Trust

[LukkyKnight]

I got a very thoughtful email today, which resonated with my mood.

After thinking about it I decided I'd share the meaty part of it here even though it's been said in some way, shape, or form more than once. In a discussion about how once trust has been shattered it can be hard to re-establish, in addition to reminding me that sometimes it's worth it to keep trying, came the following:

"Sometimes it's a situation where we have to let go (so hard to do - I am going through the letting go process myself right now). The lesson I am learning right now is to trust that all that happened is for the best and that even better things are on my horizon. If I don't envision that, I have no chance for it to materialize...

So, why share with you a note which says sometimes you have to keep on, sometimes you have to let go? What does it clarify?

For me it was a useful reminder that it is human nature to struggle with how much, when, and who to trust, and that others are pondering it tonight, too. Nice to have company, sometimes.

Thanks.

 

[alexandraaah]

hmmmmmmmm..

always, with the warm fuzzies from Lukky.

 

[*bratcat*]

 

[cellis]

It is strange that you would post this here tonight, Lukky.

This was my lesson for the day.

I am my own worst enemy, sometimes... envisioning the worst of worst case senarios... when most times that is very far removed from the truth...

For me trusting is not an easy thing to do... whether it is trusting that things are not as bad as they seem, or that what I thought was the truth was, in fact, the opposite...

What I am trying to say is that all of this just pointed out to me that I need to work on drawing those things to me that are good and positive, trust the process that they will happen, and be open to accepting them when they do...

 

[Jacqline]

Another thing I believe is that everything happens just the way it is supposed to............I feel that, by giving each other support, we are reinforcing trust.

Yes, there are different degrees of trust and different kinds of relationships. In order for any relationship to flourish, trust has to be there. The more I talk about it, the more I reinforce the need for me to open up to it..............

 

[LukkyKnight]

In order for any relationship to flourish, trust has to be there.

So true. Thank you, Jacqline.

In lieu of foolproof formulas for knowing when enough is too much, I do find it re-assuring to know that it's not only me that doesn't always know the way to be sure.

I think I'll sleep on that.

 

[cymbidia]

It seems, Lukky, that when trust has been harshly breached, it often takes some time to accept that the one we've trusted has repudiated our caring in such a callous manner. It seems impossible that they could have dismissed us so easily, at the beginning, and we frantically search for reasons why it cannot be so.

Later we get angry. We get pissed off at them for shattering the trust that lay between us like spun glass dreams, and then at ourselves, too, for offering our trust to someone who was unworthy. Anger permeates our lives, our emotions, and colors our interactions with everyone, not just the guilty party.

After that, i am told, comes calm acceptance of what happened and the ability to look past the hurt to what lies beyond.

That last part sounds good.
I'd like to be there now.

Alas, we all have to move through the stages at whatever speed is right for us, i've learned.

 

[Guest]

 

[Desdemona]

LK, my friend, you are not alone. Many of us struggle with trust issues in our relationships. Especially if you've been burned in the past, its hard to know how far to trust someone and when to listen to that little voice whispering insistently in your ear that danger is near.

I think its a learning process in each new relationship. Trust blossoms with open communication and founders in the silence of fear. The problem is, fear is a common response if we've been badly hurt.

It takes lots of courage to face the fear of new pain and open up the channels of communication upon which trusting relationships are built. I struggle with this every day.

 

[sexylilmissie]

re trust

Reading everyone elses responces brought a conversation to mind a conversation I had with my aunt about 8 years ago now while doing crafts at one of our yearly family get togethers.

My aunt had a kidney disease that had rendered her almost completly blind, both of her legs below the knee had been amputated, her daughter had committed suicide three months earlier as well as many other problems.

As I watched her paint spots on a ladybug the size of a quarter I had to ask her how she managed to stay so upbeat and positive about her life when so many things seemed to be stacked up against her. She turned to me and said "Whenever I get depressed I just think about the people who are worse off than I am"

After that I have no choice but to stay positive because my life is 20 times as good as hers was.

 

[Jacqline]

Re: re trust

Reading everyone elses responces brought a conversation to mind a conversation I had with my aunt about 8 years ago now while doing crafts at one of our yearly family get togethers.

My aunt had a kidney disease that had rendered her almost completly blind, both of her legs below the knee had been amputated, her daughter had committed suicide three months earlier as well as many other problems.

As I watched her paint spots on a ladybug the size of a quarter I had to ask her how she managed to stay so upbeat and positive about her life when so many things seemed to be stacked up against her. She turned to me and said "Whenever I get depressed I just think about the people who are worse off than I am"

After that I have no choice but to stay positive because my life is 20 times as good as hers was.

My Mom went through pretty much the same thing as your aunt did (before her passing). She was the bravest woman I have ever met.........No matter what she went through, she never lost her sense of humor. The nurses used to fight over who got to take care of her. Having her in my life is one of the things I bless every day of my life.

I have to trust that I have learned from her example and, no matter how much I have been hurt, I will never give up on human nature............

 

[Georgia Girl]

In my opinion........

as stated by others trust is in fact earned but I take what LK said I suppose maybe a step further.

I am an open person, its who I am and all I know to be, sometimes this makes it easy to trample on me but I won't stop or change just because others don't have the same values or morals that I do.

Each person that crosses the pathway of our life does so for a reason, some trace of them is left behind as they go. It may not be right then that we see what we gained from our time with them but there is something. We can't allow these small injuries to the soul to stop us from believing in the good.

At the worst of times I recall Anne Frank stating that she still believed in the good in people. If in spite of all the turmoil that was around her, in my simple little life I think I can manage to shore up my spirit enough to venture forth once more.

Dawn

 

[Ishmael]

Life deals us breaches of trust. Some unexpected and unearned, others we bring upon ourselves.

Regardless, I find that there is a concious healing process that must take place. After betrayal of the worst sort, we do not automatically wake up some morning and say "I'm going to trust again." The wide eyed wonderment of the child is gone.

But at least acknowledging that the problem is there is a step forward.

Ishmael

 

[LukkyKnight]

LK, my friend, you are not alone. Many of us struggle with trust issues issues...

Yeah, I don't even feel alone at this point, Des, but there's an echo of Georgia Girl's observation bouncing 'round my soul as this week draws to an end, so I thought I'd tug some of the board into this topic since I believe it touches almost everybody here...

Timely reminder by Georgia Girl
Each person that crosses the pathway of our life does so for a reason, some trace of them is left behind as they go. It may not be right then that we see what we gained from our time with them

I am holding to the belief that there is no way today to have my perspective correct while still dealing with a fresh disappointment. I'm not saying I didn't contribute to the rift (quite the opposite, in fact.)

I'm saying I'm saddened.

I'm saying it's hard to watch without feeling remorse and wondering if a chapter has ended or a story has.

I'm saying sometimes the only way that I know how to sort through the emotional tides is for me to write or talk about it, and hoping this place serves that function for others as well.

 

[Ladybird]

"Sometimes it's a situation where we have to let go (so hard to do - I am going through the letting go process myself right now). The lesson I am learning right now is to trust that all that happened is for the best and that even better things are on my horizon. If I don't envision that, I have no chance for it to materialize...

While some have talked about trust for each other, I think the paragraph refers to a different type of trust.

It talks about fate, the idea that all things happen for a reason.

This kind of trust is the hardest, because it calls for blind faith. To accept what has occurred, even though we may not understand why at the time.

I've found when I've trusted fate like this, days, weeks or even months later I've been shown that all happened for the best.

Trust... trust that fate is working on our behalf.

Is it fate though... or is it a higher power?

Regardless, we still need to trust.

 

[Guest]

Trust...so fragile yet a strong, bonding force. Comforting when it's present, and painful when ellusive....

 

[SempreAngela]

*Shaking head* I trusted, over and over and each time was shown that my trust was misplaced by the same person. I forgave, over and over until finally I knew that some things are not meant to be forgiven. I loved, over and over until I knew that in order for there to be love it has to be reciprocated and in this case it was not.

Over the years I thought I knew this person. "Respect" was a topic of many of our conversations together as well as "trust". But both of those values were a one way street. He simply was not willing to give what he demanded that he receive.

I do not hate this person, I never could. And I will not stop trusting others or allowing them into my life as I once thought that I would because of the things that transpired between this man and myself. As I sit here today reviewing the aftermath of it all, I can't help but smile at the good that came out of it and that the good overshadows the bad.

Do not let one relationship sour you on trust, LukkyKnight, you just have to be willing to give what you receive. You may want to look into yourself and see if you did this, really did this. That is what I am doing today and will continue to do so until I get it all in perspective. And then it is on to living, really living. Take care, be well and prosper. Now where have I heard that before?

 

[Jacqline]

I got a very thoughtful email today, which resonated with my mood.

After thinking about it I decided I'd share the meaty part of it here even though it's been said in some way, shape, or form more than once. In a discussion about how once trust has been shattered it can be hard to re-establish, in addition to reminding me that sometimes it's worth it to keep trying, came the following:

"Sometimes it's a situation where we have to let go (so hard to do - I am going through the letting go process myself right now). The lesson I am learning right now is to trust that all that happened is for the best and that even better things are on my horizon. If I don't envision that, I have no chance for it to materialize...

Ok Ladybird,

I confess this quote is from my email. My feeling is that, if I can't trust myself and my higher power (guide or whatever you want to refer to the entity as), then how could I even think of being able to trust someone in a relationship to the degree that I wish?
In my book, the trust needs to come from here first..........Just my opinion..................

 

[erosman]

Trust is often letting go of fear. Breeched or disappointed trust reintroduces the fear. Fear can silently nourish our doubts and anxieties. Even as I type these characters I struggle to trust my thoughts - first thoughts - and experiences. The fear of rejection or invisibility whispers to my doubts, who in turn shout down the trust that I feel in my inner voice.
The battle for trust is often fought with fear.

 

[MorgaineLaFay]

Trust...I think the same...you have to let go of fears to trust. For me I have to trust someone, jus tone person...because some days I can't trust myself...my heart...my mind...I'll never lie to friends but I am a hell of a liar to myself.

 

[erosman]

I think a primary motivator for me is fear. I know that is sad, but true. Sometimes my expectations of myself are so high, that my fear of success is easy to embrace. Trusting myself to normal expectations is part of the battle - letting go of the comfortable fear and just being myself. It is easier to accept rejection when I see my failure, and my failure is easy to measure when the expectations are unattainable.

Letting go of the fear, and trusting can be difficult.

 

[scrymettet]

Trust for me is a plant. You have to seed it before it is blooming. You cannot expect receiving without giving first. I may sound naïve but when deceived, I count it as the price I had paid for the lesson and I go on.
A rolled hegdehog doesn’t go far.

 

[Jacqline]

I think a primary motivator for me is fear. I know that is sad, but true. Sometimes my expectations of myself are so high, that my fear of success is easy to embrace. Trusting myself to normal expectations is part of the battle - letting go of the comfortable fear and just being myself. It is easier to accept rejection when I see my failure, and my failure is easy to measure when the expectations are unattainable.

Letting go of the fear, and trusting can be difficult.

I understand where you are coming from........I lived there most of my life: I was afraid to succeed (I made sure I sabbotaged it if it looked like I was getting there), and I was afraid to fail........no matter what, I feared it.

It is only since I realized that, (for me anyway) I have to trust. Yes, sometimes I get hurt because the trust I placed in someone was misplaced............I have to brush myself off and start over, making sure I look at the next person as a new individual and don't project past hurts onto them. I guess what I am trying to say is that I need to take a calculated risk (look at the person for their beliefs and heart) and trust..........if they blow it, I will discuss it, let them know how it affected me, what I need in the future as far as trust goes, and let them know there's only one more shot. I may be tolerant, but I am not stupid.

Without trust, no relationship can flourish.............
(This includes our relationship with ourselves.......we need to cut ourselves some slack as well.......sometimes we are much harder on ourselves than anyone else.)

 

[patient1]

I am often criticised for saying so, but I truly believe that the only person you can totally rely upon and trust is yourself. It doesn't mean that I don't trust others, of course I do. Just not completely. At the end of the day, we are all born alone, and we all die alone.

The end of the day may be sooner than I think, but you can trust me to put it off until the day after tommorrow when I could be here instead.

 

[mistyc]

To me trust is a very hard lesson to learn. Till I was 4 I believed in trust. Had the trust of family to look after me. When that was torn from me, so was the trust.

42 years later and I am still trying to re-apply trust into my life. I trust 3 people completely and they are my kids. I have entrusted myself into their hands, and they have not let me down. As for my husband, he trusts me to raise our kids, but he will not trust his heart into my keeping. Besides he entrusted his heart to another many years ago. He stays for the love of our children, that is our bond to each other.

People take trust for granted. But when it is wripped from you it is only then you realize how important it is. I feel it is more important than love, because how can you love whole heartedly when there is no trust. You can't!

I have trust in the Creator, for only he knows my weaknesses, of which there are plenty. He gives me lessons to overcome them, but it may take me many lessons to learn.

I hide behind a facade that I hope hides the real me. As I have no trust or faith in myself, I cannot allow to let anyone close. I am a loner by fear rather than choice.