*True Confessions*

[ride_the_horsey]

Not a confession(I've been an angel ) but thought you all might enjoy this joke


An airline's passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone into a good mood as he served them food and drinks.

As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and announced to the passengers, "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, lovely people, so if you could just put up your trays that would be super."

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a well-dressed rather exotic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."

She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess. I take orders from no one." To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country, I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, bitch."

 

[InLust]

POP!!!!!

hey IL......are you surviving the weather?

It's not bad here. We were expecting to spend the weekend riding out Katrina, but she went much further west than predicted.......we have pretty much normal weather. New Orleans on the other hand is in deep doodoo.

 

[InLust]

Not a confession(I've been an angel ) but thought you all might enjoy this joke


An airline's passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone into a good mood as he served them food and drinks.

As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and announced to the passengers, "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, lovely people, so if you could just put up your trays that would be super."

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a well-dressed rather exotic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."

She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess. I take orders from no one." To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country, I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, bitch."

LOL

 

[InLust]

Here are some good definitions and answers to your health care questions:



Q. What does HMO stand for?
A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "HEY MOE." Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard
enough in the eyes.

Q. I just signed up for Medical Insurance. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?
A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors in the plan. These doctors basically fall into two categories - those who are no longer accepting new patients and those who will see you but are no longer participating in the plan. But don't worry; the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half-day's drive away, and a diploma from a Third World country.

Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
A. No. Only those you need.

Q. Can I get coverage for my pre-existing conditions?
A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.

Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?
A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.

Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name brand. I tried the Generic Medication, but it gave me a stomach ache. What should I do?
A. Poke yourself in the eye.

Q. What if I'm away from home and I get sick?
A. You really shouldn't do that.

Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant right in his office?
A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $20 copayment, there's no harm in giving him a shot at it.

Q. Will health care be different in the next century?
A. No. But if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then.

 

[omahaman2]

Funny Puns

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.

Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper.

He wears glasses during math because it improves division.

Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.

It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.

Those who throw dirt are sure to lose ground.

When the waiter spilled a drink on his shirt, he said, "this one is on me."

 

[omahaman2]

Random Thoughts

VISA is everywhere you want to be ... except out of debt.

In one year, a healthy adult male will consume one-and-one-half times his own weight in other people's patience.

Medical experts are now saying obesity is a disease. I'm overjoyed! Tomorrow I'm calling in fat.

I saw a sign in a restroom that said "Employees Must Wash Hands." So I waited and waited, but eventually had to wash them myself.

Rock is dead. Long live paper and scissors.

My nephew took a job busting broncos at a rodeo out west. He hasn't made much money, yet, but gosh ... I figure he only works about seven seconds a week.

 

[nrcma98]

....i can do it in my head.

Me too....about the only action I'm getting these days

Yes...I twisted you away from math.

Deal with it

 

[Henry]

just stopping by to say hi to anyone who may remember me...still alive just dealing with a few things at the moment.

hope all are well and safe.

 

[mayi]

Me too....about the only action I'm getting these days

Yes...I twisted you away from math.

Deal with it

 

[kkceohcs]

Morning Y'all.

Hope you are finding your homes in 1 piece.. Especially in Fl.. La...Ms. Prayers are with you all.

Interesting weekend.. Told Icecube I wasnt going to live like this anymore.. minimal physical contact.. no conversations before 10 pm when she gets home from work..

I NEED SEX to live!.

sorry.. I know SS DD.. but I think she finally got the message.. had some external issues building up over time.. but got them resolved completely this past week... no she has no excuse.. or reason not to put out or move on.

to the ladies

^5's to the guys.
KK

 

[omahaman2]

Morning Y'all.

Hope you are finding your homes in 1 piece.. Especially in Fl.. La...Ms. Prayers are with you all.

Interesting weekend.. Told Icecube I wasnt going to live like this anymore.. minimal physical contact.. no conversations before 10 pm when she gets home from work..

I NEED SEX to live!.

sorry.. I know SS DD.. but I think she finally got the message.. had some external issues building up over time.. but got them resolved completely this past week... no she has no excuse.. or reason not to put out or move on.

to the ladies

^5's to the guys.

KK

morning KK
youve got friends here

 

[SecretScribe]

Morning Y'all.

Hope you are finding your homes in 1 piece.. Especially in Fl.. La...Ms. Prayers are with you all.

Interesting weekend.. Told Icecube I wasnt going to live like this anymore.. minimal physical contact.. no conversations before 10 pm when she gets home from work..

I NEED SEX to live!.

sorry.. I know SS DD.. but I think she finally got the message.. had some external issues building up over time.. but got them resolved completely this past week... no she has no excuse.. or reason not to put out or move on.

to the ladies

^5's to the guys.
KK

morning KK (err ... afternoon I mean) ... good luck! ^5

 

[SecretScribe]

Funny Puns

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

...

well I got a giggle out of these!!! (or was it just punishment?)

 

[Wintermute]

LOL.

 

[JagFarlane]

Not a confession(I've been an angel ) but thought you all might enjoy this joke


An airline's passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone into a good mood as he served them food and drinks.

As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and announced to the passengers, "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, lovely people, so if you could just put up your trays that would be super."

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a well-dressed rather exotic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."

She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess. I take orders from no one." To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country, I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, bitch."

ROTFLMAO

 

[InLust]

LOL.

Somehow I just knew you would understand

 

[InLust]

Hey all, just got in from class...man, I really enjoy the flash stuff. Got our first assignment, gotta build a virtual drumset......he'll give extra points if the cymbols wiggle when you hit them Why oh why, couldn't the math crap be this much fun?

 

[kkceohcs]

bruummp bump.psssh!

 

[omahaman2]

http://www.mv-rossbach.de/%20bilder/animated/drums.gif

 

[InLust]

http://www.mv-rossbach.de/%20bilder/animated/drums.gif

Perfect! Love the image.....may just swipe it for the GUI

 

[omahaman2]

Perfect! Love the image.....may just swipe it for the GUI

just in case,the drummer needs help

http://users.zoominternet.net/~jaime410/cardguitar.gif

 

[omahaman2]

Interesting Stuff (Some Old, Some New)

Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

In the 1400's a law was set forth that a man was not allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of thumb"

The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.

Coca-Cola was originally green.

It is impossible to lick your elbow.

The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska

The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%

The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%

The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400

The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000

Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.

The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:

Spades - King David

Hearts - Charlemagne

Clubs -Alexander, the Great

Diamonds - Julius Caesar

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.

 

[InLust]

A woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen by one of the younger doctors. After about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was and she told him her story.

After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the young doctor was writing on his clipboard. "What's the matter with you?" the older doctor demanded. "Mrs.. Reid is 62 years old, has four grown children and seven grandchildren and you told her she was pregnant?"

The younger doctor continued writing and without looking up said,

"Does she still have the hiccups?"

 

[JennyOmanHill]

Long Overdue Confessions

Hi TCers!

I am wide awake, finishing the beer we had in the fridge, but happy knowing that Oman and I will have the evening together Wednesday night! (He's sleeping now, with a full work week ahead of him!)

Inlust... The only class I ever failed was algebra. I failed the final by 5 points and had to spend some of my vacation time in summer school.

My advice is to memorize all the theorems. (That's where I lost my points!)

I confess I am a reality show addict! (Guess it could be worse!)

I also confess that since I've moved to Omaha, I've been watching (and enjoying) wrestling!!

Take care, and have a good Wednesday.

 

[nrcma98]

Women Are Mean By Nature



A sexy woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She seductively signalled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did she gently caressed his full beard.


"Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stoking his face with both hands.


"Actually no ..." he replied.


"Can you get him for me ... I need to speak to him," she said running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.


"I'm afraid I can't ..." breathed the bartender "Is there anything I can do ...?"


"Yes I need for you to give him a message," she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.


"What should I tell him," the bartender managed to mumble.


"Tell him," she whispered alluringly, "there's no toilet paper - hand soap - or paper towels in the ladies room."