Trust-gaining/lost or other wise...

[ElusiveDream07]

Pardon, if I step in and ask a question. I have read online artical's about lifestyle relationship verse vanilla ones. To me both are very complex! Often time lifestyle relationsips are more front and deeper and get to root of wants and need much quicker then a vanilla one and vanilla may never truely touch you honest wants and feeling.

My question is this, how do you truely Trust someone to start with on that deep level, and or after being hurt in a lifestly relationship? Or be able to trust another...

Not just a scene, that is more a short term trust. I mean something more on a deeper relationship line. After all is what we all or /most seek is it not?

Any comments thought would be greatly appreiated.
~ElusiveDream~

 

[HottieMama]

Pardon, if I step in and ask a question. I have read online artical's about lifestyle relationship verse vanilla ones. To me both are very complex! Often time lifestyle relationsips are more front and deeper and get to root of wants and need much quicker then a vanilla one and vanilla may never truely touch you honest wants and feeling.

My question is this, how do you truely Trust someone to start with on that deep level, and or after being hurt in a lifestly relationship? Or be able to trust another...

Not just a scene, that is more a short term trust. I mean something more on a deeper relationship line. After all is what we all or /most seek is it not?

Any comments thought would be greatly appreiated.
~ElusiveDream~

i don't think that "trust" is just something you blindly have. i think it is built over time...step by step..and i think the more hurt you have been the longer it takes and the more patience it requires on the other person's part, if they truly want a "deeper relationship."

 

[Ebonyfire]

First of all, trust is a requirement for all relationships. I think that all men and women have had a relationship or relationships where trust was abused.

Only you can decide to grieve the loss of the relationship and move on. Once you move on, you can choose to learn from the experience or you can live in fear of being hurt again.

I believe that trust goes both ways in a D/s relationship. I, as the dominant have to trust that the submissive I am with is telling me the truth, and he as the submissive has to trust me to tell the truth also. There is a lot more to be said, but I am just too pooped to continue.

 

[ElusiveDream07]

thanks for the comments EbonyFire n HottieMama

Yes you are both correct....Guess when you FEEL that the trust is there, and is broken or that was a lie to begin with is very difficult.....I guess thats the point. Would seem that no matter how deep you try to get or careful you never really know. It can be shattered momentarily.

But at any rate thank you both for your comments

smiles have a wonderful evening

 

[HottieMama]

Yes you are both correct....Guess when you FEEL that the trust is there, and is broken or that was a lie to begin with is very difficult.....I guess thats the point. Would seem that no matter how deep you try to get or careful you never really know. It can be shattered momentarily.

YEP....this has been my life for the past week...

 

[Ebonyfire]

Yes you are both correct....Guess when you FEEL that the trust is there, and is broken or that was a lie to begin with is very difficult.....I guess thats the point. Would seem that no matter how deep you try to get or careful you never really know. It can be shattered momentarily.

But at any rate thank you both for your comments

smiles have a wonderful evening

You are welcome. I guess the bottom line I want to get across is this. You do not have any control over the other person, but you can control how you deal with things. I say never let someone steal your joy. That is what has kept me relatively sane and happy in life for 57 years.

Eb

 

[Pixiebbz]

Trust

Something my nan wud say is trust is the hardest thing to gain and the easiest thing to loose. Me, i have bn lied, hurt and deceived so many times i dnt trust at all. Meaningless relationships are the only things i get involved with. Guess what im haphazardly trying to spit at u is without trust a relationship has no meaning or future. x hope tht came out the way i meant it nd helps ya a bit xxx

 

[Softouch911]

I agree with the others, but ...

you don't "start" with trust ... you start with, hopefully, a bit of chemistry ... you try all that on for size and begin what some call "negotiation" -- others call it dating -- then you take a "risk" that the person is what you've gathered thus far ....

and then at some indeterminate time in the future you begin to trust, perhaps in one area ... and as time goes on and their actions match their words consistently, time after time, you learn to trust at the level you were talking about in the OP.

I was married for a number of years, more than the total of my fingers and toes, and learned time after time that my exwife was not to be trusted in many areas (no, she did not "cheat," but she couldn't be counted on to do what she said). I've been with My slave sub for two years now and learned to trust her in short order ... for the first time in my life.

Not so much different from other areas of life, right?

If you mean, however, "trust" as in ... should you let him use the whip on you? That's much easier: watch him play with others; get references from lifestyle folk who know and have experience; then have fun. But if there's a single red flag, my advice is always to run like hell.

Respectfully, ST

 

[SubKekiLee]

Trust

I think trust is something earned..... not given and espically in the lifestyle.. Like said before it is something that starts out small and you trust more and more until at such time you give all,, but one small error and it is all lost and how do you get it back..... I dont think that is easy......

 

[littlegirlslut]

YEP....this has been my life for the past week...

Mine too... I totally feel for you.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Trust is rarely an easy thing to deal with. For me, one of the most important steps is remembering to judge each relationship on it's own merits and try not to drag the baggage from previous encounters into the present.

Catalina

 

[FurryFury]

At the beginning of a relationship, how much trust can you have already built up? Not much really. You are just getting to know one another. Yet you press on despite being hurt because you have wants, you have a vision and you have hope. If you shut down, you don't just shut others out, you shut yourself out. That's my opinion.