Useless Doms?

[St_George]

My sub said once that one of the reasons she wanted to submit to me sexually was because she had to look after me in R/L. Meaning that, left to my own devices I would probaby "put the cat on the stove and the kettle out for the night" through absent mindedness, or being distracted or somesuch. So, here is my question: Is this a trait common to Dominant types? Sexually competant but absolutely useless in everyday situations? Or must I blame my incompetance on something else?

 

[ownedsubgal]

sorry that's a new one to me. i've never equated dominance with incompetence of any kind. also, a person who's only dominant sexually, isn't my idea of a "Dominant" in the first place. an overall Dominant type generally longs/needs to be in control in all or at least in all the major facets of their lives...and they tend to be quite competent in that control.

 

[Byakuya]

I know some people may disagree with me, but I am of the opinion that D/S roles in the bedroom do not have to correlate with the D/S roles outside of the bedroom. My view of sex, be it kinky or otherwise, is that it's all about having fun and enjoying yourselves. Some people (like myself) might find it enjoyable to break out of their usual roles and give up control during sex. I tend to be the more dominant personality in our relationship, but the idea of being tied up and dominated in the bedroom is still exciting to me. And the idea of tying up my wife and dominating her is equally exciting. Like I said though, I view sex as a source of mutual pleasure and enjoyment. I don't think there needs to be a deep underlying psychological reason behind every sexual act. My philosophy is "if it sounds like fun, give it a try!"

 

[St_George]

Quote ownedsubgal

Thank you for your response. I had a feeling that that would turn out to be one of the answers I recieved, and I see your point entirely. Perhaps I did not make myself clear.
I was operating on the principal that everyone has a weakness of some sort. Would you really say, though, that anyone is totally competant in every aspect of their lives? Often the most organised person is incapable of responding to something upsetting their plans, for example. Did the really intelligent kid at school have the most common sense?

 

[graceanne]

Quote ownedsubgal

Thank you for your response. I had a feeling that that would turn out to be one of the answers I recieved, and I see your point entirely. Perhaps I did not make myself clear.
I was operating on the principal that everyone has a weakness of some sort. Would you really say, though, that anyone is totally competant in every aspect of their lives? Often the most organised person is incapable of responding to something upsetting their plans, for example. Did the really intelligent kid at school have the most common sense?

No, no one is perfect. K is still a dom, but that darn man burns his hands pulling things out of the oven without a mitt at least once a month.

 

[St_George]

No, no one is perfect. K is still a dom, but that darn man burns his hands pulling things out of the oven without a mitt at least once a month.

There we go! That is what I do! SO, is this because he is thinking about all the delicious things he is planning to do to you after dinner, or just because he is a plonker?

 

[h_i_s]

Is this a trait common to Dominant types? Sexually competant but absolutely useless in everyday situations? Or must I blame my incompetance on something else?

It's not a common trait in regard to my experience with the dominant Man, who owns me .... at all.
It is quite the opposite actually.....

He is very organized and more than just competant in ALL areas and everyday situations..... He'd be better described as a bit of a stickler for detail and an obsessive perfectionist... if there ever was one.
When we first met, i realized this about Him right away.... oddly enough, it really does something to me...... makes me kind of wet even, it's a turn on for me. Means i can let my hair down, so to speak... and not worry so much because He has things under control...
Weird maybe, but.. it's a nice change from the men i'd experienced before. & Nothing does it better for me than a man who has control over every detail in His life.... shows He is responsible and can be, enough for both of us.

 

[h_i_s]

There we go! That is what I do! SO, is this because he is thinking about all the delicious things he is planning to do to you after dinner, or just because he is a plonker?

GraceAnne .... if you answer yes..........to K being absorbed in his thinking etc rather than being a plonker............
i am off to hide ALL of my oven mits.

 

[FluteMaster]

Hi St George,

Like all relationships, I think it is wrong to say that there is a "single" or "right" way to be in the D/s balance. Obviously, we do not know (or wish to know) the exact dynamics of your relationship. Neither am I entirely sure what is referred to as "sexual competence", though I assume it means more than just being a good lover.

The main thing is that you two have formulated a relationship that encompasses the D/s elements that you both deisre, and blended them with all the other aspects that go to make up a couple (Love, affection, mutual support, affirmation etc).

In answer to your question as to whether other Doms exhibit similar characteristics - that is much harder to answer. However, I would suspect that Doms tend to be more capable than less capable in every day life. After all, they like to exert a degree of control over another person to the mutual benefit of both. It is hard to conceive that control being granted unless there were already trust and respect. Somebody who really couldn't organise their life is unlikely to have the self control to take charge of someone else to any great extent.

As a result, I suspect that a tendancy to Bertie Wooster behaviour is not a Dom trait!

As a final point, though, it is possible that your submisive is focussing on an area which meets a need she may have to feel in control. Her own position is being validated by the perception being fostered that you need her because she keeps you from making a mess of everyday activities.

The real question is, are you two happy about the way that each of you functions in the relationship? If yes - fine and dandy. If not, then some work is required. I trust that you have the former, and good luck to you both.

 

[graceanne]

There we go! That is what I do! SO, is this because he is thinking about all the delicious things he is planning to do to you after dinner, or just because he is a plonker?

I don't know why he does it. I think he gets so many things going at once that he forgets. *shrugs* To tell the truth I haven't really thought about it, I just roll my eyes and get out the aloe-vera gel.

 

[graceanne]

GraceAnne .... if you answer yes..........to K being absorbed in his thinking etc rather than being a plonker............
i am off to hide ALL of my oven mits.

LOL It's actually kinda funny when he does that. He'll yell 'OW'. I don't say anything, but the next words of his mouth are 'SHUT UP *gracie*'. I normally point out I didn't say anything, and he just glares and says 'you were thinking it.' Of course if he doesn't want me thinking it maybe he should use the damn oven mitt.

 

[Kailey_86]

My sub said once that one of the reasons she wanted to submit to me sexually was because she had to look after me in R/L. Meaning that, left to my own devices I would probaby "put the cat on the stove and the kettle out for the night" through absent mindedness, or being distracted or somesuch. So, here is my question: Is this a trait common to Dominant types? Sexually competant but absolutely useless in everyday situations? Or must I blame my incompetance on something else?

my Dom is in control of His life. He is competent in most areas. i love this about Him. i still enjoy taking care of Him though. He could probably clean the house perfectly fine on His own but He doesn't have the time to do it. i really enjoy cleaning so i will do it for Him.

 

[St_George]

Neither am I entirely sure what is referred to as "sexual competence", though I assume it means more than just being a good lover.

Yes indeed. I plumped for that phrase as I couldn´t think of a better one!

In answer to your question as to whether other Doms exhibit similar characteristics - that is much harder to answer. However, I would suspect that Doms tend to be more capable than less capable in every day life. After all, they like to exert a degree of control over another person to the mutual benefit of both. It is hard to conceive that control being granted unless there were already trust and respect. Somebody who really couldn't organise their life is unlikely to have the self control to take charge of someone else to any great extent.


As a result, I suspect that a tendancy to Bertie Wooster behaviour is not a Dom trait!

I seem to have given the impression that I am unable to do anything for myself! I rather meant to suggest that while I am competant (I hope!) in most aspects of life, it is the ordinary, everyday, shouldn´t-need-to-think-about-it stuff that escapes me.

It is more a question of interest into the psyche of Doms in general, rather than into my own - do all Doms have similar failings, or not? Or is it, as is so often the case in life and BDSM, one rule for one, and one for another?

 

[FluteMaster]

It is more a question of interest into the psyche of Doms in general, rather than into my own - do all Doms have similar failings, or not? Or is it, as is so often the case in life and BDSM, one rule for one, and one for another?

Maybe this should have been the subject of a poll.

I believe I am competent in most areas - but I still do daft things!! (Now that would be a thread - daft things we Doms have done!! ).

Personally, I think we are talking about being human, some are better at being organised with detail, some at seeing the bigger picture. Some are artistic, some are accountants, (and some are both). Some are Doms, some are subs, and the majority are vanilla.

As for rules - what rules??

If it works for you guys, who cares about the rules?

 

[leeroy jenkins]

My sub said once that one of the reasons she wanted to submit to me sexually was because she had to look after me in R/L. Meaning that, left to my own devices I would probaby "put the cat on the stove and the kettle out for the night" through absent mindedness, or being distracted or somesuch. So, here is my question: Is this a trait common to Dominant types? Sexually competant but absolutely useless in everyday situations? Or must I blame my incompetance on something else?

I know for Sir and I, I help compliment his life. I am very good at organization and problem solving. I help to enhance his life. And the same could be said that help adds something to my life in more disicipline.

 

[callinectes]

My Dominant is a competent, intelligent, organized man, but he's human. And I would be lying if I didn't admit that take secret delight (okay, not always so secret )in watching him fiddle with something and get frustrated, only to pick it up and fix it myself right away. I wouldn't say it's why I submit to him, but I do enjoy his few moments of "neediness" for lack of a better word.

 

[Kailey_86]

I know for Sir and I, I help compliment his life. I am very good at organization and problem solving. I help to enhance his life. And the same could be said that help adds something to my life in more disicipline.

i like the way you put that. One partner compliments the other. They fulfill each other and fill in the gaps. Nobody is perfect. Everyone has flaws.

 

[ownedsubgal]

Quote ownedsubgal

Thank you for your response. I had a feeling that that would turn out to be one of the answers I recieved, and I see your point entirely. Perhaps I did not make myself clear.
I was operating on the principal that everyone has a weakness of some sort. Would you really say, though, that anyone is totally competant in every aspect of their lives? Often the most organised person is incapable of responding to something upsetting their plans, for example. Did the really intelligent kid at school have the most common sense?

actually i have to agree with sinn0cent here...my Master is very much a control freak, and quite competent in all areas of his life, even the mundane things. while the cooking and cleaning and such are left up to me, he's perfectly capable of doing them on his own, and doing a rather good job of it as well. i am not saying he is "perfect", no one is, but he is not incompetent in any area of his life.

 

[Shankara20]

when I read "Useless Doms" I thought about me living alone with two cats - no one to Top at all - sorta "useless" as it were.

sorry for the side-track, now what were you all talking about?

 

[Netzach]

My sub said once that one of the reasons she wanted to submit to me sexually was because she had to look after me in R/L. Meaning that, left to my own devices I would probaby "put the cat on the stove and the kettle out for the night" through absent mindedness, or being distracted or somesuch. So, here is my question: Is this a trait common to Dominant types? Sexually competant but absolutely useless in everyday situations? Or must I blame my incompetance on something else?

I know a lot of vanilla/non sub women who say things like that as a means of justifying all the work they do around the house that the guy doesn't. It could be a sign that she's trying to make sense of and accept the power differential and your different roles.

I lived on my own for a few years before I met my spouse, who's submissive to me and does do more than his 50% of the house tasks. I reminded him of this fact when he trotted out a similar line to that, once. I did fine without him at one point and could do fine without him again. I just prefer the relationship.

I'm not hyper competent and perfectly organized, but I am capable of running my own life, feeding myself, and watering the plants and keeping the cat alive.

 

[myinnerslut]

im sure that Sir could survive fine on his own, but i love taking care of him, baking him cookies just becuase, or being the one to call to make sure hes up if he oversleeps his alarm. he's human and i know that. im not one to believe that just becuase your dominent means you never err in anything and suddenly gain super powers. i love Sir, and i like being able to take care of him when i get the chance.

 

[catalina_francisco]

No-one is perfect, Doms included, just some of them learn to hide their weaknesses or perhaps less than strong points would be better, more successfully than others. I have referred to F as the absent minded professor on occasion as he is a genius (for real), but can also forget things very easily...I have learned as part of my service to him it is wise to remind him of anything important just incase. And he also has a disturbing habit of stopping mid sentence and never going back to finish it unless I can break through and get him to....LOL, I am told this is a very Spanish/Portegeuse/Latin trait so I don't get my knickers so knotted about it now....though I can!! But then he has some other qualities I have never found in another human being and which are far more important and valueable, so it all balances out in the end. One of his strengths is that he can admit when he is wrong, he can admit he is not perfect as much as it irks him, and he doesn't feel a need to hide those parts of him just to appear the all perfect Dominant some like to believe is real. I have never met a perfect person...even the Dalai Lama admits to weaknesses he has which go against the Buddhist ideal, so why should we mere mortals feel so insecure about our paltry imperfections that most will never know about anyway?!!

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/84/235973048_43a52b81fc_t.jpg Catalina

 

[myinnerslut]

I have referred to F as the absent minded professor on occasion as he is a genius (for real), but can also forget things very easily...I have learned as part of my service to him it is wise to remind him of anything important just incase. And he also has a disturbing habit of stopping mid sentence and never going back to finish it unless I can break through and get him to....Catalina

Sir is the exact same way, from the real life genius to the unfinished sentences!

 

[Bandit58]

LOL It's actually kinda funny when he does that. He'll yell 'OW'. I don't say anything, but the next words of his mouth are 'SHUT UP *gracie*'. I normally point out I didn't say anything, and he just glares and says 'you were thinking it.' Of course if he doesn't want me thinking it maybe he should use the damn oven mitt.

LOL gracie! Though Master Gil wants to know what K is doing pulling things out of the oven in the first place - "that's the subbie's job"

Master Gil has a tendency to forget stuff. Like what he went into the kitchen for. Sometimes He just has to stand up and turn around and He's forgotten what He was going to do. He will ask me "What was I going to do?" and I will say "I don't know, you didn't tell me". I'm supposed to be a mind reader!

 

[Betticus]

I've been known to get totally distracted by shiny things. I tend to have more than one project going at a time so some of them sit for a while. I also tend to not eat quite right and forget to exercise.

Unless I have a subbie I care for, then things just seem to fall into place and not because she'd doing them either!