VERY fresh blood

[subie]

Hi! Thanks for taking the time to read this.

I'm 18, and from the UK. I've only been sexually active for about a year, and with only 3 different guys. The last guy I was with was incredibly forceful and passionate- pulling my hair, spanking, occasional light bondage. I was so turned on by it all. Unfortunately that ended soon after (not before a romantic tryst in a famous London landmark... ;p ).

Now, I'm stuck as to what to do. I'm not currently seeing anyone, but I'm scared that if and when I do, they wont understand what I like. I thought about looking for someone specifically for a BDSM relationship, but most people are a lot older than I'd be comfortable with.

I'd also like to learn a lot more about the lifestyle and the people involved, but I don't know where to look. I am a complete newbie, except for that one brief fling, and I'm very eager to learn all that you lovely wise people can teach me

(I know this isn't really a question, but my problem is I don't know enough to ask specific questions!)

 

[SweetErika]

There are definitely kinksters who are closer to your age. In fact, there are whole groups for those who are 18-25 and under 30!

You can find your peers and others in your local community via Google. For instance, I googled 'London BDSM group munch' and here are just a few of the results:
http://www.fetishlink.co.uk/pages/directorypages/clubs.htm
http://www.londonfetishscene.com/
http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/uk/munches/all/

And here's a London group for those under 35 (a lot of these groups use "TNG/The Next Generation," although UK groups may have a different term). Even if the group isn't very active, perhaps someone in it knows a more active group in London or nearby.

In addition to researching on your own here and elsewhere, munches and local groups/events are generally a fantastic way to meet very nice people and develop your knowledge base. So, I'd suggest starting with both, maybe holding off on getting involved with anyone until you have more of a foundation and feel for who's who. Predators and assholes certainly aren't limited to BDSM, but there are a lot of them online and off (you'll likely get some PM offers from HNGs claiming to be Doms here; a lot of pretenders target females especially who seem younger and perhaps more naive, sadly ), and in my experience, getting a feel for who's out there in general is very helpful for weeding out the losers more quickly.

Also, if you get to know the more experienced members of your local community, they can probably give you some ideas on who you might try certain things with and references if you're interested in someone or something in particular. (For instance, when I've expressed an interest in edgier type of play, like suspension and fire, experienced locals have pointed me to those who are safe and skilled and away from those I should NOT engage with because they've displayed questionable skills/judgment in public scenes in the past.)

Anyway, best of luck to you, and you're right, this community has an amazing amount of solid information, perspectives and support to help you along the way!

 

[myinnerslut]

i started young too (and am not that much oder then you are now) and things sort of just fell into place. i suggest doing some reading, either on line or on the forums. not only will knowing about the things you are into help keep you safe, but it might make you a more appealing sub.

this is a learning process, take the time to learn about bdsm, learn about your intrests, learn about the safety, and learn about yourself.

and remember.. porn isnt real. dont go to porn for advice about real life things.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Review The BDSM Library, this thread and particularly this post within it, as a start.

 

[HarlotMinx]

Sigh, is it bad that I clicked on this thread hoping it was about blood play? I'm just having one of those days... the one where you can't seem to get the image of needles and scalpels out of your head.

-poppet

 

[banes27]

Sigh, is it bad that I clicked on this thread hoping it was about blood play? I'm just having one of those days... the one where you can't seem to get the image of needles and scalpels out of your head.

-poppet

Same, but without the needles lol. I like blood but hate needles and if at all possible I will avoid a scalpul Periods for me thanks you, unless I really NEED to

Either way though, I'd just look around. Find someone you like and then just hope. Chances are you'll probably show them something they like and if they don't then it's not the end of the world. I don't believe there's one person for everyone, but once you find someone you work with stick with it if you can

 

[Pr3ttykitten13]

Sigh, is it bad that I clicked on this thread hoping it was about blood play? I'm just having one of those days... the one where you can't seem to get the image of needles and scalpels out of your head.

-poppet

hehe me too!

 

[Kathykitten]

Might I advice the sweetest site out there; http://www.submissiveloving.com/index.html
Just a great place to meet understanding, learning about the doms and the subs mindset, pluss a whole lot more!

Good luck to you!

 

[Vaisexual]

Sigh, is it bad that I clicked on this thread hoping it was about blood play? I'm just having one of those days... the one where you can't seem to get the image of needles and scalpels out of your head.

-poppet

Thank you, thank you, thank you.​

 

[Chiisai_Neko]

I'm really new to the action of it, as well. I just started having sex this year (lost my cherry this past February, a few months before my 20th birthday). I've been "into" BDSM for... a lot longer, though. It was actually the reason I waited so long to lose my virginity; with my submissive sexual nature, I wanted to be fully dedicated to my dom.

The best advice I can give is to read up on the subject and to experiment with what you find interesting. As for finding a partner, I think the best way is to just be upfront and honest with potential lovers. If it bothers them, then you can go your separate ways and if they're into it, all the better. I think you'd be surprised how many people our age are willing to delve into the "dark side."

 

[HarlotMinx]

Sigh, is it bad that I clicked on this thread hoping it was about blood play? I'm just having one of those days... the one where you can't seem to get the image of needles and scalpels out of your head.

-poppet

Just an update, the day after this post I found myself sporting this. (warning, contents may contain needles.) Sigh, I know it's not even but I was squirming a lot! That and the angle makes it look off.

-poppet

P.S, it occurred to me after the fact I'm sorta kinda possibly hijacking this person's thread, sorry hon, may we continue with our regularly scheduled program.

 

[castagnus]

Just an update, the day after this post I found myself sporting this. (warning, contents may contain needles.) Sigh, I know it's not even but I was squirming a lot! That and the angle makes it look off.

-poppet

That is soooo hot !!!

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Personally I think you're ahead of the game and that your youth is an asset. If I had known at 18 what would truly fulfil me at 29 I could have saved myself a lot of heartache and frustration. Many older kinksters have embraced the lifestyle later in life, which is great but you always wonder what might have been.

There are lots of younger people on the boards. It helps to take time to check people's profiles because you can often get a false impression when just looking at posts. There are lots of dating sites like alt.com, collarme.com and informedconsent.com but there are lots of poseurs online so you have to be savvy. I would also suggest that if you take that route, you keep your youth and inexperience under your hat until you've chatted with someone for a while. When I came on here in 2006 and said 'hey! I'm young, female and a total BDSM newbie!' you wouldn't believe the creepy asshat pms I received. It can make you jaded and cynical when you should be on a joyful voyage of discovery. Take nothing personally, trust your gut instinct without question and be discerning.

Also consider what you need and what you can offer rather than simply moulding yourself into a dominant man's current ideal. You may be submissive but you'll have limits and deep seated needs to fulfil. Don't sell your own desires short in the face of someone else's.

I hope you enjoy your journey. If you get to the point of contemplating meeting someone, we can give you specific safety advice.

 

[Chiisai_Neko]

Just an update, the day after this post I found myself sporting this. (warning, contents may contain needles.) Sigh, I know it's not even but I was squirming a lot! That and the angle makes it look off.

-poppet

That's so awesome. I always wanted to get corset piercing done, but I heard it has a high rejection rate and after the hell of my nipple piercings rejecting... I'll pass. It's too heart breaking to watch something you love reject you, even if it is a barb of metal through your flesh.