SuperShyGuy
Shy does not mean weak
- Joined
- Jan 17, 2003
- Posts
- 3,963
Guess everyone is off having fun this weekind. Good to see you stop in Henry, it's been a while. Where's everybody off to?
*True Confessions*
- Thread starter Jewelz
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English Lady
Erotic English Rose
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2002
- Posts
- 48,011
ooooh I hope he leaves me some chocolate too...here bunny bunny bunny!
InLust
Dreamer in residence
- Joined
- Jan 10, 2003
- Posts
- 3,105
Leave it to Robin Williams to come up with the perfect plan.
What we need now is for our UN Ambassador to stand up and repeat this message. Robin Williams' plan . . (Hard to argue with this logic!)
I see a lot of people yelling for peace, but I have not heard of a plan for peace. So, here's my plan:
The US will apologize to the world for our "interference" in the affairs of other countries, past & present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Tojo, Noriega, Milosovich and the rest of those 'good ole boys.' We will never "interfere" again.
We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany, South Korea and the Philippines. They don't want us there anyway. We would station troops at our borders and allow no one to sneak through holes in the fence.
We will allow all illegal aliens 90 days to get their affairs together and leave this country and will give them a free trip home. After 90 days the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of who or where they are. I'm sure France would welcome them.
All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days, unless given a special permit. No one from a terrorist nation would be allowed in. If you don't like it there, change it yourself and don't hide here. Asylum would never be available to anyone. We don't need any more cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers.
No "students" over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they don't attend classes, they get a "D" and it's back home, baby.
Energy wise, the US will make a strong effort to become self-sufficient. This will include developing non-polluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a while.
Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil. If they don't like it, we go some place else. They can go somewhere else to sell their production. (About a week of the wells filling up the storage sites would be enough.)
If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not "interfere." They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement, or whatever they need. Besides, most of what we give them is stolen or given to the army. The people who need it most get little or nothing.
Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island some place. We don't need the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, the building would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.
All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way, no one can call us "Ugly Americans" any longer.
The Language we speak is ENGLISH.....learn it...or LEAVE...
Now, ain't that a winner of a plan?
"The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying 'Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses." She's got a baseball bat and she's yelling, 'You want a piece of me?'"
What we need now is for our UN Ambassador to stand up and repeat this message. Robin Williams' plan . . (Hard to argue with this logic!)
I see a lot of people yelling for peace, but I have not heard of a plan for peace. So, here's my plan:
The US will apologize to the world for our "interference" in the affairs of other countries, past & present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Tojo, Noriega, Milosovich and the rest of those 'good ole boys.' We will never "interfere" again.
We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany, South Korea and the Philippines. They don't want us there anyway. We would station troops at our borders and allow no one to sneak through holes in the fence.
We will allow all illegal aliens 90 days to get their affairs together and leave this country and will give them a free trip home. After 90 days the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of who or where they are. I'm sure France would welcome them.
All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days, unless given a special permit. No one from a terrorist nation would be allowed in. If you don't like it there, change it yourself and don't hide here. Asylum would never be available to anyone. We don't need any more cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers.
No "students" over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they don't attend classes, they get a "D" and it's back home, baby.
Energy wise, the US will make a strong effort to become self-sufficient. This will include developing non-polluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a while.
Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil. If they don't like it, we go some place else. They can go somewhere else to sell their production. (About a week of the wells filling up the storage sites would be enough.)
If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not "interfere." They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement, or whatever they need. Besides, most of what we give them is stolen or given to the army. The people who need it most get little or nothing.
Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island some place. We don't need the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, the building would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.
All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way, no one can call us "Ugly Americans" any longer.
The Language we speak is ENGLISH.....learn it...or LEAVE...
Now, ain't that a winner of a plan?
"The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying 'Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses." She's got a baseball bat and she's yelling, 'You want a piece of me?'"
InLust
Dreamer in residence
- Joined
- Jan 10, 2003
- Posts
- 3,105
A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A
FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,
HONEY,
COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY?
IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW.
HE LOOK AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY,
FIX THE LIGHTS NOW?
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE
GE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO.
FINE,
THEN THE WIFE ASKS,
WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT.
TO WHICH HE REPLIED,
FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE
WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO
FINE, SHE SAYS
THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS
TO THE FRONT DOOR?
THEY ARE ABOUT TO BREAK.
I'M NOT A CARPENTER AND I DON'T
WANT TO FIX STEPS.
HE SAYS, DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE
ACE HARDWARE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO.
I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU.
I'M GOING TO THE BAR!!!!
SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A
COUPLE OF HOURS....................................
HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW
HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES
TO GO HOME.
AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES
THAT THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED.
AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE SEES THE
HALL LIGHT IS WORKING.
AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES
THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.
HONEY, HE ASKS, HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?
SHE SAID, WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT
OUTSIDE AND CRIED.
JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME
WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM.
HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND
ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER
GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE.
HE SAID,
SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE?
SHE REPLIED,
HELLOOOOO....
DO YOU SEE BETTY CROCKER WRITTEN
ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO!
FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,
HONEY,
COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY?
IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW.
HE LOOK AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY,
FIX THE LIGHTS NOW?
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE
GE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO.
FINE,
THEN THE WIFE ASKS,
WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT.
TO WHICH HE REPLIED,
FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE
WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO
FINE, SHE SAYS
THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS
TO THE FRONT DOOR?
THEY ARE ABOUT TO BREAK.
I'M NOT A CARPENTER AND I DON'T
WANT TO FIX STEPS.
HE SAYS, DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE
ACE HARDWARE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO.
I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU.
I'M GOING TO THE BAR!!!!
SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A
COUPLE OF HOURS....................................
HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW
HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES
TO GO HOME.
AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES
THAT THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED.
AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE SEES THE
HALL LIGHT IS WORKING.
AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES
THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.
HONEY, HE ASKS, HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?
SHE SAID, WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT
OUTSIDE AND CRIED.
JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME
WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM.
HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND
ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER
GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE.
HE SAID,
SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE?
SHE REPLIED,
HELLOOOOO....
DO YOU SEE BETTY CROCKER WRITTEN
ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO!
omahaman2
Here's your sign
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2001
- Posts
- 18,171
A NEWS FLASH FOR OUR ARTISTS!!!!!
Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, getting in and out past security, he was captured only 2 blocks away when his van ran out of gas.
When asked how he could mastermind such a daring and otherwise brilliant crime and then make such an obvious error...
... He replied: "I had no Monet to buy Degas to make de Van Gogh."...
Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, getting in and out past security, he was captured only 2 blocks away when his van ran out of gas.
When asked how he could mastermind such a daring and otherwise brilliant crime and then make such an obvious error...
... He replied: "I had no Monet to buy Degas to make de Van Gogh."...
omahaman2
Here's your sign
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2001
- Posts
- 18,171
SuperShyGuy
Shy does not mean weak
- Joined
- Jan 17, 2003
- Posts
- 3,963
InLust said:
Maybe it was just me, but I had a hard time figuring out which parts were supposed to be a joke and which were political commentary... full of holes either way...
SuperShyGuy
Shy does not mean weak
- Joined
- Jan 17, 2003
- Posts
- 3,963
omahaman2 said:
Loud groans.
InLust
Dreamer in residence
- Joined
- Jan 10, 2003
- Posts
- 3,105
SuperShyGuy said:Maybe it was just me, but I had a hard time figuring out which parts were supposed to be a joke and which were political commentary... full of holes either way...
I think it was an equal mixture of commentary and humor....and why is it full of holes? Soundly perfectly logical to me...but then again I'm brain dead at this point
mayi
the uncatchable
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2001
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English Lady
Erotic English Rose
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2002
- Posts
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SecretScribe
The TC Bartender
- Joined
- Jul 12, 2002
- Posts
- 12,758
I like it!InLust said:
Some parts are so replublican it's amazing ... some so democrat .. and some so ... neither ...
but all in all I love it .. if we (the US) could do it ... I think it would be a very positive move
English Lady
Erotic English Rose
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2002
- Posts
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Hello SS 
oh and happy easter..don't eat too much chocolate though
oh and happy easter..don't eat too much chocolate though
SecretScribe
The TC Bartender
- Joined
- Jul 12, 2002
- Posts
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LMAO!!!!InLust said:
SecretScribe
The TC Bartender
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Hello EL! ... no ... I won't eat too much chocolate ... though I do admit to having a craving for "Ladies of Lit" special ...English Lady said:Hello SS
English Lady
Erotic English Rose
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- Sep 28, 2002
- Posts
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ahh you want something creamy then SS *grins*
SecretScribe
The TC Bartender
- Joined
- Jul 12, 2002
- Posts
- 12,758
Yes I certainly do ... an erotic examination followed and ended by the discovery and exploration of a creamy center ...English Lady said:
English Lady
Erotic English Rose
- Joined
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- Posts
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mmmm that sounds very erm......good....yes good..i can feel my centre getting creamier by the minute!
InLust
Dreamer in residence
- Joined
- Jan 10, 2003
- Posts
- 3,105
GGGGRRRRRrrrrrrr
Take a pass from homework jail to do the income tax dance.....jeez this stuff is enough to drive a person insane!!!!! Why does my tax return weigh 10 pounds? Why are there so many digits in what I owe????? Why do they put the screws to those of us without out kids to deduct? Why can't just one year they owe me??????? Can I deduct the case of bourbon it's gonna take to stop the migraine as a medical expense????? If this is "voluntary", why do they threaten tax leins on everything I own if I don't pay???????
Now, back to your regularly scheduled fun forum........
Take a pass from homework jail to do the income tax dance.....jeez this stuff is enough to drive a person insane!!!!! Why does my tax return weigh 10 pounds? Why are there so many digits in what I owe????? Why do they put the screws to those of us without out kids to deduct? Why can't just one year they owe me??????? Can I deduct the case of bourbon it's gonna take to stop the migraine as a medical expense????? If this is "voluntary", why do they threaten tax leins on everything I own if I don't pay???????
Now, back to your regularly scheduled fun forum........
omahaman2
Here's your sign
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2001
- Posts
- 18,171
A mangy-lookin' guy goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says "No way. I don't think you can pay for it." The guy says "You're right. I don't have any money, but if I show you something you haven't seen before, will you give me a drink?" The bartender says "Only if what you show me ain't risque." "Deal!" says the guy, as he reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar and it runs to the end of the bar, down a barstool, across the room, up the piano, jumps on the key board and starts playing Gershwin songs. And the hamster is really good. The bartender says, "You're right. I've never seen anything like that before. That hamster is truly good on the piano." The guy downs the drink and asks the bartender for another. "Money or another miracle else no drink," says the bartender. The guy reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog on the bar, and the frog starts to sing. He has a marvelous voice and great pitch, a fine singer. A stranger from the other end of the bar runs over to the guy and offers him $300 for the frog. The guy says "It's a deal." He takes the three hundred and gives the frog to the stranger, who runs out of the bar with it. The bartender says to the guy, "Are you some kind of nut?! You sold a singing frog for $300? It must have been worth millions. You must be crazy!" "Not so," says the guy. "The hamster is also a ventriloquist!"
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