*True Confessions*

[nrcma98]

Re: lines from star wars

'Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care what you smell!'
Episode 4

'Luke, at that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?'
Episode 4

'Put that thing away before you get us all killed.'
Episode 4

'You've got something jammed in here real good.'
Episode 4

'Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?'
Episode 4

'You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought.'
Episode 4

'Sorry about the mess...'
Episode 4

'Look at the size of that thing!'
Episode 4

'Curse my metal body, I wasn't fast enough!'
Episode 5

'She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid.'
Episode 4

'I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me.'
Episode 5

'Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you?'
Episode 5
'There's an awful lot of moisture in here.'
Episode 5

'But now we must eat. Come, good food, come...'
Episode 5

'That's okay, I'd like to keep it on manual control for a while.'
Episode 5

'Hurry up, golden-rod...'
Episode 5

'I must've hit it pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh kid?'
Episode 5

'Possible he came in through the south entrance.'
Episode 5

'And I thought they smelled bad on the outside!'
Episode 5

'Control, control! You must learn control!'
Episode 5

'Hey, point that thing someplace else.'
Episode 6

'I look forward to completing your training. In time you will call me master.'
Episode 6

'I never knew I had it in me.'
Episode 6

'There is good in him, I've felt it.'
Episode 6

'Hey, Luke, thanks for coming after me -- now I owe you one.'
Episode 6

'Back door, huh? Good idea!'
Episode 6

'She's gonna blow!'
Episode 6

'I think you'll fit in nicely.'
Episode 6

'Rise, my friend.'
Episode 6

'Wedge! Pull out! You're not doing any good back there!'
Episode 4

 

[Curious_Fem]

http://www.free4-all.co.uk/assets/images/HappyBirthdayJiggle.gif

Happiest of birthdays, Jeff. May this be your best year ever.

 

[nrcma98]

NG....glad you had a good time in NY.

I can't imagine meeting your mother NOT answering some questions for Nigel after having heard the tales.

 

[~Dream~]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEFF!!! WISHING YOU THE BEST OF EVERYTHING

 

[nrcma98]

http://www.free4-all.co.uk/assets/images/HappyBirthdayJiggle.gif

Happiest of birthdays, Jeff. May this be your best year ever.

Thank you, CF.

And not in this lifetime would I ever volunteer for a slumber party of 10 girls!!!

 

[Curious_Fem]

Thank you, CF.

And not in this lifetime would I ever volunteer for a slumber party of 10 girls!!!

You're welcome.

I never claimed to be sane, you know.

 

[Curious_Fem]

Of course this has probably been posted before, but I read it yesterday and was laughing out loud, so I had to share.


THE NEW 2004 EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK

BY “THE PRESIDENT”


SICK DAYS

We will no longer accept a doctor’s statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

PERSONAL DAYS

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

LUNCH BREAK

Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast.

DRESS CODE

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers and carrying a $600 Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives, or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

RESTROOM USE

Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the “Chronic Offenders” category.

Thank you for your loyalty. We are here to provide a positive employment experience.

 

[InLust]

An Arab and a Jewish Genie.....

An Arab had spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source of water. It got so bad that his camel died of thirst. He crawled through the sands, certain that he was breathing his last breath when suddenly, he saw a shiny object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him. He crawled to the object, pulled it out of the sand, and discovered that he had a Manischewitz wine bottle.


It appeared that there may be a drop or two left in the bottle, so he unscrewed the top and out pops a genie......


BUT this is no ordinary genie. This genie appeared to be a Chasidic Rabbi, complete with black alpaca coat, black hat, side curls, tzitzies (prayer shawl).


"Vell kid," said the genie. "You know how it voiks. You got three
wishes."


I'm not going to trust you,' says the Arab. "I'm not going to trust a Jewish genie!" "Whatt'ya you got to lose? Looks ta me - you're a gonner anyvay!"


The Arab thought about this for a minute, and decided that the genie was right. "Okay, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plentiful food and drink."


* * * * * * P O O F * * * * * * * * *


The Arab found himself in the most beautiful oasis he had ever seen and he was surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.


"Okee-dokee kiddo, vat's your second vish?"


"My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams."


* * * * * P O O F * * * * * *


The Arab found himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare old coins and precious gems.


"Okay kid, you gotsa just one more vish. Better should make it a good one!"


After thinking for a few minutes, the Arab says, "I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will always need and want me!!!"


* * * * * * * P O O F * * * * * *


He is turned into a tampon.


THE MORAL OF THE STORY:


If you do business with a Jewish genie, there's going to be a string attached.

 

[1fiestyredhead]

Happy Birthday Jeff! Here's hoping you blew out all of the candles and that your birthday wishes come true.

My son is back with his dad, my daughter is safely off to college and it's too damn quiet in this apartment!!
And it's not fair that the new man in my life is working this crazy shift...a girl has needs!! *sigh* I need to buy new toys.

 

[gina3]

Happy Birthday Jeff! Here's hoping you blew out all of the candles and that your birthday wishes come true.

My son is back with his dad, my daughter is safely off to college and it's too damn quiet in this apartment!!
And it's not fair that the new man in my life is working this crazy shift...a girl has needs!! *sigh* I need to buy new toys.

Yes- HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEETIE

 

[InLust]

Sorry Jeff.....I seemed to have forgotten to send along Birthday wishes

Happy Birthday!!!!!

 

[Toyman]

And it's not fair that the new man in my life is working this crazy shift...a girl has needs!! *sigh* I need to buy new toys. [/B][/QUOTE]


Batteries Fiesty Don't forget the Batteries....... and spares!...... awww hell just get those 15 minute rechargeables isn't that as close to a man as you can get except they last longer than 10 initially......

(help me make 100 posts today!)

 

[Curious_Fem]

Originally posted by Toyman
(help me make 100 posts today!)

You've been here 4 years and you don't have an AV yet?!?! Slacker!

 

[Toyman]

See that you make an honest admission to having kept quiet and played with yourself and out come the names....

Thanks for stroking cf.

 

[Curious_Fem]

See that you make an honest admission to having kept quiet and played with yourself and out come the names....

Thanks for stroking cf.

Always glad to help, Toyman.

 

[Curious_Fem]

I just got the best news..... I finally got the job I interviewed for months ago!

*dancing in my chair*

Promotion and a raise.... yippeeeeeeeeeee.

 

[Toyman]

Congrats Cf can I help ya celebrate. You know in the navy the newly promoted had to buy every one else beer.....

 

[Curious_Fem]

Thanks Toyman. Oh absolutely, you can help. Men with toys are very special in my book.

You can have that beer, just don't be offended if I don't join in. Beer is nasty.

 

[tonitits]

I just got the best news..... I finally got the job I interviewed for months ago!

*dancing in my chair*

Promotion and a raise.... yippeeeeeeeeeee.

congratulations CF, way to go!

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. Take care.

 

[Toyman]

Oh curious I know beers that taste like champagne. You'd be surprised what I could wetten your lips with.

I agree with you Toys can be the best when shared together. I really wish i could afford some of the remote control ones. Oh the possibilities.

 

[Curious_Fem]

Thanks Toni.

Oh Toyman. If I didn't have a raging headache I could probably come up with a very naughty response to your last post. But as it is now, I must try to get rid of this headache now before I go crazy.

Good luck getting to 100 posts today.

 

[DreamOfSun]

Congratulations, Fem!


Looks like things are coming together for a lot of people... now it is Fiesty's turn!

 

[Curious_Fem]

Congratulations, Fem!


Looks like things are coming together for a lot of people... now it is Fiesty's turn!

Thank you, sweets.

Yes, now it's Fiesty's turn! Have you started your job yet?

And I forgot to give my congrats to Lusty for her scholarship! Congrats to you!

 

[DreamOfSun]

Yes, now it's Fiesty's turn! Have you started your job yet?

Monday is the big day.

 

[Curious_Fem]

Monday is the big day.

Toes and fingers are crossed for you. I'll even throw in a little chair dance.