Unsent Messages to Him/Her

[ethereal~minx]

"I'm a little different than [Other Sup's name], I trust your judgement..."


~~Supervisor, Other Side
Dual Unit Mtg 08/21/03

 

[ethereal~minx]

lie, cheat, steal = YOU

yep, Thats You.


working on a parenting plan does NOT equal FULL CUSTODY!!!
it never has.
you lied to her
you lied to me
you knowingly allowed me to unintentionally lie to her

 

[AngelicAssassin]

lie, cheat, steal = YOU

yep, Thats You.

working on a parenting plan does NOT equal FULL CUSTODY!!!
it never has.
you lied to her
you lied to me
you knowingly allowed me to unintentionally lie to her

slow down, and breathe ... right now.

 

[ethereal~minx]

slow down, and breathe ... right now.

she must know my truth, my integrity is at stake. i gave her my word.

as a mother, i told her i would never let anyone keep her child away from her ..and that that is not what he was/is trying to do...

and dammit, he doesn't want to do it either!!!! he knows he could be in the same position she's in just as flipping easy! we all could! but we're not. we ARE able to cope.

i'm fine really, that was yesterday. i know this is all happening as it's meant, all is well ... but, it is still my integrity that has been compromised and it will not remain this way. not over this matter. this woman will know that i am not a part of this lie
or
he will change his position and do what his heart is telling him
and work instead on the best interests of the child~~ the mother is willing to do mediation, guardian ad litem... counsel.. for a parenting plan~~ for goodness sakes, she loves her child and yes, is not responsible but certainly does not deserve not to have any rights to her whatsoever. she is not evil.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

... i'm fine really, that was yesterday...

Better to breathe than go off half-cocked.

When you shoot, shoot to kill. Otherwise, walk away.

 

[ethereal~minx]

I feel like you're jerking me around, until life works out for you & the hell w/ mine
and I don't want to feel this way because I KNOW in my heart that you're not meaning to hurt me
but by me being in this 'limbo' ~~ it's not good for me or my heart or my feelings or you
or anyone and this very same pain comes back again & again...

the first time you're hurt, it's their fault.
the next, it's yours.
the next, it's time to reevaluate & address the situation & learn from it & make changes to promote growth, not more pain.

I don't know the best way to deal, but I don't want to be in this spot again. I don't want my feelings of being a pawn in your movie (when I'm hurting) to overcome my love for you.

nothing hurts more than when you're dismissive with my feelings ... but even moreso, when you're that way with your own.

There will be no 'right' time. if we communicate, we can both come up with a time where neither one of us will feel like we've lost something in the deal. We may even feel that we both won.

but if one of us chooses not to communicate ~~ all of us lose. I am committed to our relationship, to keep it true and pure, but I cannot do it alone.

 

[ethereal~minx]

I wish there was some way to make you see your words have a
profound affect on me~~ I'm a rainbow of color, a world of feeling
You have felt my joys and my pain
I wish right now for you to know, despite my fear and crying pain
I don't want to cry to love you anymore
because
I love you so

 

[ethereal~minx]

previously on ethereal~minx tv

I hate feeling like our world is falling apart because of fucking miniscule misunderstandings! You have to know the reasons I feel this way are not only because of my thoughts. You have withheld trusts from me and said things to me that put our relationship in a precarious position~~ and to this day, I don't know if it's --what the status is

 

[ethereal~minx]

MAKE A FUCKING PLAN TODAY to get YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!!!!!

I will not remain in a "relationship" that is ONE=SIDED!!!!!!





Even if you have not been motivated for such a relationship, intimacy triggers conditioned negative perceptions and coping strategies. It’s natural. Such relationships are sometimes considered to be difficult or “karmic” relationships that should be avoided. However, to change, you must be triggered so you can gain the experience needed to understand your unique issues so you can transform them. You need relationship to do so.

 

[FungiUg]

MAKE A FUCKING PLAN TODAY to get YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!!!!!

I will not remain in a "relationship" that is ONE=SIDED!!!!!!

Sounds like you need some time out (time to take a breath, as AA suggested.) Looks like there's a bit of a communication barrier lurking about that you need to think about, and then address.

 

[ethereal~minx]

I do not want you to leave my life, I have grown and will continue to with you!!!! please understan--I do love you


I love you too. A one-sided relationship is too much for anybody to deal with... it CAUSES stress

I like my metaphor...hanging by your coattails, more like ball & chain... rather than the ball crashing into everything in it's path, it's me taking the spikes and the damage and you feel all the weight of the destruction on your mind in the form of stress~~ that is what our "relationship" has been for you..

this is my perception of what you are feeling.

You need to break free from the ball & chain and free yourself from the destruction.

I agree. I won't take any more hits, it's waaaay too hurtful to my being. it's NOT the way I envisioned "our" growth/relationship to ever be and I won't look further to justify my struggle.

oh, and please know this... the way I view our "relationship" as one-sided was a most-recent revelation. I am terribly strong and I know what is right for me.

You are right. (YOU=this one-sided relationship) is NOT mutually satisfying, loving, committed.

Yes, I DO love you. I want relationship with you. I won't remain in a one-sided relationship.
Me leaving your house will directly impact the potential of what we COULD have in a REAL relationship.
Whether it divides us or brings us closer, one way or another we will both know we will have proven what we believed to be true.




~we do not believe what we prove, we prove what we believe~

 

[ethereal~minx]

Sounds like you need some time out (time to take a breath, as AA suggested.) Looks like there's a bit of a communication barrier lurking about that you need to think about, and then address.

I appreciate this. Looking back on this "relationship"
I see that I have grown, emotionally/spiritually grown, without the other person. From my first postings in Feb 03, I see that these are not new communication barriers to overcome. They've been there. little bits of mutual growth here and there but for the most part, it's been one-sided.

 

[ethereal~minx]

"Relationship" to me

TUYL IS EASY-TO-UNDERSTAND INFORMATION about the dimensional level of consciousness. Understanding this replaces limitation, judgment, frustration and stress, with respect, compassion and serenity. Included will be how the Law of Polarity conditions and limits the brain, and how to gain dominion over brain function. With this knowledge, you can increase your capacity and effectiveness, enjoy creative freedom, and add your enlightened frequency to the collective consciousness. This is our legacy...

Transformation: “the act of changing the nature,
function or condition of; to convert.”
- The American Heritage Dictionary

Most people assume intimate relationships are for satisfying their emotional, mental and physical needs. These are true, but more and more people now look to relationships for the fulfillment of spiritual needs. “Spiritual” identifies the drive to transform consciousness... to improve, become better, more balanced, whole and fulfilled, and feel connected with the greater whole of life. Thus, they are attracted to people for the circumstance, inspiration and empowerment to make these changes more effectively than they can on their own.

Even if you have not been motivated for such a relationship, intimacy triggers conditioned negative perceptions and coping strategies. It’s natural. Such relationships are sometimes considered to be difficult or “karmic” relationships that should be avoided. However, to change, you must be triggered so you can gain the experience needed to understand your unique issues so you can transform them. You need relationship to do so.

Sharing the same coping strategy - like both shutting down and not communicating when triggered - renders mutual understanding, compassion, trust and resolution impossible. With opposing strategies - one withdraws while the other rages - there is continual conflict and stress without resolution, deepened trust, and love.

The devastating effect of these examples can make a once delightful relationship feel lifeless or torturous. Polarization and blame can bury the pleasure that drew you together beneath the confusion and misunderstanding of each episode, destroying all hope for trust and unconditional love. Without a transformational perspective, you can be forever sentenced to periodic or on-going frustration and pain.

Transformation is life's natural and necessary process of change. Everything is changing all the time, by obvious and subtle degrees. From the initial relationship of sperm and ovum, for example, to the embryonic and fetal stages, then infancy to childhood, adolescence, adulthood and elder-hood, we constantly change, moment by imperceptible moment. These are natural phases in the process of transformation.

So it is with the transformation of human consciousness. I liken it to the change experienced by springtime seeds. It takes just the right amount of light and heat to arouse the life force within to germinate. Let's take the seed of a Giant Sequoia. Moisture is needed to soften the protective seed shell. Once softened, the expanding root can slip through and extend deep into the soil for stability and vital nourishment, while at the other end, the sprout can reach upward toward the warmth of the sun. In time, what was once a wee tiny seed is a towering Sequoia tree, providing protection and support to smaller life forms.

In the transformation of human consciousness, I see light as the invaluable information and knowledge acquired through experience - situation after situation. Heat is power - frustration and anger. Moisture softens the “ego,” endowing the humility acquired through making “mistakes” and learning “the hard way.”

Human growth needs this balance of dynamic forces: Information and knowledge (light) from life experience to provide the feedback needed to see our issues and the consequences of our choices. We must feel frustration or even anger (heat) to feel impelled to change. And we need humility (moisture) to soften our shields for the wisdom and power to sustain through the sometimes-arduous process of change. The cause-and-effect dynamics of our everyday experience, give us this light, heat, and moisture, from which we can, like the Giant Sequoia, expand into ever-greater forms.

With a spiritual partner, you can do this with more support, ingenuity and rapidity than you can on your own. If you know someone who will eagerly join you in this endeavor, you are blessed, indeed. Not only can this relationship be a source of ongoing, unlimited support, change and fulfillment, but it will also “train” you to relate with all people in ultimately positive and satisfying ways. It will build the confidence, strength and self-trust to sustain you in any relationship and through any situation. It will change you forever...

I am indeed blessed to witness this as I help intimate couples or collaborative partners. The difference in the sound of their voices between the first session and the last is truly night and day. When you understand what interferes with your respect, appreciation and harmony, enjoin to address it as it arises, and develop positive responses to negative ones, you are empowered and delivered to the arms of joy.

Understanding your issues, negative perceptions and coping strategies is a beginning. Yet, knowing how to change them is something else again. Specifically, you must know the perception that triggers your coping strategy, then identify the steps of that strategy, honestly assess its negative effects, commit to changing it, then replace it with a positive strategy. This is key to the change in consciousness that facilitates liberation... not from an externally imposed slavery or confinement, but liberation from the tyranny of your own dysfunctional patterning and failure. This liberation delivers you into mutually satisfying relationships, and to freedom and success on all levels.
Spend some time going through the steps in the previous paragraph. When you have done so, think about the following questions:
1. Recall and describe the fears, resistances and limiting patterns you experienced while completing completing this activity. List them in priority order and explain what you are ready to do about them.
2. What must you learn, and what skills must you develop, to better serve your partner, especially through challenging times, or to be better prepared for this relationship when you meet each other? What resources will you draw upon? List the steps you will take and include dates, when appropriate.
3. How have your ideas, perceptions or feelings about spiritual partnering developed or changed from completing this activity? What will you do, as a result?
Reflect on the points especially important to you, and describe how you feel empowered.

 

[FungiUg]

I appreciate this. Looking back on this "relationship"
I see that I have grown, emotionally/spiritually grown, without the other person. From my first postings in Feb 03, I see that these are not new communication barriers to overcome. They've been there. little bits of mutual growth here and there but for the most part, it's been one-sided.

Part of solving a problem is recognising you have a problem.

You've done that.

Now you need to think about what would enable your relationship to work, to be two sided, rather than one sided.

Then you need to talk to your partner about that, and see if your partner is capable of delivering what you need. At that point, you can make some informed decisions about what to do next.

At this stage, it sounds to me like you still haven't completed the "thinking about what will make it work" part though.

Good luck!

 

[ethereal~minx]

...long ago....

he told me you suggested he never speak to me again
he said it was because of the pain i caused him
You'd never seen him so upset
it couldn't be any good
that because you were his friend
you really think he should
tell me goodbye and end it all
but did he tell you he loved me
and that's why he called
that my message on his phone
was just plain wrong
that still in his heart
i was still the only one
that there was no one else
that he has many friends
that's why you were there
"Angela's just a gooood friend"
she's out here looking for a job
that she couldn't find
i said but what about this or what about that
You're the only one i want!
Dear Angela i write this
because im in pain
if you really are a friend
don't write me off
this is one you can gain
if i am to believe him
and what he says is true
what is it about me
that indicates to you
that this love i claim for him
is NOT true?
why is it you believe
he should write me off
& say goodbye~ without giving me a bit of your time how would you know?
are you in love with him too?
is there something more i should know?

 

[ethereal~minx]

I want to ask you if she's ok but in the midst of this emotional upheaval it seems somewhat peripheral.
my fear is that you will respond in your usual 'one-word' response & I will view it as "leave me alone!"
I want to ask how it went this-morning, how you got here... but with that as well, I fear you'll respond with disdain and no matter what you write, I will read it as "it doesn't matter to you! you left! you don't care"
and *crying* I do care deeply. I want to say I'm sorry that I've added to your emotional stress but I fear you'll say "it's good that you're gone!" I want to say I love you but I fear you will believe my intention is to deceive/use you, that my words will be read as if I never cared for you at all. I want to feel your heartbeat against mine, our breathing synchronized and harmonious~ I want to tell you there are reactions from you I do not understand but I fear your frustration and anger. I want to ask you to remember our love is beautiful and everlasting but I fear you've never felt the same. I want to ask you "do you want to overcome our communication barriers?" but I fear that you'll again choose your "peace of mind" rather than our love...I want to tell you "You can rely on me" but I fear you'll say "you left!" I want ask you if I can come back, until you need me to leave but I fear this is what you wanted and just didn't want to do it yourself. I want to ask you to share responsibility of my pain, but I fear you'll say "you're crazy" I wish we could try "method three" and grow through our difficult spots together but I have been told "I need to be alone, you need to leave"

I wish I understood how this beautiful relationship became 2nd to your peace of mind. I wish I understood why our love cannot ease us through the rough spots..why you choose alone over together, why you choose to believe living together is not healthy when you could choose to see all the reasons why it is!

if you always follow your heart, you will NEVER fail.... when you choose your thoughts, you are choosing your fate... I wish we could focus on love above all else and view our relationship together from this higher level so that we could see the beauty and better see the journey w/ eagle vision rather than submerged in the mire & pain of cause & effect, action & reaction...

 

[ethereal~minx]

Our relationship is precious to me. I want more than anything to be with you.
Our communication strategy is the difficulty between us.

When I sense unease between us, or on you~~ I fear it is your intention to leave me. I have not always felt this way. but over time, your indifference to my feelings, your frustration and anger when I try to express them & talk about them to you... those reactions, ie., indifference/anger and the seemingly unwillingness to "talk it out" later causes me to feel like "I" do not matter to you any more than or ...actually even less than KrisAnn ..... if i continue stifling my feelings our problems will remain...

I'm affected by imperceptible changes to your temperment, just as with a child 'there are no secrets'...and I ask you about them... your reaction is usually "not now" "later" "I don't want to go there emotionally" ...is there a different way to react? perhaps there is a different way I can inquire. I cannot ignore you and it hurts me when you ignore you even more... It feels as if you're denying my very existence in your life.. denying me my validity in your life, in our life..

our parenting issue is --seems to be the biggest one we have between us. in the words you say, I feel like you're saying your way is the only way and my way is just plain wrong. do you realize how defeating that is to me? when that happens, when you want me to change to your way without giving me or my voice a chance to be heard, what can I do but give up? In any intimate committed relationship, both people need to feel valued..there needs to be mutual growth & fullfilment. I feel like I have allowed you to WIN and my expense... I am afraid to express myself to you because I don't want to feel the pain of your stinging anger&frustration&misinterpretation of what I've said... my only motivation is to meet on equal ground so that we can grow what we have between us... so that we do not lose eachother because I "kept the peace", instead of communicating my needs.. If I continue to feel a loss, and see only you getting your needs met I begin to react and hurt our relationship. I DON"T WANT THAT TO HAPPEN. I need you because I love you... and our relationship deteriorates because of lack of communication...that I've tried so hard on...

I've realized that I've pushed you to communicate with me. to the point of punches... and my pain is as great as yours... I will do EVERYTHING I can to work through this, please tell me it won't be alone.

 

[ethereal~minx]

Good morning--just want to say hi and that I do love you and care for your well being don't think anything other---

and I woke up knowing this, this is good for both of us. we've allowed ourselves to be run ragged, love could use a day of rest before we both start falling more apart...

If it is okay, I will stay with you this-weekend and clean your house & gather my things so we can begin again.. I know everything will be okay, and I know this is necessary for me, and you. Your words stung last night but they were very valid... I don't know if security is the correct word but I do know I have been totally unfair w/ all of us ... you not meeting my needs (emotionally) so I didn't meet what you needed (material comfort ie clean house...)

this hurts, this awareness and I pray that we remain in our relationship and by doing what we're doing, I pray we overcome .... (you know I want to continue, and I know it is unnecessary)

Good Morning to you also mi Amo

Awesome!!!

may I ask you one question? and I ask only so I know where to place my thoughts so I stop mind-fucking myself by thinking, worrying, assuming, fearing etc., too much.

I know you love me. You know I love you.
do you want "us" still?

Yes I do


AWESOME!!! me too.

'Love, enjoyed by the ignorant, becomes bondage. The very same love, tasted by one with understanding, brings liberation.' - Cittaviœuddhiprakanana

 

[ethereal~minx]

the look in your eyes
of compassion for my pain
meant more to me than any words
that I've pushed for you to say

in your arms I felt accepted
as the tears streamed down my face
I heard you say you love me
in the silence of our embrace

All mine!!!

tears stream again
this time not of fear
these two words touch me deeply
I feel your embrace right here

 

[ethereal~minx]

hmmmm, let me think about this : )

 

[ethereal~minx]

jo dee mesina

Stand Beside Me
(Print the Lyrics)


(Stephen Allen Davis)

He left me cryin' late one Sunday night outside of Boulder
He said he had to find himself out on the road
I guess when love goes wrong
You've gotta learn to be strong

So I worked two jobs
And I moved three times
I ended up south of Memphis, workin' down in Riverside
I may not be so lucky in love
But the one thing I'm sure of

I want a man that stands beside me
Not in front of or behind me
Give me two arms that want to hold me, not own me
And I'll give all the love in my heart
Stand beside me
Be true, don't tell lies to me
I'm not lookin' for a fantasy
I want a man that who stands beside me

I didn't expect to see him, one hot July morning
His hair was longer but his eyes were the same old blue
He said, "I've missed you for so long. Oh baby, what can I do?"
I said, "I want a man that stands beside me
Not in front of or behind me
Give me two arms that want to hold me, not own me
And I'll give all the love in my heart."

It's hard to
Tell him, "No" when I want him so bad
But I've got to be true to my heart
This time

I'm not lookin' for a fantasy
I want a man who stands beside me
I want a man
Who stands beside me

Stand beside me........
Stand beside me........

 

[ethereal~minx]

it's about equality
realizing the value of eachother
one is not more than the other
we are different
why is it difficult in relationships
to maintain this balance
what is it I'm not doing?
when it is ME that is preaching this
why is it my voice is not as valid
my words not as worthy
why am I wrong
and you right?
what can't I see that

 

[ethereal~minx]

shoved while bending over
hurt the knee

pick her up
body slam
ball up fist
cocked
punch
punch
punch
punch
punch
"Fuckin Bitch"


"oh baby, does it still hurt? my knee is fine"

.only if I touch it..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

[ethereal~minx]

I need a sign, to let me know you're here;
All of these lines are being crossed over the atmosphere.
I need to know, that things are gonna look up;
'Cause I feel us drowning in a sea spilled from a cup.

When there is no place safe and no safe place to put my head,
When you can feel the world shake from the words that are said.

And I'm, calling all angels
And I'm, calling all you angels

And I won't give up, if you don't give up
I won't give up, if you don't give up
I won't give up, if you don't give up
I won't give up, if you don't give up

I need a sign to let me know you're here;
'Cause my TV set just keeps it all from being clear.
I want a reason for the way things have to be;
I need a hand to help build up some kind of hope inside of me.

And I'm, calling all angels.
And I'm, calling all you angels.

When children have to play inside, so they don't disappear;
While private eyes solve marriage lies cause we don't talk for years.
And football teams are kissing Queens and losing sight of having dreams,
In a world where what we want is only what we want until it’s ours

And I'm, calling all angels.
And I'm, calling all you angels.

And I'm, (I won't give up if you don't give up)calling all angels (I won't give up if you don't give up).
And I'm, (I won't give up if you don't give up) calling all you angels (I won't give up if you don't give up).

Calling all you Angels (I won't give up if you don't give up)
Calling all you Angels (I won't give up if you don't give up)
Calling all you Angels (I won't give up if you don't give up)

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

In the Moment


In the moment where we both reside
I feel your heart, heavily beating.
In this moment, you move me
Slowly, so slowly
Your kisses like satin against my skin
Tasting of licorice and sin
In the moment, this moment
I hear you, sibilant whispers of lust
Caressing me with warm lashes
Splashing my soul, making me whole
A part missing but never realized
Until i was framed within your green eyes
In this moment, a moment
Of pain and pleasure, love beyond measure
Sweetest treasure..in the moment
that you became mine.