Voyeur writing question

[PorscheLynn]

Surprise, surprise, I have another question with regard to "how the heck do I write this?".

I have a story idea that I'd like to write, and the way it is in my head, it plays out a lot more like a movie than other ideas. So I was thinking perhaps it made sense to assume some one was spying on the sitation (plausible enough, as it happens; it's in a highschool classroom setting.. action is between teacher and two older students after she has dismissed the rest of the class - the observer could be a student who came back, having forgotten a notebook, and caught this happening) and tell it from their point of view. The reason I considered this as opposed to simply writing omniscient third person is that there are multiple points in the story where, as it is in my head, it's pretty much a matter of a camera panning from one character to another, as if the audience is just noticing something going on with them.

I intend to read through the exhibitionist and voyeur catagory a bit to get a feel for how I might write this. But I also wanted to ask folks what they thought worked best as a mechinism. Tell it as the peeping tom (or Thomasina in this case) was viewing it? As a diary entry from her? As a story she's relating to a friend? Or her boyfriend? Maybe a confession, even, that she saw this and was aroused by it. What do you think works best?

==PorscheLynn, the fanatically interested in feedback

 

[oggbashan]

Any mechanism works if it is relevant to the scenario.

Try one. If that doesn't work, edit to another version.

You could start with a first person reporting the action to a friend.

"I saw them doing ..."

Og

 

[damppanties]

Tell it as the peeping tom (or Thomasina in this case) was viewing it? As a diary entry from her? As a story she's relating to a friend? Or her boyfriend? Maybe a confession, even, that she saw this and was aroused by it. What do you think works best?

==PorscheLynn, the fanatically interested in feedback

Tell it as one is viewing it is simple and straightforward, maybe easier.

Diary entry - well, no. It isn't appealing to me personally.

Relating to friend would have you talking about reactions from friend and a possible sexual act with friend making it more complex. Try it if you want to.

Telling her boyfriend? Somehow, not appealing.

I realise this isn't much of an answer. Go with Og.

 

[pop_54]

Yep tell a friend, only way really, check out Lorrilove's one and only story, not the most technically correct, but one of the best telling a friend I've seen for a while, without needing an answer from said friend that is.

 

[Guest]

, not the most technically correct,

Ouchie, Pops.

Perdita

 

[LorriLove]

hiya

hay thanks for the advert pops honey, still won't get you in my knickers though

 

[LorriLove]

hiya

Ouchie, Pops.

Perdita

hiya perdy darling, i noticed that too, wait til i see him again, only the editor to blame for that anyway

 

[LorriLove]

Re: hiya

damn double post

 

[gauchecritic]

I'd say just go with the 3rd omni, if it plays as a movie in your head then it should play as a movie in the readers head too, hence the fourth wall.
If you write it through the eyes of a voyeur you lose the omniscience and the only person's feelings you can legitimately mention without using 'seemed' or 'appeared to' make it 1st person and very limited.

What's going to happen if you decide that a description of the voyeur would work better?

Being the Principal of SexValley Junior High was an interesting, if largely frustrating job of work. Take, for instance, the time I was making my way home, bidding goodnight to SnoopDog the janitor and going through the rigorous security checks required to leave the building when I noticed the school bus just leaving from the kerb and simultaneously I noticed Amy, the school bike, peeking through a partially open science room door. I realised it was Amy by the wetness coating her thighs as she worked her fingers into herself. I wondered what it was that could possibly be so interesting to the young tart. I couldn't move without disturbing her and giving up my position either as voyeur or Principal.

Gauche