Turning people down after sex

[IrishFun69]

Hi all,

In my previous work place I got talking to a work colleague on a work night out. After one drink too many we began to kiss at the end of the night. I went back to her place (after some "nice guy" persuasion) and we had sex, twice I think. The next morning I woke up and realised she wasn't as good looking as I remembered/without make-up. I sucked it up and had sex again to say good bye.

Afterwards we agreed to keep the encounter secret. I was civil to her but to be honest I tried to cut all contact as I was just not that in to her. She seemed to get a bit annoyed when I turned down invitations over to her place etc. I felt it was better to be "cruel to be kind" sort of thing. She really began to hate me and I could see that her friends in the office also turned against me. I never told her it would be anything more than a night, and I didn't come back for seconds when she invited me back a second and third time not to give her the wrong idea, even though, frankly, I would have loved to sample her again.

Now, in my current business, there is a really cute secretary who I just hired. To be frank, I found it hard not to get a boner during the interview so you can imagine what it is like to work with her. I stressed that we have a "business atire" at work policy and she seems to be wearing mini skirts at present So that's a win!

Anyway, I have been flirting with her and playing the "nice guy" routine. Listening to her problems, being really sweet to her, it is working well. We went for a "business chat" over drinks two nights ago and it seemed to go very well (she kept playing with her hair and gave me a kiss on the cheek when leaving). I really want to get her in to bed. But since a) I have a GF and b) the secretary is my employee, I would prefer to have a situation where I can cut all contact after the night. Is there any easy way to do this so it doesn't turn out like the previous girl I had sex with in the office? I pretty much had to leave my previous job because the last office girl I had sex with was really acting the bitch and turning everyone against me.

Does anyone else have experience of this?

 

[Eilan]

Oh, forget it.

 

[HairyFairy]

You need a health warning stamped on your forehead, you arrogant man!

 

[soflabbwlvr]

Hi all,

In my previous work place I got talking to a work colleague on a work night out. After one drink too many we began to kiss at the end of the night. I went back to her place (after some "nice guy" persuasion) and we had sex, twice I think. The next morning I woke up and realised she wasn't as good looking as I remembered/without make-up. I sucked it up and had sex again to say good bye.

Afterwards we agreed to keep the encounter secret. I was civil to her but to be honest I tried to cut all contact as I was just not that in to her. She seemed to get a bit annoyed when I turned down invitations over to her place etc. I felt it was better to be "cruel to be kind" sort of thing. She really began to hate me and I could see that her friends in the office also turned against me. I never told her it would be anything more than a night, and I didn't come back for seconds when she invited me back a second and third time not to give her the wrong idea, even though, frankly, I would have loved to sample her again.

Now, in my current business, there is a really cute secretary who I just hired. To be frank, I found it hard not to get a boner during the interview so you can imagine what it is like to work with her. I stressed that we have a "business atire" at work policy and she seems to be wearing mini skirts at present So that's a win!

Anyway, I have been flirting with her and playing the "nice guy" routine. Listening to her problems, being really sweet to her, it is working well. We went for a "business chat" over drinks two nights ago and it seemed to go very well (she kept playing with her hair and gave me a kiss on the cheek when leaving). I really want to get her in to bed. But since a) I have a GF and b) the secretary is my employee, I would prefer to have a situation where I can cut all contact after the night. Is there any easy way to do this so it doesn't turn out like the previous girl I had sex with in the office? I pretty much had to leave my previous job because the last office girl I had sex with was really acting the bitch and turning everyone against me.

Does anyone else have experience of this?

You can cut all contact, and you are facing a very real possibility of a sexual harassment complaint. At the very least it is likely to lead to an embarrassing investigation resulting in your termination. At it's worst, you are facing a lawsuit causing your company a damage award, bad publicity, and oh yes, your termination.

I am not strictly against all workplace sexual relationships. But when the coworker is your underling, and you are not the top dog in the organization, then you are just asking for trouble. (If you are the top dog, you are still asking for trouble, but presumably, you can handle it).

My partner used to say, "You don't fuck the help--that's what other offices are for."

 

[Emerson40]

Hi all,

In my previous work place I got talking to a work colleague on a work night out. After one drink too many we began to kiss at the end of the night. I went back to her place (after some "nice guy" persuasion) and we had sex, twice I think. The next morning I woke up and realised she wasn't as good looking as I remembered/without make-up. I sucked it up and had sex again to say good bye.

Afterwards we agreed to keep the encounter secret. I was civil to her but to be honest I tried to cut all contact as I was just not that in to her. She seemed to get a bit annoyed when I turned down invitations over to her place etc. I felt it was better to be "cruel to be kind" sort of thing. She really began to hate me and I could see that her friends in the office also turned against me. I never told her it would be anything more than a night, and I didn't come back for seconds when she invited me back a second and third time not to give her the wrong idea, even though, frankly, I would have loved to sample her again.

Now, in my current business, there is a really cute secretary who I just hired. To be frank, I found it hard not to get a boner during the interview so you can imagine what it is like to work with her. I stressed that we have a "business atire" at work policy and she seems to be wearing mini skirts at present So that's a win!

Anyway, I have been flirting with her and playing the "nice guy" routine. Listening to her problems, being really sweet to her, it is working well. We went for a "business chat" over drinks two nights ago and it seemed to go very well (she kept playing with her hair and gave me a kiss on the cheek when leaving). I really want to get her in to bed. But since a) I have a GF and b) the secretary is my employee, I would prefer to have a situation where I can cut all contact after the night. Is there any easy way to do this so it doesn't turn out like the previous girl I had sex with in the office? I pretty much had to leave my previous job because the last office girl I had sex with was really acting the bitch and turning everyone against me.

Does anyone else have experience of this?

I'll assume you are looking for honest and straightforward advise, same as you requested here. I'll also assume that you'll pay it little to no heed if it doesn't favor or encourage your current behaviors and actions.

1) Break up with your girlfriend. She deserves someone better than you. You clearly care little for her and you're treating her like shit. Let her go. You don't need her - you can continue being a dick without her in your life.

2) Have someone else do your hiring. Someone else in the company, or perhaps an outside firm. Anybody who hires on merit / experience / qualifications / etc would be fine, and would be miles ahead of you, as your structured job interview seems to be structured around the stiffyness of your boner.

3) As for fucking your secretary. Fuck her or don’t. You will be all surprised by the results, whether it’s her unreasonable expectation of being more than just a fuck-toy of her employer (what a bitch), or the legal mess that may land in your lap because of all those stupid “sexual harassment in the workplace” things you hear about. Fuck the business, you’re talking about your cock man. All else is trivial when sportin’ wood.

4) Spend some time looking at the situations in your life from another perspective - be it a human or business perspective. Believe it or not, the world is like a whole new, different place when you look at it from a point of view other than the head of your dick.

You say you are in your 30s, but appear to be going on 17 or 18. I don’t know you of course, but base my statement on the content of your few posts. You seem to care little for those around you - be it a personal or business relationship. You act solely on what you want, when you want it, and don’t take into account at all what may result from your actions, or how your actions affect others. You also seem incapable of learning anything, whether it is from your own past experiences or the experiences of others.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Now, in my current business, there is a really cute secretary who I just hired. To be frank, I found it hard not to get a boner during the interview so you can imagine what it is like to work with her. I stressed that we have a "business atire" at work policy and she seems to be wearing mini skirts at present So that's a win!

And they say chivalry is dead. *eyeroll*

My rule of thumb is, never sleep with somebody unless they KNOW they can say 'no' without being punished for it. It's not about whether you're going to get sued for harassment, it's simply wrong to pressure people into sex.

Incidentally, this post is a great example of why women run screaming when they hear the words "nice guy".

 

[Ellafun]

You shallow douchebag.

*With my apologies if I have insulted any decent douchebags

 

[amofiga]

IrishFun

Several times you refered to "playing the nice guy". It sounds pretty much like you have no idea how to really be a "nice guy". Basically, you're a player and whatever you get yourself into relative to fucked up relationships with co-workers and girl friends are your own business. You reap what you sew. I'm not going to judge because I can understand your desire to "play" and the fact that you have the ability and charm to do it is probably something you pat yourself on the back for. If you had sex with this woman after some drinks and your main reason for wanting to separate is that she isn't as "good looking as you remember" (presumably while sober) then you are this month's candidate for most shallow guy of the year. When I was younger and out there trying to have solid (but I also won't deny sexual) relationships with women, it was guys like you that I hated. You give the gender a bad name. While it's true and a natural fact that most men are looking for sexual relationships with women, most also aren't trying to shuffle them like playing cards. My advice is firstly to avoid any relationships with co-workers because it can lead to very awkward situations. Secondly, try some empathy and stop trying to "play" the nice guy and actually think about being one.

 

[MatthewVett]

I'll assume you are looking for honest and straightforward advise, same as you requested here. I'll also assume that you'll pay it little to no heed if it doesn't favor or encourage your current behaviors and actions.

1) Break up with your girlfriend. She deserves someone better than you. You clearly care little for her and you're treating her like shit. Let her go. You don't need her - you can continue being a dick without her in your life.

2) Have someone else do your hiring. Someone else in the company, or perhaps an outside firm. Anybody who hires on merit / experience / qualifications / etc would be fine, and would be miles ahead of you, as your structured job interview seems to be structured around the stiffyness of your boner.

3) As for fucking your secretary. Fuck her or don’t. You will be all surprised by the results, whether it’s her unreasonable expectation of being more than just a fuck-toy of her employer (what a bitch), or the legal mess that may land in your lap because of all those stupid “sexual harassment in the workplace” things you hear about. Fuck the business, you’re talking about your cock man. All else is trivial when sportin’ wood.

4) Spend some time looking at the situations in your life from another perspective - be it a human or business perspective. Believe it or not, the world is like a whole new, different place when you look at it from a point of view other than the head of your dick.

You say you are in your 30s, but appear to be going on 17 or 18. I don’t know you of course, but base my statement on the content of your few posts. You seem to care little for those around you - be it a personal or business relationship. You act solely on what you want, when you want it, and don’t take into account at all what may result from your actions, or how your actions affect others. You also seem incapable of learning anything, whether it is from your own past experiences or the experiences of others.

^This. +1

 

[CWatson]

Does anyone else have experience of this?

Yes. And it tells me that you're not a nice guy, you're a pick-up artist. "Nice" is something you are, not something you "play."

Everyone else has spelled out your choices quite effectively, and I see no need to recap them. All I want to contribute is the question of whether you wish to continue lying to yourself. Hypocrisy and denial are two separate flaws that do not need to be related. Currently you exhibit both. Can you get that list down to one?

 

[silverwhisper]

cwatson quoth:
yes. and it tells me that you're not a nice guy, you're a pick-up artist

really? cuz it says to me that irishfun is a selfish fucking asshole.

ed

 

[MsQuote]

Did you fabricate these scenarios or are you really that big of a douchebag?

 

[IrishFun69]

I'll assume you are looking for honest and straightforward advise, same as you requested here. I'll also assume that you'll pay it little to no heed if it doesn't favor or encourage your current behaviors and actions.

I find it hard to believe the sheer level of abuse I receive here considering that other users post on topics such as allowing others to have sex with their wives while watching etc. To me that is vile. What I describe is pretty much what so many men out there think but are too afraid to say/act on.

Let he who is without sin cast the first stone is what I saw.

1) Break up with your girlfriend. She deserves someone better than you. You clearly care little for her and you're treating her like shit. Let her go. You don't need her - you can continue being a dick without her in your life.

You don't know me or my GF. The reality is my GF works away a lot. When she is with me all the cheating stops and I dedicate 100% of my time to her. Is having a fruitful and interesting sex life such a bloody bad thing? We all have different definitions of a relationship. Judging by some of the swinger stuff posted here I am by far not the worst "sinner".

2) Have someone else do your hiring. Someone else in the company, or perhaps an outside firm. Anybody who hires on merit / experience / qualifications / etc would be fine, and would be miles ahead of you, as your structured job interview seems to be structured around the stiffyness of your boner.

Buddy, I won the company. I will hire who I see fit.

3) As for fucking your secretary. Fuck her or don’t. You will be all surprised by the results, whether it’s her unreasonable expectation of being more than just a fuck-toy of her employer (what a bitch), or the legal mess that may land in your lap because of all those stupid “sexual harassment in the workplace” things you hear about. Fuck the business, you’re talking about your cock man. All else is trivial when sportin’ wood.

Buddy, once again, I own the business. The reality is, I wouldn't do anything she is not comfortable with. So I won't be landing myself in any legal cases.

4) Spend some time looking at the situations in your life from another perspective - be it a human or business perspective. Believe it or not, the world is like a whole new, different place when you look at it from a point of view other than the head of your dick.

I agree. As I stated on previous threads I think I have a problem. I like, no, CRAVE sex every minute of every day. Heck, I will even masturbate in my car on the way to work sometimes. I am a sex feen, I know this. I do think with my head, but when a woman gets involved it is not as easy for me.

You say you are in your 30s, but appear to be going on 17 or 18. I don’t know you of course, but base my statement on the content of your few posts. You seem to care little for those around you - be it a personal or business relationship. You act solely on what you want, when you want it, and don’t take into account at all what may result from your actions, or how your actions affect others. You also seem incapable of learning anything, whether it is from your own past experiences or the experiences of others.

I am all ears people. I would appreciate a little less abuse however and a little more understanding.

 

[IrishFun69]

Did you fabricate these scenarios or are you really that big of a douchebag?

So instead of adding anything constructive you simply throw a few 1st grader insults about. Who is the adult here?

 

[Emerson40]

I find it hard to believe the sheer level of abuse I receive here considering that other users post on topics such as allowing others to have sex with their wives while watching etc. To me that is vile. What I describe is pretty much what so many men out there think but are too afraid to say/act on.

Let he who is without sin cast the first stone is what I saw.



You don't know me or my GF. The reality is my GF works away a lot. When she is with me all the cheating stops and I dedicate 100% of my time to her. Is having a fruitful and interesting sex life such a bloody bad thing? We all have different definitions of a relationship. Judging by some of the swinger stuff posted here I am by far not the worst "sinner".



Buddy, I won the company. I will hire who I see fit.



Buddy, once again, I own the business. The reality is, I wouldn't do anything she is not comfortable with. So I won't be landing myself in any legal cases.



I agree. As I stated on previous threads I think I have a problem. I like, no, CRAVE sex every minute of every day. Heck, I will even masturbate in my car on the way to work sometimes. I am a sex feen, I know this. I do think with my head, but when a woman gets involved it is not as easy for me.



I am all ears people. I would appreciate a little less abuse however and a little more understanding.

To summarize:

1) I know you are, but what am I.

2) Sure, what I do (cheat) is bad, but there are others who (swing?) do worse. So I'm good.

3) I own the company and have a cock. I'll do whatever I want despite what anyone says or thinks.

4) Did I mention I own the company. And I have a cock.

5) Enough of me going on about myself. What do you guys all think of me.


If you are looking for high-fives, tips on cheating on your girlfriend, and how to be a better asshole, there are other places on these boards where you will find this.

And Buddy, if you were truly interested in the advise and opinions of others here, you would have considered and been more appreciative of some of the good stuff sent your way already, and not been such a combative, narcissistic shit-heel.

Quit wasting folks' time here.

Next time you're doing this:
http://www.therapist4me.com/narcissistic-personality-disorder-treatment.jpg


look a little deeper.

 

[IrishFun69]

To summarize:

1) I know you are, but what am I.

2) Sure, what I do (cheat) is bad, but there are others who (swing?) do worse. So I'm good.

3) I own the company and have a cock. I'll do whatever I want despite what anyone says or thinks.

4) Did I mention I own the company. And I have a cock.

5) Enough of me going on about myself. What do you guys all think of me.


If you are looking for high-fives, tips on cheating on your girlfriend, and how to be a better asshole, there are other places on these boards where you will find this.

And Buddy, if you were truly interested in the advise and opinions of others here, you would have considered and been more appreciative of some of the good stuff sent your way already, and not been such a combative, narcissistic shit-heel.

Quit wasting folks' time here.

Next time you're doing this:
http://www.therapist4me.com/narcissistic-personality-disorder-treatment.jpg


look a little deeper.

Matey I take your point. Where on these boards can I go for my type of questions? I am new here.

 

[blulilacgrl]

Matey I take your point. Where on these boards can I go for my type of questions? I am new here.

The General Board

 

[sircumvent]

The General Board

 

[bigbritish]

Hi all,

In my previous work place I got talking to a work colleague on a work night out. After one drink too many we began to kiss at the end of the night. I went back to her place (after some "nice guy" persuasion) and we had sex, twice I think. The next morning I woke up and realised she wasn't as good looking as I remembered/without make-up. I sucked it up and had sex again to say good bye.

Uh, no -- not exactly... but haha you thought she was ugly and THEN had sex with her anyway?! Way to go!

I also like the "twice, I think..."

Look, I've been told it's illegal but it seems perfectly sound to me that you need a blowjob to cool off from the day, and that's perfectly fine to pay for. A masseuse sounds like an appropriate cover title. Just make sure you are working damn hard to actually *need* the blowjob.

 

[bigbritish]

P.s. you are probably a total sleezeball to even be considering sex with your secretary or you don't really run a good business. Go get your needs taken care of pronto, masseuse visit. I have nothing else to say about that.

 

[glynndah]

The short answer is "no".

 

[Bramblethorn]

I find it hard to believe the sheer level of abuse I receive here considering that other users post on topics such as allowing others to have sex with their wives while watching etc. To me that is vile.

Right... so non-monogamy is okay if you're lying to your partner about it and sneaking around behind her back, but if everybody involved is honest and consents to the situation, that makes it "vile". Gotcha.

I'll just have to go tell my partners we've been doing it wrong.

What I describe is pretty much what so many men out there think but are too afraid to say/act on.

Classic rationalisation here: "I don't want to be a creep, so I'm going to tell myself that all the other guys approve of what I'm doing." (Tip: they don't. There are plenty of decent guys out there who value honesty.)

Let he who is without sin cast the first stone is what I saw.

If you're going to invoke the Bible to excuse philandering, might want to read what happened next in that particular story:

"And Jesus said [to the woman taken in adultery]... Go. From now on, sin no more."

You don't know me or my GF. The reality is my GF works away a lot. When she is with me all the cheating stops and I dedicate 100% of my time to her. Is having a fruitful and interesting sex life such a bloody bad thing?

Hell no. It's the "lying and cheating to get it" part that you're getting flamed for.

We all have different definitions of a relationship.

Yep, it's pretty clear that you and your girlfriend have very different definitions of a relationship.

 

[MsQuote]

Did you fabricate these scenarios or are you really that big of a douchebag?

So instead of adding anything constructive you simply throw a few 1st grader insults about. Who is the adult here?

Forgive me that I didn't realize that you weren't genuine and sincere about having a problem. If constructive is what you want, here's what I suggest:

In my previous work place I got talking to a work colleague on a work night out. After one drink too many we began to kiss at the end of the night. I went back to her place (after some "nice guy" persuasion) and we had sex, twice I think. The next morning I woke up and realised she wasn't as good looking as I remembered/without make-up.

Ever hear of the saying, "The more I drink, the better you look"? The next time you take a woman out, have one fewer drink. That will save you the trouble of having regrets the next morning. Better yet, don't spend the night. That way you won't have to force yourself to have sex with a woman who hasn't had a chance to put her best face (and hair and makeup) forward for a guy who puts on his "nice guy" routine just to get laid.

Afterwards we agreed to keep the encounter secret. I was civil to her but to be honest I tried to cut all contact as I was just not that in to her. She seemed to get a bit annoyed when I turned down invitations over to her place etc. I felt it was better to be "cruel to be kind" sort of thing. She really began to hate me and I could see that her friends in the office also turned against me. I never told her it would be anything more than a night, and I didn't come back for seconds when she invited me back a second and third time not to give her the wrong idea, even though, frankly, I would have loved to sample her again.

You should have been honest with her right from the start and told her, "You're ugly as fuck. That night will never happen again." Yeah, she and her friends still would have turned against you, but it would have saved you the grief of pretending to be a nice guy, which is something you obviously suck at.

Now, in my current business, there is a really cute secretary who I just hired. To be frank, I found it hard not to get a boner during the interview so you can imagine what it is like to work with her. I stressed that we have a "business atire" at work policy and she seems to be wearing mini skirts at present So that's a win!

Anyway, I have been flirting with her and playing the "nice guy" routine. Listening to her problems, being really sweet to her, it is working well. We went for a "business chat" over drinks two nights ago and it seemed to go very well (she kept playing with her hair and gave me a kiss on the cheek when leaving). I really want to get her in to bed. But since a) I have a GF and b) the secretary is my employee, I would prefer to have a situation where I can cut all contact after the night. Is there any easy way to do this so it doesn't turn out like the previous girl I had sex with in the office?

Yeah ... hire uglier women who won't tempt you at the office and save your "nice guy" routine for some random chick at a bar who you won't have to divulge your real name or where you live or work.

I pretty much had to leave my previous job because the last office girl I had sex with was really acting the bitch and turning everyone against me.

Yeah, women can get really bitchy, especially after some guy plays them for a one-night stand. And how dare she honor your agreement ... err ... demand to keep the one-night stand she didn't know was a one-night stand secret. I mean, you pretended to be so nice in not telling her that there would never be a second or third time.

 

[IrishFun69]

P.s. you are probably a total sleezeball to even be considering sex with your secretary or you don't really run a good business. Go get your needs taken care of pronto, masseuse visit. I have nothing else to say about that.

Are you being serious suggesting to pay someone for a BJ is a genuine answer to my question?

I wish people would just read my posts and provide answers instead of throwing abuse about.

The top banner on this page suggests "Free Speech, No Spam!". So much for free speech, the sheer level of abuse and judgemental responses beggars belief.

 

[blulilacgrl]

Are you being serious suggesting to pay someone for a BJ is a genuine answer to my question?

I wish people would just read my posts and provide answers instead of throwing abuse about.

The top banner on this page suggests "Free Speech, No Spam!". So much for free speech, the sheer level of abuse and judgemental responses beggars belief.

We are reading your posts and providing answers. The answers are just ones that you don't want to hear.

And you have free speech. No one here has asked that your posts be taken down or that you be silenced. You have the right to say what you want to say. But in return we have the same option. Free speech is simply that, freedom of speech not the freedom from responses.