*True Confessions*

[Wintermute]

I wasn't uncomfortable until you groped me.




I got wood


LMAO

I didn't grope you, you were grinding your groin into my hip!

I got the shrivles. The little monster is *still* hiding.

 

[Wintermute]

No confessions following the pic????

Damn the luck

Never mess with your girls while they're working.

 

[nrcma98]

Never mess with your girls while they're working.

Sound advice.....Could have given them a 5 minute break


There's a reason they call it a blow job.


Work ethic. Make the act feel (re)productive.

 

[nrcma98]

There is nothing singular about that.

Be nice or no spankings for you.

 

[Wintermute]

Sound advice.....Could have given them a 5 minute break

There's a reason they call it a blow job.

Work ethic. Make the act feel (re)productive.

Truth be told they are both really good friends of mine. I haven't dated either one so that explains why we've been friends for so long. Both of their boyfriends were there, in fact, one of them took the picture. LOL

 

[tonitits]

Thanks Winzy and sunnygirl!! It feels so very good to feel this amazing feeling in my heart.

Jenny, my thoughts are with you as Oman is away. Just blanket yourself with his love and it will see you through!!

Fiesty, so glad to hear that the date went well. You are such an amazing woman and to watch you grow these last few years has been a beautiful thing. I admire your strength and character.

Hiya Mayi, Toni and Oman and anyone else who stops in!

Hi Jewelz. Hope you and everyone has a wonderful weekend.

 

[nrcma98]

Hi Jewelz. Hope you and everyone has a wonderful weekend.

You too, Toni

 

[nrcma98]

The Train Ride

A man and a woman, who have never met before, find themselves assigned to


the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.


Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two are tired and fall asleep quickly ... he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.


At 1 a.m., he leans over and gently wakes the woman saying, "Miss, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."


"I have a better idea," she replies. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."


"Wow! That's a great idea!!" he exclaims.


"Good," she replies. "Get your own damn blanket!"


After a moment of silence, he farted.

 

[omahaman2]

Am I actually here when someone else is???

 

[nrcma98]

Am I actually here when someone else is???

I won't tell if you won't.

LOL

 

[omahaman2]

I asked my jenny, "Where do you want to go for our dinner?" She said, "Somewhere I have never been!" I told her, "How about the kitchen?"

 

[InLust]

*groan*...that's pretty bad......but kinda cute too in it's own way

 

[Wintermute]

Have a great weekend TCer's!

 

[nrcma98]

I asked my jenny, "Where do you want to go for our dinner?" She said, "Somewhere I have never been!" I told her, "How about the kitchen?"

I tried to find a refridgerator to match my dishwasher, but they didn't have any with short hair.

 

[tonitits]

You too, Toni

Thanks Jeff!

 

[mayi]

just finished reading the post-a-thon..............

okay to tired to comment other then SWEET JUGS

 

[InLust]

Did you ever wonder....

1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE

2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

3. OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?

4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?

5. There are three religious truths:
a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.

6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

7. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

8. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?

11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

12. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

13. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

14. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

15. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

16. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me they're cramming for their final exam.

17. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks , so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? toothpicks?

18. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

19. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

20. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

22. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?

23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

 

[nrcma98]

Re: Did you ever wonder....

1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE

--SNIP--

I ponder these very questions on a daily basis.

 

[omahaman2]

more to ponder

When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?


When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?


Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?


If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?


If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff?


Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?


If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?


If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?


Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?


If God dropped acid, would he see people?


How is it possible to have a civil war?

If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?


If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?


If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times, does he become disoriented?


What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?


If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?


Would a fly without wings be called a walk?


Is there another word for synonym?


What was the best thing before sliced bread?


Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?


If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?


Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?


If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?



Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?


Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?


One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.


Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?


Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

 

[SuperShyGuy]

Re: more to ponder

When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

It goes to the government of course.



If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
Actually this is one of the longest running fallacies around. Darwin never said we came from apes, he said we came from "ape-like creatures", the political cartoonists of the day ran with it and the rest is history.

Wow, I'm answering rhetorical questions now, lol. Good morning all.

 

[SuperShyGuy]

(((SSG))) My heart aches as I read your words. I know all too well what you are feeling, as I have felt that before. I am so sorry you are dealing with such emotional pain. I wish I could say or do something to ease it, maybe knowing you are in my prayers and that your TC family believes in you will help. As hard as it is, try to remember that this is just a speedbump in your life's journey and that you can and will shine. Ive learned that by creating my own happy experiences, that the sorrow became less and less. We all struggle, you are not alone darlin. Try your damnedest not to be defeated. You are much bigger than the evil that is trying to hold you down. Do not surrender. Keep on keeping on. Reach for the moon because even if you miss, you will still land among the stars. And one of my favorite quotes ever is:

The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears. ~ John Vance Cheney

Allow yourself to muster through this process of pain, mental chaos and heart ache but if it is not conducive to your growing and leading you to some life lesson and an ultimate inner peace, you must not surrender to it. You will get through this. I believe in you.

Thank you Jewelz. I just need to take things one day at a time, one problem at a time, and work my way out of this.

 

[tonitits]

Re: more to ponder

When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?


When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?


Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?


If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?


If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff?


Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?


If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?


If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?


Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?


If God dropped acid, would he see people?


How is it possible to have a civil war?

If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?


If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?


If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times, does he become disoriented?


What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?


If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?


Would a fly without wings be called a walk?


Is there another word for synonym?


What was the best thing before sliced bread?


Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?


If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?


Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?


If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?



Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?


Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?


One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.


Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?


Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

lmao! I have seen some of those before, but some are hilarious! Things that make you go hmmmmmmmm!

 

[omahaman2]

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.

Banning the bra was a big flop.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

A pessimist's blood type is always B-negative.

My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln time.

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

Without geometry, life is pointless.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

If electricity comes from electrons... does that mean that morality comes from morons?

 

[tonitits]

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.

Banning the bra was a big flop.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

A pessimist's blood type is always B-negative.

My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln time.

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

Without geometry, life is pointless.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

If electricity comes from electrons... does that mean that morality comes from morons?

hehehe

 

[dansretreat]

Ummm....did they change the name of this thread from True Confessions to Totally Corny????

(p.s. - I loved the one about the 4 out of 5 people with diahrrea. )