trying to identfy myself

[gans696]

I was told to post this thread here for a better perspective.


hello I'm not sure if this is the right spot of this sort of thing, but I've been reading this board for quiet a while now and figured this place would give me not so judgemental answers for my question. I'm a 21 year old male, who is straight.

Well actually the last part of my sentence is my problem really. It's really complicated. Ever since I was young, I've felt an apathy I think is the word I'm looking for, towards female characters I'd see like in comic books and stuff after they've been beaten up or in a dangerous situation. I don't know what struck a cord with me, but I'd like to pretend to be those women in those situations. Then when I started to grow and learned what sex is, then thats when my situation becomes difficult. Like most teenage boys and even admittedly now sex is always on my mind, and would do anything to fulfill those needs and desires.

Then came the day our family finally got the Internet, which of course lead to all sorts of porn. The thing I really wanted to try was this sensation called "cybersex" So I was trolling around and actually came around and found Literotica and was happy it had a chat that was free, so I snuck on lying about my age at the time and tried getting "lucky" but I wasn't having so much luck signing up as a guy, seeing females were getting a lot of attention I decided to sign on as a female instead and always had lots of luck. At first how I was going about it I was picking a girl I knew from school and was imagining her doing the things I typed out would be doing, but I found myself liking it so much that I developed an independent female personality or a couple and evolved them as time goes on.

It's just not here on Lit either or in a sexual way. More often than not when playing any sort of video game, ect where I can chose to play a female role or character, 8 out of 10 times I will pick female. I'm not completely sure why, I just feel more comfortable choosing female. Now back to the sex part. When I do come onto Lit as my female persona's I find myself getting off quiet exceptionally, sometimes when jacking off I find myself rubbing my balls as if trying to finger myself as if I were female or trying to pinch my nipples trying to make them hard.

Now the thing is, when I'm in the real world I don't find guys attractive at all, and never think of doing anything sexual with other men. Now I've been in two 3somes before with another man but only way I'm comfortable seeing another cock, even in porn is there has to be a chick involved. Even sometimes when a guy sends me a pic of their cock over my female messenger account, I can't look at it for too long before needing to close it. But at the same time, the roles and situations I can think of to put my female persona in just gets me really horny and such. So what are your guys opinion about this?

 

[alaskabibear]

I don't think I'll be able to give you much more than just an opinion and maybe some encouragement, but since you asked;

I was just reading something about men who like to wear women's clothes - perhaps a bit different subject than yours, but similar. Interestingly, it seems that many (perhaps a majority) of men who cross dress actually are not gay. They find women to be very attractive and appealing and the thought was put forth that the men who cross dress like to identify with women in that way. And of course some just like the erotic "taboo" of the fantasy, and some simply like the silky feel of the different fabric.

IMO, human sexuality is so very complex - and yet we try to treat it in terms of black and white. Therein lies the source of confusion. In your case it sounds like you have an erotic attraction to and enjoyment in exploring your "feminine side" (so to speak). That you can relate to being a female on some level is a given considering your past experiences. However, you have been raised in a society that says "men act this way and women act this way - and the two don't ever mix or mingle to make shades of gray..." Well, just like we don't all have the same physical attributes, so too we don't all share the same sexual ones.


You asked what we thought; well, I think you have an active imagination and fantasy life (perhaps you should write?) - I think you are 21 and still discovering the real "you"and shouldn't worry about being "weird" (if you could read everyones mind you'd probably find you are pretty tame) - I think you should spend as much time as your interest dictates in learning about human sexuality in general and your own specifically (the only way to get any in-depth info into your own specific situation is to try to find some true scholarly work on the subject).

Good Luck

 

[gans696]

Well actually I do some writing from time to time, both erotic and non-erotic with both male and female leads. Yeah as for my imagination, it can get pretty dark and gruesome of what I think I can think of happening and still get off on.

 

[Tymeless]

1)I was told to post this thread here for a better perspective.

2)I'm a 21 year old male, who is straight.

3)Well actually the last part of my sentence is my problem really. It's really complicated. Ever since I was young, I've felt an apathy I think is the word I'm looking for, towards female characters I'd see like in comic books and stuff after they've been beaten up or in a dangerous situation. I don't know what struck a cord with me, but I'd like to pretend to be those women in those situations. Then when I started to grow and learned what sex is, then thats when my situation becomes difficult.

4)Like most teenage boys and even admittedly now sex is always on my mind, and would do anything to fulfill those needs and desires.

5)Then came the day our family finally got the Internet, which of course lead to all sorts of porn. The thing I really wanted to try was this sensation called "cybersex" So I was trolling around and actually came around and found Literotica and was happy it had a chat that was free, so I snuck on lying about my age at the time and tried getting "lucky" but I wasn't having so much luck signing up as a guy, seeing females were getting a lot of attention I decided to sign on as a female instead and always had lots of luck. At first how I was going about it I was picking a girl I knew from school and was imagining her doing the things I typed out would be doing, but I found myself liking it so much that I developed an independent female personality or a couple and evolved them as time goes on.

6)It's just not here on Lit either or in a sexual way. More often than not when playing any sort of video game, ect where I can chose to play a female role or character, 8 out of 10 times I will pick female. I'm not completely sure why, I just feel more comfortable choosing female. Now back to the sex part. When I do come onto Lit as my female persona's I find myself getting off quiet exceptionally, sometimes when jacking off I find myself rubbing my balls as if trying to finger myself as if I were female or trying to pinch my nipples trying to make them hard.

7)Now the thing is, when I'm in the real world I don't find guys attractive at all, and never think of doing anything sexual with other men. Now I've been in two 3somes before with another man but only way I'm comfortable seeing another cock, even in porn is there has to be a chick involved. Even sometimes when a guy sends me a pic of their cock over my female messenger account, I can't look at it for too long before needing to close it. But at the same time, the roles and situations I can think of to put my female persona in just gets me really horny and such. So what are your guys opinion about this?

Okay i've numbered several of your points in the quote and i'm going to address each one individually. First off I want to let you know that noone can tell you if your gay/straight/transgender etc. Thats something you've got to figure out on your own and you'll know in the end if you are or not. If your confused about it you probably are to some degree even if you never act on any of it.

1)Yes this is probably a better place to get some perspective because you'll get open minded people and a possibility of someone that has at least had a problem similiar to yours. Though the first thing you need to know is it isn't a problem and it may take you time to come to terms with it. I know its taken me years to fully come to terms with myself and realize that Being transgender isn't a problem, there is nothing wrong with me I'm just different i'm not defective if you get what i'm saying.

2)Its best not to put labels on things hun. If I think back to when i was 21 that was 5 years ago but I would of identified as a straight male back then too. I had thoughts of whether i should of been a woman or not even back then but I still considered myself a male and only attracted to women. I now know that my primary attraction is to women but I haven't closed the door to a man and I won't be as naive to say I don't find some males attractive. Cocks do nothing for me but the idea of being in love with a man and being his woman does. Get what I am saying? Anyway I now identify as a gay woman or a lesbian.

3)This may not be the exact same thing but I feel its pretty damn close hun. Growing up I was really into comic books. At night before bed I would pray for two things to wake up as a girl and to wake up with super powers. I wanted one or the other or both. I almost always found myself prefering female characters in comic books and I identified with them better. Spider-man was my favorite and other male characters as well because well lets face it there aren't to many female lead characters until recently.

4)I have always had a high sex drive and still do even after being on hormones for over a year and a half. The thing is I can't bring myself to act on that sex drive unless i have feelings for the person i'm with. I'm also submissive by nature so its hard for me to approach girls. so ending up with someone for me is a rarity.

5)Oh the internet is an amazing resource not only has it helped me get my rocks of 100,000's of times but its helped me find important information in helping me come to terms with myself. I like you had made fake female accounts places to see what it was like on the other side. Now I acknowledge that I am that female and if the person is a good enough person they might found out about the transgender side of me.

Okay the internet is how i have found out that being transgender or even just gender variant but not someone that transitions fully its okay to like the gender your changing to or identify with. You see your sexuality, gender identity, sexual preference, and a couple other things i forget actually form separately as your brain develops so don't let liking and preferring girls hold you back on making a decision for yourself.

If you think you might be trans in some way please contact me I'll try and give you some resources or at the very least some links.

6) I could really break this into 2 parts but i'll keep it just one. I always have and always will play female characters in game. I actually find myself quite mad at games when there isn't a female character offered. I mean women do make up a decent sized chunk of the game market and until companies start gearing games a bit more towards women or at least being inclusive of women they won't be hitting a big demographic. I get off way better when i imagine myself in a female role in bed whether its with a male or female that i'm imagining myself. I often play with my nipples too but that has to do with they are more sensitive now and i do the same thing with my balls from time to time.

7) I've been in one threesome myself and while I wasn't turned off by it I wasn't turned on either. I just wasn't into my guy friend like that and while i did enjoy his girlfriend a bit even if she wasn't the most attractive the situation just helped me realize i like women more then men but i shouldn't close the door on a guy if it happens. cocks themselves do absolutely nothing for me i don't find them attractive one bit.


Again i won't say your transgender or anything like that but I will say you remind me a lot of me and some of the things I've had to deal with in my time. i won't say your gay either there is a wide spectrum and we often times try to hard to classify things that really can't be classified but that's how our brains are wired to work. I will say that I do think you have a possibility of being transgender and if that is the case you need to move at your own pace and do things as you feel comfortable with them. Don't go by anyone elses time table just move forward at your own pace. I'm always a pm or a email away if you want to talk about any of this. I wish you luck in your journey to discover your true self whoever or whatever that might be hun.

 

[Etoile]

It is indeed true that most cross-dressers are straight men. There are plenty of gay drag queens, but the majority are straight men, by the numbers.

It's possible that you're just in touch with the feminine side of yourself, and you acknowledge it, and like it. A lot of men refuse to recognize that the even have a feminine side.

Or it could be something more.

 

[DarkBee]

I don't think there's anything wrong about posing as a woman in games and online, while not being attracted to guys, I do that too: almost all of my game characters are female and almost all of my porn is with girls only (except a few gay vids).
Still I think of myself as straight.

 

[gaymm]

Don't worry about putting a label on it...it will drive you crazy.

FWIW: I am a man, I like men, I am attracted to their smells and looks, I like men to look like men. Cross dressing does not appeal to me, and to many gay men, but it does to some. We are all different...and that is a good thing

 

[gans696]

well I've done some thinking and reflecting about this issue some more and after being honest with myself there have been times I wondered what it would be like to suck cock, and to be fucked in the ass but then again I wonder am I just diving my female persona I'm creating and just trying to get into character for them, for am unable to find other men attractive in the one bit. I'll look at a celebrity like Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt and go "What about these guys that make them attractive to women?"

But another thing I could see myself doing actually more comfortable in my mind set and as a male would be being made to suck off and be fucked by a strap on attached to a very dominate woman for I feel I have that submissive nature in me.

 

[John Doe]

I don't think there's anything wrong about posing as a woman in games and online, while not being attracted to guys, I do that too: almost all of my game characters are female and almost all of my porn is with girls only (except a few gay vids).
Still I think of myself as straight.

Blood elves are hot.

 

[Xx_jdynts_xX]

Im not sure if anyone said this already so you have to forgive me (too much feedback for me to read sorry )

A very common reason is that fear among other emotions cut off our true response to cute guys..or people of the same sex for that matter, just be honest with yourself about what you fantasize about weather you end up realizing you are totally straight or not, you need to acknowledge what you like with pride and self-esteem...

I am actually transgender and I am and have always been very attracted to females, i do love men but i also love women...ive always been partial to women as I feel more comfortable...but i have recently been persuing a relationship with a man, and i am happier than ever, i need to recieve anal sex because it is the primary act i enjoy and women w/ out objects are just not able to satisfy me and make me feel as safe and beautiful..i dont like how most women are accustomed to being the cute one, im much littlier than most of these bitches and way better looking! i know that sounds obnoxious but i truly feel this way and it irritates me!

 

[gans696]

umm Just to get something clear. A transgender is someone who is physically both male and female, through an operation or born that way or can it mean it's someone who feels they can related to both sexes easily? Sorry if it's a dumb question just want to get it the right idea.

 

[Tymeless]

transgender refers to anyone transgressing genders whether fully or only partially to the other side. At least thats the way I understand it.

 

[gans696]

so is it a purely physical state or can it be a mental one too?

 

[Etoile]

Transgender usually refers to someone who feels they were born into the wrong body. Usually their sex organs are normal, they are either all male or all female, but they feel they were supposed to be the other one. It's both physical and mental. Sometimes transgender refers to anyone who is not 100% satisfied with their gender, but usually it is someone who wants to be the other gender.

Transsexual means someone who has transitioned and is actually living as the other sex. If they can afford it, they will get sex reassignment surgery, meaning their genitals are reshaped to be the other sex.

Transvestite is someone who dresses as the other gender but doesn't want to BE the other gender. Most of the time this refers to straight men who like to wear dresses and women's clothes some of the time.

Intersexual is the new medical term for hermaphrodite. This means someone who has mixed genetics and they have parts of both sexes. For example, a girl might have a vagina that looks normal, but inside there are testicles that you can't see just by looking at her. Sometimes the genitals are just unclear, you can't tell if the baby is a boy or a girl. The idea of a "hermaphrodite" who has perfectly functioning vagina and penis is pretty much a myth, 99.999% of intersexuals do not have this.

Genderqueer refers to someone who rejects traditional ideas of gender. They don't want people to think they are male or female, they want to be ambiguous. They might do some girly things and some guy things. Usually their genitals are either one or the other, but they reject the idea that your genitals make you who you are.

Hope that helps!

 

[jdee1]

I am with you on this one - I believe that it is simply a fantasy that stretches the boundaried that you have set yourself physically - its the next step of experimentation which makes your heart beat a little faster.

 

[gans696]

Transgender usually refers to someone who feels they were born into the wrong body. Usually their sex organs are normal, they are either all male or all female, but they feel they were supposed to be the other one. It's both physical and mental. Sometimes transgender refers to anyone who is not 100% satisfied with their gender, but usually it is someone who wants to be the other gender.

Transsexual means someone who has transitioned and is actually living as the other sex. If they can afford it, they will get sex reassignment surgery, meaning their genitals are reshaped to be the other sex.

Transvestite is someone who dresses as the other gender but doesn't want to BE the other gender. Most of the time this refers to straight men who like to wear dresses and women's clothes some of the time.

Intersexual is the new medical term for hermaphrodite. This means someone who has mixed genetics and they have parts of both sexes. For example, a girl might have a vagina that looks normal, but inside there are testicles that you can't see just by looking at her. Sometimes the genitals are just unclear, you can't tell if the baby is a boy or a girl. The idea of a "hermaphrodite" who has perfectly functioning vagina and penis is pretty much a myth, 99.999% of intersexuals do not have this.

Genderqueer refers to someone who rejects traditional ideas of gender. They don't want people to think they are male or female, they want to be ambiguous. They might do some girly things and some guy things. Usually their genitals are either one or the other, but they reject the idea that your genitals make you who you are.

Hope that helps!

Thanks for the clarification. I thinking I'm beginning to understand more and more, thank you.