aware of this, but Moo actually speaks and makes inappropriate noises very much like Byron did.
Byron saw him as a sage and a settler of debates. We would be having a discussion and he would wonder what Moo thought, and Moo would tell us.
He normally favored my opinion or was noncommittal, which we took as a sign to table that discussion.
Moo has been making supportive noises and running around the house hunting out dust bunnies or making commentary on my not cleaning since the evil dark day, I am not sure which.

 

[Que]

Moo has been making supportive noises

Good for Moo!

Where I live, we have 4 radio stations. The Country Music one arguably the most tolerable. In dark times, and coming out of it I noticed that they seemed to play things that fit my mood.

Of course- the real explanation is selective listening. It is a very good sign that you are sensing Moo's support rather than noticing his reservations.

 

[Noor]

Good for Moo!

Where I live, we have 4 radio stations. The Country Music one arguably the most tolerable. In dark times, and coming out of it I noticed that they seemed to play things that fit my mood.

Of course- the real explanation is selective listening. It is a very good sign that you are sensing Moo's support rather than noticing his reservations.

Or interpretive hearing

 

[patient1]

Yes, he is, even if I had no other connection to him than the boards, it would feel empty here without him.

It does. You can trust me on that one.

 

[Cathleen]

Moo doesn't mind. Mr Bear isn't totally sure, but for now it's ok.

I'm so glad you have them and that Moo adds his voice to things.

Happy to hear the service went well, they are important events. You're truly a lovely lady.

 

[Noor]

I'm so glad you have them and that Moo adds his voice to things.

Happy to hear the service went well, they are important events. You're truly a lovely lady.

Thanks Cathleen!

It's been almost a week since the service and it's different feeling but still hard. I sleep dialed him the other night and last night I woke up crying. Still feeling a bit in a weird limbo. Missing his posts now a lot too. I am thinking this is all part of the process.

Thanks everyone who has pmed, emailed or called, it helps a lot.

 

[Noor]

When I was the worst roadie in history...

Never once did Byron suggest that that maybe my being a roadie might not be the best of ideas at the time, even though I was on crutches, just had a bone graph two days before, was driving to a remote rural area in below freezing weather.
I had already done 3 gigs earlier in the week and took a break for the surgery then hit the road again.

It started snowing, I got a flat, the temp dropped to -12 fahrenheit, the bone graph got infected and flared up during the gig, there was no central heating where we were staying. At 2am I was freaking out and in pain, 50 miles from the nearest hospital, and there was no phone service, but luckily messenger worked and Byron was solid and supportive.

He helped me figure out what drugs to take, get a hold of my surgeon, was there until I was calm, so I could get through the next couple gigs.

When I got back, they did redid the surgery, and then he melted down.

He always believed I could do whatever I set my mind to even if it was totally insane. That isn't to say he didn't worry, I worried him lots at times, but he was so good about it.

 

[Noor]

Actually, I wasn't that bad of a roadie.
I sold tons of CDs, did all the driving, negotiated with the venues, ran interference, provided extra clothing when the temp dropped, helped with the set lists, but usually roadies can carry gear and don't have to borrow drugs from the performers.
Also roadies are supposed to worry about the performers not vice versa.
The guys thought it was a fun adventure so it turned out okay. I guess I am fun to travel with even infirmed

 

[gotsnowgotslush]

*sigh*

 

[Noor]

Byron's mom died

 

[bronzeage]

Byron's mom died

I am very sorry to hear this.

 

[Queersetti]

Byron's mom died

When it rains, it pours.

My thoughts go out to the family.

 

[Lorilei]

Damn. That's really sad.

 

[Noor]

When it rains, it pours.

My thoughts go out to the family.

Yes, it does. Although I am not totally surprised, she had been taking his death very hard. Byron literally could be like a shining light, he could just radiate joy and possibilities and being without that light can be very difficult. He was a really good son and they saw a lot of him.

Not sure how his dad is doing, it's early days yet.

 

[glynndah]

 

[Noor]

So last night/this am, once again, I couldn't stop crying or sleep, and then it occurred to me that if I am crying already I might as well listen to his music so I started listening.

After a bit I thought maybe I should try the music that calmed Byron, or even pretend I was him listening late at night. So I turned up the ac, got out the blanket his gran had made for him, lay flat on my back, pretending to be very tall and covered myself with it.

It was pretty cool, the blanket is heavy, but not warm and it just kind of settled around me like a firm cocoon. Somehow I calmed down while listening to Tallis and fell asleep.
He always told me the blanket was magic even though it has orange in it

 

[Noor]

"If I could only have you near, to breathe a sigh or two
I would be happy just to hold the hands I love
And to be once again with you"

I think I really need to be asleep before this witching hour, sleep through the beginning of the new day and the Santa Fe's whistle. I think that would help but how to do it?

 

[4est_4est_Gump]

 

[Noor]

It is done

Byron and his mom were released this weekend at 11,000 feet in the mountains that they loved.

I am hoping with Byron's ashes being released, I can release his spirit. Not sure I really believe that, but I don't want to hold his spirit here with my grief.

Farewell to a Friend
"This is the place where we must sever
You go thousands of miles my friend once forever
Like floating clouds we drift apart
The sunset lingers like the feelings of my heart"- Li Pai 8th century poet

 

[4est_4est_Gump]

It's about time you began to celebrate...

 

[Que]

Requiescat in pace