Uhh... ooo... ahh...ohh = UGH!

[Euphony]

We've all seen this sort of thing abused mercilessly here. Rather than rant Id like to learn from other authors how they learned their "sounds."

My greatest misery in all of writing, other than blockage, is having a sound in mind and ESPECIALLY a tone and not having the ability to come close to it. I know literature can be limiting but I could also be an idiot.

Does anyone have a unique take on the topic? I do mean the "grunts and moans" words above but just giving words to sounds in general. Surely you weren't all gifted in prose at birth. Any guides/manuals/teachers that were instrumental in your journey? I know a book of writing sounds seems utterly silly but if I could magic genie the solution, thats what Id think Id need to ask for.

 

[TeslaRose]

We've all seen this sort of thing abused mercilessly here. Rather than rant Id like to learn from other authors how they learned their "sounds."

My greatest misery in all of writing, other than blockage, is having a sound in mind and ESPECIALLY a tone and not having the ability to come close to it. I know literature can be limiting but I could also be an idiot.

Does anyone have a unique take on the topic? I do mean the "grunts and moans" words above but just giving words to sounds in general. Surely you weren't all gifted in prose at birth. Any guides/manuals/teachers that were instrumental in your journey? I know a book of writing sounds seems utterly silly but if I could magic genie the solution, thats what Id think Id need to ask for.

i generally find onomatopeias to be unsexy at worst & lazy at best. sure they are employed effectively once in a blue moon, but i would prefer a colourful descriptor or metaphor than a string of repeated vowels. just my two cents, but i would much sooner read "her sharp and ragged breaths were peppered with mewls and moans, and he could feel the gentle vibrations of her satisfied purr as his palm pressed tighter against her curve of her delicate throat" than "oooh! unngh, yesssss, aggghhh!!!"

 

[Euphony]

i generally find onomatopeias to be unsexy at worst & lazy at best. sure they are employed effectively once in a blue moon, but i would prefer a colourful descriptor or metaphor than a string of repeated vowels. just my two cents, but i would much sooner read "her sharp and ragged breaths were peppered with mewls and moans, and he could feel the gentle vibrations of her satisfied purr as his palm pressed tighter against her curve of her delicate throat" than "oooh! unngh, yesssss, aggghhh!!!"

I am in total agreement with you. I wonder if perhaps I'm overusing descriptors and metaphors which is why I'm feeling exhaustion and trying to find a viable alternative.

I try to at least touch on all the senses if it fits. I feel like I'm weak in sound.

 

[ProxyAccount]

i generally find onomatopeias to be unsexy at worst & lazy at best. sure they are employed effectively once in a blue moon, but i would prefer a colourful descriptor or metaphor than a string of repeated vowels. just my two cents, but i would much sooner read "her sharp and ragged breaths were peppered with mewls and moans, and he could feel the gentle vibrations of her satisfied purr as his palm pressed tighter against her curve of her delicate throat"

I agree with this. While vocal cues are okay, written descriptors are better for a number of reasons. One reason for this is that unless most of your experience is with prostitutes, most women don't sound like a star from a porn video. Moreover, if one is drawing from memories of good times, descriptors work better from a fantasizing perspective. Now, if porn-like attributes are what you are trying to achieve, then it makes sense to make it "sound" like a porn video.

 

[TeslaRose]

I am in total agreement with you. I wonder if perhaps I'm overusing descriptors and metaphors which is why I'm feeling exhaustion and trying to find a viable alternative.

I try to at least touch on all the senses if it fits. I feel like I'm weak in sound.

ah i can sympathize with you on that. i need to practise using less to say more.

i do love that you're pursuing sensory writing. for me, my mind fills in the blanks. you describe the scene, i translate it to a picture. you describe a sound, i translate it to audio.

I agree with this. While vocal cues are okay, written descriptors are better for a number of reasons. One reason for this is that unless most of your experience is with prostitutes, most women don't sound like a star from a porn video. Moreover, if one is drawing from memories of good times, descriptors work better from a fantasizing perspective. Now, if porn-like attributes are what you are trying to achieve, then it makes sense to make it "sound" like a porn video.

lol, yep, i'd say that's a fair assessment!

i think the part about memories is especially true

 

[Euphony]

ah i can sympathize with you on that. i need to practise using less to say more.

i do love that you're pursuing sensory writing. for me, my mind fills in the blanks. you describe the scene, i translate it to a picture. you describe a sound, i translate it to audio.

I think I misunderstand this. So sensory is good but too much conflicts with your own vision of the story? Same with sound.

 

[TeslaRose]

I think I misunderstand this. So sensory is good but too much conflicts with your own vision of the story? Same with sound.

maybe i have misrepresented it.

i like sensory stories. i like descriptions that take all five sense into consideration, but i prefer it to be artful with a little bit left to the imagination. i like to capture the reality of an encounter, but i think that sometimes an outright depiction (e.g. saying "ooo, ahh, uhh, ohh") detracts from its authenticity.

does that help, or is it just even more confusing, lol?

 

[Euphony]

maybe i have misrepresented it.

i like sensory stories. i like descriptions that take all five sense into consideration, but i prefer it to be artful with a little bit left to the imagination. i like to capture the reality of an encounter, but i think that sometimes an outright depiction (e.g. saying "ooo, ahh, uhh, ohh") detracts from its authenticity.

does that help, or is it just even more confusing, lol?

If you're a woman, its expected you'll confuse me.

I get the ooo, ahh silliness being unwelcome but do have an example of where a line should be drawn to "leave some to the imagination"? I know its probably as difficult as defining "artful" but if you know of any writers, especially female, I would be wise to draw from do let me know!

*edit for clarity* Bury the Ooo ahhh oooh notion completely. Just descriptions, is there a "too much" (as far as depth... excessive is easier to spot as it take 17 pages to get through removing her hairclip

 

[Brandie69]

i generally find onomatopeias to be unsexy at worst & lazy at best. sure they are employed effectively once in a blue moon, but i would prefer a colourful descriptor or metaphor than a string of repeated vowels. just my two cents, but i would much sooner read "her sharp and ragged breaths were peppered with mewls and moans, and he could feel the gentle vibrations of her satisfied purr as his palm pressed tighter against her curve of her delicate throat" than "oooh! unngh, yesssss, aggghhh!!!"

I tend to agree with TeslaRose (although there are some words, like "mewls" -- oh, and "nubbin," pet peeve here -- that I try to avoid). The sole exception I find is an occasional "Mmm" in just the right spot.

 

[ProxyAccount]

Another way to approach the issue is to consider that a writer must work with the imagination of the reader, which is not a truly blank canvas. If anything, the writer is giving instructions to reader as to how the canvas should be painted. As such, every reader's rendition of a scene is a bit difference, in keeping with their own varied experiences. The more absolutes a writer includes in his or her story, the more a reader's experience might fit the writer's intentions. If the instructions are too vague, the reader might be unable to bridge the gap and fill in the details. However, too much detail might create conflict with the reader, who might reject the absolute, destroying part of the suspension of disbelief or offending their sensibilities. (Not to mention the problems with pacing, when details begin to bog down and/or overwhelm the story.) Thus, writers find themselves walking a line between too many particulars and insufficient detail. It's not the biggest challenge, but it is something to consider.

 

[PayDay]

Does anyone have a unique take on the topic? I do mean the "grunts and moans" words above but just giving words to sounds in general. Surely you weren't all gifted in prose at birth. Any guides/manuals/teachers that were instrumental in your journey? I know a book of writing sounds seems utterly silly but if I could magic genie the solution, thats what Id think Id need to ask for.

One of my best rated stories is about a guy who stutters. I wrote out every single word he tries to say.

I had a horse that spoke in another story, it also included an eccentric millionairess with funky speech tones.

I once mixed in terrible endless screaming sex tones with descriptive metaphors in between.

I type out words spoken in improper English or Southern accents.

Do whatever you want.

 

[rjordan]

When ever I see all that Oooo!!! Ahhh!!! crap I remember an old song from the 60's (maybe earlier) called Witch Doctor.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TYgOlqinH7A&feature=related

It's amateurish and distracting. I usually stop reading when the silly noises start. As someone said, it makes the story read more like the "Ohh fuck yeah...Ohh fuck yeah" professional porn. Sometimes it's hilarious. Never is it erotic.

rj

 

[rjordan]

Another way to approach the issue is to consider that a writer must work with the imagination of the reader, which is not a truly blank canvas. If anything, the writer is giving instructions to reader as to how the canvas should be painted. As such, every reader's rendition of a scene is a bit difference, in keeping with their own varied experiences. The more absolutes a writer includes in his or her story, the more a reader's experience might fit the writer's intentions. If the instructions are too vague, the reader might be unable to bridge the gap and fill in the details. However, too much detail might create conflict with the reader, who might reject the absolute, destroying part of the suspension of disbelief or offending their sensibilities. (Not to mention the problems with pacing, when details begin to bog down and/or overwhelm the story.) Thus, writers find themselves walking a line between too many particulars and insufficient detail. It's not the biggest challenge, but it is something to consider.

Exactly. That's why ALL the second person POV stories fall flat with me. I can't get through the first paragraph when the writer is describing how it felt when I took off my bra and sucked his dick. A woman or gay man might be able to put themselves in that picture, but for me it's just too stupid to continue. Same with the ooo eee ooo ahh ahh noises.

rj

 

[Stella_Omega]

One of my best rated stories is about a guy who stutters. I wrote out every single word he tries to say.

I had a horse that spoke in another story, it also included an eccentric millionairess with funky speech tones.

I once mixed in terrible endless screaming sex tones with descriptive metaphors in between.

I type out words spoken in improper English or Southern accents.

Do whatever you want.

I once wrote a story with two people speaking two different English dialects... I had the most fun doing it, but got a resounding nothing in the way of feedback.

I rewrote it and toned the quirks down, and got much better reception because people were able to concentrate on the love story instead of the "What did he say?"

 

[Euphony]

Exactly. That's why ALL the second person POV stories fall flat with me. I can't get through the first paragraph when the writer is describing how it felt when I took off my bra and sucked his dick. A woman or gay man might be able to put themselves in that picture, but for me it's just too stupid to continue. Same with the ooo eee ooo ahh ahh noises.

rj

Second person and erotica are too dangerous a combination. It too much reminds me of bad role play or phone sex.

Even main stream fiction has few great 2nd person stories and those are a "put myself in the right frame of mind" to read.

And all the you you you, I don't know how anybody could enjoy that unless they have zero imagination or creativity. Its spoon feeding at its worst.

 

[TeslaRose]

If you're a woman, its expected you'll confuse me.

I get the ooo, ahh silliness being unwelcome but do have an example of where a line should be drawn to "leave some to the imagination"? I know its probably as difficult as defining "artful" but if you know of any writers, especially female, I would be wise to draw from do let me know!

*edit for clarity* Bury the Ooo ahhh oooh notion completely. Just descriptions, is there a "too much" (as far as depth... excessive is easier to spot as it take 17 pages to get through removing her hairclip

this made me laugh

hmm, i don't think i have any helpful examples!! i'm afraid this won't be very useful, but i like it to be artful. i think it's excessive as soon as it distracts from the greater arc of the story. so subjective!! lol

good luck

ps it should only take 15 pages max to dispose of a hairclip....lol!

 

[TeslaRose]

I tend to agree with TeslaRose (although there are some words, like "mewls" -- oh, and "nubbin," pet peeve here -- that I try to avoid). The sole exception I find is an occasional "Mmm" in just the right spot.

"nubbin" is an instant buzzkill, lol!! i quite like mewl....

agree with an intelligently placed "mmm"

 

[Euphony]

this made me laugh

hmm, i don't think i have any helpful examples!! i'm afraid this won't be very useful, but i like it to be artful. i think it's excessive as soon as it distracts from the greater arc of the story. so subjective!! lol

good luck

It is. I just wanted you to know if you had something you thought illustrated it well I was all ears.

And fyi, if later you do, Im all ears then too (or eyes I guess. PM's and all that business. )

ps it should only take 15 pages max to dispose of a hairclip....lol!

Wai...wai...wai...wai..WAIT.
15 pages inclusive of DISPOSAL of the hairclip as well? Can it even been done? Is it humanly possible.

I mean I could get it out of her hair in 15 in a personal best kind of moment but to the bedside table as well? I'd need at least 22. 30 if I gotta turn on a lamp.

*idea* Second person, thats how its done.

You see me reach for the lamp. I'm clumsy. You wonder just how long Ill fumble about and if ultimately I will break the damn thing. You think to yourself "Where did I buy that thing, Ill need a replacement" Also, you hope your vibe has enough juice to get you through tonight. This idiots not going to get you there, you know this for sure.

 

[Handley_Page]

I once wrote a story with two people speaking two different English dialects... I had the most fun doing it, but got a resounding nothing in the way of feedback.

I rewrote it and toned the quirks down, and got much better reception because people were able to concentrate on the love story instead of the "What did he say?"

I'd like a copy of both, please.
Dialect is not an easy subject, even in these days of the all-pervasive TV programmes.

 

[PayDay]

I had the most fun doing it

'Nuff said.

 

[MSTarot]

When ever I see all that Oooo!!! Ahhh!!! crap I remember an old song from the 60's (maybe earlier) called Witch Doctor.

rj

It always put me to mind of a Bugs Bunny cartoon. Bugs and a gremlin are falling out the sky in a plane. Bugs is going from one side of the cabin to the other going 'Oh ee Ah ooh. Oh eee Ah ooh."

Even though I'm guilty of using those sounds myself it still gets me laughing.

M.S. Tarot

 

[Stella_Omega]

Second person and erotica are too dangerous a combination. It too much reminds me of bad role play or phone sex.

Even main stream fiction has few great 2nd person stories and those are a "put myself in the right frame of mind" to read.

And all the you you you, I don't know how anybody could enjoy that unless they have zero imagination or creativity. Its spoon feeding at its worst.

There's a web comic called "Homestuck" that -- well-- here's a link


Because it is set up in the form of a roleplay video game, it's narrated in the form of second person commands. It's created a huge fandom community, and a lot of the fan fiction is written in second person. So some people are getting more comfortable with that form.

 

[RodenAddison]

.....

 

[TxRad]

Coming up, one of my female characters will be saying 'h'yar'. It will be a joke, and I think, as much as possible these 'sounds' can end up like a joke if used too often. I keep it simple. Oh, or Ooh, if I'm being emphatic but never, Ooooooh!!!! Mm, and maybe on occasion Mmm.

If the spell checker finds it (yuck, did I really say that?) then it's likely best to shorten it.

On the other hand. "Oh!" is far superior to "My goodness, Malcolm. You're tongue is just stupendous! Absolutely lovely!"

It's all according to whether Malcolm is licking the end of his nose, his eyebrows or fixing the part in his hair with it.