Lonelyslavesub
Virgin
- Joined
- Jun 29, 2025
- Posts
- 2
Ive posted here before and honestly forgot about it. But Im not doing great right now and really am looking for an outlet to talk to people who may understand.
I am a 44 married naturally submissive female who has been stuck in vanilla for years and it is currently eating me alive.
I'm really struggling and am hoping to talk to others who might understand and have an outlet to discuss this. sorry if this is long. i guess i just feel i need to get this all out.
When I was 21, a switch went off in my brain, in my blood, in my DNA. I knew I was submissive and thats how life should be. For me it is 90% mental. This was before the internet was really a big thing, so I had no ability to even really explore it. I dated like normal, always hoping to meet a dominant alpha male, but i was unsuccessful.
Years later, when i was single in my early thirties, I attempted to find what i was looking for on a lifestyle dating site. What I found was that either most men who claimed to be dominant were either too sexually extreme for me, had a lot of issues, sick and twisted ideas, or were just pretending to be dominant. Regardless, not one I talked to or the few i was brave enough to meet in my area seemed to truly understand what being in this type of situation really means. I would come across a rare profile that seemed to get it, but generally they lived far away.
I met my husband shortly after this and decided to sacrifice myself to the vanilla world for good. I became resigned to it. Does he know? Sort of but not the full extent. He does not understand the true dynamic of what it means for me. He thinks it just involves sexual acts. He knows i like restraints but has only used them 3 times on me in 11 years. One time he tried to "act" dominant, but couldnt keep it together and just kept laughing. I dont blame him, if its not in him, then its just not.
Ironically, I think he is secretly submissive himself, based on things he's said after a few drinks or when we are having sex. The problem is, like him, I dont have a dominant bone in my body. During sex now, i often have to initiate and be on top, and this is purely because if i didnt, nothing would happen or our robotic like foreplay would just continue with no one making a move to progress things. This is not because of unattraction. without trying to sound conceited, we are both considered attractive people. In the past, we briefly discussed swinging (not necessarily in a D/s situation), just general swinging, but I think thats just asking for trouble and i ended our conversations about it. Also what are the chances another couple ended up together who both happen to be dominant and are in a similar parallel situation that we are in? The most we've done is going to a sex club once, but more just out of curiosity.
We are both at a point where we are incredibly unmotivated for anything really. we just wake up, go to work, go to bed. i literally feel like im just rotting away. I care about him but have started having trouble respecting him, wishing he understood what it means to be a real man and take control of life and his woman. (he's probably thinking the same about me, so its like our entire relationship is at an impasse)
Again, I think the major issue here is we are both submissive in every aspect, so very little happens until one of us is forced to act or make a decision. We don't have children, just pets who have more needs than most, and we even struggle with this. There are just too many stressful and overwhelming things to deal with, especially when neither person has the fortitude to face them. I end up having to take care of a lot if things i feel the man (leader) should and this is frustrating and feels unnatural, causing me to lose respect for him.
I guess I've decided that I have a little more fight in me and feel like at my age, this might be my absolute last chance in finding the place I know I should be, truly belonging to someone. At the very least, make friends who understand or might be struggling like me.
I'm not doing well physically or mentally and spend all day wishing my dream dominant man would just scoop me up and help me, guide me, give me life back. a full surrender. Tears have been more frequent and its hard for me to deal with that. I've reached an almost critical desperation point. I feel like i can barely function in life or take care of myself, and have to fake everything.
Anywhere I go, I'm searching certain men's faces, try to to see if I see it in them, if they see it in me. With my husband naively next to me in the supermarket just this past weekend, I literally followed a guy around the aisles because he looked the type I've thought about. Just so I could look, and possibly make eye contact.
I dont like cheating and would never condone it. But, its gotten so bad, that I've found myself wishing my husband would, just so I had a valid excuse to end things. Since my husband can be a little more social than me, I've even found myself fantasizing he would even make a new friend, who might happen to be dominant and recognize it in me. I feel horrible about having these thoughts. But daydreaming and fantasizing is the only way I get through my days.
I would consider myself pretty boring compared to certain types of D/s sex stuff and kinks I've seen, so that has always held me back. I could be turned into a babbling mess at a simple command or if someone just said 'good girl' to me in certain situations. (and no, this doesnt mean im necessarily into the 'daddy' dynamic). Crazy kinks aren't needed for me.
I also have no need or desire to flaunt it. If I was in that type of relationship, no one would suspect or be able to tell. Again, it is mostly mental for me. I believe in every relationship, one person has to be more the leader than the other, even if its in a vanilla situation.
I guess I'm terrified that I will never experience it. I just don't understand life without it. I don't think a relationship without it makes sense. And I've felt very lost for a very long time and it is now starting to eat me alive.
I feel like I'm just babbling at this point so I will end it here. Just trying to vent and get my thoughts out. thanks for reading
I am a 44 married naturally submissive female who has been stuck in vanilla for years and it is currently eating me alive.
I'm really struggling and am hoping to talk to others who might understand and have an outlet to discuss this. sorry if this is long. i guess i just feel i need to get this all out.
When I was 21, a switch went off in my brain, in my blood, in my DNA. I knew I was submissive and thats how life should be. For me it is 90% mental. This was before the internet was really a big thing, so I had no ability to even really explore it. I dated like normal, always hoping to meet a dominant alpha male, but i was unsuccessful.
Years later, when i was single in my early thirties, I attempted to find what i was looking for on a lifestyle dating site. What I found was that either most men who claimed to be dominant were either too sexually extreme for me, had a lot of issues, sick and twisted ideas, or were just pretending to be dominant. Regardless, not one I talked to or the few i was brave enough to meet in my area seemed to truly understand what being in this type of situation really means. I would come across a rare profile that seemed to get it, but generally they lived far away.
I met my husband shortly after this and decided to sacrifice myself to the vanilla world for good. I became resigned to it. Does he know? Sort of but not the full extent. He does not understand the true dynamic of what it means for me. He thinks it just involves sexual acts. He knows i like restraints but has only used them 3 times on me in 11 years. One time he tried to "act" dominant, but couldnt keep it together and just kept laughing. I dont blame him, if its not in him, then its just not.
Ironically, I think he is secretly submissive himself, based on things he's said after a few drinks or when we are having sex. The problem is, like him, I dont have a dominant bone in my body. During sex now, i often have to initiate and be on top, and this is purely because if i didnt, nothing would happen or our robotic like foreplay would just continue with no one making a move to progress things. This is not because of unattraction. without trying to sound conceited, we are both considered attractive people. In the past, we briefly discussed swinging (not necessarily in a D/s situation), just general swinging, but I think thats just asking for trouble and i ended our conversations about it. Also what are the chances another couple ended up together who both happen to be dominant and are in a similar parallel situation that we are in? The most we've done is going to a sex club once, but more just out of curiosity.
We are both at a point where we are incredibly unmotivated for anything really. we just wake up, go to work, go to bed. i literally feel like im just rotting away. I care about him but have started having trouble respecting him, wishing he understood what it means to be a real man and take control of life and his woman. (he's probably thinking the same about me, so its like our entire relationship is at an impasse)
Again, I think the major issue here is we are both submissive in every aspect, so very little happens until one of us is forced to act or make a decision. We don't have children, just pets who have more needs than most, and we even struggle with this. There are just too many stressful and overwhelming things to deal with, especially when neither person has the fortitude to face them. I end up having to take care of a lot if things i feel the man (leader) should and this is frustrating and feels unnatural, causing me to lose respect for him.
I guess I've decided that I have a little more fight in me and feel like at my age, this might be my absolute last chance in finding the place I know I should be, truly belonging to someone. At the very least, make friends who understand or might be struggling like me.
I'm not doing well physically or mentally and spend all day wishing my dream dominant man would just scoop me up and help me, guide me, give me life back. a full surrender. Tears have been more frequent and its hard for me to deal with that. I've reached an almost critical desperation point. I feel like i can barely function in life or take care of myself, and have to fake everything.
Anywhere I go, I'm searching certain men's faces, try to to see if I see it in them, if they see it in me. With my husband naively next to me in the supermarket just this past weekend, I literally followed a guy around the aisles because he looked the type I've thought about. Just so I could look, and possibly make eye contact.
I dont like cheating and would never condone it. But, its gotten so bad, that I've found myself wishing my husband would, just so I had a valid excuse to end things. Since my husband can be a little more social than me, I've even found myself fantasizing he would even make a new friend, who might happen to be dominant and recognize it in me. I feel horrible about having these thoughts. But daydreaming and fantasizing is the only way I get through my days.
I would consider myself pretty boring compared to certain types of D/s sex stuff and kinks I've seen, so that has always held me back. I could be turned into a babbling mess at a simple command or if someone just said 'good girl' to me in certain situations. (and no, this doesnt mean im necessarily into the 'daddy' dynamic). Crazy kinks aren't needed for me.
I also have no need or desire to flaunt it. If I was in that type of relationship, no one would suspect or be able to tell. Again, it is mostly mental for me. I believe in every relationship, one person has to be more the leader than the other, even if its in a vanilla situation.
I guess I'm terrified that I will never experience it. I just don't understand life without it. I don't think a relationship without it makes sense. And I've felt very lost for a very long time and it is now starting to eat me alive.
I feel like I'm just babbling at this point so I will end it here. Just trying to vent and get my thoughts out. thanks for reading
