Unsent Messages to Him/Her

[ethereal~minx]

heaven joy intimacy
all three
met this weekend
perfect harmony

I didn't give a chance
or myself to think
of the implications of our actions
so much lies before us
so much lies ahead
perfection is us three
our bond to strengthen
or to break

come with me you two
remove your clothes right now
take me down upon this bed
the way you both know how
let me feel your bodies
warm on both sides
kiss me ever so softly
as we begin the ride

a marriage of three souls
uniting in daylight
consciously aware
of the committment on this night
peace love and truth
in friendship we are bound
together melting the ice we find
when intimacy walls are found
respecting unspoken boundaries
by recognizing what is not said
by finding comfort in eachother
al;sdfjl;asdjfasjdfjdf ~dreamer~

 

[ethereal~minx]

I am in heaven with you but an emotionally intimate connection is ecstasy to me because emotion brings greater sensuality and ohhh God to add your sexuality/heaven to the ecstasy/heaven I FEEL with him---- mmmplease don't say no

 

[ethereal~minx]

on my long drive away from your house, I am always just caught in this outer world~ I am sooo lifted and you're there with me and it feeels sooooo good~~ you know that orgasmic joy that lasts and lasts, that I feeel right now as I write this to you..my entire body is alive and feeling every sensation as if your hands are the air surrounding me, your lips the breeze kissing mine~ ooooh baby you take my breath away with your caress, I blush I get flush, my breathing becomes rapid and shallow my eyes close and it's you here with me... ohh I know you are with me though you are there~~ my thoughts go to us three-- in this ecstasy, I see it is harmony You Him Me Peace Love Truth Independent Interdependent~ many variations it could be the first I thought I heard you say was 'he will clean' while we play before we went to Oregon that day

 

[ethereal~minx]

love you in the most sensual way when i think of you it takes my breath away i pause and i pant and i feel my pussy swell my eyes close my heart beats fast my breathing gets more shallow moans escape my lips i'm overcome with desire to feel your hands on my hips spreading my lips wider i feel you lift my ass...

I love the way you are with me
when I call you at your house
but the way you are at work
I feel terrible and alone
I want you to remain
so I must stop at work
and focus on the job at hand
so we don't go bezerk *laughing*


ok wow! this is what I want with you! with me with him
a triangle baby a triangle~ We're all being pleased, we're all happy== I'm in heaven with peace & truth, feeling a deeply intimate connection with both of you
Baybee I know your heart, I feel it when we are sexual, and I feel an intimate connection emotionally with him which only intensifies the physical sensuality= I AM in heaven with the two of you
if we're all okay with this....




I will not acknowledge your presence
unless it is exquisite personal attention to me

 

[ethereal~minx]

Originally posted by pwcov
"bisexual" homo, hetreosexual..I try to avoid words and labels in my life and the way I get to know people..strive to build relationships more with the permanant, indelible spirit of the person that transcends gender/orientation..avoiding pigeon-holing labels..suffice to say we are (most of us) simply..."sexual"


for you mister 'I'm not gay' no, you are not. you are sexual~ as defined right here : )!!!

 

[ethereal~minx]

i want to be your little girl~ because you are the world's best daddy, you let me know i'm loved and when i have pleased you. i love the way you hold my chin and lift my eyes to yours it tells me of your care for me in your special way daddy it makes me blush i feel the redness in my cheeks i have to close my eyes these thoughts they touch my heart and make me want to please you i ache to hear i'm doing good and when i'm being naughtyi ache to feeeeeel you use your little girl to satisfy you forgetting yourself for your pleasure being her special daddy

"..not a relationship.." searching for clues to the reasons why our passions are equal in what we say we want~~ the intensity the conviction we hold is equal ~is it really divergent? i don't understand where the paradox, it is the same~ it is beautiful so many awakenings this-morning.. non-relationship??? slept on it...it IS all the same, 'why didn't you come to bed?' : ) wooooowa! the mountain, the clouds, the sun, the beauty~ the beauty~ the fucking beauty
you two are so beautiful, and i love you and i --everyday is a day that i want to live, in joy, with you and should one day it end, there will be a reason~ i won't dwell there~ i want to be here now, i am not afraid of tomorrow because i am living now and i am in heaven i am in love with this moment right now with you

i submit to him easily i was sad to sleep on the couch and i was angry at you for sleeping on the couch too, you're the reason why i couldn't have him : ( why i --why he said no-- i felt that way this-morning and i was sooo hurt and in pain and i truly wanted to hurt you hurt hurt hurt my heart heart soooooooooo bad i want to i didn't want to learn this lesson i was a fraid of this lesson, don't know why. what. i'm confused and i don't know the reason for it i just know he didn't want me and it hurts sooooooooooo deeeeeep it makes me cry. he brought me a pillow from his room and it reeeeally was the kindest ---it touched me when i needed it, it made me feel less hurt, a little less misunderstood but still i wrestled with my anger at you.

"XXXXX & I have been waiting for sooooo long...." i know i did not misunderstand everything that was said.

I almost gave up this-weekend. i want to be with you two. i want our schedules to work the way they can. i promise to be okay, less intense and more grounded, more knowing~, i will... i'm learning. last night was a big deal to me. in the loooooong moments of *smile* 'quiet contemplation' i realize that when i have this anxiety, i behave for attention... answers... answers to questions i do not need to be asking..and i am praying that i will calm down & breathe through these times--put my emotions in check and gain some of this emotional control ---i reeeally don't want to sleep on the couch again! it pretty much sucks to go through those feelings~ i know i'm deeeply cared for, sooo deeeply and i know too that i don't need to take my pain out on you! *though you do seem to like it --weg--*

 

[ethereal~minx]

I just have to say I am --I feel --I'm smiling..thinking about that call, you were both so nice. You in your way and his comments about --I realized also that I reeeally need to take in everything before I just respond which is going to mean more flippin lessons damn *ugh* but ..comments about my emotions *smilesss* I love you, thank youso much~~~ I am still in Heaven even after last night, more so because of the insight the time gave me~~ you two in your way, thank you (you're both so cool, I just feel you with me~ your arms around memmmm, thanks for the hug ; ))

 

[ethereal~minx]

When I Look To The Sky Lyrics

When it rains it pours and opens doors
And floods the floors we thought would always keep us safe and dry
And in the midst of sailing ships we sink our lips into the ones we love
That have to say goodbye

And as I float along this ocean
I can feel you like a notion that won’t seem to let me go

Cause when I look to the sky something tells me you’re here with me
And you make everything alright
And when I feel like I’m lost something tells me you’re here with me
And I can always find my way when you are here

And every word I didn’t say that caught up in some busy day
And every dance on the kitchen floor we didn’t have before
And every sunset that we’ll miss I’ll wrap them all up in a kiss
And pick you up in all of this when I sail away

And as I float along this ocean
I can feel you like a notion that won’t seem to let me go

Cause when I look to the sky something tells me you’re here with me
And you make everything alright
And when I feel like I’m lost something tells me you’re here with me
And I can always find my way

Whether I am up or down or in or out or just plane overhead
Instead it just feels like it is impossible to fly
But with you I can spread my wings
to see me over everything that life may send me
When I am hoping it won’t pass me by

And when I feel like there is no one that will ever know me
there you are to show me

(x2)
Cause when I look to the sky something tells me you’re here with me
And you make everything alright
And when I feel like I’m lost something tells me you’re here with me
And I can always find my way when you are here

 

[ethereal~minx]

"...the beauty of the friendship, love and especially the intimacy is the trust it takes when you give yourself away to the other person - when you stop worrying about yourself and what your getting out of a relationship and just care about the other person completely. Because they're doing the same for you. And you have the faith that they will be there to take care of you just like you will for them. And that faith, to me, is the essence of true love. ..."


is this not beautiful???? OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*barely audible & searching for words* sometimes I think you're 'teaching me' ~ like you're guiding me, to learn these tough life lessons.. this pain is making me stronger & better, more loving... as if You're doing it for me
like you're getting me to look at myself, very very deeply to find in me what I'm questioning about myself ~~ to strengthen my convictions, my values ...to find who I truly am~~~ does this make sense to you?

like you're doing it on purpose and you're not telling me on purpose because "it's nature"

and fuck!!!! it freaks me the fuck out!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It is not my intentions but those who know why where and how--they teach us all through life and people weather they know it or not
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
how many times do "I" have to read this before "i" get it?????? i'm learning I'm learning i'm learning i'm learning to live through this emotion, live through these questions live through my constant FIGHT for My Right when it's not in my hands, it's FROM ABOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! let it be let it be let it be all is well all is well all is well and will be!!!!!! INDEED! (it helps to have three~~ it makes it easier to see all there is to seeee)

GOD I love YOU

 

[ethereal~minx]

*welling tears* what is so beautiful is i'm feeling this amazing newness, this interconnectedness that i've never felt before *sobs* and my dad is dying .. my dad is pretty spiritual, have I ever told you that? we've had a few conversations about God that surprised me~ I never thought he was a brick but I didn't know we had such similiar beliefs on God & ...death... the same thing is happening to my ex-husband & his step-sister. from what it sounds like, she's the strongest she's been in her life & her dad has terminal cancer... it confounds me & astounds me

*wondering* did you ever check on that spot on your dad's tongue that I asked you about?

he has a big & growing metastasised (malignant) tumor on his neck ..I'm thinking it is from his lung cancer but we're not sure right now...or he's not telling me
anyway. thanks for listening.

 

[ethereal~minx]

sometimes I just hate this depth of soul-searching...the time it takes to get into my mind, to find answers to the questions I don't even know I'm trying to ask~~ so puzzling to me...
blurt blurt blurt write write write
why can't --why won't--- it all comes back to why, just why?
why? damnit, why! I hate that word! why doesn't even need to be asked, ever!!!! it just is, that's why! grrrrr. but really *defeated* it seems it would be easier for me to KNOW, to be told, IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS, who is in charge and when and for what *laughing at myself* ...I'm thinking just now of Sunday night when you said something & I could only reply something like..."I don't know, I'm not in charge" & He said something that totally and unequivocally confirmed that fact but. ugh. then ....

 

[ethereal~minx]

the dynamic between us three is pretty amazing. what intrigues me is that all of us have touched some aspect of BDSM in our life~ in my life, I was “introduced” to dominance and submission through lit *smiles*, through an online relationship with a Dom …and through reading reading and more reading!!!
another played a little in his sexual escapades…I’m not sure to what extent, and the other… when I brought it up to him, he said he’s always been ‘that way’ …it’s just nature to him, doesn’t need a label, it just is. so here I am, with this “understanding” of what IT is in a triangle with these two innately dominant males that if I’m not mistaken are also switchable~~~ I think we all are
should we call ourselves tops & bottoms, I have no idea… and here I am again using labels when I preach about being a “sexual” being rather than a bi-sexual or a gay…go figure… it is nature to me too, this dominance and submission… but it works so nicely when there is structure or ---is there a better word? when there are givens, rules, I don’t know… It’s nice when we’re talking…and

booom!!! epiphany! no labels, to constricting, just like me and my relationship bullshit! fuck. didn’t I say “don’t call it a relationship” because that will cause us both to feel trapped and set up these unmet expectations & ohhhh stupid stupid stupid ..but now I see what I was saying and how it can be perceived…
whoa!!!! freee spirit, no bounds, limitless, free, love,
if I were to call you my Dom, I automatically put all this pressure on you, expectations of you---whoa!!!!!

 

[ethereal~minx]

we are in a unique situation~~ all of us are single
yeah, I'm your x *rolling eyes* ...we're in a great position~
I think I'm understanding a little better now the conversation of last night... the misunderstanding
I will ---You will *smiles* be *grin* my ...as long as you get to fma... and that will be up to me that will ultimately be up to Him
and in the meantime~ you have your "prospects" whatever
I'm about to go off on you but~ I am in control of this mind!!!! and it is NOT going to go off 'half-cocked' today
*prayin & laughin* k. what will be =no, is...it IS *thinkin of You*

 

[ethereal~minx]

I believe in you Magic Man

my heart is always here
my behavior never unchecked
Your unconditional love
reminds me of this fact
my punishment is felt
i know it's in love
i realize this as such
when i see from above
above the situation
seeing through Your eyes
i know You'll never leave me
it comes as no surprise
power of the heart
power in the word
You use it everyday
& know that it is heard

it may not be today
but You are steady as a rock
You never give up on me
even when i'm wrong
You know i just haven't
seen the way through Your eyes
You show me everday
that Your way is wise
WOW
divine intervention
is what You are to me
reminding me of divine
perfection in what You see
oh love!!!
it is the only way
You are my truth
& with You i will stay

 

[ethereal~minx]

I am removing myself from where I am~ I am afraid to feel deeeper pain than this, I don't want to want to hurt you with such blinding passion~ when this strength can be turned around and put forth in love~~~
I am not alone, and I am strong and I will continue to love the one I see and know in you

my 'triangle'~ you know me, you know it is not superficial to me.. it will never be unless you are there with me~ there, in the heart, with me
and I don't know where you are~ and maybe you are gone, but that is not something I will believe, and ...

I want so bad to be in your life, I want to hear your voice, I want to feel your arms around me, I want your heart to touch mine again~ I need you because I love you~ I am afraid to reach out to you, I get so hurt when those times end~ I feel so closed off and shut out and confused~ and I am not supposed to want to hurt you so desperately, I'm not supposed to feel pain so deep that I feel this way..
I trust you. and I will leave you alone as you have asked. I will tell him the triangle is off. Please know You are in my --heart and nothing would make me happier than to hear from you again.

 

[ethereal~minx]

you are a part of me that will always be~ when I look at you, I see myself~~remember the Divine Masculine Me~~ it's true ... that truth in your eyes, I could see that ...and because ---I don't know how to explain it *tears* you mirror the state of my heart~~ and you still do
it seems even moreso~~ I feel like I'm leaning over the end of the flat world hanging on by just my toes... and I'm sooo afraid I'm going to fall ..I'm being ---
"I love you" ~ I heard you say that to me Saturday night, I was afraid baybee but I love you from my heart, in the purest ---in the only way ~ and I will every moment feel this way

I will not be afraid I'll try to stop questioning I know you never want to "talk" to me
I want you to be happy, I don't want the mirror to break

 

[ethereal~minx]

thank you for the drive, it made my ---it was nice : )
and as for you~~~ I wish I would have just came out!!!!! grrrr.
I don't know if your frustration had anything to do w/ my missed call but uh--- you two, I understand~ I --if I question, I will stop myself... please have--continue to have patience with me : )... I am beside myself amazed~ I love you, I thank you and *nodding* yes, more than anything I want this growth
mmmmarms around me *laughng*

 

[ethereal~minx]

I have been to the edge of my life~ ~a place where I have never been and where I know the only further distance would be to go over, lose my mind~~ where I would be lost forever in the fear & pain....I begged in my heart for it to end, i searched your eyes when you came to me, i was saved by your mercy, and i knew the reason i was there was not to be hurt -- it was to 'know' duality, to feel both sides, I will feel more intense joys because of this... joys i've never imagined.. joys I will have~

you are stronger than me, I trust you~
I have tested you, nature's d/s dance ~~~ i am still discovering You, I am strong, you are stronger..
I know you are --I --Master to me..

 

[ethereal~minx]

i did not consciously search for a dominant. though in our relationship, i was freed to be all of myself~ to feel all of my feelings~ to lose shame, I was accepted, loved, nurtured,valued and I felt it because of your kind/caring manner of control... because of you, i know so much more of who i am~ i know the power i hold, the power i give... i answered this question on lit "why do submissives submit" to be guided by one holding more for you than you hold for yourself ..that was my answer, and it is my truth ~though now, with this new strength~ now that i am so consciously aware of my nature, i must decide whether or not my 'giving,' 'my power' is being used for my good.... my need is to be the object of intense understanding of my nature~ my divine/love inside, and to be held in that kind/firm loving frame of dominance~~~ valued...

i wish this was as meaningful for you as it is for me~ maybe i will be shown the truth through quiet contemplation... i will keep these thoughts to myself and believe ~respecting your boundaries, respecting mine

 

[ethereal~minx]

My Immortal

i'm so tired of being here
suppressed by all of my childish fears
and if you have to leave
i wish that you would just leave
because your presence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone

these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase

when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me

you used to captivate me
by your resonating light
but now i'm bound by the life you left behind
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase

when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me

i've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
and though you're still with me
i've been alone all along

© 2003 Wind-Up Records

 

[ethereal~minx]

i'm afraid, i don't want this confusion
your mind is stronger -to take me to the dark
to the breaking point then pulled me back
~i trust you to hold me
i need to know it's for my good
i need to know what is driving you
i want to believe in your care for me again
i fear your mind, i don't want that dark

 

[ethereal~minx]

You have strengthened me,
I am precious and my heart is pure~
I am submissive, I believe in goood
I am exquisitely sensitive and go to my ends to believe in a higher meaning above all my pain~ I have gone to hell as I know it to believe in You and it scares me,
i question my own giving, of my power
i want to believe You care about me, that You truly want to understand me~~~
i have moments of complete clarity,
this is our 'dance'... us pushing & pulling, dominance & submission, possession and surrender--- growth and it takes my flipping breath away
then icome back to this fear, this unknowing, this 'but what about the kindness, the benevolence, the framework that tells me i am safe... does it have to be spoken to be known? is this my mind breaking this lie? just like my 'don't call it a relationship' shit?.... it's just life, just nature.. i want to know, i need to know.. I --is it am i stepping backward to even ask? should i just let it be & live it? it's okay ... deep breaths... wouldn't He talk to me? or She? wouldn't a "real" Dom/me? God I don't want to question anymore... i don't want to spin anymore, i wish you'd tell me something, will we have time together soon?

 

[ethereal~minx]

You smile You laugh You nod acknowledgement ~ You smirk a knowing glance
a few well chosen words
and i begin to dance
and i begin to sing
*.......''w/o compromising the rape''.....*
and i begin to think
and think
of Your final words
of ''what to think"
and i think i have to decide
one or the other
but i would not continue
with You if i did not believe it as truth

ohhhh God help me

 

[ethereal~minx]

I will never be as callous as I have been treated and I will not throw my treatment in your face because I have gained from you, I love you with everything that I am~ my soul

all of me is Yours, if you wish for me to serve you so completely---i will serve the Beast without question, but i will break in the lonely darkness~ i will die because the reflection i have come to see in Your eyes is not the light i desperately need to be
if you will frame your dominance in benevolence, if you will acknowledge my worth as equal to your own and treat me as your cherished possession rather than the thorn in your side- if I felt cherished outside of 'play time' you could treat me most sadistically and I would be happy to go there for you, happy in my tears, happy in the limits I was breaking, happy in my pain, happy in my growth---- or baybee
all of Me is yours, if you wish to free yourself in the safety of my strength~ I know what feeds you, I know your desires, I know your hunger--- I know your fear, and I will never betray you..
there are three choices mi Amo, and only you hold the key--
remember always~~~ You Can Rely on Me

 

[ethereal~minx]

there is a world beyond the door to that which you hold the key...