Trust Issues

[LittleBitMagic]

Hi all,

I was wondering what to do.
The online relationship that I am in has been wonderful up to this point.
But now, things are progressing forward to a future together. One where he will come to meet me.

We have sent photos to each other, even to the point of sending nearly-nude ones. One problem that popped up first, was that he was having trouble with whether it was indeed myself in the pictures. Because I got a little on the shy side, and showed a partial face.

Now the next set of problems: After much discussion about the trust issues, he even doubts my name, my age, my location. He wants an IP address for location verification and a copy of my driver's license or passport. There was one other form, and I cannot remember what it was.

Now my question for you is: Where do I draw the line? Saying it is too invasive, too un-trusting? I am at my wit's end here. I can see being nervous that he is coming to meet me, but I have done nothing to raise his suspicions.

Any and all advice accepted and wanted!!

 

[LittleBitMagic]

One more thing..

The regular pictures I sent were all open, showing all my face.
Lots and lots of pictures sent to him.

The more personal ones were the more obscure ones.

 

[vin_26m]

This guy sounds more like a scammer and con artist.

Don't give him anything.

You would be a fool to do so.

 

[vin_26m]

Just to elaborate, if he knows your current address (from your license) then he can divert your mail, like bills, to another address.

After he does that, he can get even more information (credit card numbers) to exploit and/or start up new accounts that you won't be aware of.

Look up stuff about identity theft and you'll see his out of his mind.

Seriously, don't give him anything.

 

[SweetErika]

This guy sounds more like a scammer and con artist.

Don't give him anything.

You would be a fool to do so.

My thoughts exactly.

The issue of whether or not the pics you sent him are yours could quickly and easily be solved by you taking a pic holding a sign that says his full name, or whatever.

It's possible he refuses to trust you because he's been lying himself. Sometimes the biggest accusers are criminals themselves, you know?

Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who--at best--assumes you're lying from the start and refuses to trust you, even though you've proved yourself time and time again?

Any way you cut it, this guy sounds like trouble.

 

[shiny5437]

The issue of whether or not the pics you sent him are yours could quickly and easily be solved by you taking a pic holding a sign that says his full name, or whatever.

Or see this litster for inspiration:

http://forum.literotica.com/member.php?u=1086830

It does look a bit dodgy wanting all those details though. You could get creative though: scan your driving licence but photoshop out the day and month for your age, take a recent photo of yourself near a local landmark holding a recent newspaper.

But hey, if you're going to all that trouble then you have to question what's really going on. I met up with someone once after meeting on the internet and even though I know I'm not a psycho (not much) I was still stressing to the other person they should be doing all the internet safety bit. If he cares for you he wouldn't want you to be taking risks and insisting on seeing your details. In fact if he's visiting you, then you should be the one getting his info.

Take care.

 

[MisterSir]

The simplest solution I know of is taking a picture relatively close to what you've already shown, but write whatever screen name you're using on a Post-It or something and have that clearly visible in the frame. Writing it on yourself works just as well. It's a hell of a lot safer than giving a guy you don't really know some very personal information. Do not give him your IP address, because that can give him your location with little more than a Google search.

 

[fire_breeze]

There's trust issues, and then there's freakishly stalker-like behaviour. He sounds like he will be the latter.

*IF* you two are meeting, will you be meeting in your home? Does anyone else know, even if it's a close Lit friend (who would probably understand)? It is one thing to verify the identity, much like someone new you meet in a cafe, and it's entirely another to ask personal information that can seriously damage your financial being.

How long have you two been talking? Have you two voice verified? Have you to spoken to each other with on cam (and not necessarily sexual speaking)?

Whatever you do, don't give him your IP address nor your passport information. I shudder at the possibilities that information can be abused.

SweetErika said it best:

Any way you cut it, this guy sounds like trouble.

Good luck

 

[Nomadic_1]

Hi all,

I was wondering what to do.
The online relationship that I am in has been wonderful up to this point.
But now, things are progressing forward to a future together. One where he will come to meet me.

We have sent photos to each other, even to the point of sending nearly-nude ones. One problem that popped up first, was that he was having trouble with whether it was indeed myself in the pictures. Because I got a little on the shy side, and showed a partial face.

Now the next set of problems: After much discussion about the trust issues, he even doubts my name, my age, my location. He wants an IP address for location verification and a copy of my driver's license or passport. There was one other form, and I cannot remember what it was.
Now my question for you is: Where do I draw the line? Saying it is too invasive, too un-trusting? I am at my wit's end here. I can see being nervous that he is coming to meet me, but I have done nothing to raise his suspicions.

Any and all advice accepted and wanted!!

Read the bolded parts and if you have any questions you should not be on the computer unsupervised. You should have drawn the line when he asked for IP address and other forms of identification used for identity theft.

Also don't be surprised if you learn that your pics are all over the net.

 

[MisterSir]

In fairness, and I know I was arguing against it earlier, there's every chance he's not actually trying to scam you; he could easily just have some trust issues of his own but is going about solving the wrong way entirely. Link him to this thread, maybe he'll understand the problems about where he's coming from.

 

[LittleBitMagic]

Firstly,
Thanks all for the great advice. You all have said exactly what has been going on in my mind since the guy started asking all his odd questions. And yes I agree that they are odd!!

I knew all this down deep, but I just wanted an open and un-biased opinion. One besides my own.

I have absolutely refused to give out my IP address and my driver's license and my passport. That is a definite no-go for me and a big red stop sign right in my face.
I thought actually about taking more pictures close to landmarks, road signs, state signs...holding the paper up by my face. But I have since had a change of heart.
This is his trust issue. Not mine. He is sounding too stalker-like for me. I am leaving it behind.

So I am coming out bruised and worked-over feelings-wise, but better for it.

Thanks again to all of you.

 

[LittleBitMagic]

Thank you MisterSir

I had thought of that angle too. If that is the reason he has for his actions and questions, I do hope he can resolve it to keep his own feelings from being hurt in the future. And the feelings of the person who he gets involved with.

It saves a world of hurt.

Thanks again.

 

[MisterSir]

No problem, but can you get him to post here or something? I have some stuff I'd like to know myself.

 

[LittleBitMagic]

I can try that.
I will send him along an email with the suggestion to pop in on this thread.
We will see.

 

[LittleBitMagic]

Hi fire breeze,

Sorry, I don't know how to do a quote!

We have been taking for 8 months now. Voice-verified, over phone and internet messenger chats with voice.
As to the web cam, both had decided early on not to go for that, but we had since decided that it might be nice to say hello to each other there in a non-sexual way.

And yes, there are other people who know that we had planned to meet. And on the first few meetings, it would have been in a very public place.

*Sigh* I guess that is not to be now.

Thank you

 

[Nomadic_1]

Since you're so into sending pics, what about a few for us?

 

[NHPictureguy]

If he trusted you, then he wouldn't ask these questions.

He sounds like a big con artist and with identity theft all around, you sound like his next mark. I would end all contact with him NOW and put him on ignore in every account you have.

BE SAFE AND KEEP YOUR GUARD UP!

 

[Nomadic_1]

If he trusted you, then he wouldn't ask these questions.

He sounds like a big con artist and with identity theft all around, you sound like his next mark. I would end all contact with him NOW and put him on ignore in every account you have.

BE SAFE AND KEEP YOUR GUARD UP!

He could have already sent her a worm or Trojan horse in anyone of his email attachments, it might be to late.

 

[MisterSir]

We have been taking for 8 months now. Voice-verified, over phone and internet messenger chats with voice.

And yes, there are other people who know that we had planned to meet. And on the first few meetings, it would have been in a very public place.

Wait a tick, you've been in contact for eight months and have yet to meet face to face? Maybe it's just me, but I'm not sure somebody just interested in her for identity theft purposes would stick around for almost a year despite getting very little he can use. And, OK, he's gone about it in a thoroughly stupid way but...I don't know, scrapping the past eight months because he was an idiot and you're feeling concerned seems wasteful.

 

[LittleBitMagic]

Eeeek!

Okay, I am really afraid now! Trojan in my email?
*Off to do a full scan*

Thanks NHPictureguy, the fences are definitely up.

Nomadic_1, thanks I think I'll pass on the picture thing for now. But good heads-up on the worm possibility.

 

[rainbowgirl1028]

after reading through this whole thread, I just wanna say I'm glad you decided not to give him any of the stuff he was asking for. as another person said, cutting all contact with him now is the best thing to do. good luck; I'm here if you ever need someone to talk to.

 

[kaycee217]

Wait a tick, you've been in contact for eight months and have yet to meet face to face? Maybe it's just me, but I'm not sure somebody just interested in her for identity theft purposes would stick around for almost a year despite getting very little he can use. And, OK, he's gone about it in a thoroughly stupid way but...I don't know, scrapping the past eight months because he was an idiot and you're feeling concerned seems wasteful.

I was thinking the same thing as well, but what purpose would giving one's IP address and a copy of one's passport/driver's license accomplish from a trust standpoint? What fear does this guy have that would be abated by this very personal information?

 

[LittleBitMagic]

Wait a tick, you've been in contact for eight months and have yet to meet face to face? Maybe it's just me, but I'm not sure somebody just interested in her for identity theft purposes would stick around for almost a year despite getting very little he can use. And, OK, he's gone about it in a thoroughly stupid way but...I don't know, scrapping the past eight months because he was an idiot and you're feeling concerned seems wasteful.

Hmm,
Yes I too have thought of this.
I am really see-sawing back and forth here, but I have my guard up. Eyes wide open.
I will keep you all posted as to how it all works out. Time will tell.

 

[LittleBitMagic]

after reading through this whole thread, I just wanna say I'm glad you decided not to give him any of the stuff he was asking for. as another person said, cutting all contact with him now is the best thing to do. good luck; I'm here if you ever need someone to talk to.

Thanks,
I might need the ear.

kaycee, yes I agree. What purpose would all that serve, and I told him so.
Thanks

 

[MisterSir]

I was thinking the same thing as well, but what purpose would giving one's IP address and a copy of one's passport/driver's license accomplish from a trust standpoint? What fear does this guy have that would be abated by this very personal information?

That she's less likely to be a scammer, probably. Seeing a person's driving license gives you, over here at least, their real name, their age, their address and it's unlikely a scammer would be willing to give that out.