violence and sex

[KimmyGirl]

some folks may not like the subject of this mail, but i feel it is something i need to talk about, so apologies in advance if i upset anyone.
some of you may remember i have posted similar on this subject. i described a rape i experience where the boys were very violent and i also asked about men inficting pain on our breasts.
i have just eneded a short relationship with a guy who could be violent. on four occasions he took it out on me. on one of the occaisiond he was naked, his penis was rock hard throughtout the beating. i must say he never causewd any real damage it was mainly slapping of my face and body. on 3 of the occasions when he'd done he stood over me while i was curled up crying and calmed down. he would apologise and began caressing me. he would then move into a postion where he could have sex with me. i didnt object, in fact i was very aroused. the orgasms i had were some of the best. on the fourth occaision i had ended up in the sat with my knees up in the corner of the room. after a couple of minute he came over and raised my head by my hair. his cock was out and it was rock hard. i instinctively lent forward and began sucking it. i sucked it like a mad woman, i just wanted to taste his stiffness and feel his cum in my mouth. after he had cum i masterbated myself while he watched, i came very quickly.
the only conclusion i can draw is violence turns me on, actually enhances my sexual pleasure.
has anyone else felt the same? or know why i feel like that?
kim

 

[NemoAlia]

Kimmy, you've definitely come to the right place if you're looking for folks who like a little roughing-up with their loving.

Of course, we might not all see it the same way, but I guess that's part of the fun. At least you enjoyed it!

 

[trodas]

KimmyGirl - well, no offence taken Violence (at least consensual one) is part of BDSM and some of us, me including, need it
It's like adding the spice to food - the "food" is usable withotu it, but not taste that well
You definitvely find so many girls and boys that felt the same - but im sorry, its kinda problematic to answer the second question why I don't know why this "spice" turn you on, and i can only quess why it turning on me - however i believe that we should not care much but enjoy

 

[angela146]

Did you have the ability to stop him? In other words, was there a safe word?

 

[Saint_Sinner]

As much as you gave a statement about not wanting to offend anyone with your question, I would like to say the same......I am not trying to comment or offend......this is my opinion.

AN ATTACK IN ANGER IS A CRIME. IF YOU HAVEN'T DISCUSSED BEFOREHAND, OR THE IDEA ISN'T AT LEAST IMPLIED AND UNDERSTOOD BEFOREHAND, THEN IT IS A CRIME. ABUSE IS WRONG. YOU ARE IN DANGER.

We here who like a little pain with our pleasure undersatnd the need and excitement. Control can be a good thing. Pain can be a good thing. Consent is the key. Anything short of that is dangerous. I am not trying to comment on what turns you on, whatever that is, is ok. I am trying to save you from a bodybag. I don't believe that true anger has a place in this lifestyle.

 

[KimmyGirl]

Kimmy, you've definitely come to the right place if you're looking for folks who like a little roughing-up with their loving.

Of course, we might not all see it the same way, but I guess that's part of the fun. At least you enjoyed it!

i wouldnt say i actually enjoyed the beating but i definitely enjoyed the sex afterwards. what i didnt say in my first post is what conclusions should i draw? to get the best sex should i go for men who are violent? that could really backfire on me. or is it possible to do this thing safely? in my experience of various roleplay, including bdsm, is never the same. the real fear isnt there.
kim

 

[KimmyGirl]

KimmyGirl - well, no offence taken Violence (at least consensual one) is part of BDSM and some of us, me including, need it
It's like adding the spice to food - the "food" is usable withotu it, but not taste that well
You definitvely find so many girls and boys that felt the same - but im sorry, its kinda problematic to answer the second question why I don't know why this "spice" turn you on, and i can only quess why it turning on me - however i believe that we should not care much but enjoy

i certainly agree with the spice theory! though i fear it maybe more of a drug!
kim

 

[KimmyGirl]

Did you have the ability to stop him? In other words, was there a safe word?

no, it wasnt a game. it was real. on the occaisons i mentioned id supposedly done or said something that annoyed him and he beat me. i couldnt stop him. personally i think he did it cos it turned him on too, unfortunately he wasnt the kind of guy you could say to ' hey, lets make a game of this!'
kim

 

[KimmyGirl]

As much as you gave a statement about not wanting to offend anyone with your question, I would like to say the same......I am not trying to comment or offend......this is my opinion.

AN ATTACK IN ANGER IS A CRIME. IF YOU HAVEN'T DISCUSSED BEFOREHAND, OR THE IDEA ISN'T AT LEAST IMPLIED AND UNDERSTOOD BEFOREHAND, THEN IT IS A CRIME. ABUSE IS WRONG. YOU ARE IN DANGER.

We here who like a little pain with our pleasure undersatnd the need and excitement. Control can be a good thing. Pain can be a good thing. Consent is the key. Anything short of that is dangerous. I am not trying to comment on what turns you on, whatever that is, is ok. I am trying to save you from a bodybag. I don't believe that true anger has a place in this lifestyle.

yes i totally agree, it wasnt a game, it was abuse. the relationship is ended, im just left with the feelings and the wondering!
kim

 

[Saint_Sinner]

the fear can be there even if the trust is there..........
some of us can be downright scary

 

[Guest]

i certainly agree with the spice theory! though i fear it maybe more of a drug!
kim

Yes, it can be addictive, from either end of the whip.
The thing to remember is not so much the what, as the why.
What separates the actions you described, from what most of us do, is control. Or rather the lack of it.
A person such as you describe, who lashes out due to anger and loss of control is dangerous.
They will generally go to far at some point.

 

[Saint_Sinner]

I am glad to hear that the relationship is over, look around, you can find what you need.

 

[juicywhenwet469]

I there anyway that you can tell if you are more D orS

This is my first post but I think that I am in the right place. Is it possilbe to be both Dominate and submisive? I have alway enjoyed sex more if its painful hard driving sex.Not to mention that words really get me going. But now I have started getting a little violent with my partners.Slappins asses, holding them down doing what I want to them with my mouth. I mean nothing overly painful I just happen to be very oral and like to lick and suck and bite . They never complain but now I want to do more I finally had a partner who let me spank him, He crawled for me I loved it! But having sex with him was horrible no penis. So from this little information can anyone tell me am I dominate,submissive,or just a freak

 

[Saint_Sinner]

my best advice is let your freak flag fly until you learn what you are. If you have a man crawling in front of you, that might be a hint, but if you find the man that can make you crawl, Well.....IMHO.......that might be where you are better served. You can always tell a D from an s by who has the most bite marks after vanilla sex.......lol

 

[juicywhenwet469]

Well that does make sense. But its so hard in my community to find men of my race who will accept that I am the one calling the shots. They always enjoy the things that I can and will let them do but act like a bungh of homophobs. When I want to put anything other than my tongue in their asses. When I date outside my race they let me be me.I can put them over my lap and spank them, dig my nails into they backs. I have even gone so far as had a guy masturbate and not allow him to cum until I wanted him to. Now this power was awesome, but then I want the animal like sex and he couldnt deliver. How do you get both

 

[ownedsubgal]

KimmyGirl, you are definitely not alone. i am assuming when you say "violence", you don't mean a bdsm-inspired, just for fun knida violence, but something a bit more real, dangerous and scary? i know there have been those moments with Daddy, when he has been upset with me, and proceeds to give me one of those REAL beatings. where it's not about growth or learning, discipline or punishment, or his own sexual pleasure...and it's purely about me pushing the wrong button and him releasing on my body. the look in his eyes in those moments...dark, angry, intensely concentrated and focused, powerful...scares the bejeezus out of me. it's those times that i truly fear him, because i know he's capable of really, really hurting me. yet at the same time, i find myself aroused and intensely attracted to him, craving him, in those moments. it is erotic in a way that those completely consentual, mutually pleasurable moments of bdsm can never be. it is just so primal, it speaks to something deep within me, a repressed part of my femininity. so while during one of these beatings, and often for quite some time afterwards, i may be deeply shaken, sad, afraid, etc....deep down, i always feel...this is as it should be. and i feel all the more fortunate to have a Master and Mate who is a man capable of such violence towards his woman.


(btw feel free to PM me if you'd like to discuss this privately; this is not one of those subjects that are well-received/understood on lit)

 

[LadyG]

As much as you gave a statement about not wanting to offend anyone with your question, I would like to say the same......I am not trying to comment or offend......this is my opinion.

AN ATTACK IN ANGER IS A CRIME. IF YOU HAVEN'T DISCUSSED BEFOREHAND, OR THE IDEA ISN'T AT LEAST IMPLIED AND UNDERSTOOD BEFOREHAND, THEN IT IS A CRIME. ABUSE IS WRONG. YOU ARE IN DANGER.

We here who like a little pain with our pleasure undersatnd the need and excitement. Control can be a good thing. Pain can be a good thing. Consent is the key. Anything short of that is dangerous. I am not trying to comment on what turns you on, whatever that is, is ok. I am trying to save you from a bodybag. I don't believe that true anger has a place in this lifestyle.

Well said!

What he is doing is assault, pure and simple.

 

[ownedsubgal]

...

 

[sigsauerprinces]

i want to answer this thread but i dont even know where to start. all i can come up with is-abuse is wrong. consensual violence isnt. its up to YOU to determine whether what you're experiencing is the former or the latter.

i WILL say, like others said, that you can get that craving fullfilled in a consensual way. you dont have to seek out men who beat you just cuz theyre mad and not in control of themselves-in fact, going out with a man who likes to beat women, who also doesnt know how to control himself and only ever does it out of anger, is a good way to die.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

yes i totally agree, it wasnt a game, it was abuse ... kim

i employ a different tactic when angry ... isolation ... as in no contact with me at all.

Cordial, yet cool works wonders for lesser offenses.

If you take a spin through the library, (dammit, can't pass you to anelize anymore) you might find "control" a common thread in most of the posts.

If a PYL has no control over him/her/its self, the PYL doesn't deserve the label.

 

[Kajira Callista]

For a long time i used to put myself in situations with men where i knew they had temper issues and i pushed them to get what i was needing. Black eyes, bloody mouth bruised body and raw genitals after only leaves you feeling like shit. When someone is doing this to you not out of anger but understanding, and accepts you are in need of this the "leftovers" are wonderful to look at, no shame, no fear etc.It took a long time to learn there IS a safe way to have that need filled w/out endangering your life. To me the first step is knowing and accepting that you enjoy this, second is not letting your craving cloud your judgement. Find someone who understands and can help in a controlled way....its more fulfilling and a whole lot healthier mentally and physically.

 

[angela146]

Hi Kimmy,

The key is having your limits respected.

There is a lot of stuff going on in an SM moment:

• I like the sting and the tingly feeling.
  I want the eroticism of pain and loss of control.
  I need the emotional release of crying and having my emotions handle for me.
  I need to feel punished for things that I have done wrong.

• He likes the feel of my bottom under his hand and the wiggles as I flinch.
  He wants the rush that comes from dominating me and "breaking" me.
  He needs the emotional release of exercising power and giving me what I lust for.
  He needs to claim my penance when I have wronged him.

For me, permanent marks or publicly visible marks are outside my limits. Being dominated in public is beyond my limits. But that's my kink. I'm not an exhibitionist. Whatever your kink is, get your needs met in some kind of envorinment that lets you stay within yor limits.

Of course, it helps to actually know what your limits are.

 

[ownedsubgal]

so many here have said that one can get these kinds of needs met in a completely consentual, safe-for-everyone, playtime kind of way. and that is just not true. as i posted, when my Master beats me when he is angry/upset, it is entirely different than a loving "just for his pleasure" sort of beating. the passion is not the same...the intensity is not the same. it is just a whole other ballgame. and i can't speak for Kimmy of course, but for me, knowing the emotions behind the beating are not tender, lovey-dovey happy happy joy joy type feelings makes it all the more erotic, in that frightening, humbling kind of way.

 

[sigsauerprinces]

so many here have said that one can get these kinds of needs met in a completely consentual, safe-for-everyone, playtime kind of way. and that is just not true. as i posted, when my Master beats me when he is angry/upset, it is entirely different than a loving "just for his pleasure" sort of beating. the passion is not the same...the intensity is not the same. it is just a whole other ballgame. and i can't speak for Kimmy of course, but for me, knowing the emotions behind the beating are not tender, lovey-dovey happy happy joy joy type feelings makes it all the more erotic, in that frightening, humbling kind of way.

i know what you're saying osg, but there is still a difference between getting your needs met in that fashion in a bdsm relationship with a man who knows what hes doing-such as your master for example, and some drunken redneck who beats his wife becuz he is ignorant. when i said that she can get her needs met in a safe way, i meant that she can find a man who will give her the kind of beating she craves, but who is also in control of himself and has her well being in mind. which to my mind would be someone who knows something of the D/s lifestyle. i dont want her to go get with some asshole who beats women, thinking that thats the only way she will ever get her needs met, and end up getting seriously hurt by him if not worse. some guy who only ever hits out of anger..who, when he hits, gets out of control, and who is incapable of love or caring about anyone, as many real woman-beaters are. i dont want her to settle for the first guy she finds who will throw her a beating once in a while when he's pissed...because it is possible to find a man who loves you and cares about you, and who also will give you the kind of violence you crave. but i still maintain that there is a difference bwteen getting your needs met by a guy who knows what hes doing and has your well being in mind, and getting it from some woman beater who might kill you one day.

 

[ownedsubgal]

i know what you're saying osg, but there is still a difference between getting your needs met in that fashion in a bdsm relationship with a man who knows what hes doing-such as your master for example, and some drunken redneck who beats his wife becuz he is ignorant. when i said that she can get her needs met in a safe way, i meant that she can find a man who will give her the kind of beating she craves, but who is also in control of himself and has her well being in mind. which to my mind would be someone who knows something of the D/s lifestyle. i dont want her to go get with some asshole who beats women, thinking that thats the only way she will ever get her needs met, and end up getting seriously hurt by him if not worse. some guy who only ever hits out of anger..who, when he hits, gets out of control, and who is incapable of love or caring about anyone, as many real woman-beaters are. i dont want her to settle for the first guy she finds who will throw her a beating once in a while when he's pissed...because it is possible to find a man who loves you and cares about you, and who also will give you the kind of violence you crave. but i still maintain that there is a difference bwteen getting your needs met by a guy who knows what hes doing and has your well being in mind, and getting it from some woman beater who might kill you one day.

worded that way, i agree. so many have the very false assumption that any man who beats his mate (and i mean a real, non-kink, non-bdsm beating) could not possibly love her. being capable of that kind of violence does not make one incapable of love. for some, it is a natural response that actually grows FROM love, as it the case with my Master. if some woman he did not give a hoot about were to piss him off, do you think he would beat her? heck no, he would not want to so much as touch her. every beating from my Master is yet another reminder of how much he loves me, of how dear i am to him.