Trust

[Edith_UK]

Note to all the pieces of shit

I will never reply to any abusive, vile or deroratory PMs. You think your shocking, you think ive not heard this before, you think this shit has ANY effect on me whatsoever? You are all pathetic

Next one gets copy n pasted with your username whether it gets me banned or not. You've been warned. Pricks.

 

[DVS]

I will never reply to any abusive, vile or deroratory PMs. You think your shocking, you think ive not heard this before, you think this shit has ANY effect on me whatsoever? You are all pathetic

Next one gets copy n pasted with your username whether it gets me banned or not. You've been warned. Pricks.

There are assholes all over. It seems many of them prefer to stay under rocks. But, before you post the content and name, check the post count of the asshole. A very low post count, and that's probably just a troll and not worth risking being banned for. But, if you the post count is high enough, I don't think they want their nastiness branded out for all to read.

We get a lot of trolls here, and they enjoy doing things like that. They just create a quick name, and go around pissing people off. Sometimes in threads and sometimes in PMs. But, like I said, if the post count is very low, they might just be sending you the nasty PM just to see if you will post it, and then wait to see if you get banned. And if you are, they will chuckle all the more that they were the cause. Be smart. Don't give them that chuckle.

You might not like what I have to say, but I still vote for trust. I know it might take a while, but you've got other things going on now, so you can take your time. Life is just too short not to give this a shot. If you have to, create yourself a past for if someone gets inquisitive, but groups aren't suppose to be that invasive as a rule. You can just say you might lose your job if you were outed and that should be all you need to say. I have that problem in the industry I work in. Nobody, and I do mean NOBODY I'm close to knows anything about my kinky sex life, except those I have sex with.

But, you could take your security and be relatively safe in any situation as long as he's quick to act. I'd just hate to be the one to tell you go ahead like that. I'd feel a lot better if you'd at least get to know a man before you get down to kinky sex with him. If you can see yourself going that route, I still say the munch is the way to go. Like I said, they shouldn't ask you any invasive questions. Just say you need to stay private for the sake of your job or just say you need to stay private and they should back off.

Everybody has their own life to live and I'd bet many of them won't be very open about their lives, either. Even the men you meet don't need to know anything you don't want them to know. You can be the mysterious woman in their lives. I've allowed several women into my life for fun and when they decide to move on, I have no way to contact them. I think it makes them feel safer with that kind of arrangement. If they decide I'm no longer worthy or their submission or they just want to move on, they don't leave any trail for me to follow and harass them. If you find a man that says he will honor that request, I'd still watch him, to make sure he does.

 

[Edith_UK]

Cheers DVS. Your fuckin sound mate. Like you a lot.

Edie x

 

[kellyz_craic]

I will never reply to any abusive, vile or deroratory PMs. You think your shocking, you think ive not heard this before, you think this shit has ANY effect on me whatsoever? You are all pathetic

Next one gets copy n pasted with your username whether it gets me banned or not. You've been warned. Pricks.

This is an US American heavy forum and the USA is a bible thumper heavy country. I've had a couple of sick emails and a few from Brits too who don't like travellers. Seriously, anyone with enough free time to troll a sex forum being self righteous is already wasting their life. Don't waste a breath of yours on them. Just go to their profile page and click on 'Ignore User' and they'll vanish.

 

[vibes]

Just go to their profile page and click on 'Ignore User' and they'll vanish.

Most precious piece of advice

 

[Edith_UK]

ah nice one, cheers for that x

oh n Kelly, good Plan b link

People get stabbed round here there's many shanks
nice knowing someone's got our backs when we get attacked
Don't bloody give me that
I'll lose my temper

what you lookin at you little rich boy?
We're poor 'round here, run home and lock your door
don't come 'round here no more, you could get robbed for
Real because my manors ill
My manors ill

Edie (council housed n violent innit lol)

 

[midwestyankee]

This is the easiest to answer. I don't have the money. And I really struggle to imagine ever paying anyone for sex, even though I don't have a problem with it per se. Cos I'd know exactly what were going through his mind (unless men think very different to women). I'd never fuck anyone who didn't WANT to fuck me, I've got more fuckin decency.

Sex isn't a requirement unless you make it one. I didn't mention sex because it's not an essential element in many bdsm practices. Sure, plenty of people combine sex with bondage and pain play, but it's not essential. That is, unless the two are essentially bound together in your mind.

You've put yourself in a challenging mental state, with some years of practice to develop your capacity of distrust. I submit that it will also take some years of practice to develop your capacity to trust.

Start small. But start. Ask a neighbor or a classmate to meet you at a specific time to take a walk together or to get a cup of coffee. Trust them to be there on time and to spend that time with you.

Then slowly, very slowly, ramp up the risk a little bit at a time.

 

[Edith_UK]

Sex isn't a requirement unless you make it one. I didn't mention sex because it's not an essential element in many bdsm practices. Sure, plenty of people combine sex with bondage and pain play, but it's not essential. That is, unless the two are essentially bound together in your mind.

You've put yourself in a challenging mental state, with some years of practice to develop your capacity of distrust. I submit that it will also take some years of practice to develop your capacity to trust.

The first part of this post is curious. I've been thinking about it. I've never come across the idea of sex not being part of bdsm. Why would you do it otherwise? Just for the pleasure of trust alone? It also made me think of what else could happen when your tied up, other than pain. Like being stroked (awwww man I love being stroked with fingertips on my back and arms, it makes me go into that sort of trance and you never want it to end lol). But that's not sexual, and this is the wrong forum by a country mile

 

[kellyz_craic]

ah nice one, cheers for that x

oh n Kelly, good Plan b link

PLan B's becoming my guilty pleasure. Ben Drew's got a film out soon as well, which is also called Ill Manors. I'm going to be in the front row for that one. I'm becoming a total fangirl!

Let’s all go on an urban safari
we might see some illegal migrants
Oi look there’s a chav
that means Council Housed And Violent
He’s got a hoodie on, give him a hug
on second thoughts don’t, you don’t wanna get mugged
Oh shit too late that was kinda dumb
whose idea was that…stupid… [cunt]
He’s got some front, ain’t we all
be the joker, play the fool
What’s politics, ain’t it all
smoke and mirrors, April fools
All year round, all in all
just another brick in the wall
Get away with murder in the schools
use four letter swear words coz we’re cool
We’re all drinkers, drug takers
every single one of us buns the herb
Keep on believing what you read in the papers
council estate kids, scum of the earth
Think you know how life on a council estate is
from everything you’ve ever read about it or heard?
Well it’s all true, so stay where you’re safest
there’s no need to step foot out the ‘burbs
Truth is here, we’re all disturbed
we cheat and lie its so absurd
Feed the fear that’s what we’ve learned
Fuel the fire
Let it burn.

Oi! I said Oi!
What you looking at you little rich boy!
We’re poor ’round here, run home and lock your door
don’t come ’round here no more, you could get robbed for
Real (yeah) because my manor's ill

My manor's ill
For real
Yeah you know my manor's ill, my manor's ill!

You could get lost in this concrete jungle
new builds keep springing up outta nowhere
Take the wrong turn down a one way junction
find yourself in the hood nobody goes there
We got an Eco-friendly government
they preserve our natural habitat
Built an entire Olympic village
around where we live without pulling down any flats
Give us free money and we don’t pay any tax
NHS healthcare, yes please many thanks
People get stabbed round here there’s many shanks
nice knowing someone’s got our backs when we get attacked
Don’t bloody give me that
I’ll lose my temper
Who closed down the community centre?
I kill time there used to be a member
what will I do now ’til September?
Schools out, rules out, get your bloody tools out
London’s burning, I predict a riot
Fall in fall out
who knows what it’s all about
What did that chief say? Something bout the kaisers
Kids on the street no they never miss a beat
never miss a cheap thrill when it comes their way
Let’s go looting
no not Luton
the high street’s closer, cover your face
And if we see any rich kids on the way, we’ll make ‘em wish they stayed inside
there’s a charge for congestion, everybody’s gotta pay
do what Boris does… rob them blind!

Oi! I said Oi!
What you looking at you little rich boy?
We’re poor ’round here, run home and lock your door!
Don’t come ’round here no more, you could get robbed for
real (yeah) because my manor's ill

My manor's ill
For real
Yeah you know my manor's ill , my manor's ill!

We’ve had it with you politicians
you bloody rich kids never listen
There’s no such thing as broken Britain
we’re just bloody broke in Britain
What needs fixing is the system
not shop windows down in Brixton
Riots on the television
you can’t put us all in prison!

Oi! I said Oi!
What you looking at you little rich boy?
We’re poor round here, run home and lock your door!
Don’t come round here no more, you could get robbed for
real (yeah) because my manor's ill

My manor's ill
For real
Yeah you know my manor's ill , my manor's ill!



Ooh, I have an excuse to lose my nana virginity.

 

[kellyz_craic]

The first part of this post is curious. I've been thinking about it. I've never come across the idea of sex not being part of bdsm. Why would you do it otherwise? Just for the pleasure of trust alone? It also made me think of what else could happen when your tied up, other than pain. Like being stroked (awwww man I love being stroked with fingertips on my back and arms, it makes me go into that sort of trance and you never want it to end lol). But that's not sexual, and this is the wrong forum by a country mile

I don't get it either to be honest but I've always been in a committed relationship when I've got kinky (or in a relationship that I should be committed for tolerating, whatever your view ). But I think what midwestyankee is saying is that if sex has a lot of negative triggers for you, it might be better to explore your masochist/submissive side without putting sex into the equation. It might make you more able to trust the other person if you don't view the whole thing as another sordid transaction that impacts on your self worth.

I do agree that it will take you time and work to be able to trust again. Are there some baby steps you can take in your life to get your head around the idea of trust again?

I don't see how you can let someone hurt you and control you without a basic bond of trust. I wish I had something more helpful to tell you.

 

[Edith_UK]

Fuck me I just looked at your profile, your fit as fuck girl

 

[Edith_UK]

Just wanted to say thanks for the replies. I've learnt I aint nearly ready for this. And that I have no trust either and probably won't ever have.

Good luck to you all xxx

 

[DVS]

I'm not going to try to change your mind, because you know better than anybody how difficult all of this would be. But, I do hope you will keep an open mind about it, because the longer you stay one way, you are more likely to remain that way. Not doing anything is always easier than doing something, but you don't gain from it.

Some day, I hope you feel it's possible to revisit this trust thing. The future might provide options where you'll see things differently. If it does, I hope you'll take advantage of it.

Until then, hang around and join in on other conversations. I know we'd enjoy your company, and I hope you'd enjoy ours.

 

[Babyslave]

Just wanted to say thanks for the replies. I've learnt I aint nearly ready for this. And that I have no trust either and probably won't ever have.

Good luck to you all xxx

Trust has always been a HUGE issue for me. Until recently, I've trusted one person in my life completely. My father. Who, saved my life, literally. Everyone else? They get a slice of me, no one got the all of me. Not even the man who held my heart.

But, with lots and lots of communication and time, I've learned it is possible to trust, to open oneself, if even for brief periods of time. It didn't happen overnight. It took much time, and support from my friends here, as well as some in my everyday life. It was a leap of faith, and I was scared out of my freaking mind, but I did it. And I have no regrets. I know what I wanted to have, I knew what was inside me. I had to know if the reality could be as good as my dreams. Short answer? Oh, yes.

As DVS says, and you CAN trust his words.... read, learn, look inside yourself. Give yourself the chance to consider, to dip a toe in. If this is something you are truly interested in, it's worth not closing yourself off to it, completely or forever. Nor am I trying to talk you into anything. I just don't want you to not believe in YOURSELF or what you want to have.

I'm not going to try to change your mind, because you know better than anybody how difficult all of this would be. But, I do hope you will keep an open mind about it, because the longer you stay one way, you are more likely to remain that way. Not doing anything is always easier than doing something, but you don't gain from it.

Some day, I hope you feel it's possible to revisit this trust thing. The future might provide options where you'll see things differently. If it does, I hope you'll take advantage of it.

Until then, hang around and join in on other conversations. I know we'd enjoy your company, and I hope you'd enjoy ours.

Sir? I know this isn't the time or place, but I've not told you lately how much I adore you. I LOVE and lust over your wickedness. But I adore the man as well.

 

[Edith_UK]

I'm not going to try to change your mind, because you know better than anybody how difficult all of this would be. But, I do hope you will keep an open mind about it, because the longer you stay one way, you are more likely to remain that way. Not doing anything is always easier than doing something, but you don't gain from it.

Some day, I hope you feel it's possible to revisit this trust thing. The future might provide options where you'll see things differently. If it does, I hope you'll take advantage of it.

Until then, hang around and join in on other conversations. I know we'd enjoy your company, and I hope you'd enjoy ours.

Cheers yer.

Things is this DVS mate. I realised after I were out Friday night and were a bit muddled up yesterday the way this could go horribly wrong for me. Imagine I go through with it to some degree, there's some pain, maybe I cum but most important I just don't switch, I'm there. Then suddenly it's overwhelming, I safeword out and I curl up n cry.

Not pretty crying. Ugly hard grief. For friends I've lost, all my mates, rest in peace. For the shit I've seen. Rage against every man who paid to fuck me, bought me as a younger person, for my loss, for what could have been different yer?

And far from wanting *sex* lol, I can't bear him to touch me. Or worse I feel disgusted with him and myself. How would you feel stood there, what would you do? Would you feel cheated, angry, like I owed you shit, you got a hard on and we're half way through. Cos my fear yer, my fear is then having to punt when I'm vulnerable like that. You get me?

You say, you turn away from this and it gets a little harder to change. I don't wanna spend the rest of my life never having taken a risk to FEEL summat. But also I ain't stupid and I know this is dangerous (and not in a glamorous way).

 

[kellyz_craic]

Cheers yer.

Things is this DVS mate. I realised after I were out Friday night and were a bit muddled up yesterday the way this could go horribly wrong for me. Imagine I go through with it to some degree, there's some pain, maybe I cum but most important I just don't switch, I'm there. Then suddenly it's overwhelming, I safeword out and I curl up n cry.

Not pretty crying. Ugly hard grief. For friends I've lost, all my mates, rest in peace. For the shit I've seen. Rage against every man who paid to fuck me, bought me as a younger person, for my loss, for what could have been different yer?

And far from wanting *sex* lol, I can't bear him to touch me. Or worse I feel disgusted with him and myself. How would you feel stood there, what would you do? Would you feel cheated, angry, like I owed you shit, you got a hard on and we're half way through. Cos my fear yer, my fear is then having to punt when I'm vulnerable like that. You get me?

You say, you turn away from this and it gets a little harder to change. I don't wanna spend the rest of my life never having taken a risk to FEEL summat. But also I ain't stupid and I know this is dangerous (and not in a glamorous way).

It will break you down in that moment but what that does is release all the pent up grief and rage inside you. It may be that safewording out and sobbing leave you feeling like a new woman. It may be that it leaves you feeling wretched and experiencing the the negative feelings you've kept corked all this time. You will need that bond of trust because you will be so very vulnerable when you do let go. So I don't think this is something you're ready for now, or that many men would be able to handle.

I think it might help you to find something you can channel your anger into, like a sport or self defence class or something. I also think you should try to find some form of counselling and I think cognitive behavioural therapy would help you. It's not about sitting weeping and wailing or talking endlessly about your past. It's about finding practical coping mechanisms for stumbling blocks in your life like this. See if your GP can refer you to someone open-minded, who won't judge your punting or your desire for kink. You haven't trusted in so long that you don't know how and I think a good therapist will help you to be able to make steps towards building trust, to show you how instead of just sitting there telling you it's what you need to do, like we are.

I do think though that if you're going to make this journey you should do it once you've quit punting for good. Maybe keep going with it until you've found a job?

 

[Scotsman69]

You know I wish you well Edie. I just wanted to say it in public.

 

[Edith_UK]

It will break you down in that moment but what that does is release all the pent up grief and rage inside you. It may be that safewording out and sobbing leave you feeling like a new woman. It may be that it leaves you feeling wretched and experiencing the the negative feelings you've kept corked all this time. You will need that bond of trust because you will be so very vulnerable when you do let go. So I don't think this is something you're ready for now, or that many men would be able to handle.

I think it might help you to find something you can channel your anger into, like a sport or self defence class or something. I also think you should try to find some form of counselling and I think cognitive behavioural therapy would help you. It's not about sitting weeping and wailing or talking endlessly about your past. It's about finding practical coping mechanisms for stumbling blocks in your life like this. See if your GP can refer you to someone open-minded, who won't judge your punting or your desire for kink. You haven't trusted in so long that you don't know how and I think a good therapist will help you to be able to make steps towards building trust, to show you how instead of just sitting there telling you it's what you need to do, like we are.

I do think though that if you're going to make this journey you should do it once you've quit punting for good. Maybe keep going with it until you've found a job?

Cheers Kells, I box y'know. Mostly just training. Sometimes sparring. Great for anger management Cross, cross, hook then undercut you motherfucker

Dunno about all that talking shit. Not really up for it. Although CBT seems best of a bunch. I've dealt with my past in my own way- mainly by getting shitfaced drunk with the right folk. I hate bloody doctors and therapists and social workers and drug workers and all that shit. Fuck em.

Your right about leaving it til I'm ready tho x

 

[His_pet_slut]

Just stopping in to wish you well, whatever you decide.

For me, the trust to turn over my body for the physical parts...the sex, floggings, etc was the easy part. Turning over my mind and more? Ah, that was the difficult part. Still is to a degree. But...oh so worth it in the long run.

 

[AlwaysPale]

Edith, definitely not until *you* are ready! And submitting...does not mean doormat.

I lie on rugs, I do not imitate them. Unless ordered to . Take a breath, and really think.

Yes, scenes break down mental walls. This can be a good thing. Or it can be very, very bad. You're right to be cautious. Scenes are much more intimate than sex...the good ones, anyway.

It all comes to trust, honestly. Yeah, I know. I've lost count of how often that word was mentioned, too. But it really does. And the pros of using a pro (groan), is that if you don't want physical intimacy...they won't cross that. Even better if they have their RN. They are trained to gauge a body's response, and will back down when your health requires it...even if you think you can take more. And they won't skimp on aftercare, if you need it.

The good point of using someone you know is...you know them and they're more than likely free. The downside is...if you get in over your head, neither of you might know how to fix things.

And let's face it...the world needs a gritty in-your-face-gutsy attitude like yours. Don't endanger that.

 

[Edith_UK]

Cheers girls.

Why're they called scenes? Cos people are kinda acting in them?

 

[Scotsman69]

Don't know why they're called that, but no. There's no acting in a scene. The most profound intimacy, that's all.

 

[DVS]

In my opinion, some scenes do include some acting. It depends on how you live your BDSM life, and what kind of kinks interest you. Some kinks can only be simulated and that is acting. It's not just acting, because each participant enjoys his or her role in the scene in a sexual way.

in the case of play rape or simulated rape, you can't make it totally real, or someone could get hurt. So, there is some acting involved. A real rape wouldn't have the rapist being concerned about the victim's safety, but in the simulated rape, that is a part of the rapist's job.

I enjoy tying my submissives up, but that's just the beginning. I also enjoy using certain phrases to create a bit of a fever of fear in the sub's mind...sort of a mental image of what is going to happen. I can make the situation larger than life and heighten the sexual tension for her. In fact, if I can talk a good talk, a lot of my job is done. After she's in that state of mind, just touching her lightly in a sensual way can be all it takes to send her over the edge...or just to it, if that's what I want.

Sometimes that image incorporates a blindfold and so she only knows what I tell her. I can have a 5 inch dildo that I use on her, but, I can tell her that dildo is 8 inches long and very thick. Then, if I'm good enough at creating that mental image in her mind, she will think that dildo is actually as large as I say it is. There is acting in some parts of BDSM. At least there is for me.

 

[Edith_UK]

Fucking HELL, DVS

 

[DVS]

Fucking HELL, DVS

It just takes the right guy and a little trust, Edith. Keep a look out for a worth while guy. There are some out there. But take your time and do it when the time is right for you. There's no hurry. I'm sure the world will wait.