joeys-game
Slutchild.
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So, we workin through this vamp..another beer? 
Vampire D's Message Room
- Thread starter VampireD
- Start date
mymastersslut
Literotica Guru
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VampireD said:I'm doing good today master, it was a good day at work and very nice out..even though the sun was gettin to me but meh, sunscreen comes in handy.
How was your day? :hugs:
Was an ok day.... rain and thunder over my head as we speak.... Jeeze!!!!
Glad to hear that your day was a good one.... it does help to keep sun screen handy.
Ankara
Literotica Guru
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I was contemplating not actually writing here, but Vamp, after everything I saw here, you can take this message however you want. If you want to freak out and be an asshole, be my guest. And the "we should just be friends" thing, and the why do nice guys always finish last. YOU really don't want me to comment.
VampireD
Sexy Vampire
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Ankara said:
Ankara...the one I never thought would be here..the one who is the reason why I am in pain.. the reason why things have turned out the way they have.
but take this in note.. you are the reason why I live... you are the one I can only truly say I love... you are everything that I could ask for.. Lit and here.. and the Pg.. mean nothing, I wantd some common ground, I wanted us to be one.... I know everyone will be reading this.. I know everyone in your thread will seee this.. I know how you feel about me.. I know how hard it is for you as it is for me..Unlike you, I have shared my emotions of you all over this board and you chose to lock them inside.. everyday I weep for you, everyday I miss you.. every minute I think of you.. and everyday I want to be with you!!!!!!
The nice guys finish last was not meant for you, I was trying to move on, but can't.. I wanted to make a difference but am locking in something I cannot get out of... I LOVE YOU SOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!! That I cannot move on.. You know this... now everyone knows this...
I'm sorry the way things have turned out...I'm sorry for everything, but I know you have your sins as well which makes me think everyday what else I have been lied too.. that is the hardest part
wyckdwench
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<<<<< HUGS >>>>> Vamp
joeys-game
Slutchild.
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VampireD said:
Thought we were already into mine..
Hope your feeling better today vamp.
mymastersslut
Literotica Guru
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*leaving huge hugs for Vamp*
wyckdwench
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more <<<<<< HUGS >>>>> for VAMP and Joey
Hope today was a better day.
Hope today was a better day.
shadowdame
Flying free
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*Lots of hugs* for Vamp. Hope today was better for you.
bustee_mcqueen
looking for answers...
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miss you vamp
wyckdwench
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VampireD said:Thanx everyone I really appreciate it...yesturday I just needed to vent... and thank you all for being there..and still here..
Not a problem kiddo thats what friends are for - where ever friends may be.
shadowdame
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VampireD said:Thanx everyone I really appreciate it...yesturday I just needed to vent... and thank you all for being there..and still here..
Hey Vamp, glad you seem to be having a better day today. You're right, everyone needs to vent once in a while. This is your thread, if you need to vent then why shouldn't you? *hugs*
mymastersslut
Literotica Guru
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VampireD said:Thanx everyone I really appreciate it...yesturday I just needed to vent... and thank you all for being there..and still here..
Like Shadow said it's your thread so vent all you want.... the friends you've made will always be there to support you no matter what, it's a lesson that I'm still learning. *huge hugs*
MMS
SexSweetheart
Sexy Submissive Lover
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wyckdwench
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Vinde said:*perk
cowboys... many...
damn i wish i wasn't so far away.
Hey vamp i would take your place if i could.
Hell I'd jump in and help if I was closer.
Nothing a lasso wouldn't take care of
SexSweetheart
Sexy Submissive Lover
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Vinde said:*perk
cowboys... many...
damn i wish i wasn't so far away.
Hey vamp i would take your place if i could.
Hello All.
I like your AV Vinde.
I like your AV Vinde.
http://bestsmileys.com/halloween3/19.gif
VampireD
Sexy Vampire
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My Life
As I think about the world today and where things have gone and how some choices I've made were wither for the best or perhaps made foolishly...
I think I can honestly go back to when I was born to 6 months that my life wasn't meant to be.. I think God wanted me to come early, but I lived. I came out as a "Blue Boy" which means arteries in my heart were crossed and I had to undergo surgery very soon or I would die. At 6 months I went for surgery and was classified as Dead for 45min...I came thorough, but this heart condition has cursed me for the rest of my life.
At age 12/13 I practically had to grow up on my own because my brother was taken away from me; He was taken by foster parents which in turn put me in charge, and growing up in a small town of no more than 10 kids.. I was the oldest.. I felt almost responsible at that age to help my friends and who ever else came in... I started working, and mostly had a job every season so money for me was never an issue, nor was asking my family for handouts. I was on my own at a young age because I felt alone, I felt lost, but I knew that all this work would someday pay off.
When I was fifteen my goals turned to the military and wanting to become a soldier; I was training everyday, strenght and endurance were my goals and becoming the best I could be..I remember somedays coming home from a workout and finding my mom on the couch crying because she couldn't understand why or how I made this decision, to be honest, I don't even know I wanted it..It was just something inside that I felt I had to do..I kept telling her "No matter what happens, I'll be coming home" so I hugged her everyday. So the final day came, my scores on my physical record were unbelievable for my age and comparing to Cadets; I could out run, out do them in almost every test.But the only thing that held me back was when born because of the open heart surgery, I was mad and furious and knew if I ever wanted to have a dream in sports/military/RCMP it would never happen, because of this. My whole world came crashing down in that instant. In due time I made the best out of it and found a job and so on..
I started my work/career at Co-oP in the lumberyard for 2.5yrs I worked my butt off to make enz meat. For a shitty wage of 7.50 an hour was pathetic I hated the pay but the work wasn't bad. This is where I met my x-fiance... We spent about just a yr and a half together. Coming up on our year anniversary she was pregnant, and this brought such a happiness to me that I knew I would be happy and continue to be with her. My daughter was born 2 months early, Christina Marie Peterson; she weighed 4lbs 5oz.. so tiny so cute...and when I saw her for the first time I cried..I held her and felt a warm lovable feeling inside for her. Before she was born, she has 3 sists in her brain which means she has C.B, caulky, and left side paralyzed...which made it worse she stopped breathing 3 times in the hospital. I blamed God for everything, he tried to take me at such a young age, but now he tried to take my daughter; I hate him...Take me, not her...
Christina and the mom came home a month later, at about the beginning of Febuary, I have never worked so hard in my life; I had my day job but we agreed to take turns in feeding and everything. I remember always having the night shifts of feeding. mostly at 10:30 and 2:30 or 3.... to me it was my bonding time with her because I had to work during the day. My x fiance was a good mom; we had a 7yr old with us as well (Elisa) who liked to help out as well which was nice, and I felt like the world was coming together the way it should.
In March I was fired from my job and right there and then things started going downhill..The day before my birthday I was coming home a day early from the rigs to surprise my xfiance.. it was 1:00a.m. Walking in this moment is an image I'll never forget.. she was cheating me..in our house, in our bed... I can't exactly remember what I was thinking then besides beating the shit outta the guy and throwing him off my deck.. I came back inside cracked a beer..and slammed it down. Looked at her...shoke my head and walked out.. I went out hardcore..I was mad, furious, and sooo hurt.. We had a family going and she choose to fuck it up. We tried working things out after that for the kids sake, but the only thing in my head was when or why should I trust her, once a cheater always a cheater....I went to counsilling, we went to group meetings but none of it helped.. I didn't want to be with her, I just wanted to be there for the kids. Take them to the park and be there for both. I was paying child support and living up to my terms all the time, its just when she used them as a pawn it really bugged me. Years passed and she started dating someone else.. since then I have never beeen able to see my daughter again...She asked me to not pay her anymore or if I see her or the kids she would for sure go to the cops..So much pain...so much sorrow.. I loved her and the kids soo much..to have them taken away.. my life was over.. I attempted suicide a couple times..I remember standing above a train bridge and seeing people on the bridge a few hundred meters stopping or slowing down... All I had to do is jump and everything would be over... To this day I don't know why I didn't.. It was a friend I think who made me not do that; he already had a friend blow his brains out with a 12gauge.. and to hear the news of my suicide would destroy him.
This is my life, and I know there is alot more to tell, but I won't get into that cause I know she knows...but like I said, since my birth I have been cursed, since my birth I was sent her for a reason, but haven't found it yet. Is it to help? or is it to live in pain?
So now you all know, why I'm happy and cheerful oneday and pissed off to the extreme to bite someone's head off the next. Nothing personal, just I find it really harder now to trust anyone..sounds harsh but its just the way I choose to live now.
As I think about the world today and where things have gone and how some choices I've made were wither for the best or perhaps made foolishly...
I think I can honestly go back to when I was born to 6 months that my life wasn't meant to be.. I think God wanted me to come early, but I lived. I came out as a "Blue Boy" which means arteries in my heart were crossed and I had to undergo surgery very soon or I would die. At 6 months I went for surgery and was classified as Dead for 45min...I came thorough, but this heart condition has cursed me for the rest of my life.
At age 12/13 I practically had to grow up on my own because my brother was taken away from me; He was taken by foster parents which in turn put me in charge, and growing up in a small town of no more than 10 kids.. I was the oldest.. I felt almost responsible at that age to help my friends and who ever else came in... I started working, and mostly had a job every season so money for me was never an issue, nor was asking my family for handouts. I was on my own at a young age because I felt alone, I felt lost, but I knew that all this work would someday pay off.
When I was fifteen my goals turned to the military and wanting to become a soldier; I was training everyday, strenght and endurance were my goals and becoming the best I could be..I remember somedays coming home from a workout and finding my mom on the couch crying because she couldn't understand why or how I made this decision, to be honest, I don't even know I wanted it..It was just something inside that I felt I had to do..I kept telling her "No matter what happens, I'll be coming home" so I hugged her everyday. So the final day came, my scores on my physical record were unbelievable for my age and comparing to Cadets; I could out run, out do them in almost every test.But the only thing that held me back was when born because of the open heart surgery, I was mad and furious and knew if I ever wanted to have a dream in sports/military/RCMP it would never happen, because of this. My whole world came crashing down in that instant. In due time I made the best out of it and found a job and so on..
I started my work/career at Co-oP in the lumberyard for 2.5yrs I worked my butt off to make enz meat. For a shitty wage of 7.50 an hour was pathetic I hated the pay but the work wasn't bad. This is where I met my x-fiance... We spent about just a yr and a half together. Coming up on our year anniversary she was pregnant, and this brought such a happiness to me that I knew I would be happy and continue to be with her. My daughter was born 2 months early, Christina Marie Peterson; she weighed 4lbs 5oz.. so tiny so cute...and when I saw her for the first time I cried..I held her and felt a warm lovable feeling inside for her. Before she was born, she has 3 sists in her brain which means she has C.B, caulky, and left side paralyzed...which made it worse she stopped breathing 3 times in the hospital. I blamed God for everything, he tried to take me at such a young age, but now he tried to take my daughter; I hate him...Take me, not her...
Christina and the mom came home a month later, at about the beginning of Febuary, I have never worked so hard in my life; I had my day job but we agreed to take turns in feeding and everything. I remember always having the night shifts of feeding. mostly at 10:30 and 2:30 or 3.... to me it was my bonding time with her because I had to work during the day. My x fiance was a good mom; we had a 7yr old with us as well (Elisa) who liked to help out as well which was nice, and I felt like the world was coming together the way it should.
In March I was fired from my job and right there and then things started going downhill..The day before my birthday I was coming home a day early from the rigs to surprise my xfiance.. it was 1:00a.m. Walking in this moment is an image I'll never forget.. she was cheating me..in our house, in our bed... I can't exactly remember what I was thinking then besides beating the shit outta the guy and throwing him off my deck.. I came back inside cracked a beer..and slammed it down. Looked at her...shoke my head and walked out.. I went out hardcore..I was mad, furious, and sooo hurt.. We had a family going and she choose to fuck it up. We tried working things out after that for the kids sake, but the only thing in my head was when or why should I trust her, once a cheater always a cheater....I went to counsilling, we went to group meetings but none of it helped.. I didn't want to be with her, I just wanted to be there for the kids. Take them to the park and be there for both. I was paying child support and living up to my terms all the time, its just when she used them as a pawn it really bugged me. Years passed and she started dating someone else.. since then I have never beeen able to see my daughter again...She asked me to not pay her anymore or if I see her or the kids she would for sure go to the cops..So much pain...so much sorrow.. I loved her and the kids soo much..to have them taken away.. my life was over.. I attempted suicide a couple times..I remember standing above a train bridge and seeing people on the bridge a few hundred meters stopping or slowing down... All I had to do is jump and everything would be over... To this day I don't know why I didn't.. It was a friend I think who made me not do that; he already had a friend blow his brains out with a 12gauge.. and to hear the news of my suicide would destroy him.
This is my life, and I know there is alot more to tell, but I won't get into that cause I know she knows...but like I said, since my birth I have been cursed, since my birth I was sent her for a reason, but haven't found it yet. Is it to help? or is it to live in pain?
So now you all know, why I'm happy and cheerful oneday and pissed off to the extreme to bite someone's head off the next. Nothing personal, just I find it really harder now to trust anyone..sounds harsh but its just the way I choose to live now.
Last edited:
wyckdwench
Sexy and Insatiable
- Joined
- Dec 3, 2005
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- 3,277
Wow I had no idea hon. I am sorry to hear that things have been so hard for you. I have no idea what it feels like to go through that but you and I do have things in common. Sometime I will share my story with you. All I can tell you is that you should never let go of the kids no matter what. Find a way to legally get to them and let them know you care and love them. If there is ever a reason to live and be its the children. I know because there are days that mine are the only reason I find to smile and I love them more than life itself. They are the only reason I still find myself here on earth some days. <<<<<<HUGS>>>>>> And just know if you ever need a friend IM just am IM away.
VampireD
Sexy Vampire
- Joined
- Jul 22, 2006
- Posts
- 1,821
wyckdwench said:Wow I had no idea hon. I am sorry to hear that things have been so hard for you. I have no idea what it feels like to go through that but you and I do have things in common. Sometime I will share my story with you. All I can tell you is that you should never let go of the kids no matter what. Find a way to legally get to them and let them know you care and love them. If there is ever a reason to live and be its the children. I know because there are days that mine are the only reason I find to smile and I love them more than life itself. They are the only reason I still find myself here on earth some days. <<<<<<HUGS>>>>>> And just know if you ever need a friend IM just am IM away.
Thank you WW, that means alot; I know everyone out there has some sort of dark side in them..I was just tired of holding it all in and making other people wonder "What the fuck is Vamps problem today?" lol but yea it kinda made me feel better that most of it is out in the open..For the past 5yrs or so me and my family have not been close at all, due to the fact that I lost my daughter and the 4 funerals in the past 2yrs.. I have become very distant and not wanting to rely on them or them to rely on me. The last Christmas I went to the family dinner, and it was my x gf who picked up the phone and said we were invited; I was almost shocked that she said yes and agreed that we would go because I was more close with her family then I was with mine; We went and my parents gave me a big hug, its like they don't know how hard it is for me as well to miss the ones I love as well, but I don't seem to show it much. My x gf tried to keep me in touch with my family as much as she could, and for that I thank her. Because now I really want to see them before I see them in a box.. I have spent some weekends with them and as of this weekend we are having a big Thanksgiving get together, where I get to see my nephew again, he's such a porker, LOL, but yea I really want to make some changes in my life and maybe get it back on track.
Thank you again, and if your still watching my thread, Thank you for all your help, you know who you are..
