Voices

[MindsMirror]

We're playing around with a story idea that is mostly he said, she said, but were wondering about how best to achieve smooth transitions. Most of what we've written so far has been in the first person. But we wondered if people have had success mixing first person with and omniscient narrator. Our thought was to use the omniscient voice when they were together, while predominantly letting conversation carry the scene forward. And then use first person soliloquies for internal monologue or when the characters are alone.

-- delineation --
Omniscient voice describes things from both points of view when characters together

-- delineation --
Male
Paragraphs of first person male speaking to the reader telling them what's happening and how he feels about it.

-- delineation --
Female
Paragraphs of first person female speaking to the reader telling them what's happening and how she feels about it.

-- delineation --
Swapping as needed until the story is completed.

We'd love to hear peoples thoughts or see examples where something like this worked.
Thanks,
-MM

 

[ElectricBlue]

But we wondered if people have had success mixing first person with and omniscient narrator.

I'm not sure I'd ever jump from first person to omniscient narrator.

I think in your scenario I would go straight to omniscient narrator and if you need to, signal point of view changes clearly in the text. You can get just as close with a very intimate narrator.

I do the narrator with pov shift in this one, it worked well (judging by reader reaction).

https://www.literotica.com/s/the-floating-world-1

 

[MindsMirror]

I'm not sure I'd ever jump from first person to omniscient narrator.

I think in your scenario I would go straight to omniscient narrator and if you need to, signal point of view changes clearly in the text. You can get just as close with a very intimate narrator.

I do the narrator with pov shift in this one, it worked well (judging by reader reaction).

https://www.literotica.com/s/the-floating-world-1

Thanks for this example and the PM regarding it. It appears to contain first person narration in spots (single paragraphs) and we wonder if doing that will work on a larger scale (multiple paragraphs / word pages).

-MM

 

[Hypoxia]

I jump between POVs in my rather well-received How I Became An Evil Queen, with one 1st-person voice, and a 3rd-person limited POV focusing individually on the other leading players, but each in distinct short chapters, not just single paragraphs -- that way leads to sloppy confusion. I'll admit, I structured it that way because it began as three separate beginnings, one for each main player, which I then merged together. Seems to have worked!

 

[MindsMirror]

I jump between POVs in my rather well-received How I Became An Evil Queen, with one 1st-person voice, and a 3rd-person limited POV focusing individually on the other leading players, but each in distinct short chapters, not just single paragraphs -- that way leads to sloppy confusion. I'll admit, I structured it that way because it began as three separate beginnings, one for each main player, which I then merged together. Seems to have worked!

Thanks, we'll give this a try and prepare for the fallout if it doesn't work.
-MM

 

[trigudis]

Point of View - first person vs omniscient

I've experimented with both. "People Who Live In Glass Houses..." is written with a male character's point of view first, followed by 3rd person omniscient and then ends back with the main character in first person.
I wrote it that way to give readers a deeper insight into the mindset of the incestuous brother and sister in the story.

One commentator said it was a bit "jarring," though he/she liked the story.

 

[8letters]

For the most part, I dislike stories where the point of view switches back and forth between the two main characters. Generally, I want to live the experience of the main character and it's hard to do that if I keep shifting to someone else's POV. Also, too often it ruins the suspense of the story because we now know that John wants to fuck Emily and that Emily wants to fuck John, so it's only a matter of time until they fuck.

A couple of stories that alternate POV:
The Quarterback's Little Sister - I thought the POV switching hurt the story but it has a 4.80 rating
Family Night Ch. 01 - the only story where I thought alternating the POV worked. The son seduces his reluctant mother

 

[SimonDoom]

The question I would ask is, what will you achieve for your story that you cannot achieve by putting the whole thing in the third person omniscient point of view? There are relatively few stories that shift points of view this way, and there's a good reason for that. The only novel I can think of is Bleak House, by Dickens. Third person omniscient allows you to jump from one character to another and get in the character's head and give his/her point of view, without jarring the reader with wholesale POV shifts.

The downside of POV shifting, as I see it, is it makes the reader become more aware of the author. That's usually a negative, because you want the reader to become immersed in your story and to forget that there's an author.

If you really want to do it, separate the different POVs into different chapters.

 

[MindsMirror]

For the most part, I dislike stories where the point of view switches back and forth between the two main characters. Generally, I want to live the experience of the main character and it's hard to do that if I keep shifting to someone else's POV. Also, too often it ruins the suspense of the story because we now know that John wants to fuck Emily and that Emily wants to fuck John, so it's only a matter of time until they fuck.

We know it removes some of the mystery, but in some cases both stories might be interesting. The stories we have published on Lit have been entirely first person. We don't like the omniscient narrator for several reasons. The first is the one you mentioned, but the main one is they are so often a version of an unreliable narrator, picking and choosing what facts to omit or exaggerate to maintain suspense.

What we are trying to achieve is a his, hers and our POVs that isn't too jarring. Maybe the term omniscient isn't the correct one if it only knows what the two characters do.

We're open to other suggestions.
-MM